by Zack K

Since the Acura NSX made so many people swoon at the NAIAS, I thought it was a good time to bust out this funny spec sheet of Tony Stark’s NSX from The Avengers. Of course it’s all fictional, but I love the amount of cool, “techy” words they mix together. It’s almost like a mad-lib; This hyper _____ wheel prevents neutron_____ and ____ attacks while modulating modulators. My favorite is the wheels made from, “particle matter technology.” Isn’t everything made with particle matter technology? Make the jump for the build sheet. Oh, price is about $10M. But the taxes are surprisingly cheap.

Specs sourced from Collider. Descriptions of the options’ function are pure, ridiculous, random, careless speculation, created at TST headquarters.

Acura 2012 Stark Industries Super Car

Tactical Package

Standard Equipment at No Extra Cost

Operating/Durability Features:

• Palladium-powered 80,000 TOHC 32-valve engine with titanium-forged block and nitrous fuel-injection system. (BMW is working on a similar system. It runs on shredded plastic bottles, gets 400MPG, has adjustable power (200HP up to 900) and it’s only emissions are fresh water and baby unicorns. Not for sale in the USA)
• 9 Speed HYPER-Shift transmission (Downshifts automatically every time you end a sentence with “I just hope we make it in time.” Can’t recognize difference between saving the world and stuck in traffic while on the way to dinner.)
• Diamond quartz cross-drilled brake calipers. (Still squeak at low speeds. Developed in a joint-effort between Lil’ Jon Materials and Spoiled Whore Automotive.)
• Steering wheel with palm-scan ID
• Lithium Dioxide-injecting shocks I am not a chemist
• Reflex-response steering column with target guidance feedback (People love hearing “target guidance.”)
• Super-scan theft-deterrent modulator (Anything that’s a modulator is really awesome.)

Defense Systems:

• Info-net sensory tracker system (Ah good. The tracking of info-net senses has lacked on cars of late, especially on the Corvette, despite journalist please.
• Invisa-shield exo-system wave modifier (available at Brookstone)
• Enviro-clone projected hologram of surroundings (Made from old, recycled projected holograms found behind CNN)
• Thermal imaging topography mapping software
• Emergency homing beacon (Marketing talk for On Star)

Exterior Features

• Advanced radar-deflecting capabilities with wave modifier (Ok, what’s a wave modifier?)
• Bullet- and foreign element-proof clear coat and metal skin (Still can’t protect Tony from Gwyneth’s icy glares)
• Night-vision HUD windshield (Also plays DVDs)
• Bulletproof hyper-traction tires (Hyper means lots! Right!? Yay lotsa traction!)
• High-grade tint with radar bounce and jam capabilities. (Psh. That’s on any Chevy you see with stick-on Buick holes)
• Intermittent blue and red tech flashers in all light assemblies
• Underbody kit with aero-dynamic spoiler lip ( Remember kids, the more words for a part, the better.)
• Black-night painted-wheels with particle matter technology (Isn’t everything made using particles, matter, and technology? Crayons are made with particle matter technology.)

Tactical Package

• Anti-ballistic shielding body panels (“Ballistic”, totally awesome movie word #4)
• Incoming scan scrambler. (Doesn’t defend against faxes though).
• Low-density plasma emitters with UV flares (I was wondering when “plasma” was going to make an appearance here.)
• Encrypted computer with backup-powered interface and satellite link (Anonymous already broke in and changed the MMI language to Afrikaans.)

Manufacturer’s Suggested Retail Price: $9,198,000.00

Tax: $22,364 (In California, this car carries a tax of $840,000)

License and Registration: $6, 782 (License fee in CA: $65,000. Hope the clerk gets commission.)

Destination Fee: $1,854

Total Vehicle Price: $9,229,000.00

Palladium Power Estimates:  (A car that runs on metal. Sure.)

City Miles – 234

Highway Miles – 302

Source: Collider

This little post was found on reddit, the funnel through which much of the strange and crazy auto content flows. Commenting on the picture above, his page simply says “Found this trench two weeks ago, and it got the better of me.” I assumed he was trying to drive down it and got twisted up. But the picture below showed me he had a different idea of what it means to “conquer” it.

The caption for this second picture says “Came this weekend for Round 2.“, with the picture below showing you how well it worked out.

The final quote says “One day I will make it.” Again, I’m not sure what defines, “making it.” Crossing, or driving up or down; that makes sense. And getting some serious 4×4 lean can be exciting, but it seems clear this trench wants nothing to do with you, and might not be an “obstacle” that can be overcome while driving on the door handles. I guess he wants to defy the laws of physics and drive sideways, like a gecko walking on a glass patio door. The fact that that analogy is applicable should tell this guy he should let this one go. More pictures here.

by Zack K

The Dakar Rally is probably the craziest race on the planet. It’s 8,000 miles long. Eight thousand. The longest route of the Baja 1000 is about 1,100 and while it is run straight through (the Dakar has 14 stages) the sheer distance of the Dakar leaves me in disbelief. Who thought this thing up? Thierry Sabine, a nut case who, after getting lost in the desert, thought it would be a good place to race. Heat, snakes, lack of water, perfect, right? “You know, driving the equivalent of the USA, coast-to-coast, off-road, twice, leaves me a bit…bored. It’s too easy. 6,000 miles? Puh-shaw. Peasants race distances so short. I want a race that is almost 50% longer, crosses 3 countries and the nearest decent hospital can only be reached with several plane flights and a working passport.” Crazy. Make the jump for an amazing gallery.

Dude, you're in the WAY!

The Dakar used to be from Paris, France to Dakar, Senegal but because Africa has gotten dangerous in the 7.62mm sense of the word, in 2009 the race moved to South America. I love the idea of a long-range off-road race. The variety of vehicles, terrain and driving skills required makes me giddy. A race where you can power-slide, jump, speed and possibly die? 14 times in a row? Sign me up. I’ve lusted after the Baja for years, and given the rent-a-buggy shops and variety of budget-friendly classes, driving it is an attainable goal. But the Dakar is different. I think I would love to drive it one day but not without serious sponsorship and support. I do not trust myself to build a vehicle stout enough to survive that. Imagine gasping your last, dehydrated, sun-baked breath and thinking, “I can’t believe we forgot to use Loctite…”

For now I will live vicariously through the incredible 37-picture gallery found on www.boston.com. The locations, shots and photo quality are stunning. It gives you an idea of how desolate and isolated this race is. Many props are given to the competitors. I hope to one day embarrass myself in front of them. Click here to see the massive gallery.

Source: www.boston.com

We know it’s been a little quiet around here the past few days, and that’s because Matt and the crew are on a 3,000 mile road trip to film 4 episodes for our new show Tuned on the DRIVE Network. We’ll be back to regular posting on Monday, but for now, check out the January issue of the free online magazine Road Lanes, where Matt reviews the new Mercedes C63 Coupe, Lexus’s new “sporty” hybrid, the CT200H, and the BMW R1200R motorcycle!

Check it out at www.roadlanes.com

Here’s a guide to the formula of building the dumbest form of custom car to ever cruise American roads, the Donk.

1) Take 1 shitbox, generally worth very little money and in poor condition.

2) Spend 3 times the value of said shitbox on a lift kit to turn it into a monster truck.

3) Spend 4 times the value of said shitbox on some glitter paint. Don’t do any body work under the new paint, it helps to see previous damage through the paint.

4) Spend 5 times the value of said shitbox on wheels so big, the slightest bit of load will either cause them to collapse or come off completely, causing the world’s most “I told you so” moment.

5) Spend 0 times the value of said shitbox on upgrading brakes or any other safety component.

6) Show the homies what a moron how cool you are.

That’s if it’s done properly. At the very least, you probably want a car with some kind of V8 in it to handle the immense torque needed to get those yard wheels (you ain’t cool unless you measure your wheels in yards) moving. The Mazda RX-8, with it’s neck-breaking 152 lb/ft of torque is not what we were thinking of. What we have here, folks, is either the least pimpin donk ever (you think the skanks that like your Chevy are gonna know what a rotary engine is?) or the least fun RX-8 to drive on the planet.

by Zack K

This is the Audi Group S Prototype. If you haven’t seen it before it’s because it wasn’t supposed to exist. After a photographer spilled the top-secret beans with a picture of a test run the Audi big wigs forced Roland Gumpert‘s team (yes, that Gumpert) to dismantle them, while his highness Ferdinand Piech personally watched. Thankfully, Mr. Gumpert had another one stashed away. Jamal from Hellafunctional.com found this car’s story in an old mag and it’s quite a story. The hyper-light, 1000hp mid-engined car could have been a trophy-laying goose for Audi if they hadn’t scrapped it. Make the jump to learn about this insane little car that never got its shot.

In 1980, Audi introduced its Quattro to the World Rally stage and AWD has been the drive-train of choice ever since. Getting in early they were rewarded with a few years of success, but in 1984 the competition had caught back up. The 5-cylinder engine in the Quattro was mounted way up front and although it was very fast and handled long sweepers well it tended to plow in slow corners. Peugot’s 205 Turbo 16 and Lancia’s Delta S4 were both mid-engined cars, making them more balanced and thanks to their smaller size, more nimble. The Quattro was too big to be competitive. Gumpert knew this and knew mid-engined was the answer.

But Audi’s fix was the Sport Quattro. They figured if the big Quattro wasn’t good in tight corners, make the car shorter. Apparently it was worse; still nose-heavy but in a smaller, twitchier chassis. Despite it being available, 1984 Champion Stig Blomqvist chose to run his older Quattro A2. That tells you something.

Roland’s team knew they needed a mid-engined car, but that annoyed the marketing people. They were building the Audi brand on the back of the front-engined, AWD Quattro. To change the layout now would have made ze Don von Drapers angry. Rumor is Piech gave Roland off-the-record approval, but the cars would have to be built in secret. And I mean secret. They took the project out of Germany to a facility in Desna in the Czech Republic. Cars were shipped from Audi’s factory in miss-marked containers so the people at Audi didn’t even know what was going on. In turn for an in-flow of cash to Desna, the locals were told to keep quiet, which they did.

The test cars looked like Sport Quattros, but the frame and mid-engine were all Prototype. It had the same 5-cylinder from the Sport Quattro, capable of 1000HP.  Gee, I wonder why the unlimited rally classes were dangerous?

Gumpert noticed the handling improvement from the new layout immediately and it didn’t take much tweaking before it was deemed ready for a drive by his awesomeness, Walter Rohrl (1982 WRC Champion and current ‘Ring driver for Porsche). They had set up a test drive on a gravel road but the location had been leaked and it was crawling with press. Gumpert turned the trucks around, ditched the gig and drove back into Germany. They found a small tarmac road and let Rohrl loose. He said the car was fantastic. Happening upon a police road block he asked if they had been tipped off. No. The car’s loud exhaust had gotten their attention. To get out of a picture, they required a “proper race start.” Those cops rock.

But someone did get a picture. A lone photographer found them, and ran a picture the next week. And that was it. The calls came down from on high, and 48 hours later Ferdinand Piech himself stood there while Gumpert’s team took apart all the Prototypes.

But Gumpert is a sneaky fuck, and I mean that in the best way. To quote him, “All the cars that were officially built were destroyed.” Keeping it off the books, I like it. This wasn’t even kept at the Desna factory. (There’s rumor of another “lost” car.) That’s why it’s here, sitting in smooth, light fiberglass glory at the Ingolstadt Museum. It’s actually kind of a pretty car, with a smooth, round shape that seems more shrunken super car than rally brawler. The Peugot and Lancias were Rubic’s cubes compared to this.

It’s a shame it never got to run. This little fireball looks more like Le Mans car than a rally car. It’s like an Ultima GTR with a tiny Veyron motor in it. My pea-sized brain thinks that sounds fun. I’d even call it half-pretty, a rarity in rally. And with 1000HP and a mid-engine setup this thing would have danced, shook and screamed through forests and over hills. Rohrl loved it, the engineers loved it and they were all confident it would have shown the world Audi could build the best rally car.

Perhaps one day they’ll dust it off and let it run. I think the Goodwood Festival of Speed would be open to an appearance.

Read the original article here: IEDEI via Hellafunctional

So here’s…something. It’s an entertainment center built out of a real Porsche 996′s ass. It even has real brakes and wheels. That’s not a waste at all. Surprisingly it’s not made by Porsche Design, probably because they think it’s as ridiculous as I do. And that’s a feat, because they had the balls to make a $2,000 hookah and even their own cell phone, “Ze iPhone? Vat is zis iPhone? Bah. Our phone vill be betta! It vont have nearly ze lateral keyboard grip, or lag-free input response of our zellphone.”

No, this was just made by a guy. He’s probably a Porsche fan no shit Zack who saw the ’55 Chevy couches and wanted something similar that a Porschefile like him would appreciate. I understand that. It’s why we have posters, pictures and models filling our house up. They’re all reminders of something you love, an experience you had, the adrenaline of driving. But this is just the most inconvenient thing in the world. It holds a 42″ flat screen TV, which it raises up out where the back seat would be. Again, it takes mad balls to take the brilliantly thin flat-screen television- designed specifically to take up less space- and bolt it to something the size of a breakfast table. Make the jump to watch it in action, and more snark.

I guess sleek, subtle furniture is out. Later, IKEA. The new hotness is gigantic two-toned furniture that blinks several different lights at you while it performs its only function. The taillights are so bright when that TV raises up I was expecting a small rocket to launch. I can’t imagine someone buying this, but the purchasing invoice of Porsche enthusiasts is anything but logical, subtle or classy, so I bet I’m proven wrong.

- Zack K

You know how the Chinese have the Year of the Dragon, or Cat, or Dog? As Matt put it after SEMA, this was the Year of the LS Swap. Every project had an LS motor. Pro-touring cars, off-road machines, Japanese drift cars, shit, you can probably get an iPod case that has an LS motor in it. I know, I know; cheap, reliable, easy-to-find power. Yeah yeah, we get it. Logically it makes sense but I hate logic and nothing is immune from becoming over-played. After all, advancement and new ideas are what drive the entire automotive industry.

Then I saw this guy, 1dirtyZ, on the ls1 forums. He’s putting an LS1 into 996 Porsche. And there’s a video of it. Fine, one more, but then we’re at capacity.

The builder is 1dirtyZ, a fabricator living in Saudi Arabia. He had the idea for this swap for a while, and finally found a 996 Porsche that fit his needs. Originally he was going to get a regular 911, but the car he found happens to be 996 turbo. That means it has AWD, which he found out he can fit to the LS1. Awesssome. And he got it for about $10,000

A Turbo for $10,000?? What? How?

This is how:

Fires hurt resale value.

So it had had a small engine fire. Who cares? 1dirtyZ cleaned that out, bought new rear brakes, knuckles, control arms and found a way to shove the engine in. I wish I had this guy’s skills. I know some will say sacrilege, and I love how responsive the stock motor is to mods, but if your engine caught fire and you knew how to build a Frankencar like this, why not?

"It fits! The damn thing fits! And I thought there were no more spaces!"

His plan is to get this car into daily driver shape; NAV, stereo, A/C, all that noise. He also wants to put turbos on it at some point. I guess “daily driver” means something different over there. But if the roads are as straight and boring as they look on YouTube, that makes crazy-person-sense.

It’s still a ways off, but he was able to get it running last month and do a few pulls past his shop. The videos were taken in the dark, but it’s a fun exercise for your brain to try to see a Porsche turbo but hear a V-8. So here you have it; one of the most interesting and hopefully final LS engine swaps for a while.

- Zack K

A few days ago Matt wrote a post on the certified, absolute death of Saab. There’s no encore to wait for, no defibrillator to grab, it’s over. The main focus of Matt’s post was how new Saab owners were screwed, because their warranties had ceased to exist. A lot of people in the comments section started asking if dealerships were offering big deals on Saabs, and if that was a good idea. We hadn’t heard anything at that point, but thanks to an article from Car and Driver, we have some new information for you about bargains, warranties and the future value of these cars. Make the jump.

The answer is “yes, depending on where you live.” One dealership in Boston is offering up to $18,000 off of new cars, especially fully loaded 9-5 Aeros. Not every dealership is doing it, but I would bet if you brought that ad into another dealer (a good tactic to buying any new car) you would open the door for negotiation. When Saab went under, it left the job of unloading inventory up to the dealer so a dealer can sell you the car for $1 if he wants to.

Yes, that is a crazy amount of money to “save” on a car. But there’s several things to consider:

First, this won’t be easy if you don’t have cash in hand. You know how banks prefer financing new cars as opposed to used? That’s because they’re a more stable investment. If you can no longer make payments, they’ll likely get more of their money back after they repo it. Using that as a template, trying to justify loaning money to buy a new car that’s already very discounted, made by a company that no longer exists, in a down market is hard to imagine. I’m not a banker, but even I would walk into that bank and say, “Are you crazy?” Actually, given my want to fist bankers with a gauntlet from Medieval Times, you greedy ass*****!! current feeling on banks, I hope none of them read these posts and they loan everyone money for a Saab.

Second (and this ties to the banks’ hesitation to loan), the car will depreciate very very quickly, so you have to be prepared to own this car for a long  time. In the past-long before Saab’s death rattle was even being built-Saabs depreciated much faster than other makes. After 3 years, the average Saab drops in value by 66%. So if you bought a car for $30k, 3 years later it was worth a little over $10,000. Fucking ouch.

The depreciation isn’t a new symptom; it was awful long before the company was going bankrupt. To compare, other cars made by deceased companies (Saturn, Oldsmobile, Pontiac) are only worth an average of $2,000 less than similar cars made by Chevrolet or Buick (who are still around). So it’s not even company bankruptcy that caused this, it’s Saab’s reputation in the past.

Add in the uncertainty of warranties and that decline is likely to increase, even if by a little. If you want to grab a great deal on a Saab, feel free, but you need to be committed to owning this car because if you try to sell it, you could lose more money than the dealer. If you want grey interior but your spouse wants white, better talk it out. Treat it like the decision to have a kid, although those are easier to sell.

"Anyone have a fuel injector for a 2011 9-3? No?"

Third: parts. Everyone is worried about parts supply for existing Saabs. This is where people might catch a break. The companies that manufacture many of the parts aren’t owned by Saab, so they will stay in business as long as demand does. Demand will surely slow, but since many of the cars shared much of their DNA and skeleton with GM cars (the 9-4X and Cadillac SRX, for example) parts will be around. You might be asking for the MAF sensor from a Tahoe to put on your 9-5, but at least you’ll be able to get it.

Lastly: warranties. This is the big question mark, “Will my existing Saab or new Saab be covered?” The answer is: depends. If you bought a Saab before January 1, 2010 (That’s the day GM dropped Saab) its warranty will be covered by GM. If you bought a car after that, it’s up to the dealership. Dealerships get reimbursed for warranty work by the manufacturer. Manufacturer go away, dealer get no money. Some dealerships have been performing warranty work and eating the cost, but don’t expect it. If you bough a Saab after that, get an aftermarket warranty. They usually cost a few thousand dollars for several years of coverage.

Without a company warranty many of the new cars will be sold “as is.” Again, this is a situation being handled different ways depending on the dealer. Some have added aftermarket warranties at their own expense (some states require a new car come with a warranty), others put “as is” signs on the car, and some can even do fancy paperwork to change the car’s classification from “new” to “used.” Again, get a warranty. Remember, you’re buying this car with the intent of keeping it for a while; stuff will break and you don’t want to have to pay for it. And in the off chance you try to sell the car, a warranty will provide some peace of mind to what will no doubt be a nervous shopper.

Everyone loves a bargain, and getting a new car this cheap never happens, even if you blow the dealer himself, although that will get you upgraded floor mats. But be very aware of the situation you’re entering into. I would also consider how many independent Saab repair shops exist around you. If you live in the middle of Idaho and the only repair shop is the dealership, I’d steer clear. But in California, they’re everywhere. Just be sure it’s what you want, and something you want for a long time.

- Zack K

A few days ago we posted the teaser pictures of Lexus’ 2012 concept car. Lexus had only provided pictures of the front left headlight and an interior shot, but based on those tastes I figured the whole car would be “dericious.” I was right. Someone leaked (AKA “volunteered to be fired”) a complete picture of the car a month ahead of the Detroit release. Internet: 1, foolish leaking intern: 0.

But wow is it good looking. I can’t tell it’s size, but it looks like a slightly softer LFA. With the stunning interior and these proportions, I’m even more convinced it’s going to be a luxury/sport grand tourer. Whatever it is, it’s sexy. Sexy Lexus…my brain still isn’t used to that. Now, can someone leak some specs for us?

According to the German Technical Inspection Agency, TÜV, the Porsche 911 is the most reliable and trouble-free car of this century. The century is only 11 years old, so I look at it as a decade, but that doesn’t take away the fact that a Porsche can show up to the Super Terrific Reliability Party*, hosted in Japan each year. The TÜV tested 8 million vehicles between June of 2010 and 2011 and concluded the 911 had the fewest number of reported defects since 2000. It doesn’t matter if the car had been driven 100 miles or 100,000. Make the jump for the year-to-year breakdown and to see what other cars will reliably take you to and from the….I actually have no idea what they do in Germany besides Nurburgringing.

The TÜV broke their report down into categories based on the car’s age. 2-3 years old, 4-5 years old, etc.  The percentages below represent the number of cars of those tested that were found to have faults. Shall we?
Out of all the cars 10-11 years old the Porsche 911 had the fewest number of faults reported at a rate of 8.3%. 2nd place went to the Toyota RAV4 (10.5%) and in 3rd was the Porsche Boxster(11.2%).

The 911 scored the same in the 8-9 year old category; 8.3%. The Boxster and RAV4 podium again, just reversed: 8.3% for the Boxster and 10.2% for the RAV4.

Of cars 6-7 years old, the 911 reported a 5.5% fault rate, with the Porsche Boxster in 2nd (7.1%) and the Subaru Forester in 3rd(7.3%).

Cars 4-5 years old had a 3-way tie for first place between the Porsche Boxster, Cayman and Toyota Corolla; All had a fault rate of 4.2%. The 911? A not-so-distant 3rd of 4.6%.

The final round was cars 2-3 years old. The Toyota Prius had the lowest report rate (2.2%), but the 911 was behind by only a tenth at 2.3%.

Each year the Porsche 911 had either the fewest faults or was in the top (or is it bottom?) 3. I’ve seen how Porsche tests their cars, and the extent to which they try to hurt them. I’ve seen them spray water on the car while driving it in sub-zero temperatures,  just to see how massive ice build-up would affect the engine, lights, cooling and every other system. If you build a car that can withstand all that, I’m not surprised it survives Germany’s fine roads with only the occasional “paper cut.”

So if you were cross-shopping between a Prius, Forester and Porsche 911 (happens all the time, right?), now you have your answer, as well as a failproof justification to explain to your sig. other why you bought a $90,000 Porsche instead of a hybrid. Although you could also use the excuse, “Because I don’t want to die inside.”

- Zack K

* This does not actually exist.

Let it be known the statement “I drive for a living.” has a very broad definition. Just because your occupation has the same verb in it as Lewis Hamilton doesn’t mean you’re anything like him. I write for a living but that doesn’t mean I should be given a 6-volume book deal to write the next great teen/magic/witchcraft/coming-of-age/romantic/statutory/necrophilia blockbuster. Today’s lesson is brought to you by David Dopp and the stupid good people of teamgive.org. They are a charitable organization, but made the mistake of giving away a 2008 Lamborghini LP640 for a contest they called “Joe Schmo to Lambo.” You can’t hand 640HP to just anyone, even a professional truck driver. This was proven 6 hours after he won the car, when he crashed it.

The contest was supposed to raise awareness about Team Give and Maverik, a gas station company. David won out of 10 finalists, no doubt the coolest day of his life. Then, 6 hours after taking delivery, according to the Santaquin News David Dopp was driving about 50MPH at 6:30PM when he lost it around a curve, sliding over a curb (ow) and then into a field, puncturing the oil pan on a fence post (double ow).

“We came around that corner and just started spinning,” said Dopp.

Dopp says he might have hit gravel or black ice. The officer on the scene thinks Dopp just wasn’t used to the car. Which one of these theories is the most likely? I’m thinking a showy right foot and lime green testicles was to blame. Sure, Dopp has been driving a Frito-Lay delivery truck for years; the same training grounds that spawned Schumacher, Hamilton and Gronholm. But they probably worked their way up through the food-delivery kart series, then Formula 3 potato chips, etc. David jumped from Frito van to hyper car, the common mistake of many professional athletes and pop singers. If money doesn’t equal driving skill then free money really doesn’t.

David isn’t worried. He says it has full insurance and the car is going to Vegas right now for an estimate. I think his amount of worry is going to change drastically when that paper comes back. That insurance gecko is going to have a shit. Remember people, the car doesn’t make the driver, and don’t ever, ever, ever compare a panel truck to a Lamborghini.

-Zack K

Thanks to the Santaquin News for the details and photos.

Thad (legendary TST camera operator and Head of our Dept. for Super Smart/Crazy Ideas)  sent me a link to this ebay auction, with the subject line: “Bad daily driver?” Hopefully he’s being facetious or I would answer that with a blank stare of disbelief, silently communicating disappointment and pity. No Thad, a 1981 Audi Ur-Quattro is not a bad choice for a daily driver. It’s an awesome daily driver, as long as you live anywhere that has weather. Let the record show Thad is from Florida.

This car is a straight up bad ass. A sharp, angular coupe with AWD and a inline-5 turbo. Audi was the manufacturer first to take advantage of the rule change allowing all-wheel drive vehicles in rally racing. Ya think that was an advantage?  For the next 2 years it killed it.

For sale is the road version, the 1981 Audi Ur-Quattro. “Ur” stands for “original”. They used it to separate the “Quattro” car from the “quattro” drive-train system. This one was imported in 1981 by a man in Chicago. It has European lights, bumpers and gauges; better have the conversion formula for Km/h to MPH memorized. The turbo-charged 2.1L I-5 cylinder was good for 200HP and 210 tq.

The original owner kept the car for 30 years. At one he took it in to have the clutch and turbo replaced, suspension upgraded, add a bolt-in roll cage, better brakes and other parts. Other, more noticeable changes were the flared fenders, wheels, tires and lights. He created his own homage to the Group 4 car; perfect for a highly-efficient winter commute.

It’s shape would make you think somewhere a giant door has just accidentally shut and it’s as wide and flat as Texas but who cares when your car looks like it just pulled out of a stage rally. This car was the genesis of AWD rally cars and Audi’s quattro system itself. If I had to pick between driving this up I-70 or a modern car with a part-time system (see link) I choose this. How fun would a drive on a snow-covered city be in this car? With those knobby tires and 8 kagillion candle power practically melting the snow in front of you?  It’s a piece of history that comes with racing seats, harnesses, a fire extinguisher and more gauges than your average low-income Honda owner packing a new Kragen Auto credit card. Beats the hell out of the Liberty Bell.

The power isn’t much compared to today’s rally descendants but I like anything that’s AWD and turbo-charged. With a curb weight around 2,900 lbs this is a recipe for winter happiness.

My only experience with an early Audi was quite good. The model escapes me but it was a big pre-90s sedan. It was a snowy day heading into the Rockies and the car was stable and smooth. The weight shoved our snow tires in with authority and we cruised past SUVs and trucks alike. Yes, the owner learned a lot about Audi repair maintenance very quickly but the car felt special. This car is that times 10. Looks like a fireball, has a stadium’s worth of lights on the front and tires that could grind a whole cow. Why wouldn’t you buy it?

- Zack K

The first Lexus I ever liked was the  IS300(XE10). I just liked the way it looked. Whenever I saw one in traffic it looked annoyed, like it was too good to be stuck in commuter captivity. It had a little edge to it. The only one I ever drove was an AT which kind of ruined the moment, but I still like them, especially with a 2JZ swap. Then came the IS250/350 and the ISF. All good looking. We have an ISF outside this week and I definitely linger on its bodywork. It’s a great blend of bulging metal and smooth transitions. Like mace that’s been dipped fondue.

Well someone at Lexus has done right again. The picture above is a Lexus concept that will be debuting at the Detroit Auto Show in January of 2012. And it looks very promising. Someone at Lexus has been taking art classes, maybe taught by an Italian woman with dark hair and the curves of Jessica Rabbit. Jump to see the teased interior pic.

You know how guys can spot a beautiful woman even if all we see is a glimpse of one knee as we drive past at 40MPH, at night? I’m applying that here. You can look at just this corner and know this car will be something special. It has the same smooth cuts, swoops and slashes of the LFA (a car I only like pieces of). The aluminum accents along the intakes project off the red paint and the way fender’s shape  rolls onto the hood and then down toward the grill; I think it looks very promising. Sometimes concept cars can go to far to into the ether (Mazda), but I wouldn’t mind seeing that quarter panel every time I opened my garage.

Lexus also released a picture of the interior. The flow is incredible. It’s like a river of leather and wood running through the car. I got to sit in an LFA once and was pleasantly surprised at how good it looked, as if a surgeon asked for some artistic input before building his custom operating room. But this concept takes that to another level. It gives the sensation of silent but forceful movement. Like a yacht on a glassy lake going 80MPH. The stitching on the leather looks extremely cool and the detached, leather-wrapped gauge cluster remind me a little of a Zonda, and that’s a very good thing.
They’re keeping details quiet but if I had to guess I would say a luxury GT car akin to the DB9, 599 or even a Bentley Continental. Who knows? I think Lexus is going to surprise some people. Either way, I like it and the direction Lexus seems to be headed. That are teacher must be incredible.

- Zack K

Stuart Mills liked to have fun. But he’s a nice guy so he wanted other people to have fun too. He didn’t want them to have to spend lots of money or have to have a Degree in Engineering. So after years of building race cars, he designed the MEV Exocet kit car. Based on a Miata it weighs about 1,450lbs and makes 135HP, so it’s damn fun.  It costs as little as $6,000. Those words all go together very well. Make the jump for specs and clips of these angry little track flies in action.

For some reason the term “kit car” has a stigma attached to it. I’m not sure where it started. When I was a kid, I just liked cars. I drawn to anything that looked cool, and I mean that in the most infantile way. It didn’t take much to get my attention; I thought Geo Storms were the shit. This led to me liking kit cars, because on paper they seem cool. You get a car with a good-looking shape,  some sort of engine (when you’re a kid you don’t think of reliability or power variables) and some kind of suspension and to a kid laying on the couch it made total sense. Awesome, I wanted a Fiero that looks like a Lamborghini! Know why? ‘Cuz right now I ride a fucking bike! So every car is magic and amazing. Make it look like a spaceship and I would sell my little brother for it.

But then I got older found out kit cars “suck.” The only kit cars people accepted were Cobra Replicas, which is fine because if you can only copy one car in the world….Cobra. But now there’s a new category, thanks to cars like the Ariel Atom. It’s “track toy.” And it means you can build anything you want as long as it’s fast, light, uncomfortable for real travel and sickly quick. I support this message. Thanks to Stuart Mills  of Mills Extreme Vehicles Ltd of the UK, you can build that dream can be yours for $6,000, plus a donated Miata.

You can’t help but notice the curved ladder bars on the sides that scream Ariel Atom. However I see this as an homage to the Atom rather than copyright infringement. The Atom made it cool to make a car with no door panel, windshield, roof, comfort, usefulness, rain protection, dog-peeing-through-bars-on-your-seat protection, etc etc. Kit cars were bad because no one can create an HVAC system at home, let alone test for NVH. Like my parents told me when I was young and a woman told me yesterday, “you will always come up short when you set your sights high.”

But what if you make a car that’s only goal is it be cheap and be fucking fun. That’s the Exocet. You grab your (or a friend’s) Mazda Miati (NA or NB), strip the body, unbolt sub-frames, detach wiring and LIFT! Bolt the Exocet “exoskeleton chassis”, wire it up and bam: you have a car that weighs 1,500 lbs,  my friend. Miatas are fun. This weighs almost 1,000 lbs less.  Cruising the forums, the process looked pretty simple. Some of the members made their own modifications and each took different directions with paint, interior and seating but I didn’t see the word “fabricate” or “laser manifold fabrication.” It’s a bolt-on kit car from a proven foundation that everyone loves; the Exocet merely takes the Miata’s natural ability and concentrates it. It’s shrinking a 5-hour Energy into a liquid capsule. Kit cars rule.

If you’re used to more power (or have become numb to low power numbers by the internet) you might want to get the MEV Rocket. It’s based on a Focus, weighs 1,100lbs and makes up to 350HP.

Or just get the single-seater, the Atomic.  It puts a GSXR motor next to you. Weight: 750 pounds. Sweet. My brain says add a turbo at home, but that’s me; I’m an idiot. Stuart runs Mills Extreme Vehicles Ltd, based out of the UK; a place that created “light and fun.” And thanks to MEV and the U.S. distributor, Exomotive, it’s pretty cheap too. I have a Miata, and the only thing I like about it is how fun it is to drive. It loves when I my daily rage and caffeine into the right pedal. And if I can, I will turn it into an Exocet. 12 year old Zack fully supports me on this.

-Zack k

Note: Let’s call this Sunday reading. It’s a bit long but there’s pretty pictures, even one that moves! It’s Sunday, take some time for the story I spent hours on yourself.

SEMA was over. The AdultCon of car shows had packed up, making way for the AdultCon of people; AdultCon. Hundreds of thousands of people stared at thousands of cars, parts, dudes in company polo shirts, failed strippers promo models, obstructing the way for depressed humanoids trying to gamble. Everyone went home on Friday…and missed the best show of the entire week: The Optima Batteries Ultimate Street Car Invitational

You should have gone, because this event is the shit. Matt was invited to compete in his 1998 C5 Corvette. We figured between the car’s lightweight, power and suspension and Matt knowing Spring Mountain like the palm of his hand, he might do pretty well. However we were not prepared for what showed up early on Saturday morning. Make the jump for the story and massive gallery.

Let me briefly explain the Optima Streetcar Invitational. It’s a triathlon for cars, except it has 5 events; Road Rally, Design, Road Course, Auto-X and Speed/Stop Challenge. Points are awarded to the top 20 finishers of each event. The Road Rally was first, but Matt decided not to run it. “Why?” I’m glad you asked.

