If you’ve ever damaged someone’s car, especially your parents’, you know the feeling it leaves in your stomach. Your stomach sprints out the back door, your lungs puncture themselves and your balls (if you have them) retract, leaving only your terrified heart and brain to take the inevitable verbal blows. Even if you have the volume at 11 in the car, if you simply scrape the car your “spidey sense” goes off, superman loans you his ears and you hear every molecule of paint being peeled off as if it was your own skin.
This moment is always followed by the phrase, “Oh shit.” In fact, archaeologists traced the root of that phrase back to Rome, when a young boy flipped his father’s newly built chariot.
It’s bad enough if you’re dad is an paper salesman, but what if he was an established automotive journalist?
Peter Cheney is an auto journalist for The Globe, a Canadian Newspaper, but that was only after spending 25+ years as a news reporter, spending time dodging bullets in Afghanistan hunting down stories. In his time as a writer he has won 3 National Newspaper Awards. I don’t know what that means, but I assume it’s a big deal in Canada.
You can read the whole story, through the voice of Peter himself, here (and you should, it’s very entertaining) but I’ll give you a synopsis:
It was the day after Peter’s 26th wedding anniversary. In his garage for the week sat a brand new, 500hp 2010 Porsche 997 Turbo. This was the most expensive car Peter had had the privilege of testing.
His son (Will) came home that afternoon, and wanted to show his friend the car (classic). Peter figured it was fine, since his son was mostly interested in stereos, but when he went downstairs he found his son with that all-too-familiar look of “I just seriously fucked up and am considering running south to America.” Peter soon had a similar look when he saw the car, halfway done tunneling out of the garage like a prisoner at Shawshank.
Peter’s son turned the key just to turn on the stereo, but I guess forgot his own strength and turned it to “Start” at which point the 6-speed equipped car launched itself forward hard enough to blow through the garage door. It hit so hard it ripped the door rails off the house, squashing the rear fender and gouging the hood.
"Dad, are you mad at me?"
The deductible to fix the house? $750 (Which Will paid.) The deductible for the Porsche? $10,000, which Will did not pay. While Peter was figuring out what to do with his son (murder? organ harvest? Forcible viewing of Sex and the City 2?) the fleet manager sent him this photo:
Standing with the bandaged head is Porsche Canada’s PR Manager Laurence Yap. He was driving a Cayenne in the Siberian desert and accidentally tested its durability with a rollover. Everyone makes mistakes.
Obviously it’s a little more embarrassing and ironic for an accident like this to happen to a car journalist, especially since the whole world hears about it. But at the end of the day, kids are kids, people are people, and everyone accidentally plows through a garage at least once. I think the fleet manager-when he showed up at the scene- said it best, “Stuff happens. We’re glad you’re okay. This is only a car. You don’t need a lecture. You already know.” From personal experience I can attest, when you crunch your dad’s car, you definitely “already know.”
Zack K
If you have your own story of accidental automotive destruction, post it below.
Not really destruction. 1976 took my mom's 2 year old Grand Prix, 400 4bbl and skipped school with several friends while Mom was at work with my Dad. We took two cars. The GP and a Ford Fairlane. We went to Nashville which was 50 miles from home. Went to eat and when we came out the GP would not start. We were 16-17 and knew nothing about cars. Could not call the parents. Instead of going to the lake and partying we pushed the GP with the Fairlane all the way home on two lane road. Took 5 hours. My mom went out the next morning and the car would not start. Dad checked it out and the two bolts that held the fuel pump had come loose. He asked my mom how the hell she got the car home the day before. They never knew and no damage was done to the car when we pushed it. I think the problem may have started the week before when I sort of got the car airborne on a gravel road. Didn't tell them about that either.
Now that is dedication to staying out of trouble. Pushed the car 5 hours without damaging it, and letting mom take the fall is hilarious. Impressive.
Heh.. I had a similar experience in a 1999 Mercedes ML55 AMG from a dealer which I was transporting for upholstery work.. doing about 100mph in a "back road" in miami, FL, (not really a back road, just a road that leads to some prison or something and a huge field electric infrastructure) the road goes from super smooth to suddenly bumpy and rocky as hell.. damn thing lifted up after hitting a pothole, I slammed on the brakes and still slid into a small ditch at over 40mph.. the holes/ditch were small enough that the bumpers cleared them but the front tires took the brunt of all the impacts.. after wards damn thing was leaking a bit of oil (droplets), engine was misfiring a bit (probably from hard acceleration LOL), it was pulling to one side and the wheel would shake a bit above 65mph but thankfully the rims did NOT bend or break..
