Totally Realistic Options List on Tony Stark’s Acura NSX

by Zack K

Since the Acura NSX made so many people swoon at the NAIAS, I thought it was a good time to bust out this funny spec sheet of Tony Stark’s NSX from The Avengers. Of course it’s all fictional, but I love the amount of cool, “techy” words they mix together. It’s almost like a mad-lib; This hyper _____ wheel prevents neutron_____ and ____ attacks while modulating modulators. My favorite is the wheels made from, “particle matter technology.” Isn’t everything made with particle matter technology? Make the jump for the build sheet. Oh, price is about $10M. But the taxes are surprisingly cheap.

Specs sourced from Collider. Descriptions of the options’ function are pure, ridiculous, random, careless speculation, created at TST headquarters.

Acura 2012 Stark Industries Super Car

Tactical Package

Standard Equipment at No Extra Cost

Operating/Durability Features:

• Palladium-powered 80,000 TOHC 32-valve engine with titanium-forged block and nitrous fuel-injection system. (BMW is working on a similar system. It runs on shredded plastic bottles, gets 400MPG, has adjustable power (200HP up to 900) and it’s only emissions are fresh water and baby unicorns. Not for sale in the USA)
• 9 Speed HYPER-Shift transmission (Downshifts automatically every time you end a sentence with “I just hope we make it in time.” Can’t recognize difference between saving the world and stuck in traffic while on the way to dinner.)
• Diamond quartz cross-drilled brake calipers. (Still squeak at low speeds. Developed in a joint-effort between Lil’ Jon Materials and Spoiled Whore Automotive.)
• Steering wheel with palm-scan ID
• Lithium Dioxide-injecting shocks I am not a chemist
• Reflex-response steering column with target guidance feedback (People love hearing “target guidance.”)
• Super-scan theft-deterrent modulator (Anything that’s a modulator is really awesome.)

Defense Systems:

• Info-net sensory tracker system (Ah good. The tracking of info-net senses has lacked on cars of late, especially on the Corvette, despite journalist please.
• Invisa-shield exo-system wave modifier (available at Brookstone)
• Enviro-clone projected hologram of surroundings (Made from old, recycled projected holograms found behind CNN)
• Thermal imaging topography mapping software
• Emergency homing beacon (Marketing talk for On Star)

Exterior Features

• Advanced radar-deflecting capabilities with wave modifier (Ok, what’s a wave modifier?)
• Bullet- and foreign element-proof clear coat and metal skin (Still can’t protect Tony from Gwyneth’s icy glares)
• Night-vision HUD windshield (Also plays DVDs)
• Bulletproof hyper-traction tires (Hyper means lots! Right!? Yay lotsa traction!)
• High-grade tint with radar bounce and jam capabilities. (Psh. That’s on any Chevy you see with stick-on Buick holes)
• Intermittent blue and red tech flashers in all light assemblies
• Underbody kit with aero-dynamic spoiler lip ( Remember kids, the more words for a part, the better.)
• Black-night painted-wheels with particle matter technology (Isn’t everything made using particles, matter, and technology? Crayons are made with particle matter technology.)

Tactical Package

• Anti-ballistic shielding body panels (“Ballistic”, totally awesome movie word #4)
• Incoming scan scrambler. (Doesn’t defend against faxes though).
• Low-density plasma emitters with UV flares (I was wondering when “plasma” was going to make an appearance here.)
• Encrypted computer with backup-powered interface and satellite link (Anonymous already broke in and changed the MMI language to Afrikaans.)

Manufacturer’s Suggested Retail Price: $9,198,000.00

Tax: $22,364 (In California, this car carries a tax of $840,000)

License and Registration: $6, 782 (License fee in CA: $65,000. Hope the clerk gets commission.)

Destination Fee: $1,854

Total Vehicle Price: $9,229,000.00

Palladium Power Estimates:  (A car that runs on metal. Sure.)

City Miles – 234

Highway Miles – 302

Source: Collider