Road Rally

The Road Rally was from Vegas to Pahrump. That day, NV decided it was bored of being known as a hot desert, and sent some rain (and at higher elevations, snow). Perhaps nature’s way of cleaning Vegas of neon lights and Lambo doors to make room for those talented actresses. Anyway, Matt loves convertibles. Before he drove from LA to Vegas he took the roof off his ’98 Corvette. Did I mention Matt left that roof behind? “That seems silly Mister Zack.” It is silly, Timmy. “Why?” I don’t remember why, something about his car will be in-doors all week and “so many Car Show groupies, it will be hitting me in the face.” Could be paraphrasing.  Point is he left it behind. “Mister Zack, does it rain in Nevada?”

Yes, Timmy. It does.

Cut to Friday, it’s raining and cold. Highway 15 had been closed due to snow. Matt was scrambling to find a solution. Borrow a roof, find a trailer to hitch a ride with, wait for the rain to die…all fails. We stared at the Optima awning, “I wonder if we can make it into a roof, like Lamborghini does…” We couldn’t. So, Matt quietly  put on 2 jackets, racing gloves and drove to Pahrump quickly. Yes officer, the speed keeps the rain out. He described it as a  less-than-optimal fornication experience, AKA, “that fucking sucked!” We felt his pain, our 2011 BMW X5 diesel was fitted with seat heaters only, no massage. The humanity. We thawed ourselves with potato water. The morning’s events were pushed aside by a young woman telling me about her friend, an “actress” who once made a “movie” where she “entertained”  600 gentlemen. I stared at a woman wearing a bikini in the winter, thinking “Can you catch syphilis from a bar stool?” Sleep.

Points earned: 0.

The morning came too soon. Cold and dark. The casino/gas station/swap-meet coffee was shitty. We pulled into Spring Mountain Motorsports Ranch just after daylight did. We parked the car and found Matt in line for tech. He we realized  Optima uses the term “streetcar”  loosely. These cars were serious. A conversation with several owners could have gone like this, “Nice race trailer. Kinda big though isn’t it? You need the space for what?….to hold your 4 rolling Snap-On tool boxes and the soul of Michael Shumacher? Ah I see. Yeah it makes sense then.”

Half the field were classics. Camaros won the  popularity contest, along with 2 ’66 Mustangs that sounded like a NASCAR motor starting in a small cave. In fact, most of these cars had exhaust notes that can pierce a hymen standing too close. One Mustang had a 4-foot tall wing on it… no one laughed. That should say something. It’s the fight club of the pro-touring community. Race engines, wide-bodies, huge huge huge rubber. The fact that a modded Nissan GTR (Gee, wonder how it did?) had serious competition coming from multiple cars 40 years its senior should tell you something. In some ways a battle of generations.  A bright red wide-body Corvette started up. My hangover was overcome with a big grin. This is going to be an epic day. Matt didn’t smile.

Autocross

The good thing about the OUSCI is there’s several events. The bad thing is, two of them are run simultaneously. Because there were so many cars, the event had a tight schedule and the cars were split up. Auto-X and the Road Course would be ran at the same time. So you have to pick whether you want to watch every car do 1 event, or half the cars do both events. We stuck with Matt and headed to the Auto-X course. It was set up to be more open, allowing the high-powered cars to run a bit. No 15 MPH slice and dice.

The lineup was daunting. It included the modded GTR and the down-force-packing Mustang. Oh and Sam Hubinette. He was taking Jamie Howe (the only SPEED host a 13 year old boy should know by name) for an on-camera ride . His parade lap was done dorifto style, the finale stopping in the stop-box while doing a rolling burnout. This is officially the second-best cure of a hangover. Spinning his tires was easy thanks to the frigid 42 degree air and colder tarmac. Despite the cold pavement Matt managed to run the course in 43.5s, 26th place, dead in the middle. Considering it was cold, his tires are old and his car was worth as much as most of the cars’ support tools, finishing mid-pack was fine by him.

The rules say “no pro drivers.” Ok. 10-Time consecutive “recreational” SCCA champion Mary Pozzi came in 2nd ( 39.4s) in a sick, newly-finished 1972 Chevy Camaro. Between its chassis, fender flares and wheel/tire combo it was as classic as an iPad 2. But man, seeing a muscle car rail around an Auto-X with that kind of agility, braking and balance blew me away. I spent a lot of time with these cars as a kid and I never thought I would see them within tenths of a second of a modern Corvette or GTR. And nothing sounds like an old car with race pipes, nothing.

My friends 3ZERO3 Motorsports ran a 43.4s in a VW Beetle with a turboed R32 drivetrain. That silenced several  “un-pimp ze auto” jokes. (There was a particular PT Cruiser that needed to be thrown with a trebuchet due to suffering from whowouldbuildthat-itis. A sweet bonus was watching Goldberg hosting the SPEED coverage of the event. Each car got an introduction, said with the charm of Gerard Butler barking words of encouragement to his men in 300.

Top time went to Danny Popp, turning a 38.2 in his 24 Hour Le Mans GT lookalike  street-capable C6 Corvette. To revisit the conversation on defining “streetcar”; this gentleman had tire warmers on his car while he waited in line. Trailer full of tools, tech team, ok. Fine. Cars are a pain to work on and if you have the $, why not. But tire warmers?  I wanted to look at this gathering as a sort of race amongst gentlemen (and ladies). They all created a car from an idea, brought it to the biggest show and then decided to have a bit of motoring fun in Pahrump. Apparently it’s a bit more serious than that.

Matt’s car was out-gunned and with ninjas like Pozzi and Popp playing, out-driven as well. His goal now was to finish mid-pack, not crash, not break anything and not embarrass himself. Mine was to find water, Advil and warmth. 1 out of 2 ain’t bad.

Points Earned: 0  

Hot Lap Challenge

Thad and I made our way towards the road course, stopping to look at all the pretty metal scenery along the way. I won’t slow this down with commentary on every car but definitely check out the gallery at the bottom. The best viewpoint is the Spring Mountain viewing bridge, perched above the starting line and grid. That’s another great thing about this event: access. You can walk up to the track barrier, there’s viewing towers, you can even go up on the giant Optima trailer. Being able to see everything is what makes a race event fun to attend. Usually it costs extra (pit passes); here were free to roam. Cars lined up as a group, running warm-up laps a few at a time. Each car launches from a stop and ripped directly under us at WOT. I Inhale delicious carcinogens shot out of cat-less exhausts. Thad points North, “We drove over those fuckin’ mountains!“  In the distance, a burnout cracks the cold air. So far, so great.

In the driver’s meeting they had told everyone the warm-up lap was a warm-up lap. We all know where this story is going. Coming around the corner is a ’68 Camaro, driven by someone who is following the meeting’s advice. He’s driving 6 tenths, cruising toward the sweeper. A little behind him is Danny Popp, in his magic car. Danny is also learning the track and exploring his car’s limits on the track but his are a little higher. He’s gaining like a cheetah chasing an old woman. Camaro brakes early. Corvette: Full brake, tire lock, smoke. From my vantage point Danny was close enough to read the other driver’s lips through the rear view mirror.

Someone else had an interesting warm-up lap: Matt. He went off in turn 2 during his warm-up lap. Bad tires and cold ground were charged as the guilty party. Matt shook it off, but we later found out he had broken a sway bar end link, hurting his timed laps later on.

At the end of the event, he had put down a time of 2:00 flat. 26th place again. The other times were all over the place. Some cars that I expected to be slow (1992 2-door Chevy Tahoe with an AT and a big block!?) weren’t. A V6 Mustang had an exhaust that sounded like cicada’s farting into a trumpet buzzed around to everyone’s chagrin.

Others looked fast like the sharp modern/retro 1966 Nova- weren’t. Mary Pozzi’s Camaro thundered round in 1:53.1.  Kyle Tucker put down a 1:48.43 in his 1970 Camaro. But the track was ruled by Corvettes. Danny Popp and Peter Callaway (yeah, that Callaway) ran a 1:42.208 and 1:44.745. The cheater! GTR, with all its computers and TSC:  1:48.441. That shows you how fast those Corvettes are, and also how fast Kyle was in the Camaro.

Points earned: 0

Design Challenge

All day judges were walking around grading the cars for the Raybesto’s Performance Design Challenge. The judges apologized for only having 5 minutes for each car, saying, “There’s some cars we could spend hours looking at.” Cut to Our Super Speeding friend Rob Feretti stood with the judges as they looked over his 1100WHP Supra,  “Yea it’s not probably not one of those 2 hour cars you guys were talking about. Go ahead, pretend to look at it for the entire 5 minutes. ” Matt did not win, but at least he didn’t bring a PT Cruiser with the graphics package off a 1984 surf board.

Points Earned: 0

Speed/Stop Challenge

It was now the last event of the day: The Wilwood Brakes Speed Stop Challenge. The Auto-X course had been cleared and a strip was set up diagonally across the big black slab. Starting at the banner, cars raced towards the stop-box. THe goal was to get to the other side as fast as possible. You had to stop in a box about 40′L x 15′ Wide.  Brake too late you hit the cones and get DQed, too soon and you lose valuable seconds. It was a great test of acceleration and braking, only one of which is a natural skill for old cars.

Thad and I walked out to the tarmac. I never worried about a car getting lose and murdering us, but it is a little interesting standing at that end watching cars with 500+ HP try to contain it at WOT. I saw more than a few hoods waver side to side. The marshals did forbid me from standing behind the stop box for a head-on shot, I guess in case a throttle stuck. Despite having had that experience myself, when the throttle in my ’65 Le Mans stuck at about 95MPH on Highway 1, I thought that type of accident was impossible. At the lease I’d be able to dodge the automotive bull. The marshals are smarter than I, and asked me to move.

Matt hadn’t ever done anything like this but he had plenty of drag racing experience, so the launch was easy. But stopping on cue and calculating that while you’re accelerating as fast as possible must be a strange idea for your brain to understand. Unfortunately Matt hit cones 3 times in a row. No points. Eh, who cares. How often do you need to pull into a garage at 78 MPH?  Back from his runs, “That’s a lot harder than it looks.” I believe him. Another driver advertised confidence. 5 minutes later, “That’s harder than it looks.”

Car after car charged at the box, furiously throwing itself forward with the silence and subtlety of an avalanche and then throw out the anchor and late-brake into the box. The 1957 Chevy Bel Air was fun to watch. It was like a cartoon elephant trying to come to a quick stop right before the cliff. Skid marks were plentiful. It was fucking awesome. A few yards from a juiced up pony car screaming towards us like a rabid dog chasing Lady Gaga.

First place went to Gary Rubio in….the Nissan GTR. It leaped to the box and stopped in 0:06.54s. This surprised no one. What did surprise us is that 2nd place went to Mark Stielo in his ’69 Camaro, which somehow found traction, screaming away with the violence of hesitation of a depleted-uranium round from an AC-10 and came to a rest in only 0:07.096. .6 seconds behind one of the most technically capable cars ever is no joke. Pozzi and Popp were only behind by tenths of a second.

The PT Cruiser showed up. It struggled with the acceleration portion of this event, because it started in 2nd. Then it would downshift from 2nd to 1st about 60 feet from the start line. Its sound was worrisome. “That’s the sound of it trying to kill itself.” a spectator commented. Ba-zing.

Pete Callaway's Corvette

There was one more thing going on during this challenge, that really encapsulates what this event is about. In the middle of the challenge, Peter Callaway was yanking his brake master cylinder, to give to Danny Popp. Danny’s had failed after the road course and its difficult to compete with no brakes. Danny was in competition to win the event, and Peter’s C6 Corvette was a matching tissue doner. This is what weekend racing is about; being competitive without working against each other. It’s just a bunch of really crazy friends. They pulled the part, got it in and Danny was able to get 3rd, putting him tied for the win Mark Stielo. A 2006 Corvette Zo6 and a ’69 Camaro, tied at 80 points in a performance decathlon. Pretty cool.

Points Earned: 0

The judges decision came down to the tie-breaker: the fastest time on the road course wins it. Mark Stielo hadn’t  beat Popp’s time of 1:42.208. But even so, it’s incredible what the pro-touring cars can do. The diversity of the cars, the close-up action, the access and the friendliness of every single person there made this one of the best car shows/races I’ve ever been to. It was relaxed without the bore of a stand around car show. And it was noisy and competitive without feeling to serious or impersonal. New cars, old cars, burnouts, road course, all held together by tens of thousands of horsepower. I was grinning like an 8 year old all day.

Unfortunately the day wasn’t great for Mr. Farah. He actually did pretty well considering the broken end-link, old tires and no tire warmers. But the road rally and Speed Stop Challenge cost him.  Add in judges incapable of appreciating the beautiful and captivating miracle that is a red C5 Corvette and ended up in 46th place.

But Rob Feretti got 47th.

- Zack K

There has been some interesting debate in the comments about my performance in the 2011 Mojave Mile, piloting the Corvette ZR1. Mainly, the debate revolves around two factors:

1) I am fat, and if I were not fat, I would have broken 180 mph, the completely arbitrary goal I set for myself that day.

2) The 2012 Nissan GTR shouldn’t be faster than the Corvette in the mile, yet in the video, the announcer at the Mile says that a “girl in a stock GTR” ran 179.9.

Let’s explore these items after the jump.

First, lets get all the facts straight. Going into this event, I had no idea what kind of number the car would run. I picked 180 as a completely arbitrary number, having no idea if the ZR1 were capable of that. Is there evidence that any bone stock ZR1 has ever cracked the 180 mark in the mile? No. Never been done. I probably should have looked that up, before running, but whatever. The organizer of the mile runs a ZR1, and he said that in absolutely perfect, sea-level conditions, his car wouldn’t do any better than 178.5. And he’s a professional NHRA/SCTA drag racer.

Mojave is also at 2800 feet of elevation, which is good for nearly a 50 horsepower loss. So I wasn’t running with 638 horsepower; it was much closer to 590.A horsepower loss like that is good for about 1.5 mph in the standing mile. There was a 15 mph headwind as well, good for another 1.5 mph. So I was, basically, limited to 3 mph slower than the car’s absolute performance potential for this test.

Now, about this whole “fat driver means slow car” issue. It’s true that being lighter is better, whether you’re talking about the car or the driver. Or is it? Check out this video of Autocar’s standing mile race between the Corvette ZR1 and the Porsche 911 GT2. You may notice that a) the video is shot in england, which has an average elevation of 500 feet. and b) the driver of the Corvette is, compared to yours truly, one skinny little limey. Obviously, because he’s skinnier than me, the car simply must go faster in the mile, right? RIGHT? Nope. Skinny little England’s ZR1 hits 175.9 mph, 8 tenths slower than my fat American ass ran one at elevation. Weight comes into play for the kind of stats that manufacturers need to sell their cars: Acceleration from a standstill, handling, and braking. No manufacturer this side of Koenigsegg tries to market their vehicles by saying how fast they will accelerate over 150 mph. At those speeds, it’s all about horsepower and aerodynamics, not weight. I neglected to mention the driver’s weight for the fastest recorded standing mile run in a stock ZR1, 178.5 as run by the pro mentioned above. The guy is 300 lbs, or about 45 lbs heavier than I am. If driver weight matters so much, how come the heaviest racer on the runway can run the fastest pass?

Now that we’ve proven the ZR1 won’t do 180 in the mile in stock trim, even with a skinny driver, let’s discuss the GTR. In the film, the announcer says that I am getting beaten by “a girl in a stock GTR” that ran 179.9. In hindsight, lets take a look at the race results for ourselves. If you’d like to see them all, click here, otherwise I’ve screen-shotted the most important part below.

You’ll notice the stock 2012 GTR, piloted by Irmina Martinez of Oceanside, CA, did not actually beat me in the mile. She ran a 175.3 to my Corvette’s 176.7. So the announcer was just fucking with me for video purposes. On the other hand, Dave Scholtz, in the 2010 GTR, seemingly ran 180.5. Anyone who knows anything about GTR’s knows that there’s no way in hell a stock 2010 GTR will beat a stock 2012 GTR in a simple drag race by that much. 5 MPH faster in the mile with otherwise identical cars would require one of the cars to have more than 100 extra horsepower over the other. Google says that Dave Scholtz is an accomplished amateur autocrosser and road racer, but in a GTR you really just mash it to the floor and go. If both cars are truly stock, as they claimed, I think that Irmina’s 175.3 is much more realistic. Bascically I’m calling bullshit that Mr. Scholtz’s car is stock.

Basically what I’m saying here is that I ran that damn ZR1 all day long, every which way possible. And I’m convinced that I ran it as fast as it would go. Would me losing a few pounds make the car go any faster? Maybe a fraction of a mile per hour, but nothing of significance. Standing mile is about horsepower and aerodynamics, not ultra low weight and launch grip. The internet has made gigantic horsepower numbers seem so normal, and no one even realizes what a feat they are. Going from 0 to 176.7 in just a mile is ludicrously quick. In order to get that same car to do 200 in the mile, you’d need over 1,000 horsepower at the wheels. 

So while yes, the idea of this post came about because I was sick of reading hundreds of comments calling me fat, the truth goes much deeper than that. Any asshole can post up some dumb YouTube comment. In fact, for every one thoughtful comment I see there are at least 50 more written by University of Phoenix online rejects, people with 5th grade reading and writing levels, and fucking morons. Do your homework people. You want to use a car not reaching an arbitrarily chosen goal on a runway as a good excuse to call someone fat? At least make sure you know what the fuck you’re talking about.

I love the aftermarket. They are the fringe chefs of the auto world. No content with the way something is made, they will take a classic dish-say, risotto – and then add crazy stuff to it like maple syrup and essence of deadly sea urchin. You might think, “What are you doing?? It was delicious the way it is!” But then chef RENNtech presents his 2012 Mercedes CLS63 AMG risotto and after a taste, you stop complaining. Because RENNtech has found that with a simple tune you can extract another 100 wheel horsepower. Yum. Jump for dyno sheets and a video of a race against a Nissan GTR.

I’m not that surprised the CLS has big power potential, because it has a big V-8 with two turbos feeding it air like it’s making foie gras. But I didn’t think you could get 100WHP out of a simple chip. AMG cars always respond well to mods, but this is ridiculous. The other day we were discussing which is a better idea, buying a CLS 550 and chipping it, or dropping significantly more money for the AMG. Well RENNtech dyno’d all of them, including a CLS63 AMG with the performance package, and one without. Check out the dyno below.

The blue line is a stock CLS63 AMG without the added Performance Package. Red line has the $7,500 Performance Package option ticked, raising power from 518HP/516tq to 550HP/590 tq. The Performance Package isn’t anything intense, it just raises boost from 14.5psi to 18.8. On the dyno, they put down 483WHP/478tq and 516WHP/544tq, respectively. So that means A, they’re both really fast and powerful and B, both are a little under-rated from the factory. Despite what your forum or 13 year old cousin has said, these cars are fast as hell. I know its 0-60 time (4.4) isn’t as fast as the Nissan R38 that had twin-supra motors and really strong guy pushing behind it, but in the real world the CLS63 AMG is fast as fuck. I spent a week with one. The only place this car is slow is on the internet.

Then RENNtech starts throwing things in the pot, to satisfy crazy people like  your cousin or wealthy Russians. Or wealthy anyone, really. Their chip gives the CLS a little more of the boost it craves so much, and just like that, it is putting down 583WHP and 643 torques. These aren’t gains at the crank (those numbers are 669hp/734tq. Yes, that is a “7″), this is at the wheels. You know, the part that pushes on the ground? This brings the 0-60 time down to 3.4 seconds, and the 1/4 mile is gone in 11.3s (or 11.2 with DRs). For proof, watch the video below.

So this brings us back to the CLS 550. We knew this motor had potential, and RENNtech’s 550 chip is essentially the same as Mercedes’ Performance Package. It raises power at the wheels from 392whp/441wtq (again, underrated from the factory) up to 447HP/516tq. At the crank, that’s 530HP and 606 torques. In a “regular” CLS. Price for this is only $2,700.

So we were sitting here trying to decide if the AMG part of the CLS is really worth it. That depends on the soundness of your mind. Is 530HP really not enough? Do you really need 669HP, and 734 ft-lbs of torque to be happy in life? The 550 would be an excellent cruiser-probably more comfortable than the AMG- and it will save you $20,000. I guess it depends on your income, how psychotic you are and how much time you spent watching single-turbo Supra videos(I think of them as the gateway drug to delusional power figures). I believe the internet has artificially raised people’s performance expectations and needs. Almost zero percent of CLS owners will drag race them, and only a few more will ever find out how fast it goes from 120 to 180. But there’s something AMG gives you that RENNtech doesn’t: brakes, suspension and stability control. Those are things you might want if you have 600 ft-lbs of torque. Remember, the proper way to upgrade a car is brakes first, power last.

But that’s no fun.

-Zack K

Like this post? Help us out and share with a friend. Or TWO friends if you want to get crazy.

Not in this town, missy.

You know truck nuts, right? Those stupid fake balls that people attach to their tow hitch to show everyone…I’m not sure what actually. I guess that you’ve got balls, guts, moxi, etc. You’re the man! “You see these nuts on my truck? They’re only half as big as the balls in my shrunken brain, imagination, pants!” I guess. I think they’re stupid. They are the douche flag of the red neck. Well as it turns out, these are illegal in South Carolina. A sheriff in Moncks Corner, SC wrote a driver a citation for $445. Any guesses on the driver’s name? Buck? Steve? Kevin Klein Klanigan? Hw about Virginia Tice.  Classy. Well, women are more empowered now. She’s probably one of these new, tough chicks you see on Hog Hunters, right? She’s 67 years old. “Look, grandma’s here! That’s her truck! See? It has grandpa’s balls on it! Cookies!!”

The law she broke says, “a sticker, decal, emblem, or device is indecent when taken as a whole, it describes, in a patently offensive way, as determined by contemporary community standards, sexual acts, excretory functions, or parts of the human body.” Can you imagine a lawyer, mid-way through writing this law asking, “Pardon me your honor, sorry to bother you, um, law 438599, does it also pertain to synthetic bull testicles? Yes sir, I know, apparently our citizens like to advertize their possession of testicles, but they can’t hang them out windows…yes, because of law 438598. So it does? Thanks your honor.” I don’t think these are obscene enough to be illegal, I just think they’re retarded. It does make it easier to filter out Mensa candidates though. Virginia is fighting the citation in court. Prepare for the funniest argument using freedom of speech you’ve ever seen.

- Zack K

Some of you might have seen that YouTube is developing a new channel called DRIVE. You can read the official press release below, but the short of it is it will be a one-stop shop for every kind of automotive content you could want: reviews, comparisons, after market shops, race coverage and interviews. Guess they noticed what people like you and me looked for online (well, not everything). Their goal is to provide a variety of the best automotive content possible.  And, being the nice, smart and generous people they are, they asked the TST team to produce a show called “TUNED” with Matt doubling as the host. With other hosts like Chris Harris (EVO), high-speed god Alex Roy and our own Matt, it should be very good.   Make the jump for a promo video, show description and official press release.

As the name “TUNED” implies, we will be focusing on modified vehicles. I say vehicles because we won’t be focusing only on the latest chip for an Evo or a Corvette with long-tube headers and some dope-rad-awesome-sicknassity HREs. We’re going outside the box to find the craziest things we can. One-offs, projects, the kinds of vehicles that say “suck it” to physics and solar panels alike.  You know those videos you see that make you think “What the fuck is that?!” ? That’s what we want to be filming. We have some seriously amazing stuff in the works and you’ll get an up-close look at it.

But the show won’t just be an excited and/or terrified Matt behind the wheel (although there will be plenty of that). We’re going to talk to the great minds behind the insanity. We want to know where the inspiration for these monsters of the road and dirt come from, and the expertise and problems it took to make them. Look for the first episode of “TUNED” in January. Hopefully you have as much fun watching it as we will making it. Happy New Year.

PRESS RELEASE

Welcome to the beautiful world of a street-legal race car. This is a street-legal Porsche 997 GT3  RS wearing the shoulder pads and muscles of a Porsche RSR race car and put together by Orbit Racing. Make the jump for pics and videos, and more information on this equally gorgeous and obnoxiously crazy street car.

Orbit Racing has been building Porsche race cars for years, so this wasn’t out of their wheel house. But they had always wanted to build one for the street. They assumed no one was crazy enough to justify building an even wider Porsche, especially in the curve-challenged Florida. They were wrong. Some guy- I’ll call him RICHard Awesome- brought them his 997 and said “go.”Orbit ordered parts, cut panels, made new wheel wells, added diffuser panels, kevlar fender liners, the list goes on. But because it’s a street car they added sound deadening to the fender and wheel wells. Race car fun with streetable “quiet.” Win. They didn’t just make this car, they built it with such a level of detail and care it could pass an inspection by Porsche themselves.

Using body panels from the RSR 24 Hour of Le Mans car- as well as the proper suspension, exhaust and wheels – they built one of the best-looking Porsches I’ve ever seen. Race car bodies are always covered with livery and stickers so you can’t relaly see the shape of the car. Here, in stunning Cobalt Blue Metallic, we can see the full form of the RSR body, and it is a stunner. I love how the fenders pop without looking ridiculous. The contrast of the yellow lights, black wing and white rear accent on the blue looks amazing. Somehow the sharp angles, race bits and even the massive wing seem calm on this car. Race cars usually look like a magnet dropped in a bucket of scrap metal, but this is just, sexy.

Many moons and pictures later, the project was finished. I won’t write a build book here, because it wouldn’t do the slide show at Orbit justice. But do yourself a favor and go over there and flip through the photos. You will get a new appreciation for project cars. So many times we go to car shows, see something we like, say “sweet” and walk away. Well this is no stick-on body kit. This didn’t bolt up with a few screws and some plastic fasteners. This car was built by true racing engineers, and they put the work in to ensure that if this car ever visits a track, the owner won’t feel like he’s driving a GT3 with some  and an extra side of wing.

The phrase “because race car” is the “That’s what she said” of the autophile world. “Why are there tubes welded together instead of soft animal pelts?” Because race car. “Why should I sleep with you!?” Because race car. I can imagine someone asked this guy, “Why are you chopping up your new Porsche and spending another bundle of money on it?”

Hopefully he simply replied, “Because race car.”

Check out the Orbit Racing GT3 RSR Project Log or video log.

Thanks to Blake Simon at F1Photography.net for taking pics of this car out of the shop. Fuck this car is good looking.

- Zack K

“Did you tell anyone we were coming here today?”

“I was just going to ask you that! And…..no, I didn’t. Did you?”

“No.”

We shared a long silence, both mentally flashing forward to a broken car, freezing temperatures and no food. We were 7,000 feet above sea level on the Wheeler Pass trail in Nevada. It was snowing, so the pointy rocks- which ranged in size from grenade to tool box- were becoming hidden from view. We were wearing jeans and hoodies. The closest thing to “supplies” were a tire repair kit, 2 half-full Monster Rehabs and stomachs full of Pahrump’s finest Subway. Popping a tire on this 2011 BMW X5 diesel would surely result in cannibalism, and Thad is bigger than me.

Let me back up.

The Optima Ultimate Streetcar Invitational was coming up. We couldn’t go to SEMA so we planned to meet Matt at the track in Pahrump the night before. Modern diesel cars had caught my interest during a shoot for The Car Show when Matt tried to drive 800-mile a Mercedes E350 Bluetec from Mexico to Oregon on one tank. I wanted to further explore new diesels, so I reached out to BMW. They had an 2011 X5d for us…in San Francisco.  Oh well. A diesel SUV made perfect sense to me on paper. Thrust and efficiency with lots of space and the ever-sought which I don’t care about high seating point? I bought my ticket.

 

 

I loved the original X5 and was happy to see BMW stayed close to the original design. It’s like an old band that’s been fine-tuned for a modern audience without losing their early sound. It still looks like an SUV (SAV in this case), with short over hangs and good ground clearance  (8.7″, same as a Jeep Grand Cherokee). Aside from a tiny badge on the side and a low red line on the tach, there’s nothing advertising it’s a special X5. I actually wish it were more obvious in the hope it would convert some people. But we wouldn’t want anyone to know our car uses that dirty, different fuel, would we?

 

Hidden behind that small badge is a 3.0-liter Inline-6. With 2 turbos it brings the gift of torques; 425 of them at 1,750RPM. It has to move 5,192 lbs with 265HP so 0-60 takes just under 7 seconds. But getting on the freeway it feels much faster. No one will complain. People equate torque with speed. For proof, drive my mom around. Just bring Xanax and ear plugs. Controlling it is a 6-speed automatic and despite lacking paddles it’s responsive enough I used the stick-controlled manual mode a lot to downshift, saving fuel and brake pads.

 

The interior is the BMW style we’re familiar with, this time done in soft leather with wood accents. It feels spacious and well-equipped; Luxurious without feeling like the off limits white living room at grandma’s. It’s perfect for a car the runs and rides as smooth as this. I was happy to see the iDrive has evolved from its original pond scum to functioning helper monkey. In the X5 I had no problem synching, adjusting or NAV-ing. Did I mention the stereo BUMMMPS?!  God damn it’s like a home theater system from Beats-By-Dre. I don’t seek out nice sound but I absolutely appreciate it and any audiophile will be quite content.

 

One of few complaints goes to the seats, which don’t have enough lower back support. It was like sleeping on a bed that’s barely too firm. In 2000 miles, I wasn’t uncomfortable but it wasn’t like home. For an example of what home feels like, sit in a Mercedes.

 

Our car also came with the optional Heads Up Display. That’s good, because the steering wheel blocks the speedo from 40-120mph. I’m 5’11” but unless I wanted to drive with the wheel up high and feel like an 8 year old the speedo might as well be gone. I guess in Germany you’re either going under 40 or over 120. Bastards. But without that issue I wouldn’t have spent so much time looking at the HUD, which was excellent. With NAV arrows, cruise control status and speed it’s the perfect tool on highways and helps in canyons at night too. Even if they fix the wheel issue I’ll use display.

 

Altogether I was reminded why BMWs are expensive, and it felt worth it. My introduction to the X5 came with a 5-hour drive down to Los Angeles, and despite my mom’s best efforts (she rode with me) I found a way to enjoy the car.

 

 

Jump forward a week, and it’s the Friday before Optima. The plan was to drive to Spring Mountain Motorsports Ranch to meet Matt. Thad had convinced me we should leave early and “explore Pahrump.” Bullshit. I knew what he was doing. When he first heard, “X5” he suggested “exploring” Wheeler Pass, a 24-mile off-road trail that runs from Pahrump, NV to a spot just north of Vegas. He’d mentioned it almost weekly.

 

(You see, Thad is a dreamer; brilliant yet sometimes disconnected from reality. He once asked if we could get a new car by telling the manufacturer we intended to break it, calling it a “durability test.” He was serious.)

 

(A quick spin of Wheeler Pass trail via helmet cam.)

 

I said no. “It says it’s safe for production vehicles!” he said, showing a picture of an FJ Cruiser, failing to recognize the difference in the cars. “You’re always ranting about how crossovers and whatever have no spine, right? Let’s find out.” He had a point. I didn’t want to take a car I didn’t own as nice as this off-road but I love a driving adventure of any kind. I’d spent too much of my youth exposing borrowed cars to the elements to ignore the fun in his idea. Together we’re like 10 year olds: One builds the ramp; the other rides his bike at it. Well, it is Nevada. It will just be a sunny dirt road surrounded by more sun and dirt.

 

We arrived in Pahrump at 10:30AM. “Let’s just check the road out, what else are we going to do?” I felt like a guy that agreed to go to a strip club but said I wouldn’t open my eyes and given the option between spending 8 hours in Pahrump or risking press access and death I choose the latter. We agreed if it got too hairy, we’d turn around.

 

Clouds. Hm. Wonder what they're for?

 

Wheeler starts as a fire road heading directly between two small mountains. The X5 handled this with flying colors. It felt completely attached to the road, even at 60MPH. A rocky hill several hundred feet tall presented itself. Torquey engine, AWD, let’s see what you got. Without knobby tires or locking diffs or some name referring to a desert (check out my new Sudanihari!) the X5 chugged up the hill. Wheel spin was there but it it confidently clawed up with surprising composure. The torque from the turbo-diesel made the car feel like a giant chair lift. 28MPG highway (observed), and now this? I am a fan.

 

We got out to look back down. Things look steeper from the top. Like the climb, the descent was drama-free. Hit the hill descent and it takes care of things while you steer. Taking your foot off the pedals while off-roading is the definition of counter-intuitive but it works incredibly well. We arrived safely at the bottom with a new confidence. This wasn’t just a traveling movie theater for kids or a booster seat. This thing was legit. With new confidence, we headed up the road.

 

Then it started snowing.

 

 

Thad was elated. “Snow! First snow of the year! How awesome is this!” I wasn’t. I like snow driving more than sex but this wasn’t even really a road. This was a 10-foot wide off-camber minefield and each mine was wearing the nametag of BMW’s press agent. Anyone who has driven a crowned road on ice knows where your car wants to slide. In this case that would be down the big mountain into the abyss known as “You fucking idiots.” Yay snow. Another element added to his idea. Yet, amazingly the tires didn’t even notice the snow. The car just, drove. We cautiously pressed on.

 

 

The road changed from road with light rocks to rocks with light road. A rock the size of a pomegranate seed once went between my tread and popped a tire; That thought haunted me the next 6 hours. I crept forward as slow as possible in order to put the minimal amount of force on the tires. Thad and I worked as a team, spotting obstacles and deciding the best path.

 

Our primary concern was clearance. Ground clearance is to rocks what bullets are to killing zombies; you can’t have too much. But between the AWD system, careful wheel placement and hill descent, the X5 was fine. It was practically asleep. Each passing mile encouraged us, yet I was expecting something impassable around each bend.

 

We set personal records for "Holy shit." usage that day.

 

Off-roading in the snow is a very cool experience. There’s a stillness around you, making you feel more alone. The road looked like cookies and cream ice cream; a white blanket dotted with the tips of brown icebergs. Off-roading usually involves sunny drives with the windows (or top) down. This was almost submarine-like. Using the parking cameras, sensors and side mirrors, we could see everything around us. I love you, electricity.

 

The summit finally came. 7,700 feet. Halfway. We were giddy with excitement. I thanked the car. This  quiet, fuel-efficient cruiser was as steady and bored as a Sherpa on a stair-master. The question was: turn around or continue? Foolishly, my parents let me read books like Into Thin Air and Call of the Wild. Would Jack London quit half way and turn his $50k luxury truck around? Hell no!