But eh.. the nice new roof liner was enough to convince the dealership that nothing was afoul..
Mine involves comming home on leave from my first tour in Iraq. Middle of February with the snow on the ground which buried my car. Had a Saturn SL 4 door as my first car and dug it out of waist deep snow that the neighbor had snow blown on to it. Struggling to get the car moving, I tried to Flintstone it with my left foot out of the car and the right on the clutch. Should've done a better job of shoveling the driver side, cause the snow that i had piled had caught the drivers door. Bending it back and making it impossible to close. Had to rent a car to around while I was on vaction. But was felling bad though since went to the local dealership and got a good trade out of it.
Got one better…
I've always been a car guy, and my mother has always been about as car-smart as the birds were in your GTI test are at avoiding speeding cars. When I was younger she was looking for a more sportier car than her current Saturn. I convinced her that a gently used 1994 3000GT VR4 was the car for her (I was 17). I told her it was safe and usable when the roads in upstate NY were not their best. I was AWD I told her. Six weeks later she had gone on vacation and I had decided to drive it to work. Being a "sandwich artist" at the local subway was usually a drag, but the car got a lot of attention. Just before we closed (2am), some rather attractive girls pulled up in a early 80's Trans Am. They were older and did I mention attractive? They said they were going to an after-bar party and if we could keep up (my store manager was also one of my friends from high school), we could come to. The recommended speed for the corner was 20, and I believe that I slowed down from about a buck thirty to probably 80 when I lost the back end. Those active aerodynamics work very well when the car is going forward. After a 180, they teach the car to fly- which it did very well. Landing however was it's downfall. My friend and manager was ejected, and I fractured the vertebrae just above my pelvic bone. When the police arrived, I calmly asked the trooper to shoot me. He asked if I was in that much pain to which I replied "If you don't do it my mother will." I was airlifted to Syracuse University Hospital, my buddy was fine, I checked the next afternoon. My mother was rushed to the hospital after I had told her what happened, apparently she had fallen down some stairs after receiving the news and broke her collar bone. My sister would not come to pick me up unless she was paid gas money for the service, and my buddy fired me the next day. Because of the lack of a job, I was unable to afford the ticket costs and plead a deal that involved me joining the Army. That my friends is a crappy day. On the bright side, after my first deployment, I promptly bought my 2008 Audi A4 which now holds the title of fastest 4wd car at the local strip. After my commission I will put the 5.2L block that currently serves as a base for my coffee table into said car and I expect her to really embarrass some exotic owners.
My story does not involve exotic cars…. just a 1966 GMC truck. I was 12 years old at the time and me and my buddies used to take the truck and drive it around the block. We always drove slow and when we got close to the garage if you pushed the clutch in you would glide in and come to a stop in just the right place every time. Boys being boys I got a little more cocky so one day the speed increased. I came around the corner lined up for the garage and kept on going right out the other side wall and all. I know .. I know .. brakes but hey 12 year old boys … needless to say I had lessons in construction, automotive repair, gardening (my mom's garden was behind the garage) . My parents were good about it , they only bring it up when they really want to embarras me good.
So for my 16th birthday i ended up getting a 5 speed 2001 jetta. Now i had never driven a manual tranny before unless you count those wicked awesome 4 speeds at the local arcade. I had my mom drive the car from the dealership to the house but the next day was a school day. Being an overly excited 16 year old i called my best friend to come over so i could give him a ride to school. The first stop sign we reached, i killed it, not once, not even twice, but 13 times. no joke. after some how getting it to school and back home i decided i would be a bamf and back into my parking space in our downward sloping driveway… The next morning I started the car and attempted to work the clutch/ gas pedal in the appropriate way,( in a vw reverse is right next to first), so i started rolling back and figured hey more gas, crashed the rear end into my garage door, completely demolishing it, my trunk, and knocking down my moms boyfriends motorcycle, I worked for 6 months and every paycheck went to fixing the damage.