 

The snow fell harder, with bigger flakes. Ironically, the inside was as comfortable as a 4-star hotel. Seat warmers, soft leather, SPICE radio soft Jazz. 100 years ago people risked death on this road. Now we’re doing it in a car that treats your ass like an old Italian barber treats your face before a shave. Incredible. It was here we realized we hadn’t told anyone what we were doing. We had BMW’s SOS system if we needed it, but it was more a moment of realizing how stupid impulsive we can be.

 

 

Downhill brought the challenge of momentum. I want to reiterate the skill of descent mode. Snow, wet rocks, didn’t matter. This car can react faster than your foot. I only took over when 4MPH felt too fast for particularly nasty rocks or to stop and survey our next move. Snow? Rocks? X5 no care.

 

And then suddenly, the snow lightened up, the clouds dissipated, the rocks shrank. A fence, mud, tire tracks! We were out. We had gone 24 miles over a snowy, rocky mountain in a vehicle usually reserved for trips to Whole Foods and personal training sessions. We passed an F-150 and the driver’s face mimicked our thoughts, “The hell are these boys doin’ here?”

 

 

We had come here to find out if there was any “utility” left in the world. Crossovers are the new SUV, and I was convinced they were only as capable as a passenger car. But this 2011 BMW X5 is better than previous generations. I felt confident on highways, in canyons and over rocky, snow-covered gremlins. The 3.0 liter I-6 TT is just a phenomenal motor. It’s great everywhere. With all that torque I’d even say it’s fun. On cold days, upon startup it’s barely louder than a gas engine and only near idle. Thanks to smart people diesels are now clean, quiet and even more efficient. People worry about finding diesel, but 28MPG gives you a 600 mile range and that’s plenty of time to look. V-8 torque, 4-cylinder efficiency and inline-6 smoothness; It is the perfect engine for not only this kind of car, but plenty more. Ours was priced at almost $60,000, but I could easily do without options like the cameras and sunroof. For around $50,000, you get a car that can do anything people might think of, and do it well. Top to bottom, it’s a very good car.

 

No one will take their X5 where we did, nor should they, but I’m glad I did . I like knowing a car can handle more than I ever want to, like knowing how to throw a punch.

 

- Zack K

Last week a Ferrari 599 GTB spontaneously caught on fire. It didn’t quite melt itself (video after jump) like a dead vampire in From Dusk Til Dawn but it did catch on fucking fire. I’m sorry but WTF?  What year is it again? 2011? And cars are still catching on fire? And not just any cars, these are some of the best  and most expensive cars on the planet. A $7,000 Versa doesn’t catch on fire. The “smart” car doesn’t.  Even my  shitty ’95 Miata managed to drive 300 miles spitting oil out its CAS seal without turning me into Kosher rotisserie. So why are Ferraris and Lamborghinis bursting into flames? Make the jump for a buffet videos featuring exotics on fire. Maybe we can find a commonality?

One man got lucky, kinda. The Ferrari FF he was driving that caught fire wasn’t his yet; he was test-driving it. That should save some insurance trouble. Wish I could have seen the salesman’s reaction. “Oh, mi scuzzi senor. Thank god you had no hair to begin with. Si, it happens now and again. A Ferrari is like a beautiful, passionate woman who has severe bi-polar disorder. Some a day she just begs for more and a some day she hit you in the face with a rolling pin. Haha, yes you understand yes? What say we have espresso and talk about the 599? It’s molto reliable senor.” That guy went over to the Aston Martin dealer.

Or I hope he did. If he went to the Pepsi of Italian cars (Ferrari being Coke), he’d end up in a Lamborghini. Safe bet right? Audi owns them, so now there’s Germans in the factory making sure there’s no blots left over and nap time is no longer than two hours. Except for this little Gallardo fire in Norway.

I just don’t understand how a car ends up this way. With the insane amount of testing and development that goes into them, how can this situation not arise before production? How can having your car catch fucking on fire be part of normal wear and tear for Italian exotics? It’s fire! It’s no a CEL or door buzzer that’s stuck or bad NAV, it’s the hot red stuff that comes out of volcanoes. And even after Ferrari recalled the 458s, replaced those that burned and stopped using the adhesive arsonist that was causing the fires, one still burst into flames in Brazil. Perhaps it’s the price of driving a car that has been built to the limit of human ability. If this happens with 458s and Gallardos, what would happen if there was a “glitch” with a Veyron? It’ll probably explode and throw the Earth off-axis.

But, thanks to the handiness of YouTube and some calls to the FBI, I think I figured out the problem. See, the cars were being driven. Some were even being used to park, commute or get McDonald’s. Completely irresponsible.

I still want a Ferrari.

-Zack K

It appears the old adage “Less is more” was never told to many of the tuners and builders today. Accessorizing, modifying and customizing has been a big part of car culture since the 30s, but its gotten a little out of control. There are cars today that make the cars from Fast and Furious look like a beige Camry. Take the above. It’s a Campagna T-Rex that has been customized by the company Aero3. The changes are all cosmetic, which is fine because a stock alreay T-Rex makes 200HP and weighs 1,000lbs, so it’s fast as hell. It’s cool in a ridiculous, playful sort of way, but I feel this has pushed the visual envelope too far.

The first thought we had when we saw this was, “storm trooper helmet.” There’s ridges and fins and intakes and splitters on the splitters. It’s like a house with 3 roofs. The stock T-Rex isn’t a tame look, but that’s looks dictated by the design of function. If you build a 3-wheeled 2-seater with a ZX-14 motor in the back, its gonna look a little weird. But the somewhat recent trend of adding splitters and vents to everything has gone too far.

Aero3 isn’t the first offender on this, so I don’t want to paint them to be. Mansory of -course- is the worst. There’s tons of other companies that tack on multiple splitters, wide-body fenders and slits, gills and “intakes” on the car with apparently the same tact as your uncle throwing rice at his daughter’s wedding. I love that everyone is pushing the envelope of performance and design. Without breaking limits we wouldn’t know what they are. I just think we’ve found the limit of what looks good with additional bodywork, and what doesn’t. What do you think?

- Zack

Here’s a good piece of consumer advice: You probably shouldn’t leave a bottle of acetylene, a chemical commonly used for welding, in a closed truck overnight. Acetylene is highly unstable and extraordinarily flammable, and, well, see the photo above for what can happen. FJCruiserForums user “SMK_SHO” learned this the hard way by, literally, blowing his truck up and is frankly very lucky to be alive. Here’s the story in his words:

So my time almost came to an end this morning… im very lucky to be alive.

First of all, GO HUG YOUR WIFE/HUBBY and tell them you love them.

i had an acetylene bottle in my truck, the valve was bumped so slightly and over night the truck filled with the gas. i noticed the smell, and opened the doors to air out the truck. i drove the truck out of the garage to get some more air movement. i went to roll the pass side window down and as soon as i touched the power windows. BAM. with me in the truck. i lost all hearing out of my right ear and got a scratch on the back of my head. all things considering, im alive.

so now ive got the question out to toyota about a 2012 TT. 125 to canada only, 15 in standard. i want a standard…

pictures tell 1000 words.

dont take any minutes or seconds you have for granted… it may be your last…

This would normally be the part of the post where I make fun of this guy for doing something so stupid, but I’m pretty sure his near-death experience and destroyed truck are painful enough and he’s learned his lesson.

Source: FJ Cruiser Forum

Before we begin, I would like to state that I like Honda. I owned one. When I moved to LA I had no money no friends no job so alone I needed to sell my STI and get cheap transport that was reliable and fuel efficient. Answer: Civic. Bought one, did the job. Honda makes reliable, cheap transportation, a formula that-a few hiccups aside- has been working for decades. They are the OG to the young thugs that are KIA and Hyundai. That said…

I do not understand the Crosstour. I don’t know why it exists.  Yes it’s for a niche market. Everyone is trying to build something for a potential high-maintenance discerning customer that may or may not exist. We treat everyone like they’re all hampered by a case of shopping OCD. “Now make sure the cardboard of my to-go cup is vertical, not horizontal.”  These days every company of every industry is trying to cater to a more specifically needy buyer. iPods in every damn color an acid trip can provide. Drinks sized from suppository shots to 72oz “to go” cups. The only place you go with those is to your sadness couch from your humiliation Rascal. Read on..

At first I thought this was the fault of the people. We all have a drive to be individuals, and because we often define ourselves by our things, those things need to be special. Our kids are all incredible and amazing individuals! (Look how different their macaroni paintings of the sun are!) First they made the iPod. Then they made the iPhone. But what if you really like the phone but can’t afford don’t need the phone? iTouch. iShootyourself. We have an incessant need for similar but different. Why do you think we like Cameron Diaz, who is a less-attractive-but-funnier Charlize Theron, who is basically a blond Angelina Jolie?

That’s why the crossover was born. SUV ride height, safety blah blah but drove like a car. They’re more fuel efficient than SUVs, but not by much. If you read my Volvo XC60 review, you’ll know my feeling on these gap-fillers. But the Honda Crosstour and it’s only real competitor, the Toyota Venza, confuse me. I’ll channel an etiquette teacher right now, and just say I don’t find them visually pleasing. But honestly, that’s not my only issue. If I worked that way, I wouldn’t like chili. For me it’s about what’s on the inside. Numbers.

The Honda Crosstour has the same cargo room as the Acura TSX wagon, and 10 cu. ft. less than the CR-V. Put the seats down in the trio, and the Crosstour is 9 cu. ft. behind the wagon and 20 behind the CR-V. Well at least it gets better MPG than…oh wait it gets worse MPG than both of those. See what I mean? You don’t get better fuel efficiency, and the slanted back cuts into trunk space. Last time I checked, moving boxes were…boxes. Want trunk space, lots of room and good gas mileage? Get a wagon. Want to sit up high (for what reason I don’t know)? Get a crossover like the CR-V. But the Crosstour, like the BMW GT, seems to be lost in purgatory.

This is where I run into conflict with Tetsuo Iwamura, the CEO of Honda of North America. He recently expressed disappointment in its sales. I know why. In Sept. of 2011, Honda sold 1,148 Crosstours. To compare they sold 19,604 CR-Vs and 18,000+ Accords. Hyundai sold 6,213 Santa Fes and Toyota sold 3,445 Venzas. Go to the yearly sales and it’s no better.

And here is where my disagreement begins. If the Crosstour was selling well I could shout at the drivers like an old man yelling at skateboarders and retreat into my hovel of contempt, confused as to why it was made but incorrect nonetheless. And in today’s “I want my (insert phone, car, butter knife) to do everything” world I understand why Honda took a blind swing. It’s even supposed to drive better than the Accord or anything from Toyota. But since it’s ratings are as good as that show about the drunk lifeguard and his two care takers, it should go away, right? Wrong.

No refining here. Cancelled after 2 episodes. Maybe Hoff does know best.

Regarding the Crosstour, Iwamura said, “With further refinement of styling and performance, it will be a very good success, a leading model.”

Why try. I’m sure Honda spent a lot of money on this car, and it’s better to take a risk and spend some money “refining” it than kill it and call it a loss, but I can’t understand that. The Venza isn’t selling, probably because it looks like a wagon that eats at Paula Dean’s house. The Crosstour isn’t selling. The ZDX isn’t selling. There’s an area between the normal crossover and wagons that they filled that didn’t need to be. Considering it’s behind on space, MPG and looks, I can’t understand why they will press on.

Now, Matt doesn’t share my opinion on this, which is why we’re going to try to get one to drive and have a little discussion. Perhaps it’ll show me something I’m not expecting. But to me, it will be like a boat that has the captain’s deck on the bottom. Even if it sails just fine it makes no sense to buy it.

Here Honda, I made you some friendship cookies.

- Zack k

Shit, I spelled "tweet" wrong when I ran that red light.

MINI’s new Connected iPhone App is the worst idea in automobiles since the PT Cruiser was offered with feaux wood paneling. Actually it’s worse than that, because that won’t cause thousands of accidents and perpetuate the instant gratification, communication and puppy-dog neediness the flood of social media is creating. This will. Even worse, I saw it coming, and I bet within two years every car will have it.  Read on for figures showing why this idea is so bad, and more ranting.

The big concern with cell phones has been the oh-so-scary demon known as “distracted driving.” Distracted driving (of course) means talking on the phone and texting, but it also includes, eating, drinking, changing radio stations (mp3s, same thing), iPods and even just talking to passengers. It’s great for the CA CHP. They’ve written 283,000 tickets for use of handheld cell phones (as of mid-September 2010). They made buckets of money, sure, but they probably did prevent a lot of accidents.

When I had an old clam-shell phone I could text with one hand without looking, and I did. But with a smartphone with a touch screen, I don’t. It takes my eyes off the road for way too long. So the MINI system seems like the way to have your cake and eat it too, right? Some hot British woman reads your texts and tweets, you stay connected to everything and your eyes stay on the road. Awesome. Except the distraction isn’t from holding a phone to your ear, it’s your brain simply paying attention to someone else. Here’s the definition copied from the DMV’s page:

I laughed pretty hard at number 3. I don’t know how they expect you to drive without looking outside the vehicle, but that’s the DMV; brilliant people. If the NHTSA says simply looking around, or reading (“Wait, is this the Facebook menu or the twitter one…”) how the fuck does anyone think it’s ok for me or you to be driving while trying to come up with a clever tweet, or listen to someone’s inane Facebook status? It’s highly likely whatever it says will have zero effect on your life for longer than 3 seconds and will be forgotten within moments.

“Oh wow! Now I can keep track of Stacy’s level of happiness at work! And I can hear about how big my sister’s new son’s shit was! Oh wow, Zack just made a stupid joke comparing a car to the perineum! Lemme just Google that while I get onto the 405…”

You’re telling me that won’t distract people? How often have you been focused on something  (computer, TV, driving, inner thoughts, that woman’s rack,etc) and someone is trying to talk to you. 10 seconds later you realize they’re talking and say, “Sorry, what’d you say?” It’s not because you were reading, or typing, or talking, but because you were processing information and stimuli. Your brain was using it’s power to analyze a subject, instead of listening.

This is why studies have shown a hands-free device does little to help a driver focus compared to holding a phone to their ear:

Neuroscientist Marcel Just, director of the Center for Cognitive Brain Imaging at Carnegie Mellon University in Pittsburgh, agrees. Just studied 29 volunteers who used a driving simulator while inside an MRI brain scanner. The volunteers steered a car along a virtual winding road undisturbed or while deciding whether a sentence they heard was true or false.

Listening while driving led to a “significant deterioration in driving accuracy,” Just and his co-authors write in the latest issue of the journal Brain Research. The drivers hit the guardrail and veered out of the center of the lane more often while listening.

In the listening situation, MRI brain scans found a 37% decrease in parietal lobe activity. The parietal lobe is associated with spatial processing, so it is critical for navigation. Activity also decreased in the occipital lobe, which processes visual information.

Apply that to your average driver and the result is going to be bad. Apply it to your average twitter/Facebook junkie (people that would stare at their phone while skydiving if they could) and you have more accidents than an Asian girl’s sweet 16 party Danica Patrick after 3 cups of Jesus juice. The people that have to have these updates are probably bad drivers already. This will easily undo any accident prevention. I understand we want to be connected, and in many aspects of life technology has been priceless (Iranian protest, efficiency, porn). But this is a place where we need to think ahead about what we put in cars. You can’t simultaneously complain about distractions and then put this in. It’s a bad fucking idea.

Besides, MINIs are supposed to be driver’s cars, not a social network wi-fi hot-spot.

“This….this is wrong.” – Dark Knight

Apparently the people at Smart think they know America. We won’t buy their tiny, slow, city car because our cities are as cramped as Europe and there’s a million other cars that get similar gas mileage and don’t have the cargo capacity of a glove box. I’m also personally terrified of getting in an accident in one. I imagine it’s like dropping a snow globe on  bed; the shell is perfectly fine but everything inside is bouncing and swirling for days.

So Smart has the answer.  A “truck” version of their “car.”  Yes! Americans love trucks. They ranch, and hunt, and haul stuff, right? So what if we give the Smart a truck bed? They won’t notice it’s too small to hold anything bigger than groceries, which will be stolen from the exposed bed at the first stoplight.  And the fact that in a rear-end collision an SUV will climb inside that bed and maul the driver like a hungry lion into a topless Land Rover. And sure, it’ll be slower than a Prius at a tractor pull but c’mon! Truck!

It’s not a truck. To call it so is blasphemy. This is what an F-150 would leave behind if it ate a super burrito.  It’s a tiny car that has the character of an Amigo without the practicality. It’s a Suzuki Samurai without any of the off-road capability or the generous cargo space. It’s a Smart car with half a room. It’s “tool kit” will be used by absolutely 0 of it’s customers (customer?) because the only people that would buy this car would stare at a screw driver with the bewilderment of a puppy looking at an MRI machine. Smart cars are just not right for America. They’re up against cars like the Focus, Mazda 2, Civic, Fit, etc etc. The small-car segment is thriving here, but the attempt at micro cars isn’t. To paraphrase Field of Dreams, if they build it, we will laugh. Make a Smart truck, SUV, canoe, whatever. It’s just not working here. If this is a truck, then I’m a truck.

-Zack K

A few weeks ago I was listening to Adam Carolla’s podcast, “The Adam Carolla Show.” Adam was doing his thing, ranting about the world, and today his brain fixated on gasoline leaf blowers. Between the repetitive gay jokes and Mexican racism, I learned parts of California have banned the use of gas-powered leaf blowers. I had no idea. I was born in CA, currently live in LA and I see these things everywhere, never giving them much thought. Every Saturday the gardener busts out one of these noisy, droning machines (“Los gringos are hung-over. I think I’ll spend extra care near the windows.”)  and uses his expertise to move leaves and dust from one corner of the yard to the other and blow things around in the street.

Adam talked about the emissions from a gas blower being several times worse than a car. I made a point to look this up when I got home. Then I forgot that task, and probably ate something while watching an episode of Top Gear for the 11th time. Thankfully, Jason Kavanagh of Edmunds’ Inside Line just completed a great article in which he tested a leaf blower to see how bad it really is. To compare, he used the car Al Gore probably prints onto handgun targets: The Ford SVT Raptor. He also threw a Fiat 500 into the mix, to see where a small-displacement car would line up. You can read the whole article here, or make the jump for a more concise version.

I’ll explain the test as briefly as possible.” Thorough” and “controlled” would be massive understatements. The testing was Performed at the Automotive Research Center in Diamond Bar, CA. Judging by the strict level of testing parameters the guys that work at this place are probably not the dudes you’d want to get a beer with. Each car undergoes a 24-hour pretest inspection so lengthy and detailed Edmunds didn’t mention a single step. Then, the cars are then hooked up to a bunch of tubes and suction devices and put on a dyno and run it through 3 phases:

Phase 1: Cold start and run for 505 seconds.

Phase 2: (Continues from the cold start) Run at constant speed for 864 seconds.

Phase 3: Warm start, run for 505 seconds.

The big, expensive machine analyzes their exhausts and prints out numbers.  Easy right? Probably. But it’s far from relaxed. If you let the RPM go out of a tight range, they have to start over, including the 24-hour pretest inspection. God help the technician that messes that up, because I’d strap him to those tubes and make him turn the drums by hand.

Now for the players and the results of their air-born STD testing. The Ford SVT Raptor weighs 6,200 lbs. and makes 411HP. A gigantic 11MPG beast of a vehicle. We put thousands of miles on ours per month. I’m sure every Prius driver looks at us like a hemorrhoid on the ass of the porn star known as Earth, especially in the city. If we didn’t use ours for actual work, I’d half agree. Just look above. The Raptor is kicking dirt in the face of the planet. What a dick, right?

Next up is the Fiat 500. The newest contender to the Mini’s “OMG IT’S SOOOOO CUTE!” throne. It’s tiny, light (2,350) lbs. and has a 1.4-liter engine making a uni-ballsy 101HP. It can practically fit inside the bed of a Raptor. And according to the people that build the Smart Car, small appears fuel-efficient. It’s the vehicular “yang” to the Raptor giant 6.2-liter “ying.”

Edmunds chose 2 leaf blowers: a 50cc. 2-stroke Echo PB-500T and a 30cc. 4-stroke Ryobi RYO 9440. I don’t know where those land in the leaf-blower hierarchy, so I will assume they’re both awesome. Yay leaf-blowers.

The machine was analyzing 3 things: Non-methane hydrocarbons (NMHC), oxides of nitrogen (NOx) and Carbon Monoxide (CO). I guess it’s bad to breathe those? Big words, lots of letters, let’s get to the results…

Ohhhh snap! Not only do the leaf blowers poison our air more then Ke$ha’s mouth, the Raptor is cleaner than a Fiat 500. Matt’s response to this fact was, “What?! How?!” The Raptor has a more complex emissions system. SO clean in fact, the air leaving the exhaust pipe was cleaner than the air going in the intake. Think about that the next time you job around for your health. Yeah yeah, the Fiat 500 uses less fuel but try this on for size: The 500 is classified as an LEV-II (Low Emissions Vehicle Level 2), the Raptor gets ULEV-II status, which is better. If there was a waiting list to get a car-pool lane sticker, the Raptor has a lower deli number than the Fiat.

I'm cleaning the air motherfucker!!! Whoooooo!!!

The leaf-blowers are basically the worst thing on the planet. Let’s seeeee the 2-stroke puts out 23 times more NOx and an obese 300 times more CO than a 6-fucking-thousand pound truck. In 6 months of weekly yard work, the leaf-blower farts so much into the Earth’s mouth you’d have to drive the Raptor 3,887 miles to catch up. Even at idle, both leaf blowers were worse than either car. Jason explains,

“You’d have to drive a Raptor 235 miles — stopping every 505 seconds and doing cold restarts — to emit the same level of hydrocarbons as simply idling the two-stroke leaf blower for less than 10 minutes.” – Jason Kavanagh

This is probably better than breathing the exhaust. Maybe.

California gets a bad rap for restricting too many parts of our lives, especially in regards to emission controls, but in this case I think it’s obvious they’re onto something. I don’t want to breath air that’s 300 times more polluted than the exhaust from a vehicle that’s perfectly capable of powering through a field of angry, radiated zombies wearing Lakers gear. I hope more people switch to plug-in blowers. Maybe if you trade in your gas blower the state will give you 300 Raptors?

- Zack K

Above is the Cadillac concept called the 2009 Cadillac Converj concept but it will soon be known as the grass-friendly ELR Coupe. It would use the same platform as the Chevy Volt, so it would be a hybrid that gets from 40 to 1,000,000 MPG. Yes, I am exaggerating but if you never drove over 40 miles I guess it’s mathematically possible. Cadillac has made great strides the past few years of making cars that drive on par with the European imports we all praised so highly back in the 90s (and still do today). Building a hybrid isn’t just a way to keep with the times and stay competitive, if there’s one thing GM is known for it’s platform sharing. Why else would they have what felt like 349 slight variations of the same damn car for so many years? I’m looking at you, Pontiac, GMC and Saturn, as examples of redundancy. Well in this case it’s a good thing. Electric power and luxury cars go together. Rich people like smooth things. Suede, cream, mousse, see? But what about a diesel Cadillac? Read on ….
It makes perfect sense. It may just be because Cadillac’s luxury rivals- Audi, Mercedes and BMW- are bringing the diesel revolution to America. After all, VP of Marketing for Cadillac Don Butler [regarding a diesel power train] stated,

“We absolutely mean it when we say we aim to compete with the best of the best without compromises. And if that means making the right powertrain choices, then those are the choices we will have to make”

So from his end it’s to stay competitive, but I say why not do it just to do it? I was lucky enough to go with Matt on the 1,600 mile journey from the border of Mexico to Oregon (and back) for a segment in episode 13 of “The Car Show.” We drove in  Mercedes’ great mid-size diesel, the E350 Bluetech. Huge torque (402), incredible MPG (38+) and quieter than Herman Cain’s wife, it is the perfect power train for a luxury car.

Look, I love horsepower, speed, burnouts, the whole bit. I recently spent a straight hour giggling out loud (with a passenger in the car) behind the wheel of a very fun AMG. BUT, unless you are like me- an impulsive man-child that thinks the world could benefit from more tire smoke- you DO NOT NEED A V-8. I’m talking to the dentists, lawyers, bored rich house wives charity planners and anyone else driving a “regular” V-8 powered luxury car. People like this like V-8s because it gives them a feeling of power. They get that torquey oomph in the back that shows them where their money went. And there’s probably some companies that only offer certain trim levels with a bigger engine. (I valeted an S4 convertible in college and when I said, “Nice car!” the young co-ed owner said, “Yeah. I got it because I liked the leather.” Die.)

But these cars (and drivers) would be even better with a diesel. I’m willing to bet you could blindfold a lot of these people, and they wouldn’t be able to feel the difference between a 550 Benz and a 350 diesel. Bankers over 60 years old probably aren’t taking their S550 to 6500RPM, and wouldn’t complain “The power seems to drop above 80 MPH.” And, for the record, the E350 will go about 135 MPH. More than enough for any of the shrieking retards on television we call “house wives.”

Cadillac should build a diesel, not consider building one. Diesel suits luxury brands, the technology might be cheaper than the Volt’s, making Cadillac more competitive with ze Big Threin (that probably isn’t German for “3″) and there’s no battery fires to worry about. I think you could put prospective buyers in a CTS diesel, not tell them it’s an oil-burner, and after a test-drive their ideas of what a diesel car is will be changed forever. You get torque, you get quiet, and you get MPG. Power, peace and quiet, and saving money. What more could a wealthy person ask for?

- Zack K

This is the newest car to be added to the TST Dream Garage. For those of you new to the game, we’re slowly compiling a list of all the cars we’d buy if we had money.  I mean so much money you’d buy one of those stupid, giant yachts that Paul Allen used to substitute his penis. If it’s a vehicle, we can put it on the wish list for the day we all simultaneously win every lottery in the US at once. And being added to that ever-expanding garage in the sky (Skycake made daily) is Vaughn Gittin Jr’s own, 1969 Need For Speed Mustang RTR-X. I ****ing love this car.

This car came out long ago, and it’s been on a tour since it debuted at SEMA in 2010. So you’ve probably seen it, heard of it or read about it. Nothing new. I’d read about it when it came out and thought it was awesome. But that didn’t prepare me for what I’d think when I saw it at Formula D this year at Irwindale. I rounded the corner  and stopped. (Earmuffs kids.) “Hoooo shit.” Make the jump to read my love story, and watch Gittin destroy some tires.

I love this car. I really truly do. Not in the way I love most of the fun power-laden cars that stop off at the office each week. I saw it in person and thought, “This is a car I dream to own. If I ever have the means, I will ask Mr. Gittin Jr permission to replicate it, using the same shops he did. Call me unoriginal, call it a rip-off.  I will care not. Not one bit.”It has a 480HP 5.0L Coyote motor, with some of the sickest, cleanest velocity stacks around. It’s a muscle car, but it has in-board suspension. Know what else has that? Le Mans prototype cars, or the Aston Martin One-77. It has sick diamond-pattern seats, awesome 5-spoke Work Meister wheels. And they’re green. And that is f*cking rock.

Besides all the good parts, power and speed (187MPH!) I love this car is because it combines two things that are very dear to me: Muscle cars and driving. Hot rods are what got me into cars. I used to go to tons of shows as a kid, worked on them before I could drive and owned a muscle car in high school. There’s a feeling they evoke that I haven’t found in other cars. It’s a feeling of power, confidence, and a slightly sinister-but-playful smile. It’s brawny and loud. Mothers look at you like you’ll turn their children into goblins. They’re cars for simply playing.

But they drove like shit. My car didn’t stop, it scraped it’s tires whenever it was forced to turn (mountain roads have never felt so exciting at 22MPH) and it was as nimble as a beached submarine. And when I would drive my friends’ MK1 VW Rabbit, complete with a 14-point cage and full track setup, I realized I was missing something essential. I liked turning. Stopping is a good thing. And if you’ve seen my silly audition for Octane Academy, you will know I have a clinical addiction to sliding cars. Give me any car on a slippery surface and I’m like Cartman at Klan rally buffet.

The RTR-X takes both of these things, essential elements to my very existence, and combines them. It’s a yin and yang of old and new, silly green wheels with a stealthy paint job. A racy digital cluster but with diamond pattern Alcantara. I love old cars and new cars, and this is the best combination of both I have ever seen. And the fact that it is capable of pro-level drifting is the final piece in the perfect car puzzle. I get my muscle car fix, my new technology fix, and my silly dorifto fix. This car is my definition of a good time. That’s all it was made for, and it pushes every button: childish, nostalgic,  irresponsible, adrenaline-seeking. It’s one of the coolest cars I’ve ever seen, it’s one of the best-looking one-offs I’ve seen, and god damn I bet it drives like m*********ing perfection. It’s sick, it’s nasty, it’s ridiculous and it can drive. That’s why it’s in the TST Dream Garage, and that’s why I would immediately steal it and never come back.

Bravo to Vaughn and NFS and all the guys that put this together. The concept was amazing, the art direction is so cool, and the detailed execution is incredible. And thanks to Hot Rod Magazine for filming this awesome video, and for teaching an 11 year old Zack how to box the frame of a  ’34 Ford. Not that I used them.

-Zack K

The Koenigsegg Agera R is very very very fast. No, you don’t understand. It’s really fast. In the video it goes from 0, to 300KMH (186MPH), and back to 0 in… 21.9 seconds. Now, being the internet readers you are, like me you probably have no frame of reference of how fast that really is. For comparison, we have the times of some cars  going from 0 to 300KMH. Make the jump to read and watch this ridiculous thing that I love so much.  

Koenigsegg CCX: 21.9
SLR 722: 29.6
Murci LP 640: 31.5
911 GT2: 36.2
Alpina B6 S: 41.5
Z06: 44.6

No back to 0, no slowing down, nothing. Just from a stop to 300km/h. As you can see, the old Koenigsegg- you know the one, with the twin-supercharged V-8 making 806HP?- That car went to 300kmh in 21.9 seconds, well ahead of the also incredible GT2, Murci and SLR. A Bugatti Veyron, the benchmark of high-priced space ships, takes 19.8 seconds to hit 300kmH, and 23.8s to reach 320km/H. In the real world, all of those cars are crazy crazy fast. All they are doing is accelerating to 186MPH.

THAT is how  incredible this car is. Somehow, in defiance of physics and the Easter bunny, the new Agera R was able to reach 186MPH, and go back to a complete stop, in the same amount of time it takes it’s sibling to reach 186. Want to know how long it takes the R to go from 0-300 KMH? 14.5 seconds. That’s how long it takes a new Honda Accord V6 to reach 98MPH. A car that boring normal people call “quick.”  A Corvette ZR1, which is the fastest car I’ve ever driven, takes 15.9 seconds to reach 150MPH, and around 33 seconds to reach 186 (300kmH). I thought that car was insane but I have had to edit the definition of insanity in my brain. Compared to the Agera, the ZR1 is Catholic nun on Valium. Wait,what?! What the hell is going on?!

I cannot wrap my head around the abilities of the Agera R. This is like saying to Hussein Bolt,

“Ok Mr. Bolt, you are going to run this 100 yard dash, k? Start here, cross that line, that’s it. What am I going to do? Oh, well in the same amount of time it takes your corpulent snail ass to run that little 100 yards, I’m going to run to that line, stop on it, have a sandwich, maybe hit up YouPorn, and then run back to this starting line. Ready?”

That is insanely fast. How? Why? WTF is in that car? Oh, that’s right, it’s has a 5.0 Liter V-8 with two turbos, so it makes 940HP. Oh wait, I forgot, you can put E-85 bio ethanol in it, and it makes 1,115HP. And yet it’s still RWD! What the **** gets the power to the ground? Are the tires made of the toes of millions of geckos? Because I’m ok with that.  If Sarah McLaughlin complains direct her calls to me. I have an excellent collection of Panda bear erotica I’d like to discuss with her. Oh, and if you watch the video, you can see two other things: 1. If you watch the driver turn around, it’s clear the steering radius of this car is very tight. So drive-ability won’t be an issue. 2. The test driver isn’t wearing a helmet, fire suit and 2 HANS devices while doing multiple 200MPH runs. Dear police stations, high speed travel is safe. See video below.

I just can’t get over the physical abilities of cars right now. People referred to the muscle car era as the golden age of cars, never to be seen again. Wrong. This is the golden age. Companies realize people want a cars that can go, stop and turn with the quickness and they are in an arms race the US Army should be jealous of. This is the best cars have ever been, and I shake my head and stare in awe when I think of where they will go from here. Now, whose grandma can I give oral treats to for $2 Million?

“It’s much more exciting here than in a Formula One car.” – Ayrton Senna

I believe – and I think the whole TST crew shares my feeling – that F1 and WRC drivers are the best drivers on the planet. I know, bold statement. Next I’ll probably say that humans consider food to be important for living. I’m not saying anything that any sane person wouldn’t say. In F1 you have the sheer speed, power and grip of the cars. Everything happens at the speed of light and if you’re not thinking slightly faster than that, you’ll create an expensive carbon fiber confetti show with a fireball encore. In rally racing, things don’t happen quite as fast, but there’s more variables to deal with: constantly changing surfaces, odd suspension compression, rocks, blind corners, oh my. And don’t forget, if you’re on a wood stage, there’s the added bonus of trying not to think about the thick wooden girders of death that are lining your race track. Slide too far and you will play chicken with a tree, and you will lose.

It is that last line that worries the late Ayrton Senna, perhaps the greatest F1 driver of all time. Senna was a 3-time world champion F1 driver who unfortunately died in 1994 racing in the San Marino Grad Prix. He was the subject of an absolutely incredible documentary, Senna. Even if you don’t like racing, you will love this movie. It’s one of the best films I’ve ever seen, documentary or otherwise. Do yourself a favor and rent it, and everything below will resonate 10 times more. (Also watch our interview with its director.) In this brilliant article by Racecar-engineering.com, author Graham Jones describes (with excellent prose, I might add) the day Ayrton Senna spent learning what it means to drive a rally car. He went to Whales, trying cars of various power levels, drive train and classes, up to a 460HP AWD Ford Escort. (Read on to see how he did, the Senna trailer, and an old video of the rally lessons.)

And you know what? It scared him. I couldn’t believe it. So many F1 drivers have moved on to succeed in the WRC, most recently Kimi Raikkonen, with current slapper of F1 bitches Sebastian Vettle also expressing interest. So I thought this un-earthed article would be filled with Ayrton being proclaimed future rally champion of the world after 5 minutes of driving. He can drive the hell out of an F1 car, so he’s awesome at everything right? I figure a guy like him could perform neurosurgery on instinct alone. But he didn’t. He was scared. He was humble. He called driver Phil Collins a “nut case.”

After that sentence I thought the piece was over. But as the article continues, and Senna listens, trying different cars, getting used to the course, the style, the cornering, and the power… the transformation begins. He isn’t proud or cocky. He asks questions, focuses, and learns. And learns quickly. RCE.com does an excellent job of painting the picture of how a driver of this caliber approaches a new challenge. He goes about it the same way I imagine Einstein would go about learning cooking: Slowly, methodically, recognizing he is out of his element and thus hearing every syllable of advice and immediately applying it perfectly. I mean he is Ayrton Senna. So if he has enough skill to toss a 1000hp F1 car around in the rain, odds are he can figure out rallying. But I was so impressed at how he went about it.

We could all learn something from Senna. You may be great at something, you may be great at a lot of things, but you’re not great at everything. There will be times you try something new, and you’re not as good as you hoped to be. New job, building an addition to your house, cunnilingus, whatever it may be. But rather than get fed up, or worse, over-cook something and crash, take a breath, ask questions, and get a little better each lap. By the end of the day he had it. Collins said, “I would say after a week in a car he would be taking on the World class drivers.” The transformation seems 90% complete. Another F1 driver heading to the woods to play in the dirt. But when asked if he would ever make the leap, Senna replied,

“No. Because the dangers are there as you don’t have the experience and you don’t have the knowledge. The dangers are too big.”

He’s got a point. This man danced with the devil at the limit of traction and rationale, and won races that way. Yet to him, rally racing is too risky. He’s right; I just didn’t expect him to say it. Too bad we couldn’t have gotten him into a Rally-X race. If you have the time for a great read, jump over to the full article. You will feel like you’re standing on the frigid Welsh mud, watching a young genius learn something new.

And go watch Senna. Seriously.

-Zack K

This is one of the sexiest race cars I’ve ever seen. The 1964 Aston Martin DB5 Lightweight Race Car. Dear god is it sexy. I want to say it’s fitting, because it’s an Aston, but really this caught me by surprise. I don’t care whose name is on the front, it’s just incredible to see something made in 1964 that looks this good, while also being purpose-built.

I think road cars are better looking than their racing counterparts. There’s too many wings, too many splitters, too many sponsors and just too many parts. A road-going R10 TDI would be no beauty queen. Sure, the race car will be tough. It will spark a different part of your brain; the part that likes chaos and danger and appreciates ability and engineering. But that’s different than the part of your brain. It’s the difference from enjoying the view of Iceland and the Hoover Dam.

The shape is sexy, of course. James Bond drove one. He’s kind of a big deal, so it’s kind of a big deal. But I think it looks even better here. It’s low stance is more modern, the shape looks slightly shorter, sleeker, and squat. Some of the credit goes to the photographer, who lit this car so well the metal seems to be gentle. The soft royal blue is perfect, even though I don’t know why. Blue is far down my list of preferred car colors. Inside it’s pure race car. Again, so perfectly built and maintained I thought it was a match box car, refusing to believe otherwise. The diamond-quilted leather tranny tunnel cover is the perfect way to remind you this is a fine Aston  Martin, built by men who fancy a nice a motorcar. Racing doesn’t have to exclude class, right gents? Exceptional.

The shape grabbed me, the brand hooked me and the fact that it’s a 390HP race car with 30 years of racing that still wins campaigns today solidified it: this car is absolutely, 1000% in the Smoking Tire Dream Garage. And god damn if you have the $285,000 to pick it up at auction, do so. You have zero excuse not to. I don’t care what you tell me, your reason for passing up on this car will be met with a slap in the face and a scolding. “You BUY that Aston Martin, you understand me?! It’s pretty and fast and rare and old. It’s perfect! Now buy it before I take away your TV privileges, Mister.”

- Zack K

Head over to Hemmings to find out more, and to put in a bid for this car.

*Photos from Hemmings.

I feel so betrayed. Since Lincoln introduced the MKS concept in 2006, it’s odd trademark “waterfall” grill has been the topic of many a joke. If you haven’t heard one, you can mad-lib it using the words “whale”, ‘baleen”, “krill” and
“butter face.” As in: The new front of that MKS is weird. It looks like that stuff whales use to strain water and catch krill, what’s that called…baleen! The interior is ok, and the profile isn’t bad, butter face…”

Jump forward a few years and many disappointed eyeballs later, and Lincoln says they’re bringing a redesign to the LA auto show. Yes! Alright boys let’s get back in the game. We had a rough start in ’06, that pass was a little weird, but it’s ok. We survived the recession, we can get the people back on our side. Ok Max (Lincoln’s head of design, Max Wolff) whattya got for us? Wait…that looks…I don’t mean to sound insulting, maybe my glasses are foggy, but that looks …..that looks the same Max. Make the jump to read on.

The redesign wasn’t only about the exterior; better power, efficiency, a sport setting and continuous dampening have improved the driving experience. But you’ll probably never experience those, because the grill is way too close to the old one. Sure the strainers have gotten smaller, enabling them to catch smaller insects than before (yay?), but looking at a timeline, calling it a redesign is like redesigning Lady Gaga’s meat dress by giving her a different purse. Let’s go to the video tape:

Here's the 2007 MKS concept. Ok, interesting, but it's just a concept so maybe the final car will look a bit better..

This is the 2011 MKS sedan.

Ok they went with a bold face, something to identify the brand which is important in the auto world. Sometimes it works (Aston, Ford) sometimes it doesn’t (Acura). But designers have the tough task of deciding what the public will like before the public knows they’ll like it. In fashion, they drive the market. They make products, sell them to the world as the new hot thing, and we (well, people that care about clothing) buy it. Lincoln made a move, crossed their fingers, and prayed but the result was a face that was a bit too bold. A gaping mouth flanked by small headlights. Works for jaguar, not so much here.

Fast forward to now and Lincoln promises a redesign. They get another at bat. What did Max draw?

The grills are thinner, smoothing the transition from grill to body and lights, but it still has the same shape and I think that’s the fundamental problem. You could fill that area with solid aluminum, diamonds or photo copies of Scarlet Johanssen but it still wouldn’t work. To be fair, Max Wolff may have only been given permission to change things within the grill or other binding parameters. But if he was, he wouldn’t have made this video, telling us about all the awesome “new” tools they use to make the car.

This video is more off-putting than the car itself, because unless you’re 8 years old or from a 3rd world country, using computers for design or having a meeting with a giant TV behind it seems like pretty standard procedure. TST is made out of a house, and even we have a big TV to watch footage and edit from. I watched this video and at the end thought, “Yea….so?” A TV? CAD design? No shit you use these to make things today. I’ll bet my pencil holder was designed with a CAD program. If Lincoln wants to grab new, younger customers they have to realize what those customers know. Young people in that tax bracket have seen a computer before. They’ve probably been to development meetings and had their projects up on big projectors. Don’t treat them like they’re fresh off a raft of packing peanuts from Cuba.

It’s not that Lincoln makes a bad car, Matt drove 1500 miles in an MKT, and even tried to convince his dad to buy one. It’s a good vehicle. I drove it as well, and thought the ride and drive-train were great. If you need to be chauffeured (the MKT is set to replace the Town Car for said chauffeuring) it flies under the radar of adoring fans or would-be assassins. And the AWD means it can shuttle you to Beaver Creek just as easily as LAX. But the grill redesign isn’t enough, and trying to excite your customers a fairly mundane video of old techniques is silly. The older buying crowd probably won’t care, and the new crowd will see right through it. I can’t tell Lincoln what to do, but I know it shouldn’t be this.

-Zack K

We all know how crappy diesel cars used to be. Heavy, smoky, smelly, it was like driving a mob boss from 1973. But not anymore. Now they’re like hanging out with a 5 year old that has a fructose drip duct taped to his jugular. They will go all day, or week, or month (maybe) without refueling. Last month I drove about 3000 miles in two diesel cars and couldn’t believe the MPG. I, like most of America, was fairly unfamiliar with diesel cars. But my experience in a Mercedes E350 and then an X5 (review coming) have been filled with torque, efficiency and silence.

Now, as a person who would prefer to carve corners and play dorifto all day then stare at my MPG meter (Look babe, 37.2! High five!) I’m closely watching to see when sports cars will start getting the big d. Wait, that didn’t sound right. You know what I meant. According to some important people at Volkswagen’s R-performance brand, it won’t be long. Make the jump to read more about my dreams of highly efficient hoonery, and watch Matt top out a VW  Touareg TDI.

Ulrich Riestenpatt gt. Richter (I know, holy name Batman), Volkswagen’s Executive Director for their “R” program recently said some very sweet words to Autoblog,  “The future is diesel and all-wheel-drive.” I like these words because it combines one of my all-time favorite drive-trains (AWD) with my newest favorite powerplant (diesel).Imagine a 4-door GTI with a diesel power-train making several hundred torques, fitted with AWD. Is there a better vehicle for daily driving? Rain, snow, ice, whatever with some good tires it’ll make mince meat of it. Add the turbo diesel (tunable) and AWD and you have the perfect car for trips to the mountains. Daily drivers in Colorado, this is your whip of choice.

Even if you don’t live somewhere snowy, AWD is popping up everywhere because people like the added stability and versatility. Safe for families, awesome for track days. And thanks to higher MPG, you don’t have to choose between performance and efficiency. I won’t tell you a diesel GTI-R will beat an EVO around a track, but if it was decently fast and didn’t plow in corners I think you’d see a lot more oil-burners out there.
And it probably will be pretty nimble, because VW also said they’re focusing on lighter cars as a method of boosting efficiency. “You can get the same efficiency [as a hybrid] by dropping 100 kilos.” Let’s do it! Give me an AWD Golf, 4 doors, more than 300 torques and I will 4-wheel drift past SUVs up to Keystone emitting little more than silence. As an example of the fun to be had in the future, here’s Matt driving a Touareg TDI on a lake bed.

- Zack K

http://blip.tv/thesmokingtire/volkswagen-touareg-tdi-top-speed-dry-lake-test-5725060

Do you have trouble fitting strippers into your busy lifestyle? Have you always thought the one thing missing from camping was the dancing form only fatherly neglect and a handsy uncle can inspire? No more! Introducing, the Platinum Stage Hitch Pole. Take the strip club with you! Made of sturdy stainless steel or classy brass, the Platiinum Stage Hitch Pole has a 3′ x 3′ platform and a whopping 7 feet of usable pole!  The stainless steel is easily cleaned, allowing multiple performers to perform Olympic-caliber clitoral hangs without sharing the Hanta virus. The 200lb weight limit prevents those 10AM  “C team” applicants from crashing your party.

Boring commute? Not anymore! Your rear-view will only be filled the sight of a beautiful girl humanoid swinging her (adams apple…uh oh) hips to the sound of tire  noise. Own a strip club and want to find out if that new 18.00001 year old is committed to the cause? See how she does at 80 MPH (do not attempt) with truck horns blaring. IF she’s still there when you get back, you know you found a truly damaged soul willing to do anything for approval and sticky bills  winner. And let’s not forget, stripping is now an acceptable form of exercise! It’s the gym that comes with you! Call today! Make the jump for the video and special features!

*Stripper not included. Individual results may vary. The allure of the Platinum Stage Hitch Poles is not limited to attractive women. We are not responsible for ocular damage resulting from any “aesthetically unqualified” persons dancing on said pole. Possible side effects of purchase can include but are not limited to: losing $500, FUPA-sightings, nightmares, lost valuables, co-signing a lease with that stupid skank Vikki,  vehicular-hepatitis, shame, blue balls, glitter poisoning, ODing on Red Bull, deportation, family exile, whorish daughters, having shit stolen by hoes and Affliction-wearing. Do not allow  women to dance behind your truck on the freeway.

This gave me a laugh, but these will probably sell like hot cakes. For only $500 you can have the ultimate accessory in the flat-billed hat clan. I went to the REMIX/Drift event at Irwindale last year, and the biggest attraction was the stripper pole mounted on the back of a short semi. Surrounded by what I call The Un-Fuckables (morbidly obese, pre-adolescents, auto journalists and fathers of questionable taste) several women, sporting more makeup and self-inflicted scars than a Twilight autograph line hyper-gyrated to NOS-fed techno. To be able to recreate that scene for only $500 is way too tempting for way too many people. Pismo, Havasu, Daytona, these will be the new habitats where the Platinum Stage trees will take root and flourish. For a fun game, count the number of these that go untouched, especially by anything over a 6. My guess is most of them will be eligible for a never-touched refund.

- Zack k

How does a car gets its sound? Used to be you built a big box of metal that burnt gasoline, then screwed some metal tubing to it and? Voila. Sound. I’m sure there was a time before exhaust systems were treated like the latest pop teensation who just needs a little auto-tune and a push-up bra to be the next billion dollar barely-legal sex object “musician”, when man would bolt a pipe to an engine and say, “Gee, that sounds swell!”

The BBC has a new special, called “How to Build a Super Car.” In part 2, they talk about how a super car gets its sound. They did a study and sound contributes 50% of a car’s sporty feeling. That means, sound accounts for-at the most-as much of the impression as performance. More likely engine, looks, interior and handling are all lumped together. I find it fascinating that all those critical components of greatness are only equal to screaming dinosaurs flying out of some tin pips. So as cool as those carbon brakes are and as awesome as center-locking hubs are, half of your attraction to a car is dictated by how it sounds. Thank god it’s not like that for women, or we’d all have a long past of opera singing mopeds.Make the jump to read about the tuning, and watch the video.

Moving on from offending future dates, the BBC chose (bets?) to follow the sound development of the McLaren MP4-12C, an ironic subject considering the numerous complaints of the new McLaren’s lack of audible stimulation. Journalists commented so much that McLaren did a last-minute sound adjustment before delivering them to customers. In the video acoustic technician Matt Maunder says McLaren wanted it to sound really extreme. So did I. So did everyone. So why doesn’t it?

Your hands will probably go up in the air when the BBC lets you hear some of the options they had at their disposal. Matt also refers to one of their options as “The Kanye West. Very produced. I quite like that one.” I prefer the one he refers to as  ” a dizzy rascal.” It’s a super car, it should sound like a “dizzy rascal.” Watch the end when Lewis Hamilton asks Jenson Button how he feels about the sound. The McLaren MP4-12c has various settings which change the sound, but I still get the sense Lewis was expecting more of the standard sound.

Click here  to go to the video, at BBC.com

-Zack K

Don’t get me wrong, I am all for more power in cars, especially when the prices keep coming down. I say that with a grin, a big one. A smile crosses my face when I think about a crazier GT500. And 650 HP stock. And 600 torque. And the idea of going 200 MPH in a stock god damn Ford Mustang.
Let’s think about this for a second. Know what else had 650HP? A Ferrari Enzo! It cost a million f&@king dollars 7 years ago. This has 115 more torques. And it’s 1/20th the price. What?! This is insane! What do you do with 650 HP, as a manufacturer? Make the jump for the rest of my panicked analysis of this craziness.

The real problem is the way some will judge the car. Someone out there will complain about the ride. Someone will complain about the dash (I might). “Oh the stereo’s just ok, and it has a tendency to over-steer.”

I will shoot this person. Wrap your head around it: A car that used to have a slant 6 that made 101HP, now make 6 and a half times that. 650, a car that does not cost half a million dollars for. That’s a big deal. It’s a big deal for a few reasons, one of them being the simple fact that it doesn’t cost a million dollars. Meaning, an Enzo used to be $1,000,000 of performance for $1,000,000. Now, $50,000 gives you $1,000,000 of performance. Sort of. Yes the Enzo is faster to 60 and has a more  sophisticated suspension, but Jebus.

It’s also a big deal, because where will it end? When I read this press release, I laughed, thought of all the wrongdoing I would do if I owned it, and then I took a step back. What are we doing? How much more power do they need before they start developing other parts of the car? Obviously this is a giant, hilarious game of one upmanship but it’s too one dimensional.

Say Ford and Chevy are athletes. They’re told in order to be great athletes they have to work on their speed, their agility, their hand-eye coordination and strength. They’ve gotten better and better at their sport each year (although the regimen seems to have taken a toll on the Camaro’s looks). I feel the Boss 302 and ZL1-despite their power differences-are nearing peak performance. The ZL1 has tons of power but it has Corvette suspension parts. The Boss is the boss, it’s awesome to drive.

But the GT500 is Barry Bonds. No running, no more sit-ups, forget reading comprehension and get a bigger hat, you’re hitting the gym. But how many stock muscles is enough? 200MPH top speed? Matt drove a GT500 at 165 MPH and said the hood was shaking like a Girl Scout at Romanowski’s house.  I’m no green hippy either. I’d be happy to drive a Nelson Racing engines-powered ’67 GTO to work on a daily basis. It would be ridiculous, useless, and stupid and I would giggle my ass to and from the office every single day. But that’s a car I  built to appease my insane idea of a productive, meaningful life.

This arms race of engines, shoved into what used to be cars for the everyman, is getting a little out of control. It’s not that more power or competition are bad, but what about traction? What about weight? The Mustang weighs 3,850lbs. Why can’t they make it lighter and more nimble instead? The great cars today aren’t lead sleds with big blocks. They’re Exiges and Ferraris. Nimble, quick, light on their feet with more grip than a porn booth’s floor.

What about interior materials or new technology? I’m just curious when everyone will say; “Ok, we’ve done all we can with horsepower. The ceiling has been reached. Now, let’s talk about a new axel setup and some smart diffs. And Jimmy, get me this “carbon fiber” everyone is talking about. They might be onto something with this whole, “lighter cars” idea.” I know the new GT500 has better aero at the front, a carbon fiber drive-shaft and suspension and brake upgrades, but 650HP is a lot to reign in. And if a car bites off more than it can chew, the journalists will make note of it.

Ford’s press release for this car says (of course), the GT500 has the most powerful production V-8 in the universe. Who the —- cares? If this were 60 years ago and the most powerful engine had 300HP, fine. But 650 is dangerous to 99% of drivers today. And the tagline “Most powerful in the world.” is stupid. No one shopping for this kind of car cares. That’s a line written by ad people to wave their dicks, it won’t actually attract customers. If I’m buying this car, that line isn’t going to push me over the edge. It’s like when a small burger shack’s sign says “World Famous.” The world has no idea you exist. People in Turkey aren’t talking about what spices are on your cheeseburger. If I stop at your establishment, it’s because I know what a burger tastes like and I want one. The sign is silly.

An Enzo railed around a track because it had huge power, and all the necessary engineering and tech to support and manage that power. I hope the GT500 does as well. I do. I like muscle cars, noise, power and stupid amounts of speed. But I think we’re nearing the limit with these kinds of cars.  If it doesn’t do the job well, Ford may have built the biggest gun in the world but end up with a misfire.

-Zack K

(I’m saying “torques” for the sake of brevity. “Foooot pounds” sounds longer in your head than it takes to write. It’s a silt patch on the Baja 500. It’s like hitting a patch of sticky snow. We know all know what the damn number means.)

When I set out to write this article, my main focus was to offer a comparison between Toyota’s legendary AE86 and Mazda’s game changing Roadster. However, the more I tried to pinpoint just why these lightweight FRs are so great, the more I realized why today’s successors just aren’t. Keep reading my fellow ADDers, you will enjoy the article, or your money back!

They say a man can accomplish anything so long as he is confident, and humble. I think this principle applies to cars as well. Now haters, don’t jump to a different article just yet, hear me out. Take the Corvette ZR1, or the R35 GTR for example. Both cars are in-your-face performers with the horsepower and Nordschleife times to backup their bragging, I’m sure you’d agree. Now after I say this, there will be countless fanboys who’ll stop blowing their imaginary ‘Vette to yell mean things at my mother.. but I digress: these cars have no soul. They may be fast, or offer driver involvement (not you R35, move along) but they are not any fun without their horsepower. Sure they can still carve a corner in 6th gear, but would you have any fun doing that? Ok, now imagine that same horsepower you’re getting in 6th being used on your favorite straight. Still sound like a hoot?

"Who cares about fun?! Look how many drag strips I can bench!!!"

The problem (IMHO) with many of the steroidal cars on the market today is that they have something to prove. I almost can’t blame the manufacturers for continuing this stupidity either. Kids and their man-racer brethren argue 0-60 times, Nordschleife lap records, skid pad ratings, and other objective points, like they’re somehow going to prove something subjective, like a car being “better”. Plus, cars like the ‘Stang and M3 have to worry about their market share going to competitors because they have less horsepower. But don’t fret car buyers, some of us in the industry prefer to avoid hostility and just have some fun. Remember, you have nothing to prove, so why give in? I know there is no standard rating to measure fun, but I guarantee its importance.

Before I get too philosophical, I’ll get back on track. What made cars like the AE86 Corolla and NA Miata fun to drive was that they had no competition standards to meet. They had enough power to go slideways, and were light enough to return decent gas mileage in the process. Land Ho!, fun is good for gas mileage. Who would have thought that a fun car doesn’t need to have a Rosie O’ appetite. There were no performance times they needed to beat, or rivals they needed to silence. The Eight-Six was an FR that fit 3 friends, and had a hatch for lugging loot (or tofu) around. You did not need to sacrifice anything to have this fun, mucho respectable ride.

Today we have something similar to that, they’re called hot-hatches. But- and it’s a big, Rosie butt- they aren’t rear-wheel drive. Save for the not-for-America 130i, all of these cars are FFs. This means that while you can still go fast ‘round a bend, you cant do it looking like a badass. Say what you want, but we all want to look cool in our cars. After all, it’s the reason why we buy our cars in the first place. They make us feel good. Sure you can rip that e-brake on the little FWDs, but that skill level isn’t really reachable for anyone who doesn’t constantly practice. Also, MS3s and GTIs are dope, but they’re not great places to start for building a racer. And if there’s one requirement for an affordable cult classic, it’s that it can be transformed into a monster with enough passion and babysitting jobs. Us young-ins don’t like you old farts telling us that we can’t do something, and we put a lot of work into showing you that you’re wrong. And dumb. The Ferrari-slaughtering Supras and Evos speak for themselves.

We also have a new breed of FRs that don’t try to make big hp, like the the Genesis Coupe 2.0T, and the BMW 128i, but they are too heavy. I used to think that a 3200lb Z4 M Coupe was  light and fun, but then I drove the 2300lb NB Miata.. which I then bought. I love driving expensive cars, because they usually drive great, but I also like being able to put my driving gloves on, and go for a session without someone trying to race me. There’s a great group of guys called the Drift Mechaniks that promote keeping drifting fun. I love that. No hate, no bitching, just guys having fun. I’m going to take it one step further: keep driving fun (I know, I’m so clever). I’ll be frank, aside from every materialistic ho on Long Island wanting to chill with me when I drive an R8, the Miata is just as fun. The Yacht, as I call it, is is worse at cornering, braking, and acceleration, but  I do not give a flying one. Truly it is quite strange, but I can assure you, if you’re man enough to pick up chicks without a super car, you will love an adequately powered FR. Low insurance costs, great gas mileage, less tickets, and if you have the sack, the same amount of babe-age.

You may have dismissed my words for a rant, but I truly wanted to show the world that even young men will buy sports cars that don’t have 400hp. This is a good thing, car manufacturers. It means that you can build what you call a mom-mobile, and with the right marketing turn it into a cash cow with college guys. Repeat after me: Rear-drive, lightweight, fun. One more time: Rear-drive, lightweight, fun. It would even do away with all of the purist bullshit about keeping manual transmissions. We like standards not because they suck in traffic, but because they’re fun. Hopefully Lamborghini is onto something with the spank-you-on-the-ass feeling the tranny in the Aventador gives you. I should rephrase that: The transmission spanks you on the ass..

Anyway the goal for affordable, fun, stock cars should be that they be fun on exit ramps. It’s really that simple. If you can give people a car that’s fun within the speed limit, people don’t feel the need to speed. They might want to drift, but I’ve never heard of any high school seniors getting killed because they were sliding in tandem on prom night. It’s easy to feel invincible when the car does all the work like in a drag,  but when you actually go sideways for the first time it’s truly humbling. I say, let’s make fun cars again. We’ll be safer, richer, and happier. The American Dream dead? I think not.

By Adam Totter

Let’s get two things out right now. 1. I hate NASCAR. I’m sure many of you feel the same way. It’s boring, it’s given WAY WAY WAY too much attention on SPEED, and it’s races are attended by people that probably disagree with me on everything from favorite book (“It’s pronounced gun brochure, pretty boy.”) to politics (Must bring birth certificate to receive NASCAR ticket at will-call).

2. I am an angry driver. I’ve never been in an accident but if you are going 64MPH in a 65 zone, I will sit 5 feet off your bumper until you move. Because I feel it’s my job to teach the world how to be more efficient on the road, or die trying. Drive perfectly or I will throw a barrage of hateful yet creative words at your back window with the fury of a WWE wrestler, just without the roids. My anger is 100% organic. (To see the crash clip that caused this rant, and the conclusion, make the jump.)

So when I saw the clip (not the whole race) of Kyle Busch putting Ron Hornaday into the wall on purpose, I kinda got it. Yes he overstepped his bounds, his move was deliberate and over the line. He deserves the fines and DQing he received for it. But I know where his head was at. Hornaday got squirrely passing the slow 07 truck, driven by Idongivafuck Stevens, hit Busch and they both tapped the wall. Adrenaline is high, maybe Busch’s wife hasn’t been putting out and he found out his daughter likes rap music and evolution, and he took that anger out on Hornaday’s rear bumper. I get that. Anyone who has overreacted to a situation knows how fast it happens.

What I don’t get it M&M dropping him as a sponsor for the year. WHY? Because now kids will emulate him in their power wheels and tricycles, and ram their friends into walls at a dangers 2.8 MPH? Too many decisions in advertising are made in the name of image. NASCAR fans probably called Busch’s behavior unacceptable (they didn’t use that word. Probably something like “that’s meaner ‘an a rabid dog in July.”), and doesn’t fit the high moral standard of the sport. But you know who doesn’t care? The people that eat M&M’s: kids. How many kids watched that race? Now how many of them were mad about that crash? Zero. Kids love car crashes. I watched The Blues Brothers to relish seeing 70 cop cars crashed. And I didn’t stop eating toast or wearing sun glasses because of it.

Too much importance is placed on  (assumed) uproar and expected revenue-loss these days. When Janet Jackson showed her titty at the Super Bowl, I bet some Pepsi exec. said “Oooooh I don’t know if we should advertise on the NFL anymore, not if they’re going to be doing this.” Yeah, cuz NFL fans hate naked titties. That’s why no one watches football games at Hooters and NO ONE pays for sex when a game comes to town.

All I’m saying is give the man his M&M’s back. Fans like seeing crashes, so do kids. What Kyle did was a brash, immature and incorrect response to something that was beyond Hornaday’s control. For Mars (owner of M&Ms) to pull sponsorship as a preventative measure is just silly. Shove 2 peanut M&Ms in your empty sack, drink a cup of caffeinated coffee, and let him keep your pretty stickers. No one will give a shit. I promise you.

- Zack K

When we heard the BMW 1M was going to be at TST headquarters for a week, our right feet collectively salivated. It was one of the most anticipated cars of the year. That anticipation was fueled by the simple formula of 135i size+ M3 performance parts + more power – weight= super mega fun time. After driving it, we would describe it with phrases like “Sell my own mother for one.” or “I’m leaving in the 1M for Mexico at 4am. Who’s with me?” Matt took it to his favorite place-an empty canyon- to see if the past year’s hullabaloo was worth it.

10 years ago Al Gama bought a 1965 Chevy Chevelle. The idea was he and his son would restore it. There was a lot to do: body work, interior, engine work. They set about it, but around year 5, with a 40% completed car, Al’s son got married and found it’s hard to have an automotive mistress that early in a marriage. Work stopped. The car sat. Little did they know 5 years later NAPA Autoparts would choose their car to be the NAPA Know HOW Cardomain Project Car. 

The work would be done by Kustom Kreations, and would include boring the 396 ci. engine .030 over, adding an MSD ignition, a full exhaust and the coveted modern technological marvels known as power steering and brakes. The interior would be converted from mouse house to period-correct passenger compartment, and they laid down a NAPA-inspired paint scheme.

Matt stopped by the build 6 times to see it progress from garage bookmark to street machine. He was there for the engine’s first firing, and if you watch the video, it’s obvious he approves of their work. Open headers help, of course. To see the whole video series and the transformation of the Gama family’s forgotten hobby, head to  http://www.cardomain.com/brands/napa.

At times I am a walking contradiction. I support the EPA and Sierra Club but if you hand me a gun and 4 sets of tires I’ll Yosemite Sam Hubinette that shit all day long. And as much as I love burning as much gas as possible, it’s expensive, and I am poor. So when the CR-Z concept came out, I thought it was that bowl of porridge made of half hybrid MPG and half sports car. A few weeks ago I got one to try out. How did it do? Make the jump to find out.

When sugar-free food came out, companies were practically hurling them at people with air cannons as they pulled in the grocery parking lot. “Zero calorie chips!  Muffins! Cookies, creams, syrups, jams, there’s no sugar!! Jump on our bandwagon” The green movement has been no different, with every manufacturer making a hybrid-or in the case of the extinct BMW X6 Hybrid- trying to. Everything must be “green.” Our bags, soaps, cars, towels… I’m just waiting for a filter we pee into to make our excretions more earth-friendly. And yes, I know pee is sterile.

So like those weird foods when it came to hybrids there was always a lingering taste of strangeness. A “close, but no cigar” feeling. Hybrids were good at getting good mileage, but little else. Many people buy them, many don’t.

I’m one of those that don’t. You’d think it has something to do with my current bank account, and you’re almost right. Poor, yes, but if I really wanted to sell my questionably safe Miata and buy a used hybrid, I could. My brother picked up a used Civic for $5k. I imagine he spends his gas savings on organic roofies, the explanation for him laying so many toned, patchouli-scented yoga lasses.

My problem is hybrids were as boring as charting a trees daily growth. It wasn’t driving, it was like pointing a bumper boat, but with less adrenaline. It was like watching an Amish porno: Two people go in the house, the camera stays outside, and there’s no sound. That’s the level of arousal a Prius got out of me. The Porsche 918 Spyder prevented me from killing myself, but unless you guys buy 1,000,000 Smoking Tire T-shirts, it’s out of my debit card’s reach.

So I waited for a discount 918. I wanted a car that can kiss apexes and free-range baby lambs (delicious) with equal skill. And that’s what Honda was offering with the CR-Z. “It’s a hybrid, but it’s “sporty!” Come on kids, try it!” Alright, I think I will.

Outside, the CR-Z is a cool car. I like the front, I like the back, and I like the profile. It looks lower than it is. It looks capable and ready. I wanted to plow through traffic, like I was in Flight of the Navigator (It’s a space ship, before you ask) and the peons commuting to work should part for me like the legs of an “actress” from San Fernando Valley. Considering the analogies I’ve used for the Prius (Looks akin to a melted Starburst, comatose, supports self-inflicted homicide) I’d say the CR-Z is off to a very good start.

The inside is confusing. Not from the driver’s seat. It’s what you expect from a current Honda. Little dated, and not a front-runner of interiors, but it works in this car. In the Civic SI last year I remember thinking “Are we in a space ship?” Same here, but in this car it works. The batteries and electric motors nearby justify the blue lights, changing colors (green, blue and red, depending on your driving mode) and odd mesh panels. There’s plenty of storage, and I like the iPod shelf (although the cable looked it was from an abandoned Radio Shack). There’s not too much hard plastic, the driver inputs are in easy reach, and our EX model had all of today’s gadgets.

But if your passenger is over 6 feet tall, they won’t be happy. And if you need to open the glove box, you won’t be happy. Even with the seat all the way back, it was inaccessible. Why they positioned it so low I have no idea. Any lower and the door would have been facing the engine bay.

     I also don’t understand the semi-back seats. They call it a parcel shelf, but it looks like a back seat that’s was picked clean by vultures. Europe offers a back seat, and I’m sure it saved Honda money using this universal substitute, but I kept looking for a seatbelt. But because it’s a hatch you can get 25 cu. ft. of storage space. You probably can’t take it furniture shopping, but that’s what friends with trucks are for. The NAV is also a bit cheap and dated looking, but with a smart phone in my pocket, I can let it go.

My CR-Z loaner was blessed with the 6-speed manual, and folks, this is the way to go. I know, having an automatic allows you to relax in traffic (i.e. text, Facebook, makeup, digitally manipulate) but because this is a hybrid, downshifting to brake-while not really slowing you down- charges the battery. I go over two small hills on my commute, and despite driving this thing like the angry, over-caffeinated short-tempered ass I am, I got 26 MPG. That’s only 5MPG off the EPA estimate (31/37MPG). I attribute this to downshifting. Each time I slowed I was charging the battery.

The CR-Z engine caught me by surprise. The car never felt fast, so when I looked at the speedo during on-ramp “tests” I was actually surprised. It only makes 113hp from the 1.5 liter 4-banger, and the DC motor only adds another 13. The electric motors are there to assist acceleration, not be a primary motivator. So total, you get 126hp, nothing special. But, the electric motor adds 58 ft-lbs of torque, for a max of 181 ft-lbs. Might as well be the Duramax of small Honda engines. That torque is available during WOT applications, and comes in handy when passing or expressing your 8AM hatred of the world. It’s just sad the only indicator of speed is in fact, the speed indicator.

The power delivery depends on what setting you have it in. The CR-Z has 3: Eco, Normal and Sport. Eco lightens up the AC output, throws glue on the DBW throttle response and limits the electric power (but still goes to 100% at WOT. Smart). Sport turns engine response, throttle and steering up, and Normal is in the middle. I used Eco mode a few times in traffic, or on the highway. It’s slow, but it’s supposed to be. I will praise Honda for having the forethought to give the car full power under WOT. God forbid you need to get out of the way of a valium-soaked divorcee` in an Escalade, you want power to be available.

The handling on the CR-Z was not what I expected. It actually had a surprising amount of grip. On/off-ramps were taken at higher speeds than expected, completely without a hiccup. But while cornering at 70mph, I was close to testing the durability of the side mirrors on concrete. Lot’s of grip, but also body roll. I found the suspension to be much too soft, even over potholes in town. Honda wanted mass-market appeal, but it felt like I was in a rowboat on a lake of heavy cream (also smothering the sense of speed). Thicker sway bars and slightly stiffer shocks would do it well.

So what do we end up with? Well, a bit of a confusing attempt at breaking ground. The CR-Z is the first sporty hybrid for people other than OPEC Chairman, and that’s a good thing. But if you look at what else is available, even in Honda’s own showroom, it’s hard to see why you’d buy one. The Honda Fit (watch our review) is the same size, has the same cargo space, gets the same highway MPG (28/37) and costs $6k less. A Hyundai Accent holds a little less, and uses more gas, but saves you $8k. And while you’re in the Hyundai lot, check out a Veloster, which gets 40 MPG (manual). The $23k sticker on our test car gives you tons of options, some from Honda themselves.

With the interior issues, soft handling and lack of exceptional MPG, you’d think Honda has failed. The CR-Z is certainly not a sports car, at least in its stock form.  Despite being underwhelmed, I  like this car. I like it for what it represents. A car with an enthusiast’s interests at heart is what the future needs. I love big, cammy V8s that get 4 MPG. There’s nothing more fun than roasting tires with a catless exhaust and a big block screaming at the world. But I can’t do that everyday. I saw 3 CR-Zs at the Formula D event, so I know I’m not alone. If I can drive to work in my normal aggressive, senseless, lead-footed fashion and get 26+ MPG, I’m a pretty happy camper.

While the CR-Z has a lot of weak spots, I tip my hat to Honda for being the first out the gate with something like this. I hope we will see a car in the near future that has a little more “sport” DNA in it’s skeleton, yet uses a hybrid powertrain. Car enthusiasts, drivers, “car people”, we’re all a bunch of picky, high-maintenance asses. But for a long time green cars makers were asking us to crush our passion or ignoring us altogether. Honda is trying to include us in their future; they just need to work a little better at it.

- Zack K

I love drifting. I love everything about it. What started as an obsession getting my big wheels and BMX bike sideways spread to every car my parents have ever owned. When I found the sport years ago, I got lost in youtube for hours. One day, after attempting to explain it’s awesomeness to my dad, 26 year old Zack brought his lap top to show him a drifting video. Dad had the same reaction dads have when their 7 year old shows them a super cool rock they just found in the dirt. “Uh huh.”

So when I got invited to go to the final round of Formula D 2011, at Irwindale, it was a no brainer. Make the jump to read about the event, see some of the cars at the show, and a short video showing how it all went down.

But because I’m poor and Monster won’t sponsor me, like Marcus Bachmann watching two male dogs hump, I live vicariously through others. Last Weds. I received a text from a pretty lady, asking if I wanted a pass to Formula D. She works for the ID Agency, who coordinated a lot of the event. Her message was met with tactless “YES!!!” Smooth. Our transportation was…anyone? anyone? Honda Element. There’s no less-drifty car in the world. I know, they built a drift car. I’m not talking about a one-off car with whatever platform a PR firm wanted, I mean the stock car, as god intended it. Still, we fault awesome when we saw this guy on the 10.

This color combo works for pie, that’s it. Maybe a ’55 Chevy, but it’s miles behind any other choice.

Parking was insane, because this event had the biggest turnout yet. 30% more attendees than previous years. Luckily, walking through a parking lot at an event like this is it’s own car show. NSXs, Silvia replicas, Subies, Evos, all on display. There were also lots of shitboxes. The matte black ’89 Accord with a front tow hook was a winner, because the tow hook was probably the most expensive part on it.

The parking lot wasn’t nearly as fun as the cars that were inside the gate. I’ll get to the travesties and hilarity in a second, because I have to masturbate talk about Vaugh Gittin Jr’s 1969 Mustang RTR-X. I know everyone reading this has probably read a ton about it, and it’ll be in our next installment of TST Dream Garage, but I f*cking love this car.

It is one of my favorite cars of all time. It combines the styles of two of my favorite things. I grew up driving a muscle car (and new Mustangs prove the style never dies) but it has some acid-fueled dorifto accents tastefully added on. The wheels and paint look awesome, center stacks are such a sick touch, and the interior is quilted Alacantara. Money willing, I will build a replica of this car. Call me a copy cat, I moved past that within seconds. Dorifto muscle done perfectly.

There’s always some odd ducks at any tuner-influenced event. There was a small group of cars parked near the track entrance. Only about 30 cars, but they were diverse. One of my favorites was this 135i. It was a favorite because although it was barely modified, it became retarded by association. Take a look at the picture.

Tow hook. Big deal right? Maybe he tracks his car. Maybe he drifts it and is worried about hitting a wall. Or maybe it’s just for style. I wish. If it was only for show, I’d smirk but really, who cares? Then I saw the letter in the dashboard.

The letter explains why he has the tow hook. Did he pull a car full of babies out of a river? Did he stack it on the Corkscrew at Laguna, fusing the rear end with the barriers because he’s just that-goddamn-’core?

No. No he did not. He explains that one day, driving on the highway, a piece of debris popped up from the road and hit his car. BUT, all was not lost because thine mighty tow hook hath stopped the flying object. Evil, car-hating gremlins had hurled this missile of evil at the car, and by the grace of Jebus it had hit the car at the exact spot where the tow hook was, and thus, saved him from a costly bumper repair.

It’s not for towing. It’s not for looks. It’s not even the most useless cock ring in the world. He keeps it because once, through the most ridiculous display of luck and chance, something bounced of this 2″ Roman shield, saving his car. And don’t forget, a letter in the windshield means he got asked SO many times “Dude, why do you have a tow hook?” that he felt compelled to write an explanation so that his wind pipes wouldn’t blow out from telling millions of people his ridiculous story. You know, I dress up every year for Halloween. But in the off chance those Kanye West-like sunglasses save me from getting a bit of sand in my eye, I’m not going to wear them for the rest of my life.

There was the usual array of ultra-light Miatas, S13s only I would love and weird “VIP”ed out 2000 Lexuses. And if you thought Lambo doors were over, they’re not. If you want to bang overweight 5s from Asuza, CA, bolt those suckers onto to that Mustang.

After cruising the pits, it was time for the show. We went up to the roof above the suites, easily the best seat in the house.

Well, not seat. Our “grandstands” were made out of left over benches. The foundation? Cinder blocks. They quickly toppled, and were cast aside.

Not to say it was all for naught. The fence was crammed, so I stood on a cinder block for the next two hours.

And I’m glad I did. Looking down on the track is the only way to watch drifting. I’d say it’s one of the few views that is better than TV. TV leaves camera choice up to the director, and if you missed out on Deegan’s donuts at X Games (“What donuts?” Exactly) that can be a gamble. Drifting is about angle, speed, proximity to the other car and close calls. From the roof, you could see it all. We were catching fouls the announcers couldn’t see. And there were plenty. I think every driver nailed a pylon. Car-to-car contact was as prevalent as it probably is in Hong Kong, and former champ Chris Forsberg even ended up doing a backside board-slide with his 370Z on a concrete barrier.

At the end, 8 year veteran Dai Yoshihara was crowned Formula D Champion, piloting his Discount Tire LS-powered Nissan S13 to victory. For me though, it was just about watching each run. A perfect night, great high-speed track, and the best seat in the house. I was absolutely floored at the ability these guys have. Their car control is unbelievable, especially their ability to make up lost ground in a hurry. Vaughn Gittin Jr recently told Matt that drifting is about having as much grip as possible. No where is that more apparent than when a car slips up, loses 7 car lengths, then makes up the distance in about 2 seconds, still smoking the tires. Their ability to place the car around a corner, moving laterally while sliding, is incredible. Watching drift videos is awesome, but if you get a good seat, the combination of smoke and noise makes you focus on another level, and you see it with a new respect. I’ll definitely attend another drift event and I recommend any fan does it at least once.

Because this is the only day off we had all week we weren’t filming,

Cinder block. Australian for grand stand.

but luckily the talented AyalaAndChen put together some sweet time-lapse footage. This event was 30% bigger than last year, which is obvious when you watch the grand stand fill.

Zack K

Cinder block. Australian for grand stand.

…except for me. Here I sit, like a young Clay Aiken watching Porky’s…nothin’.

The way this car is being touted you’d think the internet was about to seizure. First it was “Will they make one?!” then “GM says no ZL1″ and now “We’re fast in Europe bitches!” Now the story (from NA President Mark Reuss) is that this is the fastest production car under $75,000 around the ‘Ring, AKA, “Ford…Ford! Lookit! Lookit my time! Dad’s going to put it on the fridge!”

Make the jump to watch the lap, and why I remain flaccid.

I’m glad GM’s chassis engineering is spreading beyond ‘Vettes and the CTS-V (I miss you V, you never call). I think this attitude and R&D will trickle down. GM’s future lineup could live lives filled with track days and auto-x trips filled with approving nods and high-fives.  And don’t paint me for an Al Gore lookalike, the ZL1 has cool stuff: 580HP, new Magnetic Ride suspension. These are things I like. But on the ZL1, for some reason, I just don’t care.

I’m not anti-American, or anti-muscle car. I drove a 1965 Pontiac Le Mans for 3 years and smiled every minute I was behind the wheel. I love muscle cars. The problem I have with the Camaro is it’s too retro for it’s own good. Few muscle cars had interiors with an art to them, and the new Camaro is the same.  The roof-line still make me feel like a little kid wearing a 10 gallon hat. It’s like playing peek-a-boo with traffic.

I don’t mind muscle cars being imperfect, as long as their old. My old car had blown springs, heavy steering, zero lateral support, bad MPG, no heater, poorly sealed doors and required someone in a reflective jacket with glow-in-the-dark batons to help me park it. But that’s all ok, because it was made during the era of rotary phones, when cigarettes were smoked while jogging and people poured scotch on their cereal without hesitation.

But with the auto industry being flooded with new and better competition, it’s not ok. It’s the 30 year old friend that still has a beer bong and shouts “Pussy!!” in your ear if you buy a bottle of wine. This will put Chevy at the top of the muscle car war, at least until Ford unveils their 2013 GT500, but that’s not even the point. The foundation was flawed.

Look, the development is a great thing. The drive-line and suspension tuning should will only mean better cars in the future. The bow-tie-bred will snap them up (yet 99% will never hit an apex) and shake their dicks at every Mustang they see. But to me this is the same as Hollywood kidnapping Margaret Cho for a make-over. They may be able to turn her body into a clone of Angelina Jolie’s, but there’s still a problem: she’s Margaret Cho.

I’d rather spend my money on this.

- Zack K

Road trips are a big part of TST, and despite being a few years too old for “punch buggy”, “20 questions” or “Touch it, son, it’s ok.” we manage to have a pretty good time on long drives.

Thad and Matt are on their way to the Prescott Rally, to support and film Tom Morningstar (TST co-creator/director) who is a budding rally co-driver. On the road today the guys found a few econobox test mules out for a morning drive on East I-10.

Spotted was a future Hyundai Elantra sedan, Hyundai Accent sedan and a Kia Rio 5-door. I’m particularly impressed by Hyundai’s decision to skip the wraps that turn a car into a 3d puzzle, popular with BMW. Now Hyundai went the budget route and rattle-canned it. It looked like the owner got caught cheating on his girlfriend and she went to town on his new commuter. Either way, the Krylon does little to hide the fact the next Elantra will look like…an Elantra.

These cars look beat up. The Hyundai looks like it was donated as an art car to a group of uncreative chldren, an the KIA looks like it’s been running from zombies for 10 years, held together with tape and desperation. The current Rio has class-leading power and efficiency, and is the only car with stop/start that isn’t a hyrbid or luxury car. The small-car market is more competitive than ever, so it’s no surprise to see the Elantra testing against the Rio

.  Be sure to check out the driver’s awesome tank top/aviator/pedo ‘stache combo. Anyone who wears their Halloween costume this early is no joke.

Bosch Oxygen Sensor From www.worldcarparts.co.uk 

“That’s the best motorcycle in the world.” – Everyone, ever.

Sometimes when we test something on The Smoking Tire, we have zero pre-concieved notions of what to expect. For example, when I recently reviewed the BMW F800R Motorcycle, I hadn’t heard anything about it from anyone besides the fleet manager, who said it was “Fun.” I just thought it looked cool and wanted to try it. The BMW R1200GS is exactly the opposite. I knew lots about it from lots of people. My friend Dave Maher spent 3 months wandering the United States on the back of one. Actor Ewan MacGregor famously circumnavigated the globe on one. Countless others have ridden unbelievable distances over incredible terrain on GS motorcycles for nearly 30 years. And when I was looking to buy a motorcycle in 2009, the GS was high on my shopping list. It ultimately didn’t fit my needs at the time, but I found it very interesting that used examples had approximately 1000% more miles than almost all other bikes on the market. I had a really hard time finding a used GS with less than 40,000 miles on the clock. So I knew that anyone who bought one of these bikes, bought it to ride, a lot. And although I didn’t end up buying one back in 2009, if you asked me what bike I’d like to own today, my story would be drastically different, and include just one option: The R1200 GS. And that’s because after just 15 minutes of riding, I learned that everyone who’s ever told me that the GS is the best motorcycle in the world is exactly right. Hit the jump to find out why.

On a sunny California Thursday, I found myself walking into BMW’s fleet management company here in Los Angeles, and coming face to face with what would be my steed for the next two weeks: a blacked out, loaded to the gills, R 1200 GS. In order to fully describe the bike, let’s first break down how BMW names their bikes in the first place: the “R” indicates the style of engine, in this case a Boxer layout. The 1200 is, of course, the displacement in cubic centimeters, and the “GS” stands for Gelande Sport, or “The Most Capable Motorcycle Money Can Buy.” And you don’t have to look hard to see it, either. It’s the kind of bike that makes function look pretty, like the KTM X-Bow. It’s raw, purposeful, and powerful looking, and sitting on its integrated center stand, quite intimidating.

My intimidation didn’t last long, though, as I began browsing the bike’s features. Everything is very straightforward and required little explanation. This would be the first navigation-equipped bike I’d ridden, so I was extremely thankful that BMW decided to keep things simple and use the all-familliar Garmin software. There is an on-board computer with basic information such as average speed, average fuel economy, clock, thermometer, and the always useful “miles to empty” gauge. The clamp-on Navigation obstructed half the tachometer, but at least it was the lower half, so I could see once the needle crossed 5,000 RPM. At least I wouldn’t be bouncing off the rev limiter by accident. On the left grip, a button labeled “ESA” controls the electronic suspension adjustments. Yep, the GS has electronic ride control.

With the bike now off the center stand, it became a much more reasonable height. Nevertheless, riders under 6 feet tall may have a problem at stop lights unless they are comfortable with just one foot on the ground. With a bike this heavy (500 lbs), it’s not really recommended. I hit the start button and the GS awoke with a deep baritone but subdued hum. I was off.

I immediately realized why people can ride these bikes around the world. The seating position is as perfect as I’ve ever felt on a bike, the small windscreen is extremely effective, and despite its size, everything about the GS feels effortless. It weaves through traffic like a bike half its size (at least once I took the cargo boxes off), its clutch feel is excellent, and with 110 HP and 88 lb/ft of torque on tap, there’s enough power to rip to 60 in just 3.4 seconds. Not bad for the Ford Raptor of motorcycles, huh? My first goal was to test the electronic suspension on the worst possible road to ride a motorcycle: The 405 Freeway.

The 405 is a horrible, awful place to ride a bike. Not only is the road completely clogged with incompetent drivers who would rather be applying makeup or browsing their iPhone than driving, the concrete expansion joints and grooved pavement make most motorcycles act like they have minds of their own, moving around underneath the rider in the most disconcerting way. With the suspension set in Sport, its stiffest setting, I set off. It was miserable. So I tried Normal, and the ride improved. Now, though I could feel the bumps, the bike seemed to absorb the worst ones and my confidence in controlling it at speed grew. Next, I selected Comfort, and all felt right with the world. The bike tracked straight and easy, and I accelerated past 80 mph totally confident that the bike would absorb the strange surface beneath me. It did. But that’s not all. In Comfort mode, the GS rides like a luxury car, absorbing potholes, speed bumps, Volkswagens, whatever’s in your way. I left the bike in this setting for 90% of the next 2 weeks’ riding. Except in the canyons.

Malibu on a Sunday is pretty much standard operating procedure for every motorcycle rider in the Los Angeles area. And while I normally prefer to do my canyon carving on weekdays when the roads are empty, I found it to be a good opportunity to gauge the public response to the GS. Sure enough, I got compliments everywhere, from the Rock Store to the top of Mulholland, everyone gave me a thumbs up or a “Wow, nice bike.”

Riding in the canyons is much the same. With the ESA in Sport, I did over 200 miles of canyon carving and found the GS to be a thoroughly satisfying sport bike. While I couldn’t keep up with the full-leathered riders on the S1000RR’s, I likewise never held anyone up, and even caught a few sports cars in some very technical sections. The bike isn’t a rocket, but its wide handlebars and compliant suspension help the bike to get leaned down quickly, remain composed through the corners, and stand back at attention with a twist of the throttle. And while some other bikes get squirrely when faced with dirt and/or pebbles mid corner, the GS’s all-terrain tires make it feel as if the pavement is perfectly clean. If you plan on hard canyon carving with the GS, you must always be mindful of the Boxer’s heads, which can scrape the ground if leaned down far enough. Fortunately I only made that mistake once.

Now, about that engine. It’s powerful no matter the RPM. And though the exhaust note resembles a Subaru’s at low RPM, the faster you go, the smoother it gets. At 4,000 RPM, it’s virtually vibration free. At highway speeds, it’s so quiet that I can’t even hear the engine, just the roar of wind noise around my helmet. It’s no surprise that people ride these bikes tens of thousands of miles, because doing so exerts approximately zero stress on the body.

There are, of course a couple of downsides. Because the R1200GS is so big, and has such wide handlebars, it’s not exactly suited to lane-splitting in a crowded Los Angels intersection. It can be done, but requires much more caution and concentration than most other sporting motorcycles. The engine also seems to hiccup if you blip the throttle too quickly; preferring a more purposeful, harder blip in order to rev match appropriately. I also don’t like the separated blinker controls, which confuse me after every other bike has a single toggle for both directions. Fortunately, all these issues can be adapted to, and after a day or two riding my body learned to work with the bike.

Over two weeks I put nearly 800 miles on the R1200GS, and loved every minute of it. I realize that many bike owners have multiple motorcycles for different purposes, but if I had to pick one bike to ride for the rest of my life, this would be it. It offers enough sporting potential to have fun in the canyons, enough comfort and practicality to ride across the country or the desert, it can be taken off road, through water, or over snow. It has a community of seasoned riders for support, and most importantly, a proven reliability record. Sure, it’s not cheap, at $15,495 delivered, but to me, that seems like a bargain for what you get.

-Wait til Lil Jon auto-tunes it for the 2013.-

As every 80′s action star ever implied by wiping blood from his lip as he pushed himself up off any non-descript floor in any nameless, repetitive bar: “Now, I’m pissed.”

The new BMW M5 pipes it’s lovely engine note into the cabin to make the driving experience better. That’d be fine except they send it through the speakers. Yes, the fucking speakers. The same vessel that carries Lil Jon’s alcoholic propaganda (oops, I meant to write “songs”) and whatever shit the latest 16 year old pop-star/future-barista happens to be shitting out that week, is basically playing background music to the tune of the tachometer. Make the jump to join my angry mob.

“The Active Sound Design technology specially developed for the new BMW M5 takes its cues from the driving situation at any one time to deliver an accurate reproduction of the engine’s sound through the car’s audio system.”
I don’t care. It’s wrong. The same way saying a perfect sex robot is as good as the real thing would be wrong. Real always beats synthetic.  I don’t care if that microwaved banana feels just like the inside of Linda Friday, it’s not.

You know what else makes an accurate reproduction of the engine’s sound? THE *$&&@#* ENGINE.

When McLaren added some sort of sound tube to the MP4-12C (right before customer delivery, mind you), it was to carry in some more noise to make the driving experience more fun. I think they could have addressed that long ago with a rare jewel I call “mufflers”, but better late than never.
But this is too far. You might as well put in a CD with a choice of engines. “So what if it’s an M5? I always wanted to hear an Enzo at full clip. Put the Enzo CD in.” This is wrong. This is unacceptable. This car is probably fantastic. The simple phrase “twin-turbo V-8 M5″ is enough to get my approval. But I expected better than this, and from BMW especially.

BMW's new sport exhaust.

An ultimate driving machine wouldn’t dare have a synthetic MIDI file for it’s soundtrack. Engine noise is supposed to be it’s own entity. It plays all the time, no matter what. It’s always the same volume, and it only gets muted when you turn the car off. What if your Harmon/Kardon speakers go bad? What if I adjust the bass in the car to my personal liking? Will it cut into the actual music? This is the dumbest f$*$ing thing I have seen on a car since I saw a ’75 Impala with monitors mounted behind the rear seat-backs. Not facing the trunk, facing said seat-back. This is worse than that.

BMW, driving is about an experience. It’s about your mind, body and soul all getting something from the car and how it’s being driven. The constant development of semi-auto transmissions, TC systems that turn you into a D1 pro, and suspension so good you could cover the ‘Ring in cobblestones and not lose a second , have whittled all feeling  away. One thing that seemed impossible to ruin was the sound of a good engine. A V-8 from the 60′s sounds just as good as any modern philharmonic-ally-tuned exotic. It’s a simple pleasure that we all relish. It makes heads turn, women giggle or scream, and makes us do nasty things.

But this is wrong, and there’s no excuse for it. It’s not like you have an electric power train that needed a sound track. You had a great orchestra in the engine bay, and you auto-tuned it. An ultimate driving machine wouldn’t dare have a synthetic MIDI file for it’s soundtrack. The M5 should have been in the idea meeting for this and reacted like Pam Anderson’s brown eye to Tommy Lee, “Hell no, keep that shit out of me.”

I would like to call the superheroes of the aftermarket world to a) Develop exhaust for this car (done, I’m sure) and b) Find a hack to erase this stupid software. This system goes against the very reason we buy car exciting cars. BMW should be ashamed. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go have some angry sex while I listen to someone else having angry sex through Bose noise-canceling headphones.

-Zack K

We all know where this is going. It’s a 427 freakin’ Cobra. It is insane, awesome, noisy, squirrely, and every man’s fantasy. You get it and I get it. What you might not know, however, is what makes the car you’re currently ogling different. I’ll give you a hint: it’s the kind of difference that makes Carol Shelby himself take notice. Continue reading to find out what the difference is.

Aircraft, beer cans, and the original AC Cobra all share something that your average Cobra replica is missing – aluminum. The 427 Cobra is the most replicated car in the world, but almost all of them are made with fiberglass bodies. Now, fiberglass is great; it’s light, strong, durable, and easy to mold. These qualities make it great for canoes and insulation. Not so great for cars though. A friend of mine lost a family member not 3 weeks ago when the Cobra replica she was in was hit by an actual steel car. He described the accident by saying that the Cobra just “shattered” on impact. That’s what fiberglass does when stressed, it shatters where metal bends and absorbs energy. It is a tragedy that every replica out there is made out of plastic and no one is actually making them out of the original aluminum anymore. Oh wait, someone is…

Kirkham Motorsports out of Provo, Utah makes aluminum bodied 427 Cobra replicas by hand. I don’t mean the kit-car definition of “by hand,” I mean the Rolls-Royce definition of “by hand.” That curvaceous body is pounded out using hammers, English wheels, and sweat. Seriously. The story behind how this aluminum skin came to be is as interesting as the cars are fast.

The year is 1995 and the Soviet Union has been gone for 4 years. Great news in the West, not so great for the average people of Eastern Europe who depended on Mother Russia for such small things as jobs and food. This was the case in much of Poland, and importantly for our story one specific factory that crafted the aluminum skins onto MiG fighters. With no orders coming in, no materials, and no lights it was as if they were just waiting around for an American businessperson to come along and ask them to start making stupefying well-crafted sports cars – and what do you know, that’s exactly what happened.

Forgive me for making that series of events sound easy, because it wasn’t. David Kirkham missed his final exams in his final semester of college to fly to Poland and make the deal. Did I mention that he doesn’t speak Polish, and none of the factory workers spoke English? But as Kirkham employee Eric put it, “math is the universal language.” Great, so communication is kinda/sorta/not really handled. But wait, there is also a severe shortage of paper (yes like paper to write on) in Poland. So the two parties are literally tracing measurements and equations in the dirt outside the factory with a stick. This really happened. Are you starting to get a sense of how monumental it is that the finished product not only somehow had the correct number of doors and headlights, but is such a faithful replica that Carroll Shelby himself buys Cobra bodies from Kirkham?

You want one now? Great, so order one up and the Polish wizards will hand form the body and attach it to the frame of your car. Next, it is sent to Utah for finishing. There one very talented man spends 2 weeks filling, sanding, and polishing your car; once again all by hand. After all the mechanicals and interior are attached, only a total of 10 to 13 people have touched your new car and barely a month has elapsed. Drop in the crate motor of your choice and you are now ready to terrorize your neighborhood.

When you inevitably start doing donuts you might feel and appreciate some of the suspension tweaks Kirkham has seen fit to install on their replicas. They have evaluated many of the original components and seen areas where they can improve upon the original car. Eric summed it up this way: “We put new technology in an old car.” This is all part of the big trend in the last decade to improve the handling characteristics of the original Cobra. Their suspension upgrades are so renowned that many owners of lesser Cobra replicas have chosen to buy Kirkham parts to improve their cars’ handling characteristics.

Alright enough stalling already, you want to know what these cars are like on the road. Let me tell you they are epic when in motion.  The noise, oh the noise… Explore the gas pedal and your hearing explodes as the horizon ahead turns into tunnel vision. The body dances with each revolution of the cylinders, and the cycle of the cam becomes part of your heartbeat. This thing is scary, but not in the way I thought it would be. I’m in a replica with 400 hp that has been purposefully tuned and set up to act and feel like an original 60’s era Cobra. Let me rephrase that – the car I’m in has purposefully terrible brakes, outdated suspension, and a rough feel to it. Even with all this, I found it perfectly comfortable cruising through town and being stuck in traffic. Give a Kirkham some space though, and even at half throttle you will rocket forward with the kind of gusto few on this world get to experience. If you plan on owning one of these, you’re going to have to get used to braking before a turn, idling through the apex, and only getting on the gas when the road ahead is both straight and clear. This is where I got scared. Not on a sweeping left hander or halfway through a barely controlled drift but on a perfectly straight and level road. Rocketing from 20 to 80 in the shortest seconds of my life and hurtling towards the BMW X5 ahead with us having purposefully bad brakes tends to do that to me. God I want this car. I want it in my life all the time forever and ever. I love it more than I’ve ever loved anything. Forget everything you know about motoring, speed, and what life should feel like. Imagine surfing through a supernova while drinking a slurpee and shouting “kowabunga” and you are still nowhere close to how epic you will feel in one of these cars.

So you knew I was going to say all that, because you already knew what the 427 Cobra is all about. So why did you read the last 1,108 words? You did it because it’s an icon and you’ve always wanted one. Well, now you know which one to get. Kirkham Motorsports makes the finest reproductions of the giant killing 427 Cobra currently available. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to start searching my couch for $60,000 worth of loose change.

By Adam Kaslikowski, Photos by David Tanner

Diesel trucks are awesome, and for much of the United States, they are a way of life. The diesel-powered Super Duty pickup can haul your wares to market, tow your camper or race trailer, and haul your family around in total comfort. Heavily-optioned trucks, such as the Ford F450 King Ranch, carry sticker prices well into the $70k range when fully equipped and are more luxurious than many European sedans, while certainly offering more utility. But are they faster than those European sedans?

Some of them are, yes: the fast diesels, trucks with the boost cranked way up, throwing down quadruple-digit torque figures and running 10-second quarter miles at the weekend bracket races. I once was fortunate enough to drive one of those trucks, an 11-second Dodge Ram 3500 Dually, and the thrust of it at launch, plus the jet-like sound of the massive turbos spooling up sent chills down my spine. Imagine, rolling up to the drag strip and simply embarassing a Ferrari, ZR-1, or Nissan GTR owner in a 5,000 lb truck? It happens all the time.

Drag racing is one thing, but we don’t hear much about top speed runs in diesel trucks, until today. Hajek Motorsports, in a “mostly stock” 2011 Ford F-250, ran 171.23 mph on regular pump diesel, and 182 mph on B20 Biodiesel at Bonneville this week, shattering the previous record of 130 mph. Let that marinate for a second. One. Eighty. Two. In a Super Duty. Now, I know the new 6.7L Power Stroke engine is impressive out of the box. It’s the quietest American-made diesel engine I’ve ever heard. It makes a staggering 400 hp and 800 lb/ft of torque from the factory, a figure the average Bentley Mulsanne owner would be jealous of. But what kind of modifications would it take to increase the F-250′s top speed by over 60%?

According to Ford:

The 2011 Ford F-250 is mostly stock, with changes to the high-pressure fuel pump, fuel injectors and turbochargers for more fuel flow. The compression ratio was also modified.

The body work seems completely stock, save for the shaved side view mirrors and aerodynamic wheels. I can’t imagine how terrifying amazing it must be to achieve that kind of speed in a 6-seater pickup truck, but hats off to Hajek Motorsports for their outstanding achievement.

“OMG Avert your eyes it’s Matt in spandex!”

That’s probably what you’re saying to yourself right about now. But that’s not spandex we’re wearing. It’s the 2Cool Shirt from CoolShirt.net. And it saved our lives. Let me explain:

When Rob from Super Speeders told me he wanted to buy a really cool car for the 2011 Bullrun Rally, I was excited. I mean, how much fun is it spending other people’s money? Answer: So fun. So I started browsing eBay and CraigsList, looking for the following requirements:

1) Car must be awesome.

2) Car must have a manual transmission.

3) Car must hold its resale value after 3,500 miles of rallying.

4) Car must be reliable.

I didn’t find anything that I wanted to spend a week in, so I was excited when Rob called and said he bought a 2000 Mustang Cobra R. Now this is a cool car. Only 300 Cobra R’s were built, all in red. They are track-focused vehicles, and made power the old fashioned way, by adding displacement. It’s 5.4L V8 made a quoted 385 hp and 385 lb/ft of torque, and its giant cowled hood was there for a reason: the engine is simply gigantic. And though I wasn’t a huge fan of the 99-04 body style, the Cobra R was the exception. The lightweight wheels, gigantic rear wing, heavy duty splitter and side exhaust simply screamed motorsport, and the deleted rear seat and Recaro-style buckets reminded you every second what this car was designed for.

Our Cobra R was number 160, and while my first thought was “excellent choice,” my second thought was “Shit. That thing doesn’t have air conditioning, does it?”

Rob weighs about 140 pounds, and therefore didn’t see a problem with this. But I am 250 lbs, and we’re driving across the southern United States in July. Plus, as the navigator, it was my obligation to do all the team’s drinking, and therefore planned on being quite hung over each morning. A hundred-degree cabin was not something I was interested in.

Being the resourceful stoner that I am, I immediately had an idea to get ourselves some liquid cooled clothing like NASCAR and LeMans drivers use. Enter CoolShirt. The guys over there loved our idea and said that their Club Sport 24 system would keep us cool for 4 full hours. They agreed to loan us the units, probably out of sympathy. They will not be getting them back.

I can’t even begin to describe how amazing these things are. The first time Rob and I plugged in, it was seriously orgasmic. Within 30 seconds, my body temperature had dropped about 10 degrees, and I was in heaven. The CoolShirts aren’t just adequate, they are incredible. The only way they could possibly be any better is if they came with full-time refrigeration units. As is, we had to refill the holding tanks every 4 hours, which was about how long a tank of gas lasted. The bad news is that in one week we managed to use 700 pounds of ice. Seriously. But it was worth it. Without the CoolShirts, we honestly would have passed out from heat exhaustion, crashed into something, and died. Because of them, we were able to stay cool and focused for the entire Bullrun Rally, and arrive energized and ready to party.

So, thank you CoolShirt for keeping us alive.

At 9 P.M. the two girls in my back seat were still screaming and I couldn’t help but crack a smile. No fear, you Dexter-obsessed weirdos, they were having fun. With second gear about to explode, I carved the black e34 M5 into the wide, right-sweeping corner, touched the brakes, and guided it around the smooth ribbon of forest asphalt. The tach read seven grand, and I shifted to third gear. The girls were still giggling and hollering in the gray bucket seats behind me. Who knows, they may have been tickling each other in between make out sessions (pervs) but my peripheral-view guess showed otherwise. It’s almost twenty years after e34 M5 production ended, but it’s still sexy and driving strong. Plus the girls said it was “bad-ass” that I drove a stick. God damn, girls are getting easy to impress.

Let’s backtrack. This week, my friend Amy and her sorority were having their Winter Formal. It’s the kind of party that girls fantasize about, and the guys think is like Van Wilder. They’re actually cliquey and kinda suck. I should rephrase. They’re not for me. Continuing: Now usually the girls’ dates drive them, but because of some high school-esque drama, a driver was needed. Fucking Greek-life. This is where I come in. As a sucker for real-wheel-drive adventures, I didn’t mind picking up the ladies from their apartments to drive them to the local venue. Was it necessary for me to dress as a chauffeur? It was not, but I felt like a less impressive, caucasian Kato. And hailing from Caucasia  may not be as cool in the car scene as being from real Asia but I digress.

My limo of choice was a Jet Black 1991 BMW M5. The car had just been shipped from sunny California and arrived at my house in New York with 95,000 mi on the clock. Usually buying a used car this old means over 150k on the clock and a myriad of problems. Not so with this old-school autobahner.  Powered by the S38 3.6L inline-six from the Golden Age M1 supercar, the M5 pumps out 310hp at the crank. Being a driver’s car, the hand-built E34 M5 came standard with a five-speed manual transmission, revs to 7500rpm, and can accelerate to 60mph in around six seconds. That’s correct, my party would be Ronin themed.

Twenty years after the super sedan debuted, these specs may not seem that impressive, but imagine how ludicrous it must have been to drive this car when it was new. To give some perspective, if BMW used a race engine for the new M5 it would have about 700 horsepower. Hans and Wolfgang at Motorsport were bonkers in the late 1980s. Maybe they had a bit too much hefeweizen and schnapps. Or German escorts… I hear they’re mean. The only  turnoff i have with the M5 is its unbelievably German interior. If Siggy Freud was reincarnated inanimately, he would be an M5 interior. It’s very purposeful and calming, but just so damned boring and void of personality. While the four bucket seats are perfect for long journeys, the annoying absence of any cup holder is further highlighted by the six ashtrays peppered like buckshot throughout the cabin. Ze Germans do love their cigarettes.

*stock photo*

Now to the story: Outside my Penn State dormitory I park the car and head up to my room. The Lego-like curvature of the boxy E34 sticks out like a ‘90s rat-tail at a BET function. Inside my cliched-looking dorm room, I tie my bow-tie, polish my glossy black Bostonians, and put on my matching jet black hat and suit on. I shave my beard but leave my mustache unscathed, to further emphasize the 1990s theme I had going. Some people even said that I looked dapper. Those same people may also have been imaginary. I looked many things, but dapper was not one of them.

Around 8 P.M. I get a call from Amy saying that she and her girlfriend were ready to be picked up. I grab the worn key fob, lock my door, and leave for the parking lot. I twist the key in the ignition, and fire the six cylinders to life. It takes a special kind of car to drown out its exhaust with its engine rumble. Damn, I love the sound of a BMW i6. It’s just so smooth, right up until redline where it wants to go Chernobyl. Too soon? Any AMG can sound loud and menacing, but this M car was made for the man who wanted some leather in his cruise missile. Subtle, unassuming, and docile, the Dr. Jeckyl M5 is happy to be used for errands and soccer practice. However, with 300+ bhp and skinny tires out back, the car beckons to be tossed sideways. I ponder how sorority girls feel about roller coasters.

On my way to Amy’s apartment, the M5 is very comfortable in lower revs, despite its torque curve not setting in until 4k. The S38 under the hood is taking a break from its usual cougar noises to bellow monotonously on the one-way road, College Avenue. Within minutes I arrive at the apartment complex where she lives. Pulling up in front of her door, I leave the car running while I get out to ring the doorbell. Amy and her friend emerge high-heel wielding, and made-up. Classy isn’t the right word, but the girls look pretty, and are eager for me to walk them to the car. As we approach the limo, I open their doors and escort them into the backseats. It took them some time to figure out how to sit down without exposing their drunk selves, so I got in the driver’s seat and waited patiently. Note to female readers: wearing underwear does not make you unattractive when you go out, it just prevents issues with sitting down. Then again, keep doing what you’re doing, no one is complaining.

Our destination is nearby, and is easily accessible from the highway. We have plenty of time before the girls are expected at the event. Let’s hit some twisties. Looping around the picturesque collegiate village, we find my yellow-brick-road, Rt. 550. The secluded swirl of tarmac, known as Rattlesnake Pass had gone the way of Rt. 66; Its scenic beauty was sacrificed for a more direct roadway. The recently paved road is buttery and winding, has a high speed limit, and is skinny enough to allow just one lane in each direction. To be clear, 550 runs directly through the woods, on the mountainside, and then swings through the farmland at its finish line. Rednecks and hoons rejoice; this here’s a winner.

As we approach the right-hand turn onto the route’s entrance, our conversation about Black Swan is interrupted by Led Zepp’s “When the Levee Breaks” (Note: They brought up the lesbian scene, not me). Down to second gear, I rip back the gear lever in chainsaw-startup fashion. Prehistoric snarls explode from the front-hinged bonnet and evoke some yells from my pretty passengers. All four wheels grip the asphalt like sticky tack and the lateral Gs squeeze the backseat co-eds tightly. Into the first section, I terminate second gear and pull hard into the series of esses.

The Bimmer wails under full acceleration then wiggles slightly as I hit the massive brakes.  Diving forward and into the curve the M5 want’s more than I can give. Left, right, left, the landscape whirrs past and we navigate the passage with ease. At 8:45 pm, the girls start giggling -you guessed it- like school girls. As their maestro-chauffeur, I offer the girls some cool water from up front. I didn’t know if they were thirsty, but their swift response, “Watch the road!” suggested they were not.

With a steady pace, we chug briskly up a small hill, and cling like velcro in the descent. The first and only left-handed corner comes into view. The M5’s buxom rear end swings out like a ballet dancer, and prances around the bend. After a few more exciting corners, we pull over to marinate. Despite the unclean roadway and secluded environment, the car still looks clean. It has dirt on it, yes, but It’s a refreshing sign of life for a car that most other owners keep garaged garage. With only a few thousand e34 M5s imported to North America, it makes for a rare and enjoyable ride. Despite their non-existent automotive enthusiasm the girls loved it too. It was comfortable and luxurious, even 20 or so years after production ended, and made them feel special.

As we enter the old Pennsylvania city, the M5’s boxy figure meshes oddly well with the plethora of pickups and old Suburbans. We motor towards the catering hall, bouncing engine notes off the rustic, bricked buildings. I pull up to the front entrance, get out of the car, and let my passengers out. They thank me for the ride, and tell me that they almost pissed their pants a few times (their words). Mission accomplished. In 2011 the e34 M5 is still relevant, adequately powered, and hilariously fun. A pro driver I definitely am not, but the M5 makes it easy to have fun without having to go too fast. Unfortunately though, as I’m writing this story, I’m sitting in the M5 by the side of some PA B-road, broken down.

Fuck old cars.

-by Adam Totter

photos by Joe Portela

In 2008, I tested the original Genesis Sedan V6 and found it to be a giant leap forward for Hyundai, offering true luxury car feel and build quality, at a price thousands less than its Japanese and European competitors. It’s front-engine, rear drive platform, solid chassis, and more than competent driving dynamics made for a solid value argument in the entry-level luxury segment, an increasingly popular segment as up-and-comers look for value over brand image, and image-conscious wealthy people continue to step down from vehicles linked to the image of excess. Three years later, and Hyundai’s brand image, reputation for reliability, and yes, horsepower ratings continue to rise. We couldn’t wait to test the newest Genesis in the lineup, the top-tier, 429-horsepower 5.0L R-Spec model. Will it move the Genesis, literally and figuratively, beyond entry-level luxury cruiser into the ultra-competitive world of the “sport sedan,” ruled by the AMG’s and M-powered Bimmers? Hit the jump to find out.

At first glance, there’s not much to differentiate the big-power R-Spec from its V6 powered siblings. The 19″ two-tone wheels are the only true indicator, as the facelifted front fascia and new rocker panels appear on all 2012 Genesis models. At second glance, there isn’t much differentiation either. The dashboard, seats, steering wheel, interior trim, and exhaust pipes are also identical across the board. Other than the wheels, you’d have to look at the R-Spec badge on the rear decklid or the front floor mats for the only clues what engine lies under the hood. Nevertheless, the Genesis’s styling is handsome and conservatively unoffensive, a combination of elements from many of its competitors: The Mercedes grill, Infiniti rocker panels, Lexus exhaust tips and chrome trim, and Acura TL side profile are painfully obvious, but surprisingly cohesive when viewed as a whole. The only truly original element of the Genesis’s style is the new LED running lamps, which are the first we’ve seen of the kind and are very cool in person and in pictures.

Inside, the Genesis is as warm and inviting as ever. Front and rear seats are equally comfortable, though neither could ever be described as sporty, and head/leg/shoulder room is plentiful, even for myself and my equally large (6’2″, 250 lbs) photographer. The steering wheel tilts and telescopes, so those with long legs and short arms (like yours truly) can find a comfortable driving position in no time. Firing up the 5.0L V8 is as simple as pressing the oversized “Start” button; the key remains in your pocket, and the engine fires to life with little drama, keeping its massive power a secret until you ask. For lack of a better analogy, it’s first-generation LS400 quiet at any speed.

Interior legroom is ample, even when we adjust both front seats for six-footers for this photo.

Our top-trim tester flaunted a $47,000 sticker price, $14,000 more than the base spec model. Though the big V8 is the most impressive upgrade, the new, revised R-Spec suspension helps to keep things under control. On a fast run through the Malibu canyons, the Genesis manages to impress with its mid-corner poise and level-headedness in the bends. Unfortunately the steering rack can be disconcerting during hard driving. On-center steering is more vague than we’d like, and the off-center steering feels overly sensitive, meaning that over correction mid-corner happens more frequently than we’d like. Boys, if you’re going to copy other manufacturers, please see the section under BMW on Steering Racks. Fortunately, throttle-steering with the traction control off is as fun as you’d expect from an engine this powerful. Like most other cars of this genre, the brakes tend to fade faster than we’d like. A quick run up Las Flores Canyon and down Stunt Road melted the brake pads to near the point of smoking, much less stopping, and it took a few miles of slow engine braking in order to bring them back to life. A brake upgrade along with the R-spec badging would go a long way, even if it does add to the sticker price a bit.

But really, the R-Spec is all about the engine and newly matched 8-speed automatic transmission. With 429 horsepower and 376 lb/ft of torque, the Genesis now has the power to not only get out of its own way, but also to pass 3 or 4 cars on a double-yellow line without breaking a sweat. It lacks the beastly low-end torque of an AMG car, not making full torque until a lofty 5,000 RPM, but once it hits the powerband the Genesis thrusts forward like any of its German competitors. Hyundai claims the run to sixty takes a scant 5.1 seconds, a claim we have no problem believing, and with traction control off, the R-Spec can easily put on a smoke show that would make a Shelby GT500 owner blush. Additional kudos go to the Bridgeston Potenza tires for being particularly smokey when lit up. It also gets extra points for a traction control system that can completely defeat all the nannies at once, something that many cars in its class lack.

The Genesis out-powers the BMW 550i, Lexus GS460, Mercedes E550, and Audi A6  3.0T by as little as 30 horsepower in the case of the BMW, and as much as 100 horsepower in the case of the Audi. But it’s missing something, something car guys like – noise. Silence is good in a luxury car, and Lexus has made a very good case for silence in the last decade. But when you’re going to put an “R-Spec” badge on the back of a car, the kind of people who are going to be shopping it are going to want some kind of aural feedback from it. It doesn’t need to sound like a 1970 Trans-Am Mustang when revved, but the subtle growl of a luxury V8 is a cherished sound to a car-guy, and we really notice its absence here.

But is it sporty? Or just fast? The clear weak link here (besides the cooked brakes) is the 8-speed transmission. Though it shifts smoothly and effortlessly in everyday driving situations (read: D), it shifts slowly in manual mode, lacks paddle shifters, and has an upside-down manual shift lever. We’re going to keep saying it, in all caps, until they understand: YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO PULL THE LEVER TOWARDS YOU TO SHIFT UP, AND PUSH IT FORWARD TO SHIFT DOWN. Apparently we’re not alone on this, as Hyundai’s engineers said the lack of paddles was a constant point of criticism from journalists. Hopefully this is remedied for 2013.

The lack of proper manual controls are, more than anything else, what keeps the Genesis R-Spec in the realm of fast luxury cruiser, and not in the Sport Sedan category. But what about the value proposition of the original Genesis? Does any of that remain in the R-Spec? Yes, and no.

The R-Spec offers more power and features for a price that significantly undercuts the German competition. On paper, it’s still a great value compared to most cars. But the 3.8L V6 sees some improvement for 2012 as well, now producing 333 horsepower (identical to the Infiniti M37, and thousands cheaper) and gets the same 8-speed transmission as the R-Spec. And is the R-Specs power increase worth $14,000 over the price of the V6?

If we’re shopping, the answer is no. To us, the Genesis represents a feature-loaded commuter car, something to haul the family around in comfort and style at an affordable price. The extra power is nice, but the V6 is more than adequate for daily use, and it gets better fuel economy too. The Genesis isn’t supposed to be a canyon carver, and it isn’t supposed to be a sports car, no matter what engine option you choose. For that, we’ll keep our fingers crossed that Hyundai engineers find a way to shoehorn the 5-liter engine into the Coupe body. Unfortunately, we hear from our sources that it just won’t fit, so we shouldn’t get our hopes up. But we’re happy that Hyundai has brought to market, and subsequently improved upon, a car that, in any trim, is a pleasurable place to spend your time, a reliable, well-styled, and affordable luxury sedan. And if quiet, efficient horsepower is your game, the R-Spec won’t disappoint.

Although we can’t give away too much about what’s happening on Season 1 of The Car Show, I have been authorized to share some of these exclusive behind-the-scenes production stills for a sneak-preview of what to expect. Hit the jump for the gallery, and make sure to tune in (or set your DVR) to the series premiere of The Car Show, Wednesday, July 13th, at 10PM on SPEED.

It’s that time of year again, Bullrun time! I wasn’t sure if I was going to actually do the rally this year, for several reasons, the biggest of which is that no one is offering to pay me to do the rally, which is kind of a bummer. But let’s look at the bright side of things: I have a good-paying TV job now, I won’t have to be on camera so much, so I can get as drunk as I want every night, and I won’t have to hawk any products to cops who have pulled me over. Sounds pretty awesome, right?

This year I’ve teamed up with my old friend Rob from Super Speeders and Gotham Dream Cars. Because I’m severely injured (herniated disc, L4/L5, surgery in July), driving is incredibly painful for me right now. So, for the first time ever, I’m actually not driving on the rally, I’m navigating. Since Rob doesn’t drink, he’ll be in bed early every night and well-rested for driving, and I’ll be out late, completely shithammered and probably making a damn fool of myself. But once I set the nav in the morning, I’ll be able to nap in the passenger seat for a few hours. Or will I?

This brings me to our vehicle of choice. Rob wanted to buy a car specifically for the rally. Something reasonably priced, yet rare, cool, fast, and fun to drive. Here’s what he’s chosen: a 2000 Mustang Cobra R, number 160 out of 300 identically prepped and barely street legal race cars. These photos are of the actual car he bought. At first I was excited, since I’ve always liked the Cobra R and it’s rather bulletproof drivetrain, side exhaust, and racing car style. On the other hand, this is a cross-country drive, from Las Vegas to Miami. Across the southern United States. In July. And the Cobra doesn’t have air conditioning.

Oh, how I love smoking weed and coming up with great ideas. I rang up the boys at Cool Shirt Enterprises, makers of liquid-cooled clothing for racing drivers. In sports car racing, especially closed-cockpit GT cars, temperatures can reach 140 degrees during a race. A Cool Shirt system is an outfit covered in arteries, connected to an ice water-filled cooler and a pump. The system hooks up to the 12V electrical system in the car and keeps cold water circulating all over your body. We have two systems, one for me and one for Rob, and the lack of air conditioning won’t be a problem! In fact, I think we will be the envy of the rally with one of these setups.

Unfortunately, I’ll be missing day one of the rally, since it starts on the last day of the studio tapings for The Car Show, but I’ll be meeting up with the rally on day two through the finish in Miami 7 days later. And though we won’t be filming anything for this site, we will be making some videos for SuperSpeeders.com, so you may see some video. Plus, the whole rally this year is being filmed for MTV, so you may end up seeing tons and tons more about the rally than you ever thought possible.

Happy Rallying,

Matt

It’s a beautiful thing when crisp mountain air mixes with high octane exhaust. There are a litany of automotive Mecca’s that every auto enthusiast must experience at least once in this lifetime, and the Pike’s Peak International Hill Climb is one of them. This stunning event takes place in the mountains outside of Colorado Springs, CO, and gives the petrol head the rare chance to enjoy nature and fast cars. I went yesterday for the first time, continue reading to see what I found…

This year’s race was an important one because it was generally expected by the “experts” that a new course record would be set. For years, racers in the top tier Unlimited class (read “no rules”) have been attempting to scale the mountain in under 10 minutes. In 2007, Nobuhiro “Monster” Tajima clocked in a tantalizingly close 10:01. Clearly this man has had something to prove for years. Tajima competed this year in a custom Suzuki SX4 with 910hp against Rhys Millen in an advanced Le Mans prototype doppelganger with 750hp and a whole gaggle of lesser-well known racers in custom cars that looked like the love child between a dirt sprint car and an Indy racer.

Beyond the staggering talent (and staggering budgets) of the two headliners, the other reason why the 10 minute record was expected to fall is because Pike’s Peak itself is changing. The race is run on roads that for the other 364 days of the year are open to the public wishing to camp on the mountain or to drive to the summit at a more leisurely pace than the avg. 72mph on display yesterday. Being a mountain road, it has always been part gravel and part paved, with the paved constantly encroaching upon the dirt. This year had the least amount of gravel road ever, with many speculating that this will be the last year with any dirt sections at all. Simply put, the more paved surface there is, the faster the racers are able to go. This constant advancement of asphalt is why the mountain’s records are expected to change hands every year.

So did Monster do it? Well, when watching him ascent, he seemed a little slow to me, and I quietly questioned if perhaps he was having mechanical issues. Rhys Millen went next – all day racers go up one at a time every three minutes as this is solely a time attack event – and seeing his speed brought on an uncontrollable giddiness. He looked so much faster than anything else I had seen all day, and his carbon brakes where glowing red which is just so …… cool. I thought to myself, “This is definitely a record run.”

Chalk all that up to just another example of my visual impairment though. Millen’s Hyundai powered racer snagged him a time of 10:09. Tajima? He did it – 9 minutes and 51 seconds. That’s the most owned I’ve ever seen a modern record get. Congratulations “Monster” Tajima, you are officially king of the hill.

Not interested in custom built million dollar hill climbers? Worry not my friend, Pike’s Peak has something for everyone. Throughout the day I also saw race trucks, 4-wheelers, factory backed motorcycles, muscle cars, electric cars, trikes, stock cars, vintage motorcycles, plus some vehicles I can’t begin to describe, such was their awesomeness. The hill climb is a unique event in the automotive world, and for those with the means – $45 and transportation to Colorado – I highly recommend it. I for one will be back next year.

A weekend camping trip with the guys, what could be better? Fresh air, fire, s’mores, guns, fire, star gazing, fishing, fire. Did I mention fire? Of course, all this burning required that we find a spot far from other campers and off the beaten path. What happens though, when you deviate from time-tested trucks and instead bring a more subdued vehicle to do your off-roading?  Do you still need a truck to do all the fun things you want to do? Hit the jump to find out.

Let me set the scene for you: It’s been years since my old high school group got together to do anything.  Our official 10 year reunion is just around the corner, but we decided a trip of our own would be a better time than the alternative of paying $26 each to eat bad shrimp, listen to the “accomplishments” of people we never cared about, and see how our ex-girlfriends somehow got hotter. So after months of wrangling we finally settled on a date and a destination for a weekend away.  However, when it came to transportation plans the trip devolved into a special kind of “man-drama” when one of our party insisted on bringing his Subaru Outback instead of riding along in one of the trucks that volunteered to ferry everyone.

On one side of the debate were the truck owners who doubted the Outback’s ability to hold its own on rough roads.  Their doubts were well founded for May had not only brought a series of torrential downpours here in Utah but also, believe it or not, a few snowstorms.  As a result, we expected poor road conditions on our journey to our camping spot at Pine Creek Reservoir.  The rebuttal to all this was that Subaru has carved a niche for itself with their cars’ ability to tackle these kinds of rough road conditions that leave other vehicles stranded.

For the trip we brought 2 off-road tuned Toyota Tacomas and the outcast Subaru Outback. You can see why the Suby was looked down on. Being the over-prepared men that we are, we wanted vehicles that would be ready for everything, including scaling up the side of the Grand Canyon in comfort with the AC maxed and AC/DC blaring. A couple of my friends were so convinced that the Outback was going to get stuck that they ran out the day before we left and bought a new tow strap. Ouch.

Not being a member of the Cult of the Truck (full disclosure: I’ve never owned one), I volunteered to ride along in the Subaru to witness firsthand how it performed on the trail. No one else shared my confidence, and out of 8 people it was just the 2 of us in the Outback. Undeterred, we sandwiched our steed between the two trucks and ventured into the mountains.

Boy were the doubters among us wrong. In order, the Outback had less tire noise and more legroom on the highway while also getting better gas mileage, kept our gear protected and dust free on the dirt roads, and kept up with the Toyotas while slogging through a foot and a half of slush and mud on the “road” that winds through the Dixie National Forest. In fact, we kept up with the Tacomas right up to the point when one of them got stuck in a snow bank that firmly occupied at least the next ½ mile of our trail.

We were all forced to retreat a mile down the mountain, but not before the truck owners begrudgingly admitted that the lowly car had so far done just fine. After our encounter with deep mud and snow, we came upon a 4-wheeling trail littered with large rocks, boulders, and drastic camber changes. True, the trucks handled this without even slowing down, but our little wagon still got through with no drama. From where I was sitting, the ride height difference between our tall wagon and their small trucks (especially with running bars installed) appeared negligible.

Once we reached an acceptable campsite, it was non-stop bragging from the Subaru owner. And deservedly so too; his 2-liter boxer and asymmetrical AWD system had just carried him to a remote part of Boulder Mountain where few cars would dare to tread. This begged the question in me – what do you really need a truck for anymore?

Obviously, that question has a lot of answers. What I’m really getting at though is the presumption that you need a truck for everything. This notion comes from yesteryear when you DID need a truck for driving on anything that wasn’t smooth and had yellow lines painted down the middle of it. Today though, modern AWD and suspension systems have turned relatively modest transports into machines capable of going off-road and embarrassing our WWII era Jeeps. Audi has done much to popularize AWD systems starting with the Ur-Quattro, and today the AWD descendants of that car (the STI and Evo) are some of the best, cheap sports cars available in this generation. The Volvo XC70, and (god help me) the Honda Crosstour are also perfect examples of this tall wagon ethos. They really are the best of both worlds.

The Subaru got us into the wilderness, kept our bags dry and dust free (which the truck beds couldn’t do), and then brought us back with ample grace and better fuel economy than our bed-endowed friends.  The trucks had an easier time of it, but we kept right up with them. Now that the trip is done, the Subaru is still a car right at home on the roads too. The trucks? Well, they are gulping up gas and offering their owners more road noise and less comfort. So ask yourself this before you buy your next truck – wouldn’t a capable car or wagon make your life more comfortable 97% of the time?

- Adam K

Do you have a story in which your car survived (or didn’t) a similar experience? Sound off in the comments and let us know.

Let’s cut the fluff shall we? Best Motoring is cancelled, and for their last race, their lineup was awesome: Lexus LF-A vs. Porsche GT2 RS vs. Corvette ZR-1 vs. Nissan GTR vs. Ferrari F430 GT3. There’s street cars, super-cars and might-as-well-be-a race-cars. The price is all over the board, as are the cylinders and countries of origin. Each of our favorite countries is represented in a cool, if not the best, way. Thanks Best Motoring, for all your hard *cough* work over the years. You’ve put together some of the coolest and most expensive super-cars in wheel to wheel races.

Make the jump to see who won.

I knew that when I walked into that store in Hollywood on the day before the Ford Focus Rally and bought myself a pair of Dillon Optics sunglasses that they were unlike any other pair of glasses that I had ever owned. Not only do they have a super-cool matte finish, but it’s functional. If you’re going to spend hours driving every day, eye fatigue can be very dangerous in the long term, and Dillon’s NIR Lens Technology helps keep my eyes from being strained, even when driving directly into the sun. Unlike other glasses, NIR technology includes a polarized diffuser within the lens, which reduces internal reflections within the lens itself, providing much more clarity on the road than any other glasses I’ve worn.

Because they look so different from other glasses, people started immediately asking me where to get them. The product is so good that we’ve hooked up with Dillon Optics as a sponsor, and are making an exclusive offer to our fans. If you go to DillonOptics.com and buy a pair of NIR Polarized Sunglasses, I’ll throw in a free The Smoking Tire T-Shirt just like the ones I wear on camera.

So check out DillonOptics.com and make sure to keep your eyes safe for years and years of happy motoring.

The Smoking Tire would like to welcome our newest writer, Adam Kaslikowski

Moxy. Some cars have it and some cars don’t. Hell, some people have it and some don’t. It’s that little bit of spirit and vigor that separates the Aston Martins from the Porsches of the world, the Samuel L. Jacksons from the Ben Afflecks. And does the Fiat 500 have it? In a word, YES. But, can the micro-sized Italian exist on Moxy alone? Hit the jump to find out.

The little car picks up where the MINI (its most direct competitor) left off 8 years ago. Small, stylish, cute, and fun; it’s like the 500 is a toy dog that ran away from a rich woman’s purse and hit the indie rock big time. Where the Mini is no longer seen as a unique choice or a “statement car,” the Fiat uses its more rounded features and retro interior to proclaim that the owner of this car is an individual who does not mind standing out.

Sitting in the mid-range Sport model – the 500 comes in Pop, Sport, and Lounge trims – is a mostly pleasant experience. The cabin is a refreshing place to be and it reminds you that you are in a spirited car. Cheap interior plastics are balanced out by the retro dash panel, the seats are great looking and not overly firm, and I love the headrests. The 500’s cabin slaps you in the face with a reminder that cheap cars don’t have to have cheap looking interiors. Now don’t get me wrong, the 500’s interior is most certainly cheap. Scratching on the plastics elicits a lovely sound on par with shaving with sandpaper – but it doesn’t look cheap, and that distinction is huge. The major touch points (steering wheel, gear shift, switches) are pleasing to the touch, and it is only when your hands venture away from these (to, say, the whole rest of the car) that the lower grade materials are found.

At just 140 inches long, the Fiat is 6 inches shorter than the MINI and more than a foot and half shorter than the Ford Fiesta; this car is seriously tiny. Surprisingly, I didn’t feel it once I stepped inside the cabin. Front legroom was not a problem for either myself (6” tall) or my passenger, whom even successfully climbed in the back to see if it was suitable for human habitation. It was, but she’s 5’1” and to be honest she also fits in the glove box.  Needless to say, the only way you are getting an “actual size” adult into the back seat is if they fold themselves into their own convenient carrying pouch.

The diminutive Fiat starts at $15,500 (in Pop trim), and for that you get power locks and windows, a 6 speaker CD/mp3 radio, 5-speed manual transmission, and 15” inch wheels. The $17,500 model I drove (Sport) throws in larger and better looking wheels, keyless entry, steering wheel controls, and fog lamps. The top of the range (Lounge) starts at $19,500, and this gains you climate control, “premium cloth seats” (leather is a $1,500 option), a six-speed automatic ‘box, a built in alarm system, and a fixed glass roof. However, by fully kitting up the Lounge model you can easily crest the $25K mark after tax and destination – and that’s decent used 3 series money.

The competition for the 500 is evenly split between new sub 20K cars (Honda Fit, MINI Cooper, Ford Fiesta, Kia Forte) and quality used cars. There will always be great used cars to be had in that price range, however for some people that just doesn’t matter. They want a new car for whatever reason that they do, and they will only be cross-shopping with the other stylish small cars in this price bracket. The Fit and Fiesta has been universally hailed as great rides but both are lacking in the soul department. The Kia certainly has soul but some are still unwilling to step into Korean cars (which really shouldn’t be the case anymore). And that leaves the MINI; soul and pedigree to waste, but more expensive than the Fiat and now too common a sight on the roads.

It will be interesting to see if Fiat/Chrysler can match MINI USA’s marketing gusto. The BMW sub-brand has conquered all competition because it has been able to firmly cement itself as the quirky and fun brand. I have little doubt that Fiat will have no problem selling the “fun” image for its 500, but none of the current advertisements really have any personality to speak of. Unless “standard car ad” is a personality. Only time will tell, but there’s no reason that Fiat shouldn’t able to step up and start eating other advertisers’ lunch with this car.

The thing about moxy though, is that you have to be able to back it up. This is where the 500 lets down. Mashing the accelerator and calling up the 101hp 1.4 liter engine results in all sound and no fury as you meander your way to 60 in 9.4 sec. It is frustrating that a car with this much outward personality is really writing checks that its engine can’t cash. Let me reiterate that driving the Fiat is fun enough, and the endless amount of stares and attention are their own reward, but there is an inescapable sense of being underwhelmed about the acceleration. Hopefully this will be solved when the higher output Abarth version hits our shores. So the engine is lacking, so what? The people who buy this car – those looking for an automotive fashion accessory – won’t be bothered by this fact. And what they overlook in horsepower and torque, they will be compensated for with a preternatural cornering ability. This thing dives into bends like an overexcited puppy and exits them with nary any forward momentum lost. Like driving any good European car, you begin to hunt after routes that require anything more right angles to navigate. The joy in this car comes from the first and last 3 miles of your daily commute.

The MINI has already shown us how this story ends – eventually car parks will be filled with 500s and your once unique car will be everywhere from high school parking lots to being ignominiously towed behind your weird aunt’s RV. But live it up with the 500 while you can. This is a great car at a great price. Welcome back Fiat.

- Adam K

Back before I started making videos and reviewing cars for a living, I lived in New York and owned a car detailing shop called the New York Motor Club with a friend. Associated with the shop was an actual driving club for the owners of exotic cars that we started in 2006. In order to promote this business, I wanted a “flagship” car that would essentially be a billboard wherever we went. This is what we bought. And now you have a chance to own my old car, if the price is right….

(as shown at the New York Auto Show, 2007)

To quote from the eBay ad (because why re-write stuff if you don’t have to), here is what Superformance Cobra #245 is all about:

This fabulous Cobra is the original race car hand built and campaigned by SUPERFORMANCE to market their business. The custom build order simply nicknamed it “The Racecar” and the name has stuck ever since.  As a race car, this Cobra was originally in the Superformance livery of white finish with red stripes and was campaigned by Dennis Olthoff.  I have included several photos of the car in it’s racing colors for historical reference. This Cobra is a true champion and a testament to the SUPERFORMANCE legacy. The car has had numerous event wins throughout its racing career. Superformance Cobra # 245 is a one of a kind, hand built race car and a unique piece of automotive history for any collector.

As aggressive as this Cobra is on a racetrack, it is also an amazing car to drive on the street for a weekend cruise. It provides a comfortable and stable ride (whether at 80 mph on the freeway or at 180 mph on the race track).  The car is geared correctly and is truly an attention getter that turns heads wherever you take it.

With the adjustable race suspension, you can easily set the car up for a weekend at the racetrack and then set it up for cruising the beaches of Southern California the next weekend. This car has been built correctly to allow the owner to have the best of both worlds.

And, of course, the technical details of the car:

TITLE-

This AC serial numbered car is legally registered as a 1965 Ford with current California registration (clear title).

BODY-

Special Mk III fiberglass body, powder coated tube frame, welded reinforced doors, competition suspension and a fully spec certified roll cage make this Cobra unique. Recently resurfaced (paint and f’glass) in gloss black by Danmar Auto body in Irvine, California (the Superformance West Coast build facility).  Body is flawless!  All chrome trim items and the complete roll cage have been black chromed for a great look.

INTERIOR-

The black interior has a 4-point Simpson racing harness for both driver and passenger (shoulder straps are removable), custom billet shifter, auto meter gauges, battery/fuel cutoff safety switches, AC pedals and an AC leather wrapped steering wheel.

Body has a custom notch behind driver’s position for race seat installation.

POWERPLANT-

408 Cu In. Ford Windsor ROUSH built NASCAR race engine

ROUSH ported aluminum heads with port matched Eldelbrock intake

Modified Barry Grant 750 carburetor

Racing roller cam w/ 1.6 roller rockers

Recently tuned and dyno tested by Total Performance Racing in Santee, California

MSD ignition and distributor

Ceramic coated headers

The engine makes an honest 530 wheel HP @ 6,000 RPM and 615 Crank HP @ 8,250 RPM

10:5:1 compression (runs on premium pump gas)

Custom DRY SUMP oiling system 15L

Race fuel cell

TRANSMISSION- REAR END

Jericho 4 spd  (NASCAR crash box), hydraulic high performance clutch, aluminum high performance flywheel

Billet drive shaft

Ford independent rear end w/ Dana posi unit with 3.11:1 gears and upgraded billet axles

BRAKES AND SUSPENSION-

Wilwood race/street brakes with adjustable brake bias

Koni adjustable coil-over suspension (lowered 1.5”)

17” Halibrand style- 5 lug w/ Michelin Pilot Sport tires (F: 275/40ZR17, R: 335/35ZR17)

Now, let me tell you my story about Superformance #245. When I bought the car, I was 24 years old, and it was love at first sight. Sure, it’s a full-on racing car that I thought would be acceptable for street use, but like I said, I was 24, and it only took one full-throttle engine rev and I had to have it. The honeymoon lasted about a week. “The Racecar” has a 5-gallon fuel cell. It doesn’t have a fuel gauge, speedometer, or odometer. And it would get about 10 mpg in recreational driving. That means you have to stop for fuel every 40 miles and fill the cell, which is in the trunk with no external filler cap. It has a triple-plate racing clutch mated to a Jerico “Crashbox” transmission, which is incredible on a race track, and a nightmare on the street. There is always a fine line between bog and burnout. There are no traditional keys, just a battery cutoff switch and a start button. There are no functional doors, windows, or mirrors. There are no blinkers and no windshield wipers. Basically, what I’m getting at is, this is a horrible, terrible street car. On the highway, however, I never met a car I couldn’t beat. Can you imagine what 615 horsepower feels like in a car that weighs 2300 lbs wet? It’s terrifyingly fast. There are so many ways to die in that car that I can’t even begin to explain them all here. There’s a damn good reason I chose this particular license plate for 245, because it’s how I felt every time I drove the damn thing.

But it must have been incredible on the track, right?

Probably, but I honestly don’t know. I took it to a track day once, at Pocono Raceway. I borrowed a truck and trailer from a buddy and dragged it all the way down there, and it rained the whole day. Didn’t even pull the car out of the trailer once. I did take it to a drag strip once, and it ran a 10.2 @ 131 mph on street tires (which would tie a Bugatti Veyron’s E/T, if you’re counting).

I’d say I probably drove 245 less than 20 times in the two years I owned her, and I used the money from her sale to turn my Corvette from a stock ’98 to the magnificent beast she is today. In the end, I made the right decision. The Corvette, in its currently modified state, is properly quick in all directions. It also has modern conveniences, a roof, and is able to take a Sunday drive without living in fear of running out of fuel. However, I still would love to take “The Racecar” for a few laps around Spring Mountain Motorsports Ranch one of these days.

It seems that 245′s new owner has cared for her well, she looks even cleaner than when I sold it, and with a fresh coat of black paint to boot. I guess Nissan Z-car gold wasn’t exactly his thing.

Anyway, if you’d like to own a high-horsepower piece of Matt Farah memorabilia, check out the listing over on Ebay.

We’ve all got that list of things that we just gotta do before we kick the bucket.  Mine includes marrying an extremely hot supermodel and attending the Formula 1 Monaco Grand Prix in style.  While the first may be a long time coming, the second is slightly more attainable. Now, as with any good bucket list item, we are talking VIP all the way.  This is 3 days of luxurious hospitality on board My Yacht Monaco, a brand new, 120-foot mega yacht moored in Monaco’s harbor, right next to the track.

As you would expect, there’s a major kick-off party to get the whole weekend started.  Friday night, 8pm-2am, with open premium bar, champagne, amazing food, DJ, dancing and, of course, a VIP guest list.  We’re talking F1 drivers, babes, former F1 champions, models, Olympians, girls, fellow rallyers and even HSH Prince Albert himself.

Saturday for qualifying and Sunday for the race itself you hop in a speedboat tender directly to and from the yacht – none of this waiting in traffic BS – enjoying views of Monaco and the harbor along the way.  On-board all day, relax and enjoy gourmet food, champagne, open premium bar and, of course, amazing views of the track including the tunnel exit, chicane, straightaway and giant screen.

And, in case all the yachts, babes, racing and partying isn’t enough, you’ll also get the chance to take high speed laps of the closed Grand Prix circuit in a pace car and high speed runs in a racing boat, up to 80mph, outside of the harbor.

My Yacht Monaco has a full team who can arrange all your accommodation, flights and transfers plus VIP tables at restaurants and nightclubs, so you will be totally hooked up at one of the world’s most famous sporting events.

Check out http://www.myyachtf1.com or email info@myyachtf1.com for rates, information and all that good stuff.

We know the future of our beloved cars has gotten brighter, thanks cars like the 918 Spyder Concept, Fisker Karma and Tesla Roadster. That’s great news for commuting adults, but like Michael Jackson, it’s important we ask, “what about the kids?” That’s where George Fortin, and his home-built electric go-kart come into play. The guys at Translogic paid him a visit, to see how a little ingenuity and hard work might light a little fire under the butt of the OEMs. Make the jump to see this brilliant and awesome Power Wheels + Four Loko do it’s thing.

I grew up building minibikes, go-karts and RC cars. The lawn mower engines were tiny, but provided hours of fun. Zipping along 2 inches off the gound, invisible to cars and in no way safe, tinkering with these toys got me into cars. But in the decades since childhood, the shouts toward two-stroke engines has gotten louder and louder. Dirt bike areas have become more restricted, and HOA’s mean the days of playing, “let’s see what it sounds like with open headers” are probably over.

So what’s a kid to do? Video games are fun, but I learned more about driving sliding Nick Bassano’s go-kart around the neighborhood at 10 years old than I did playing “Cruising USA.” I hadn’t read an SCCA manual, but when that little kart went sideways something told me to steer into the skid. But what about when gas is $10 a gallon? Or gone comletely? Are we destined to a life of driving sims?

Not if people like Fortin keep tinkering in their garages. He’s been building go-karts since he was a kid, and his manufacturing skills have increased with his age. The Kart is pretty state of the art, but sounds pretty simple, at least the way he explains it. Of course, Einstein probably thought the A-bomb was simple to make. Check out the video for all the details. I’m going to go ask Matt if we can get a Smoking Tire company metal lathe.

You know those crazy super-fans, that buy anything that was ever touched by their idol? The people that buy a pen that was held by Janis Joplin, or the stained underwear that was allegedly shat in by Bon Jovi? I wonder if there’s people like that for the hosts of every car fan’s favorite ongoing porno, Top Gear? If so, this car will be snatched up in a second. Of course, the super-fan will also have to have a job, and a good one. Jeremy Clarkson’s Gallardo Spyder, is up for sale, for the sum of $146,000.  At least this is something you can use, unlike a Star Wars toy signed by Mark Hamil that’s still in the original box.

I guess between his Ford GT and Mercedes CLK 63 AMG Black Series he has enough excitement. Plus, I think that somehow those are less flamboyant. Or maybe it’s because Clarkson knew that as long as he owned the Gallardo, he could never date Kristin Scott Thomas. Yeah, I’m sure Ms. Thomas will steam the windows of her G whiz when she sees his Ford GT.

The fear of the “Big 3′s” financial collapse in 2009 was certainly no fun for anyone. For years they had watched imported cars get better looking and more efficient, while their prices remained competitive. But GM continued building redundant models and 4×4 SUVs the size od Delaware; like standing on a frozen lake, watching the ice get thinner yet refusing to move. Then the ice broke, and after Uncle Sam threw them a life raft made of money, Detroit was forced to take a look in the mirror.

Since then Detroit has been doing pretty good. The Malibu was a big hit, and Ford (who never took any $) continues to produce cars that are inspired by the future, rather than clinging only to the past (Mustang aside).

Since one good turn deserves another, Chevy has decided it’s time to take another step forward. That doesn’t mean using hydrogen cells or cars powered by algae, or discarded tanning spray. It means diesel. Chevy is rumored to be building a Chevy Cruze diesel, slated to be done in 2013. It’s even rumored they’re testing a few clattering Cruzes around Detroit right now.

It won't be like this. We promise.

No official engine specs have been released, but because there’s already a 2.0 Liter 4 cylinder turbo pulling the Holden Cruze CDX, it would make sense if that lands on our soil. The engine makese 147hp and a stout 235 ft lbs. of torque. The advertised MPG is 34 combined city/highway. I’ve been saying for a while that if you want a highly-efficient car, but don’t want to spend $20000+ on a bar of soap that’s powered by batteries with the guts of the French, a diesel car is the way to go. The 1995 Golf TDI’s get over 40mpg on the highway, and I think if you hooked one up to a Prius for a game of tug o’ war, ze far superior oil-burning German would win.

I think a diesel-powered Cruze is a better choice than many of the hybrid cars on the market today. I’d take a small hit on the efficiency to have some decent oomph under the hood. I think the issue would be if GM can get the pricing right. If they can squeeze out some good MPG numbers, and price it under competing hybrids, the Cruze could be another hand-hold to help GM climb out of it’s hole. Let’s hope the rumors are true.

There a lot of problems that can be fixed with the word, “more.” Hungry? Eat more food. Tired? Get more sleep. Blue Oyster Cult recording? More cowbell. But can the same be said for the Chevy Camaro with a healthy extra serving of horsepower? The 2012 Camaro ZL1 aims to find out.

The spec list looks like Chevy found some great bargains at the Corvette garage sale (not a bad thing). The new ZL1 is speculated to have a supercharged 6.2 liter V8 making 550hp and 550 tq. It will have a 6spd, dual-disc clutch and electronic-controlled exhaust baffles. Chevy wants this to be a road-course performer as well as an excellent daily driver, so they’re giving it Magnetic Ride controlled suspension. Of course giant brakes, a new body kit and new wheels will be there as well.

The question though, is can horsepower and go-fast parts fix what’s wrong with the Camaro? Matt has justifiably complained countless times about the poor visibility, bad seat position and cumbersome size of the car. Sitting over beers one night the analogy to describe it was, “Driving a car with the visibility of a gun turret.” It’s like sitting in one of those Nuclear Bomb test bunkers in Alaska. Try parallel parking one of those.

Being a little smaller than Matt my personal problem with the Camaro is the interior. I understand the design is retro, but it looks cheaper than the one from the 60′s. There’s loads of plastic and the HVAC controls look like they belong in a Tundra. It’s a shame because from the outside, the Camaro is a great looking car. It’s why it’s selling the way it is, and why we all swooned for it to begin with.

When rumors of the ZL1 came out, we heard it was getting an all-new interior. Apparently that means spraying down glue and throwing Alcantara swatches inside. I love Alcantara, but this is lipstick on a pig. Yeah, it makes the car look more expensive and exclusive, but the interior is the same. It seems only a step above a dress-up kit from your local parts store. As sweet as flat-bottom steering wheels are, I don’t know if it’s enough. It seems like Chevy knows the Camaro is deeply flawed, so they put in a few shiny distractions. I’m going to call this the, “Yeah, but” treatment. As in, “I can’t see anything out of this car!” “Yeah, but it has 550hp.” “Ok, but my kid’s PlaySkool house has less plastic than this interior.” “Yeah, but dude, flat-bottom steering wheel. That’s badass.”

I hope the ZL1 is as good as Chevy wants it to be. I love muscle cars, especially the old ones. They were loud, heavy, slow, and most drove as well as a UPS van. In fact, I bet a UPS truck would do better on a skid pad. Back in the 60′s that’s the best we could do, and we continue to love them because they are nostalgic and remind us of that time. They’re simple, crude, and are only good for cruising and burnouts. But because they are 50 years old, and a peice of rolling history, we accept-and even praise- their flaws. But it’s 2011, and flaws aren’t cool. You can make a car that looks 50 years old and the fans will swarm, but if it’s as user-friendly as a 66 Coronet, we will quickly back away. Let’s hope Matt gets a ZL1 soon, and for Chevy’s sake, likes it.

-Zack

Text and Photos submitted by TST reader Nick Busato

Porsche 911 GT3 RS, F430 Scuderia, Corvette ZR1 and the M3 GTS are all names that will induce any automotive enthusiast’s mouth to water uncontrollably. Based on already ludicrously quick road cars, these thoroughbreds are seen as the ultimate track day toys. It seems to be an easy formula for any car manufacturer to follow; strip out unneeded bits, toss on some Brembos, coilovers and sticky tires, massage some more power out of the engine and for added bonus points put an “R” in the car’s badging. These are the speed machines that occupy the prised poster space of many car fanatics’ bedroom walls. If these cars are seen as the superior versions to their more limp wristed counterparts then surely an even more race bred car would be that much more illustrious.

Enter the realm of the American Le Mans Series GT2 class where you will find the dreamiest racing versions of road going sports cars. While other series like DTM, Nascar and Grand-Am may have fairly recognizable body shapes the cars actually share very little if any parts with their production counterparts. In contrast, the ALMS GT2 cars are based on their respective production variants and must use the same chassis and primary bodywork. What you are left with is a car with no comprises made in the interest of comfort, they have a single purpose: to go fast.

Doran Design Ford GT

The original GT40 was greenlit to serve a single purpose: beating Ferrari at the 24 hours of Le Mans. They did just that from 1966 to 1969. Forty some odd years later, a similar shaped machine would yet again be taking on Ferrari, only this time in the GT2 class. In a series dominated by cars who’s body shapes are determined by values found in the wind tunnel its shocking to see a car that has a body based on an artist’s impression of an iconic car from the 1960’s. What is more surprising is that this shape has somehow been honed into a possible race winning car without any real factory support.

Converting the Ford GT into GT2 specification was no easy task for Doran. Despite being one of the most capable production chassis ever, the GT2 spec car still required revised suspension, brakes and a roll cage. The largest departure for the production variant comes in terms of the power plant. The 5.4L supercharged engine is ditched in favour of a 5.0L Roush Yates unit coupled to a six speed Emco transmission. It may come as a surprise that the race engine actually makes less power than the supercharged unit, however the road car is not burdened with 29.1 mm restrictors or operating at near peak RPM for twenty four hours straight. Unfortunately, the car has limited success due the lack of factory involvement in the program, limited budget, and gentlemen (read: rich drivers who pay to race, as opposed to professionals paid to race) drivers.

Chevrolet Corvette C6.R

While many companies claim that their race car development eventually shows up in their road cars, the majority of the time they are speaking absolute rubbish. The Corvette team, on the other hand, allows their race car development to be directly applied to their production models. The lessons learned with the C5.R GT1 car were responsible for the shape, headlights and air management seen in the C6. The carryover of technology from the track to the road has unquestionably improved the Corvette.

The C6.R may start its life on the same production line as the road car, but apart from its chassis, part of its cockpit bodywork, and the taillights, little is carried over. The result is a car that looks like a ZR1 on steroids with its enormous fender bulges just barely concealing the massive racing slicks. The ZR1’s double glazed polycarbonate window is tossed out in favour of a single massive vent that allows hot air from the radiators to be channelled out efficiently through the hood. This air management trend continues with additional ducts used to cool the rear transaxle and the air conditioning unit.

Like the Ford, the C6.R drops the larger production unit in favour of a smaller displacement naturally aspirated V8. A General Motors sourced 5.5L V8 is situated as low and far back as the aluminum hydro-formed chassis will allow. The power output is once again limited to a little under 500HP due to breathing through an asthmatic restrictor. Don’t let the massive power discrepancy fool you, despite the ZR1 having a 140 horsepower advantage, the C6.R will lap Laguna Seca a full twelve seconds quicker. Perhaps the best part of this heart transplant is the sound, as there has never been a deeper “I am going to eat you alive” burble since the Panoz LMP01. Unfortunately, the ZR1’s carbon ceramic brakes cannot be retained, so they are swapped out for the regulation cast iron units. This, however, is only a minor setback since the weight reduction and stickier slick tires will allow the C6.R will still come to a stop far quicker than the ZR1. The result of all this fat trimming, chassis refinement and the engine swap is a Corvette that will literally rip your face off and make you ears bleed.

Porsche 911 GT3 RSR

While many other teams spend endless amounts of money and time to develop a race worthy chassis, Porsche offers its customers the 911 GT3 RSR; a car capable of taking the top step of the podium right out of the box. The 911 has competed in the American Le Mans series since its inception and has not wasted any time taking home the hardware, winning nine of the possible twelve GT2 manufactures championships. Like the 911 road car, it has not been revolution but rather evolution that has enabled the (997) RSR to be completive well into its fifth year of competition.

Since the 997’s introduction in 2005, the car has undergone a form of spots car puberty with the wheel wells growing in size and its engine gaining the ever more important horsepower. The current iteration now sits on mammoth, C6 rear tire equalling, 12 inch wide front and 13 inch wide rear tires. The massive contact patches these tires provide enable the RSR to generate north of 1.5g in a turn. The traditional 911 boxer engine has gradually grown in size from the 3.6L in the 996 to the 4.0L unit found in the current 997. The engine location is retained from the road car as it offers nearly ideal weight distribution… perhaps Ferdinand Porsche was onto something all those years ago.  If perfection is the result of endless refinement then perhaps the 911 GT3 RSR is just that.

(Also noted here that the Porsche 911 RSR is the only race car on the ALMS grid that produces significantly more horsepower than its production counterpart.)

BMW M3 GT2

It would seem that developing a race car from a luxury two door coupe that shares the majority of its genes with a four door sedan would be like bringing a knife to a gunfight. While the M3 is a formidable production car, an ideal GT2 platform it is not. Fortunately, the BMW Motorsport division is the MacGyver of race car engineering and was able to hone the M3 into a genuine GT2 contender.

The M3 GT2 is perhaps the most modified racer in the GT2 field as nearly every detail of the road car sees some attention in its transformation into race car. The suspension and bodywork undergoes heavy modification to optimize the new larger racing slicks. The 4.0L engine is pushed as low and far back as possible with the X-Trac transmission located at the rear in the form of a transaxle. The lengths gone to improve weight distribution do not end there, the driving position is pushed lower and further back as well. The drivers head is essentially in line with the b-pillar, a position so far back that it requires a secondary dash and the steering wheel column to be extended. The result of all this hard work by the boys (and girls) in Munich was the 2010 ALMS GT2 Manufactures Championship, not too shabby for only their second season.

Ferrari F430GT

The Ferrari F430GT is perhaps the most feared, and without question the loudest, car in the GT2 paddock. While it may not have taken home as many manufacture championships as the 911, it has been the dominate force in the true endurance races. A single Risi Competizione F430GT chassis won Petit Le Mans 2008, Le Mans 2008, Sebring 2009 and Le Mans 2009 before being scavenged for parts to repair the sister car at Mosport 2009.

In contrast to the M3 GT2, the F430GT is the closest to the production car of all the cars in the GT2 field. While the obvious tire and brake upgrades have been made, a great deal of the original F430 architecture has been retained. The nose has been reworked in conjunction with the front splitter and rear wing in order to claw back some of the downforce lost due to regulation driven diffuser. The engine has been destroked to 4.0L in an aim to maximize the regulations regarding the displacement to weight ratio. Despite this smaller displacement, little horsepower is lost in comparison to its street sibling. It must be said that the most favourable aspect of GT2 spec engine, in terms of the race fans, is its noise. Never has there been a more beautiful sound from a GT car that screams high into the rpm range. Even when cruising down the pit lane F430GT backfires almost constantly sounding like the opening scene from Saving Private Ryan. The Ferrari really is a work of art in both the visual and audible sense.

Argument about which of these racing cars is best has raged on for years and will continue for as long as the world still has enough gas to go racing, but we feel the whole grid is well-worthy of inclusion into The Smoking Tire’s Dream Garage. Welcome!

The Smoking Tire was fortunate enough to be able to attend the first-ever “Cars and Cockpits” event at the Lyon Air Museum this past weekend. It was a great change of pace from the usual Cars and Coffee and Supercar Sunday, because not only were there several million dollars worth of metal in the parking lot, but also the museum opened its doors to us, so we could appreciate some fine vintage aircraft and military vehicles. Some highlights of the show included the famous “triple black” Ferrari Enzo (pictured above), many other Ferrari’s, Lamborghini’s, Aston’s Bentley’s, Nissan GTR’s, BMW’s, Porsches, and crazy tuner cars, including the world’s ugliest vehicle, the Mansory Panamera Turbo. In the gallery, check out the yellow F430 Spider, which isn’t special except that it’s fitted with carbon fiber hand controls so its wheelchair-bound owner can wind out the 4.3L V8 using his right hand. Inside the Lyon Air museum, we were treated to some elegantly restored World War II-era aircraft and vehicles, my favorite of which was the minimally restored and completely functional 1934 Mercedes 6-wheel parade car, formerly owned by Adolf Hitler. Hit the jump for the 80-image mega gallery of the event.

All throughout the last few years of making The Smoking Tire and Garage419, I’ve wanted to do Adam Carolla’s Car Cast. Well now, thanks to doing my job properly on the SPEED pilot and just straight up asking to do it, my first (hopefully of many) appearance on the Car Cast. Adam, the Professor Sandy Ganz, and I spent an hour in the studio talking about how I became such a car geek, go karting, good advice for cell phones, vintage racing, and fat guys in little cars. And of course, we drop a few nuggets about the SPEED pilot we’re working on together. You gotta stay on your toes in studio with these guys, because my new nickname for Adam is going to be “Tangent.”

We then stepped outside the Gulf-liveried studio so I could show Adam and Sandy the most useful vehicle on earth, my SVT Raptor. Unsurprisingly, I get both Adam and the Professor’s seal of approval, and I teach them about proper Valentine One usage in the process. I also forget what style of engine the 6.2 is, but it’s a single overhead cam.

Video and in-studio audio after the jump.

See photos of my visit, and download the In-Studio audio here

.

[Car Cast]

Rarely, if ever, does something so cool come up for sale as this. Outside of Bakersfield, CA, lies Honda’s proving grounds. And as you’d expect from such a diverse company as Honda, it features a variety of testing areas, including a 7.5 mile high-speed oval, 4.5 mile “winding road” course, shorter terrain areas, a motorcross track, ATV test area, a warehouse, and security and fuel stations. The entire thing is for sale. Who wants to go in with me on a new crib?

Rumors are swirling that several developers are looking at the property in order to raze it and build a solar farm or some other form of green energy bullshit. Seriously, that sounds awful. Of all the God-forsaken desert in the western half of this country, these people want to destroy a perfectly good (and well maintained, according to the photos in the gallery) motorsports facility? We can’t let that happen. So, if you’re a fan of The Smoking Tire, and incredibly wealthy, which is very possible, we have a strangely wealthy fan base, please, cough up the loot and buy us a test track.

[CB Richard Ellis] via [BringATrailer]

Friends of The Smoking Tire, the SPEEDCOM/Marcos Racing Team will be racing in the 24 Hours of Dubai on the 14th and 15th. They will be defending their 2010 Diesel Class Victory in a BMW 120d hatchback (you know, the awesome one we don’t get in the US). But there’s another story here. Along for the ride is a great organization called Every Lap Counts, which uses racing as a backdrop for raising money for childrens’ charities all over the world. Here’s how it works: you, the donor, pledge a certain amount of money per lap completed, and if SPEEDCOM/Marcos Racing does as well as expected in this years race, many children’s lives will be made easier. Full press release and photos of the SPEEDCOM/Marcos Racing 120d after the jump.

SPEEDCOM Communications/Marcos Racing International has put together one of the best driver lineups in team history to defend its 2010 class victory in next month’s Dubai 24 Hours, January 14 – 15, and to support Every Lap Counts (ELC), a global fund raising effort supporting charitable causes for children through major international endurance auto races.

In last year’s Dubai 24 Hours, the team of Hal Prewitt, Toto Lassally, Cor Euser and Jim Briody, twice came from behind in a SPEEDCOM/Marcos BMW 120D to score a victory in the competitive D1 (Diesel 1) class.  Prewitt and Lassally return for the 2011 Dubai race where they will be joined by BMW stalwarts and GRAND-AM Road Racing Champions Will Turner and Don Salama. Euser, who has a previous driving commitment that weekend in Dakar, will still provide one of his potent and proven BMW 120Ds and the highly-experienced Marcos Racing International team as the group looks for its third-straight victory-lane showing in Dubai after also finishing second in the 2009 race.

“It is a dream come true for Hal and I to be paired up with a pair of top drivers like Will Turner and Don Salama,” SPEEDCOM Communications CEO and ELC Founder Lassally said. “When I heard they were interested in racing with us in Dubai, and that Cor would not be available due to his Dakar commitment, I knew we need to move quickly. With their talent, ability and popularity, we have a very good chance to not only score a repeat victory but also to generate some substantial funds for Every Lap Counts.”

“I am so proud of everyone that worked so hard to get Every Lap Counts off to a winning start last year at Dubai,” Lassally said.  “This entire project took so much time and energy to launch but when we left Dubai with a victory and more than $10,000 in donation pledges for some special children around the world made it worth it. This time around we want another victory and to ask our friends and associates around the world to help us in doubling the 2011 donations.”

To make a donation, please visit www.everylapcounts.org

We’ve seen people piss their money away on some really stupid things here at The Smoking Tire, but others come up with some fantastically brilliant ideas to make a small fortune by starting with a large one. Like, for instance, personally re-founding the N.A.R.T. (that’s North American Racing Team, a non-factory Ferrari team from the 1960′s), and building a race car for the 24 Hours of Nurburgring? How about then making the race car look like a miniature copy of the Ferrari P4/5, Jim’s one-off, re-bodied Ferrari Enzo? Pretty crazy, right? It gets better. P 4/5 Competizione, the beautiful, 430 Scuderia based racing car pictured above, is street legal, and has the plates to prove it. More pictures and details (including the license plate photo)  after the jump.

First, a little bit of background on Jim. Without revealing too many personal details about him, he lives in New York, in the same suburban town where both Tom and I grew up: Rye. My first experience with the man wasn’t even with him personally, it was with one of his cars. Every morning, on the way to school, I would pass the Rye train station parking lot. And every day, rain or shine, sleet or snow, the same car caught my eye: a 1985 Ferrari Testarossa. I would later learn that this Black-on-Black TR was Jim’s train station “commuter car” for over a decade. He put 185,000 miles on it, and eventually had to scrap the car when the frame started to rot away. His replacement? A 2008 Alfa Romeo 8C Competizione. Whenever I go back to visit my parents, I drive by the same parking lot and see the Rosso Corsa 8C right there, in Jim’s spot. Call me crazy, but I’m pretty damn sure there’s not a bad day at the office that can’t be cured by stepping off that train and having an 8C waiting for you.

The first time I actually met him was on 34th Street in Manhattan. We were both attending a charity car show, at a children’s hospital. In order to get from Rye to East 34th street, you have to take the FDR drive, which is widely known for being the worst piece of shit road in all the universe. What did he drive to the car show? A 1966 Lola T70 race car, also converted to be street legal, with air conditioning, a CD player, and around 40,000 street miles on it. In fact, Jim has several LeMans and Sebring winning cars from the 1960′s, all of which are street legal and have between 20,000 and 50,000 street miles on them. I know people who wouldn’t even put miles on their Ferrari 360′s, so afraid of the drop in resale value, and this guy rolls up to Starbucks in a Ford GT40 MK IV that finished second at Sebring in 1968.  While living in Rye, I saw Jim driving the P 4/5 no fewer than 10 times, and last I heard, the $6,000,000 masterpiece had about 8,000 miles on it. Say what you will about Jim, but his FerrariChat signature really says it all:

“Not driving your Ferrari is like not having sex with your girlfriend so she will be more desirable to her next boyfriend.”

Now, on to the P 4/5 Competizione itself. As we said, the car is based on the 430 Scuderia, and designed to compete in the 2011 24 Hours of Nurburgring. But the best part is that after the race ends, the car will be shipped back to Pininfarina and converted into a road car for Jim to enjoy until the day he dies, and then for his kids to enjoy after that. He has stated publicly that, despite offers of up to $15 million, he will never sell any of his cars. I don’t even want to speculate on what this is going to cost, but I’d venture to guess that the racing campaign and subsequent streetcar conversion will cost nearly as much as the original P 4/5. A hint at how expensive this can get is in the wraparound windshield. Jim once told us that a similar windshield for the P 4/5 cost “well into the six figures.”

We certainly applaud this man for how he spends his money, and looking forward to seeing the P 4/5 Competizione on the roads of Westchester County, NY, sometime in 2011. In the meantime, check out the gallery of nearly-completed build photos and continue drooling.

Update! Now with video.

[Source: Facebook]

We specifically requested to review the Acura ZDX cross-coupe(?) because it puzzles us. It’s an aggressive and polarizing styling exercise, for sure, but does that mean anyone wants to buy it? Based on how few of them we’ve seen on the road so far, our instinct says: not really. But Acura says the ZDX is designed to be a “niche market” vehicle and they aren’t expecting huge sales numbers. On the other hand, a vehicle that looks this way must have some redeeming qualities, right? We borrowed one for a week to find out.

We were fortunate enough to be testing the ZDX on our own terms, and not Acura’s, and therefore we were not fed the PR Kool-Aid about how the ZDX is a “passionate getaway vehicle designed for a couple, their belongings, and more.” Good, because we probably would have thrown up in our mouths a bit. A Ferrari California is a “passionate getaway” vehicle. So is an MG Roadster, a Mini Cooper S, or an Aston Martin DBS Volante. This is a crossover. Do you know how well a crossover has to drive for us to consider it a “passionate getaway” vehicle? Hint: It starts with the letter X and ends with 6M.

Nevertheless, we took delivery of the ZDX and were immediately pleased with its front-seat cockpit area. The steering wheel, reminiscent of the missed RSX, is perfect for sporty driving, and the seats are firm and well bolstered with great driving position. We love the sculpting of the dashboard, creating a separate mini-cockpit for driver and passenger, with the predominant center tunnel there to add some coziness.  The rear seats? That’s a different story. I, at 6’2″ and 245 lbs, can. not. fit. This isn’t one of those situations where it would be uncomfortable for more than a few minutes, I literally cannot get my head into the back seat area at all. Fine, as I’m rather large, but on an excursion to Six Flags, my friend Eric, at 5’9″ and 160 pounds, would nail his head on the ceiling every time we hit a bump, even with the internal “Gurney bubbles” indented above the rear passenger area. The trunk doesn’t fare much better in terms of usable room, as a standard-issue single-cart Target run overflowed from the trunk into the rear seating area. Now, there are some clever storage bins back there, both on the sides and below the trunk floor, but we honestly imagine them being full of owners’ jumper cables, road hazard equipment, etc, and not groceries. Fortunately, the rear seats do fold down flat if larger items needed to be shuttled around without extra passengers. Fit and finish is typical Acura, so about an 8.5/10. The dashboard materials are soft, yet seem able to take some abuse well, but the buttons still feel a bit cheap. Leather looks like it would last a lifetime without cracking, and seems class-appropriate.

Acura’s have always been known for bringing all the good technology as standard equipment, and our “Advance” trim ZDX was no exception. Navigation, satellite radio with good iPod interface, backup camera, blind spot detection, were all standard, as was active suspension control. It even had my favorite California technology: cooled seats. Unfortunately, some of those technologies were rather confusing to use, especially the Bluetooth Phone connection. Getting the phone paired was easy, but actually making a call can be frustrating. If you want to use the car’s speakerphone, you have to make the call through the Acura’s interface, not through the phone. Using the phone itself will put it in handset mode, and a second process has to be performed to get it on speaker. You also have to hit the annoying disclaimer “OK” to do anything at all with the multimedia system, not just use navigation. And that’s not all: the “auto-close” trunk feature doesn’t have an “auto-open” on the key or via keyless go. So, when your hands are full of groceries approaching the car, you have to put everything down to open the trunk manually, but when your hands are free, you can push a button and it will close for you. Makes sense, I know.

With all this compromise in the interior and technology department, it must be great to drive, right? Right. And wrong. Let me explain:

Underneath the ZDX sits the architecture and drivetrain of the significantly more practical, yet less stylish MDX, a very competent SUV. It has a 300-horsepower, 3.7L V6 and Acura’s Super-Handling AWD System, which comes with its own nifty gauge that shows where the torque is, uh, vectoring? However, it’s lower and wider than the MDX, with a bigger footprint.

The engine will deliver the goods when, (no kidding) VTEC kicks in, but that occurs way at the top of the power band. Over the course of my week with the ZDX, the engine simply never got there when left in Automatic mode. Literally, never. Not once. In manual mode, it’s easy to keep the engine revving up high, but the incredibly bland sound of the incredibly bland V6 isn’t inspiring enough to want to bother.

So then it’s all about handling. Yes, the ZDX is a sure-footed beast that can be quite fun to throttle-steer through a canyon, getting on the gas early and watching the SH-AWD Gauge move the power around to keep you in line. For a crossover, it handles quite well. But if handling was your bag, why wouldn’t you just go for any number of available sport sedans or wagons on the market? Especially considering the ZDX has no more trunk or rear seat room than the average sport sedan anyway.

At this juncture, I must pause to mention that in the first six days of our seven-day test, I hadn’t looked at the window sticker even once. I was simply taking in the ZDX for what it was, independent of price. The biggest shock of the whole test, though, was actually taking a look at that sticker. Are you ready for this? $56,905. I nearly spit my Fresca out all over myself upon reading that. The 2010 Audi S4 we tested earlier this year stickered at $54,000, loaded. The 2011 CTS Sport Wagon? $52,000. The similarly ugly, yet faster and vastly more practical Lincoln MKT came in maxed out with options at $57,800. Every one of these vehicles is visually different from the herd, (well, maybe not the S4, but ours was Imola Yellow), more practical than the ZDX, and better to drive.

The final nail in the ZDX’s coffin? Fuel economy. Our week-long test consisted of mixed urban and highway driving, and about 30 minutes worth of spirited canyon carving. Combined observed fuel economy was a dismal 14.6 mpg, a far cry from Acura’s claimed 16/23 rating. The Lincoln MKT, the heaviest and most powerful of the cars listed above, averaged 17.1 mpg during our test.

What’s most disappointing about the ZDX is that Acura could have taken the opportunity to make something special out of it, and didn’t. If they had added a small set of turbo’s to their V6, it could potentially be a worthy competitor to the BMW X6, a crossover just as ugly, but that drives quite well. Instead, it’s just a cheaper attempt at a styling statement, destined to be a niche market vehicle based on its merits, which apparently Acura’s PR team knew long before we did.

After months of planning, neogotiating and brain-storming, the dream that has been years in the making is finally coming true; Matt will be on TV, co-hosting his very own show about cupcak….I mean, cars.

Airing on the SPEED Channel and produced by Mandt Bros. Productions, it will star Matt, Adam Carolla (who hosted NBC’s un-aired Top Gear pilot), Dan Neil (Long time automotive journalist and Pulitzer winner) and John Salley, who spent 14 years dropping 3′s for a little organization known as the NBA before becoming a talking head on ESPN’s  Best Damn Sports Show Period.

The show has been described as a cross between Top Gear and TBDSSP, featuring car-related news and conversation as well as pre-recorded video segments of comparisons, reviews, and other kinds of 4-wheeled entertainment you’d expect with Matt around.

And don’t think the conversational segments will be boring. Carolla makes a living making people laugh without ever preparing a joke or writing one down. The hosts aren’t one-tick ponies; knowledgeable about cars with zero personality (Merry Xmas Motor Week) or all jokes with no experience (Like, oh I dunno, a comedian reviewing an SLS.) These guys have the knowledge us enthusiasts require and the humor and wit to keep us interested.

For you fans of Garage 419, and now The Smoking Tire, this is what Matt has worked for so tirelessly. It’s why he gets up at 6am to go to shoot a review, drive to car shows, or attend a press release. He’s like the mailman of car guys; through rain or sleet or spine-shattering hangover, he’ll be there. I can’t say when it will air, or divulge what the segments will be, but I promise when I heard some of the details they were funny, exciting and smart.

-Zack K

At long last, BMW has released the complete technical and performance details of the new BMW 1-Series M Coupe, along with a stunning set of photographs of the wider, meaner, and lighter beast. Here’s what you need to know:

- 335 Horsepower twin-turbo 3.0L inline six with overboost function that can provide up to 369 lb/ft of torque

- 3,296 lbs, 77 lbs lighter than a 135i coupe

- 2.8″ wider track than the 135i coupe

- 51.7/48.3 Weight Balance

- Aluminum, Nurburgring-tuned suspension originally designed for the current-generation M3

- Bigger Brakes, measuring 14.2″ up front and 13.8″ in back

- 19″ Wheels from the limited-edition M3 GTS

- 0-60 in 4.7 seconds, 1/4 mile in 13.2 seconds, top speed limited to 155 mph

- Trademark M quad exhaust pipes

- Steering Wheel-mounted “M Drive” button, first seen in the E60 M5, which sets up the M Coupe for the sportiest possible driving

- 6-Speed Manual is the only transmission option, and includes a dedicated dry-sump cooling system and M-spec short shifter

- Alcantara-covered interior with unique gauges, piping, stitching, and “M” trim.

- New “Air Curtain” aerodynamics which reduce turbulence around the wheel arches (and look bad ass, check out that front bumper!).

Though we’re a little bit disappointed with the horsepower numbers, as we know how easy it is to wring 400 horsepower out of the “35″ engine, we understand that if BMW kept the power increases minimal, they wouldn’t have to worry about the 1-Series M Coupe taking away sales from the M3, just like why Porsche won’t stick a really good engine into a Cayman. As is, the upgrades seem like the standard issue Motorsport stuff: Lighter, stiffer, wider, lower, faster, and very aggressive looking. Overall, we have to say we love this package as a whole, and we really can’t wait to get behind the wheel of one.

Many people thought that the 135i would be the spiritual successor to the E30 M3, and as journalists started driving them, we learned that, though the 135i is certainly a quick car, it didn’t quite have the agility required to be put in the same column as the E30 M3. But judging from BMW’s photos (after the jump), BMW thinks the 1-Series M Coupe may have finished the job where the 135i left off.

There’s lots more in the very lengthy and detailed press release, which has been posted in its entirety, along with a full photo gallery after the jump.

The All-New BMW 1 Series M Coupe

The return of “Eigenwillig.”

Woodcliff Lake, NJ – December 9, 2010, 6pm EST… With anticipation of enthusiasts around the world at fever pitch, today BMW M GmbH unveiled the newest member of its intimate product family. For the first time, the coveted M badge has been granted to the popular BMW 1 Series in the form of the all-new BMW 1 Series M Coupe. The M badge was imparted after a two-year development process through which BMW M engineers and test drivers achieved the exceptional power delivery and the signature, near-perfect driving behavior of a BMW M car. The 2011 BMW 1 Series M Coupe will be available in limited quantities and with a limited range of options at Authorized BMW Centers in Spring, 2011. Final pricing, packages, and options will be announced closer to the on-sale date.

“Eigenwillig,” a German word meaning “self-willed,” “individual,” and “determined to go its own way,” has been the proper word to describe the most unique and memorable M cars of the past three decades. With the original 1988 BMW M3 as its inspiration, the 2011 BMW 1 Series M Coupe combines the raw capabilities of a race car with the agility, versatility, and seating position of a compact BMW Coupe to create a pure Ultimate Driving Machine®. In doing so, the 1 Series M Coupe continues the eigenwillig tradition of BMW M. With its latest two-door model, BMW M is illustrating its ability to build race car performance into a small car, capable of everyday use.

Dimensions and Construction.
The new BMW 1 Series M Coupe has been developed for near-perfect balance and a large, square footprint. It is 71 inches (1803mm) wide – 4.8 inches (122mm) wider than its 1988 M3 ancestor – yet only 1.3 inches (33mm) longer at 172.4 inches (4379mm) long. The new 1 Series M Coupe weighs in at 1,495kg DIN (3,296 lbs, preliminary), and features a 104.7-inch (2659mm) wheelbase, three inches longer than the 1988 M3. Front and rear track widths are exactly the same on the 1 Series M Coupe at 60.7 inches (1542mm) each. Compared to the 2011 BMW 135i Coupe, the 1 Series M Coupe is 0.2 inches (5mm) longer, 2.1 inches (53mm) wider, 0.5 inches (13mm) taller, and rides on the same 104.7 inch (2659mm) wheelbase. It features a track 2.8 inches (71mm) wider up front and 1.8 inches (46mm) wider in the rear, and weighs 35kg DIN (77 lbs, preliminary) less.

The new 1 Series M Coupe features a high-strength steel unibody, with unique, widened fenders and rear quarter panels to house the substantially widened track. It also features a metal roof panel which saves about 35 lbs (15kg) compared to BMW 1 Series models equipped with a moonroof. The 2011 BMW 1 Series M Coupe, constructed as one of BMW’s most performance-oriented vehicles in recent years, will not be offered with a moonroof. This weight savings – at the tallest point of the vehicle – provides a corresponding drop in the center of gravity, which contributes to improved driving dynamics. It also helps maximize head room (or helmet room, as the case may be).

Engineering a chassis which is “faster than its engine”
Providing sure-footed responsive handling for a high-performance, powerful and luxurious coupe, while keeping mass under control, presented numerous challenges for BMW M’s engineers. The result is an aluminum suspension originally conceived for the current-generation M3, and tuned specifically for this model at BMW M’s Nϋrburgring Nordschleife test center. Of course, every BMW design begins with arranging major components in a way that facilitates near-perfect front/rear weight balance (51.7/48.3).

Virtually all of the front-end components are aluminum, including the front struts, swivel bearings, central subframe and an additional thrust panel below the engine serving to maximize lateral stiffness of the entire front section.

At the rear axle, the subframe, transverse arms, track arms, and wheel hubs have been reconfigured by M for ideal kinematics, geometry and stiffness. Virtually every detail on the five-arm rear axle is made of aluminum and is new for this generation of BMW M vehicles, including the aluminum dampers.

Both the front and rear axles feature hollow anti-roll bars optimized for their function and weight.  Incorporating two additional longitudinal reinforcement bars, axle kinematics are perfectly tailored to the overall street and track character of the car.  The result, in terms of both stability and weight, conforms to the balanced performance concept of every BMW M vehicle.

Compound Brakes and Wheels
A suitably powerful braking system for a car with this much performance was originally developed for the current-generation BMW M3. The internally-vented, cross-drilled cast iron discs measure 14.2 inches (360mm) in diameter at the front and 13.8 inches (350mm) in the rear.  Featuring large compound disc brakes and electronic anti-lock, stopping power for the 1 Series M Coupe is strong, precise and consistent. Each disc is connected to a floating aluminum hub by cast-in stainless-steel pins.  This configuration reduces the thermal loads on the discs, thus increasing their performance and service life.  An electrically-driven pump provides the system’s vacuum power.

Service – and safety – are enhanced thanks to an integrated wear indicator which, through a dash display, allows the driver to monitor the condition of the brake linings. Brake service – covered for four years or 50,000 miles under BMW Ultimate Service – can thus be administered when necessary without guesswork.

The 1 Series M Coupe is equipped with the M-specific, light-alloy cross-spoke wheels from the M3 Competition Package and limited-production M3 GTS. They measure 19 x 9 inches with 245/35/R19 low-profile tires at the front and 19 x 10 inches with 265/35/R19 tires at the rear, and are silver in color.

In the BMW 1 Series M Coupe, power transmission to the rear wheels also provides the ideal basis for thrilling driving dynamics due to the consistent separation of drivetrain and steering functions. The rack-and-pinion steering is fitted with the hydraulic power steering system called Servotronic, which regulates boost in relation to road speed.

Engine.
The heart of every BMW is the engine, and so an inline-6 with outstanding performance, free-revving behavior, and endless thrust propels the BMW 1 Series M Coupe. The concept is familiar: in the model history of BMW M, the high-revving inline-6 is one of the classic engine formats. In the second and third generations of BMW M3, the inline-6 became famous for combining high output, razor-sharp response, and sonorous sounds. In the BMW 1 Series M Coupe, the inline-6 engine concept is realized in its most up-to-date form.

The twin-turbocharged, all-aluminum, 3.0-liter inline-6 engine is characterized by instantaneous response to the accelerator pedal, fantastic sounds, and a free-revving spirit. The combination of twin low-mass turbochargers and BMW’s High Precision direct injection offers an output a naturally-aspirated engine would only be able to provide through more cylinders and larger displacement.

The turbocharger system developed for the engine of the new 1 Series M Coupe maintains a high output throughout the entire engine speed range. Maximum output of 335 hp (250 kW) is delivered at 5,900 rpm. Nominal peak torque is 332 lb-ft (450 Nm) from 1,500 rpm to 4,500 rpm. Redline is 7,000 rpm. The enhanced engine management system of the 1 Series M Coupe includes an electronically-controlled overboost function to briefly increase torque under full load by another 37 lb-ft (50 Nm). This temporary torque peak of 369 lb-ft gives the car a substantial increase in acceleration. The 1 Series M Coupe will complete the sprint from a standstill to 60 mph in just 4.7 seconds (0-100 kmh in 4.9 seconds). The standing quarter-mile mark comes up in 13.2 seconds. Top speed is limited electronically to 155 mph (250 kmh).

Signature sound to accompany the surge of power.
The exhaust system of the 1 Series M Coupe has been tuned by M specifically for this new model. Acoustic engineering gives the car a unique personality in all phases of operation. The M exhaust system is easily recognized by the presence of its four signature exhaust pipes.

M Drive Button.
The new 1 Series M Coupe also features the steering wheel-mounted M Drive button that made its first appearance in the 2006 M5.  In the 1 Series M Coupe, the M Button activates a razor-sharp throttle response program for the sportiest driving. This means that the performance characteristics of the engine can be varied according to the driver’s wishes.

6-speed Manual Transmission.
A close ratio 6-speed manual transmission is used for power transmission to the rear wheels in the BMW 1 Series M Coupe. It was specially designed to interact with high-torque engines and has been fitted for this purpose with a dry sump cooling system. An upgraded flywheel for high-torque applications is installed between the engine and transmission. The transmission is operated using a very short M gearshift lever. Final drive ratio is 3.15: 1.

Variable M differential lock, DSC with M Dynamic Mode.
The BMW 1 Series M Coupe is fitted with a variable M differential lock. This generates lock-up torque on-demand and variably, thus providing for optimum rear-wheel drive traction on all road surfaces. The variable M differential lock responds to differences in rotational speeds in the right and left rear wheel, redirecting drive torque in a fraction of a second. So where there are significant differences in friction coefficients between the right and left rear wheel, for example, optimum traction and maximum possible propulsion are ensured. The centrifuge principle of the variable M differential lock supports the dynamic qualities of rear-wheel drive both on slippery surfaces and when accelerating out of bends.

This gives the BMW 1 Series M Coupe traction benefits on slippery surfaces, snow and sand. It also supports sporty-style motoring on narrow, winding roads such as mountain passes since optimum traction and maximum drive torque are available when accelerating out of a bend. So in this model, too, the variable M differential lock proves ideal support for the driving dynamics properties of rear-wheel drive.

The Dynamic Stability Control (DSC) of the BMW 1 Series M Coupe includes such elements as the Antilock Brake System (ABS), an anti-slip control function (ASC), the brake assistant Dynamic Brake Control (DBC), a hill-hold assistant for starting off, Cornering Brake Control (CBC), a brake fade compensation function and a brake drying function. In the wet or on slippery surfaces the DSC intervenes discreetly to limit oversteer.

As an alternative to normal operating status, the driver can activate M Dynamic Mode (MDM) by means of pushing the MDM Button between the front air vents, raising the intervention thresholds of the DSC system. MDM enables slight amounts of dynamic oversteer under specific circumstances to enable optimum vehicle yaw for maximum performance. Demonstrations at the BMW Performance Center in Spartanburg, S.C. have proven MDM mode to enable the fastest-possible lapping performance while still providing the assurance and protection of Dynamic Stability Control. MDM also facilitates starting off in snow or loose surfaces by means of carefully controlled amounts of wheelspin. DSC may be fully disabled via a long-press of the MDM button (ABS remains active).

Innovative Aerodynamics: Air Curtains.
Consistency between form and function is crucial to engineers at BMW M, who seek perfect balance of various aerodynamic factors in the wind tunnel. As a result, the     1 Series M Coupe has been equipped with BMW’s latest aerodynamic innovation. Air curtains, used here for the first time in a BMW production vehicle, improve air flow around the wheel arches with the benefit of significantly reduced turbulence.

This innovative aerodynamic feature consists of openings in the outer section of the lower front fascia that route high-pressure air through ducts at each front corner. The ducts are approximately 10 x 3 centimeters wide and are designed to channel air to openings at the front of each wheel arch, where it is discharged through a very narrow opening at high speed. The escaping air stream covers the side of the front wheels like a curtain, thereby reducing aerodynamically unfavorable turbulence around the rotating wheels.

This feature has a key role to play in the development of future aerodynamic innovations. An example of the air curtain principle was first presented in the concept study BMW Vision EfficientDynamics at the International Motor Show (IAA) in Frankfurt in 2009, and the developers of the BMW 1 Series M Coupe took on the pioneering task of applying this element to a production vehicle. To do so, they utilized the unique capabilities of the new full-scale “rolling road” Aerolab wind tunnel at the BMW Group’s new Aerodynamic Testing Center.

Design.
There are three exterior paint finishes to choose from for the BMW 1 Series M Coupe. In addition to Alpine White non-metallic and Black Sapphire Metallic, Valencia Orange Metallic is available exclusively for this compact high-performance sports car.

The powerfully shaped front fascia is dominated by three large air intakes which secure cooling air for the high-performance engine. The wide central air intake is covered by a honeycomb-structured grille, while the two outer intakes are completely open. This means that in every situation on the road or track, a sufficiently large quantity of cooling air is fed directly to the engine oil cooler on the right and to the supplemental coolant radiator on the left.

With the greenhouse conveying an impression of lightness, the powerfully distinctive shoulder line and the elaborately sculpted surfaces symbolize precisely controllable athleticism in profile. The wheel arches of the 2-door model bulge out especially voluminously at both the front and rear. One hallmark M feature is the chrome gill element on the front wheel arch which is particularly elongated. It bears the side turn indicator and the M brand logo, as well as forming the starting point of the character line running along the door handles to the rear. A vertical contour edge starts at the gill element which leads down to the side sill. Fine-tuning in the wind tunnel has also shaped the design of the exterior mirrors. In their basic shape they are the same as those of the BMW M3.

The powerful wheel arches also make the rear of the BMW 1 Series M Coupe seem especially broad. Horizontally arranged lines accentuate this impression. A discreet spoiler lip on the luggage compartment lid generates additional downforce on the rear axle at high speeds. The rear fascia has side openings which echo the look of the Air Curtain intakes in the front fascia. The characteristic M visual symmetry is created by two sets of chrome twin tailpipes, each positioned towards the outer edges. L-shaped rear light clusters with red glass covers create a characteristic night-time illumination. Inside these, the rear light is provided by two light banks fed by LED units.

The BMW 1 Series M Coupe features standard Xenon Adaptive headlamps. The twin circular headlights are truncated in the upper section by an LED-fed “eyebrow.” This is what creates the focused look of the 1 Series M Coupe.

Focused Interior.
The M-specific cockpit developed exclusively for the BMW 1 Series M Coupe is designed to facilitate focused, sporty driving. High-quality, dark Alcantara with orange contrast stitching covers the door panels, door pulls, instrument cluster binnacle, dash panel, and gearshift and handbrake lever boots. The driver’s attention is focuses on an M-specific instrument cluster with gray dials, classic M red pointers, and white backlighting. An M driver footrest and M entry sills round off the unique interior.

The black sport seats in standard Boston leather have orange contrasting stitching and an M logo embossed in the front of each headrest. Seat heating is available for both front seats. The orange contrast stitching is also echoed on the rear seats and on all design elements featuring Alcantara. The leather M multifunction steering wheel features the now-ubiquitous M Button for spontaneous activation of the sharpest throttle response and M Dynamic Mode of DSC.

The dominance of dark surfaces, including the A pillar trim and anthracite headliner reduces sun glare and promotes focus on the road. In combination with high-quality materials, carefully planned contours, and selective color accents, the interior of the BMW 1 Series M Coupe provides a perfect environment in which to pursue driving pleasure.

Safety Equipment
BMW passionately pursues a safety philosophy with three key modes: a) superior accident avoidance, b) superior crash survivability, and c) comprehensive post-crash notification. The 1 Series M Coupe features an extensive range of standard equipment which underscores BMW’s safety research culture. Standard safety features include front, pelvis-thorax and side curtain head airbags, three-point automatic seatbelts for all seats with belt force limiters and belt pretensioners at the front. Models equipped with BMW Assist feature BMW’s Enhanced Automatic Collision Notification, which alerts authorities when an airbag deployment has occurred. Furthermore, data from on-board safety systems is processed and analyzed through the proprietary URGENCY algorithm so that the vehicle may provide the BMW Assist call center with special notice when occupants are likely to have sustained severe injury.

BMW Group In America
BMW of North America, LLC has been present in the United States since 1975.  Rolls-Royce Motor Cars NA, LLC began distributing vehicles in 2003.  The BMW Group in the United States has grown to include marketing, sales, and financial service organizations for the BMW brand of motor vehicles, including motorcycles, the MINI brand, and the Rolls-Royce brand of Motor Cars; DesignworksUSA, a strategic design consultancy in California; a technology office in Silicon Valley and various other operations throughout the country.  BMW Manufacturing Co., LLC in South Carolina is part of BMW Group’s global manufacturing network and is the exclusive manufacturing plant for all X5 and X3 Sports Activity Vehicles and X6 Sports Activity Coupes.  The BMW Group sales organization is represented in the U.S. through networks of 338 BMW passenger car centers, 336 BMW Sports Activity Vehicle centers, 143 BMW motorcycle retailers, 100 MINI passenger car dealers, and 31 Rolls-Royce Motor Car dealers.  BMW (US) Holding Corp., the BMW Group’s sales headquarters for North America, is located in Woodcliff Lake, New Jersey.

Information about BMW Group products is available to consumers via the Internet at:

www.bmwgroupna.com

Some say “nothing good happens after 2am.” I don’t know what time it was when an OmniAuto reader took these pictures, but I doubt it was during normal commuting hours. Like a Corleone, if you want to move a body and keep it quiet, you do it late at night. What we have here is one of the most anticipated cars from one of the biggest “families” of Italia; Lamborghini’s successor the retired Murcielago. Make the jump to see all the spy shots.

We’re unsure if this is a camouflaged Aventador, or the top-secret 83X, but the roofline looks similar to the car spotted at the gates of the Nurburgring a few months back. Lamborghini’s next super car will have a new 700hp V-12, as well as an all new transmission. As you can see by the camouflage-apparently sourced from un-sold 3d posters- Lamborghini doesn’t want to show their hand until the official unveiling.

We don’t know the specs and specifics, but it’s a new Lamborghini so there’s a few things you can be sure every part of it (except it’s weight) will be greater than the Murci it replaces. That means more power, speed, money, bigger brakes and a crazier looks. The body is being built by the same company that made the tub for the McLaren M4-12C, so it will weigh the same as an Olson twin. Rigidity is said to be up, and vaginal attraction will also be up at least 10%. We’ll be impatiently waiting.

In November Rolls Royce announced a partnership with Beverly Hills-based designer Bijan Pakzad. Bijan already know to thousands of tourists to Beverly Hills for his bright yellow cars (Rolls Royce Phantom Drophead, or Bentley or most recently added, Bugatti Veyron yellow and black with a faint airbrushed “mouth of trust” on the hood. Till now we have not seen pictures of the much talking about series of cars by Bijan (till now photos floating around have been of Bijan’s personal car). The Smoking Tire has exclusive picture of what the final drophead will look like and exclusive photo of Bijan himself rolling out the fabric on the hood of the Rolls Royce that will be the design of the hood of the final car.

A new 2011 Drophead will set you back about $490,555 MSRP, but Bijan wanted to make it easy for people to remember the price of his special edition, a cool $1,000,000. It will have yellow leather seats, Bijan logo repeated pattern on the wood dash, and custom pin-striping on the side. It will be anything but subdued.

[View with PicLens]

The Aston Martin DBS. Not only was this car a no-brainer for our Dream Garage, but it is at the very tip top of my “Things to Buy When I marry a 90 year-old Billionaire” list. (That and a bucket of roofies, for myself).

While our garage would probably need to be the size of a Boeing hanger to hold all our dreams, I would want this one parked just inside the door. I’d park in my bedroom if I could, so that every morning it would be the first thing I see. I would be in a better mood each morning, something my friends would greatly appreciate.

I could go on an on about how god-damn good looking the DBS is, but unless you’re blind or find yourself strangely attracted to cinder blocks, you can see what I’m talking about. While some people have whined that it’s just a DB9 with a body kit, I see that as a compliment. The DB9 is incredibly beautiful; one of the best looking things to ever be hammered out of metal. I would replace our Statue of Liberty with a giant DB9 if I could. But it’s a little too smooth and sublime to be called perfect. I want my dream car to be a bit flashy. Not Countach flashy but enough to tell you it’s something special. Think of it like the singer, Pink; she’s not quite as pretty as professional adopter and actress Angelina Jolie, but I’ll make a good bet who punches harder.

Like Nick Lachey I could easily marry this car for it’s looks, but unlike the large schools of busty blonds that swim in this city the DBS has layers of brilliance underneath its svelte body. The 6.0L V-12 makes 510hp at 6,500 RPM, which means you have to rev it out to make the most of it. If you have a 4 cylinder engine that’s a problem, but when you have a 12-cylinder chorus that makes a sound addictive enough to get you on Intervention, it is a blessing. I was watching TG’s DBS video online today, and when they started the car my eyes instinctively closed. It’s like I was savoring a steak. Few things can elicit that reaction from me.  The world stops, and all my focus is directed at that crazy howl.

In this age of better, faster, lighter some might say it’s 3,737 pound weight is too heavy, or  4.3 seconds to 60mph is slow, or 191 mph is a weak top speed. Compared to what? To the internet racers and number-coveting douches out there I say “fine.” I will let you chase the newest, fastest, lightest, digitally-controlled car, because you are missing out. The DBS might not shift as fast as a 458 or accelerate fast enough to flatten the back of your head like a GT2. But if you think it’s slow, then you probably need to spend more time outside.

It can compete on a track with an R8 or Zonda C12, but unlike the the Zonda it’s just as good on a 2000 mile road trip,  thanks to its GT DNA from the great DB9. And as much as I love the R8, the DBS has more soul. It even says so when you start it. Dual clutches are great, but there is nothing like the connection you get driving a fast, RWD car using an old fashioned manual transmission.

Some journalists have said the DBS lacks an identity of it’s own, as if it somehow cheated us by being based on another car. I understand their point, but it’s based on a DB9, not a Hyundai Santa Fe. People complain the buttons are hard to use or the SAT/NAV is worse than salmonella and that may be true but they’re missing the big picture. As an all around car, the DBS is phenomenal. It’s competent on a track, a pleasure on the highway, comfortable around town, turns heads like a person on fire and just in case you’re blind it’s exhaust will tell you how great it is. It is a super-car through and through. It has all the things I want in a car, and it has them in spades.

- Zack K

Ostentatious Rolls-Royce tuner Dartz, who made headlines and The Colbert Report (14:20) after re-upholstering an SUV’s interior in whale penis, (no, really), is at it again. As part of a modification package for the Phantom (and Ghost, we presume), Dartz has replaced the hallowed Spirit of Ecstacy powered hood onrnament with one of their own design. As you can see from the photo, it’s two people banging. Doggystyle. In case people didn’t already think the only reason you spent $350,000 on a Rolls Royce was to get laid, Dartz’s hood ornament, re-named the “Spirit of Xtasy,” makes it painfully obvious. At least they have a sense of humor. Speaking of which, this COMPLETELY NSFW video showing Dartz founder Leonard Yankelovich adds a new twist to the story. Anyone think the male figure on the hood ornament looks just like him? Yeah, we thought so too.

[Source: JamesList]

I’ll be honest. When I’m immersed in car-related stuff for more than 80 hours every week, it’s very easy to get jaded. And even though I go to Supercar Sunday every single weekend, most of the cars there completely bore me. Of the 200 or so cars that show up every Sunday in Woodland Hills, CA, maybe 2 or 3 are something strange enough that I’ll actually find interesting. Jaded a bit? Maybe, but I think it just makes me in tune to the really original gems that come out once in a while.

Case and point, meet Jim R., a Hollywood cinematographer who I spotted from at least 1/4 of a mile away arriving to SSC on his sport bike (Yamaha R1 I think, but they all look the damn same these days). His helmet is one of two original helmets made for the 1991 film The Rocketeer. In the film, Cliff Seacourt, a stunt pilot during World War II, finds a Nazi jetpack in a hangar. His mechanic/best friend Peevy, played by Alan Arkin, builds the helmet for Cliff with an integrated rudder, which helps Cliff steer while flying around the Los Angeles area using the jetpack. This particular helmet was the backup in case the primary was damaged during filming, and Jim scored this amazing souvenir after the movie wrapped.

The helmet itself is made of brass, and it’s surprisingly comfortable. I tried it on, and could see very clearly out of it, as well as breathe easily. The top 3/4 air vents are functional, and keep the scalp cool while riding/flying. The inner padding is lacking by 2010 standards (it was a WWII movie, after all), and it takes a brave man to actually wear this thing while riding a motorcycle.

The obvious question: does the rudder affect the steering of Jim’s motorcycle? No, he says, unless he turns his head to a very awkward and abnormal angle.

I want one.

Spotted on the Pacific Coast Highway in Manhattan Beach, CA today. An otherwise bone-stock Dodge Avenger sedan with a center-exit aftermarket exhaust that sounds like the kind of farts you let out after eating several dozen deviled eggs. I wish I could make a joke here, but the car itself is such an embarrassment that I honestly couldn’t do a better job than the owner’s done himself.

(sorry about the crap cell phone pictures. I swear I’m getting a new phone this week).

We tested the Audi TT-S back in February, and found it to be an awesomely fun car with a very high price tag and a minimal amount of practicality. Audi fans in Europe, however, get an even hotter version of the TT, the RS. The TT-RS doesn’t just have more boost, it’s got an extra cylinder. The 2.5L 5-cylinder Turbocharged engine in this quickest of TT’s makes 340 horsepower and 332 lb/ft of torque (More than a Porsche Cayman S!), and is mated to Audi’s Quattro system through a DSG gearbox. Why are we talking about TT’s right now? Well, one of Audi’s not-so-well kept secrets is the TT is based on the A3/Golf platform, so pretty much anything you can do to one, you can do to the others.

Which brings us to this car, Audi’s new RS3 Sportback. Take that same 340 hp 5-cylinder, same all wheel drive system, and same dual-clutch tranny, and simply drop a 5-door body on top if it. Honestly, this sounds fucking brilliant. Running 17 pounds of boost, the RS3 will fly by the sixty mark in 4.6 seconds, which puts it a tenth quicker than the E46 BMW M3 and C5 Corvette. Audi also minimized the amount of unsprung weight on the car (mainly wheels, brakes, and suspension components) by maximizing its use of aluminum and other lightweight materials.

Sadly, we shouldn’t be holding our breath, as the odds we’ll be seeing the RS3 on our shores are quite minimal. But for our European readers, it will be selling for right around 49,000 Euros ($68,000 USD non-adjusted).

Nurburgring delivery anyone?

Quattrophiles rejoice! The drop-dead gorgeous Audi Quattro coupe concept was spotted cruising the Pacific Coast Highway in Malibu, and its driver let slip a tasty nugget of information: the coupe has been greenlit for a limited production build.

A Jalopnik reader took these photos of the Quattro at a gas station in Malibu, concept license plates, concept interior and all, being escorted by the California Highway Patrol. Along with it, heading for a photo shoot but not pictured, was a classic 1980′s Audi Quattro coupe. Given the original Quattro’s racing credibility, the new coupe has a large set of tires to fill, but we’re confident that with Audi’s commitment to performance, it won’t disappoint.

We especially like the juxtaposition of the S5-like profile curves and wheel arches with the throwback rear end and wing treatment. We’ll send a free The Smoking Tire T-shirt to the first tuner company that turns one of these into a Group-B Rally tribute racer.

[Source: Jalopnik]

While we were unable to make it to the LA Auto Show’s press days this week because of our obligations to Top Gear, there were certainly a bit of unveiling worth discussing here, specifically two new, lightened models from Porsche and Lamborghini.

The Lamborghini Gallardo LP 570-4 Spyder Performante: Think of it as simply a Gallardo Superleggera with no roof. While some purists would call this idea proposterous, since serious sports car owners wouldn’t dare purchase a drop-top, we rather like it. Mainly, because Matt is 6’2″ and 245 lbs, and looks pretty damn silly stuffed into a Gallardo coupe. Plus, the Gallardo makes one of the most intoxicating noises known to man, except for maybe the sound Ke$ha would make while being beaten to death by cricket bats, but, you know, auto-tuned. This sound (the engine, not Ke$ha’s death) is best enjoyed with the top down anyway. As for lightness, the Spyder Performante sheds its pounds via liberal use of carbon fiber; the seatbacks, top cover, spoiler, diffuser, flat-undertray, transmission tunnel, and door panels are all made with the stuff. In total, it weighs 143 lbs less than it’s “normal” Spyder counterpart.

The Porsche Cayman R: Like the Boxster Spyder that was released last year, the Cayman R is a lightened version of the best car Porsche makes entry-level Cayman. It weighs 120 lbs less than a Cayman S, with 10 extra horsepowers. It can hit sixty in under 5 seconds and top out at 175 mph. The insides are made of Alcantara, Carbon, and Strappy door pulls. It’s lower and stiffer than the Cayman S too, and we’d bet our arses it’s the most fun car in Porsche’s current lineup. Look for the Cayman R to hit showrooms next year with a base price of $66,000.

[Images: Autoblog]

I experienced quite the variety of cars during the madness that we call SEMA week. I started the week off in a Rolls Royce Phantom, which could quite possibly be the perfect car for a 4-person road trip to Vegas. Never before has 4 hours gone by so quickly. Then, while working for the Top Gear Taxi Service, I spent 8 hours a day driving the 620 horsepower Firebreather Camaro, giving rides to excited Top Gear fans for the entire SEMA week, all the while experiencing massive discomfort from the Camaro’s low roofline, poor seating angle, and heavy clutch in traffic. The day after the show ended, I had to be in Phoenix for another shoot, so I rented the only car available on the lot: a base-level Nissan Versa. While we’ve established the Versa is a very practical car for the money, when you have a bad back, a bad knee, and a bad elbow, this econobox is just about the worst place you’d want to be for a 5 hour drive through the desert. It’s small, wheezy, doesn’t have enough power to make a solid pass on a 2-lane road, and lacks a center arm rest, something I never knew how much I appreciated in other cars. Fortunately, I had an upgrade waiting.

Tom had driven out from LA to meet me in Phoenix in our subject vehicle, the Cadilac CTS Sport Wagon 3.6. Tom’s a pretty hard sell, rarely interested in “everyday” cars, so when he showed up at the hotel in Phoenix, excited about driving the non ‘V’ model ‘Lac, my interest was piqued. Especially since we’d have to spend another full two days in the car, using it as a camera vehicle in Arizona before embarking on a 500 mile road trip home.

I don’t know why American’s haven’t really gotten behind wagons as much as Europeans do. They drive essentially the same as the sedans on which they are based, and haul more stuff. From the driver’s seat, you’d never know the difference, and sometimes, as in the case with Volvo, Audi, and yes, Cadillac, they look better than their D-pillarless counterpart. There is one downside to a wagon though: weight. While we didn’t do any performance testing of our specific model, Car and Driver did test the wagon last year, and found that its added heft hurt acceleration to the tune of a full second to sixty. Now, 7 seconds isn’t exactly sluggish, but 6 seconds feels noticeably quicker. Since the only CTS sedan I’ve ever piloted was a ‘V,’ I expected this car to be slower and didn’t notice the difference of the added weight. Nevertheless, once rolling, the optional 3.6L, 304 hp V6 provides more than enough thrust for all but the most demanding drivers. Its soundtrack isn’t as slick as BMW’s straight-sixes, but overall its quiet and free of vibration. Multi-car passes on remote desert byways were just a left-paddle click away, and sustaining triple digit speeds over long distances remains so smooth, I was able to sleep in the passenger seat while Tom ate up hundreds of miles.

But without the monster LSA engine underhood to wow us, we focused on the interior and ride quality, the two most important factors on a long road trip. Cadillac gets an A++ for the CTS’s seats, the first set I’ve seen from an American car that properly mimics Benz and BMW’s tightly wrapped leather. Most American cars, especially previous generation Cadillacs and all Corvettes, have “baggy” leather, which is comfortable, but gets deformed and wrinkled after just a few thousand miles. The firm, supportive, and comfortable seats in the CTS tell me that GM has been studying Ze Germans, and copying them properly, for once. Both front and rear seat legroom is best in class, and the front passenger seat can be moved so far back that even my long legs won’t be able to reach the end of the footwell. When reclined it’s like flying British Airways, first class. Most importantly, fit and finish are top notch and give up nothing to the Germans. In fact, I know of three people who have traded in their 3-series BMW’s for CTS 3.6’s and never looked back.

Our fully-loaded test vehicle came with every option box ticked, save for the full glass roof, and technology in the CTS is plentiful, without being excessive. The retractable multimedia touch screen is bright and simple to use, though we wish that some basic navigation information were accessible while the screen was lowered. The audio system is intuitive and sounds great even at high volume levels. My personal favorite option box, heated/cooled seats work great for a desert road trip, where the seats tend to get extremely hot while parked in the sun.

There was a time when American car companies tried to offer the same features as the German manufacturers, but at a discounted price. How did they get to that price? By sacrificing fit, finish, and build quality. Think of a decade ago, when the Catera, based on an Opel, was as German as a Cadillac got. Now, the tables have turned. The CTS Sport Wagon is on par, if not better, than the German competition, but the buyer pays for it. Though the Sport Wagon starts at $43,000, our car’s as-tested price topped $52,000, which is actually more than a 3-series or A4 wagon will cost. Will the American public pay more for an American car that is truly built to German standards? Only time and sales figures will tell.

Until then, make my wagon a ‘V.” In Black.

I know it’s been forever, but The Smoking Tire T-Shirts are finally here and ready to order! But the real question is, who’s the winner of our TST Caption Contest? Which slogan was awesome enough to be featured on our T-Shirts and to earn its creator two free shirts? Hit the jump to find out.

BOOM! Now that’s a slogan. Unfortunately, the winner’s suggestion was posted via Facebook, and it was so long ago that the post has been deleted. So if this is your slogan, email Matt and claim your shirts. If we get multiple emails claiming this slogan as theirs, no one will get shirts, so please, just be honest. We know only one person submitted it.

As for everyone else who wants to order shirts, the ordering process starts today. We don’t need no stinkin’ forms here at The Smoking Tire, so here’s how it goes:

All shirts are $20. If you’re on the West Coast, add $5.00 for shipping and handling. If you’re in Central US, (East of Nevada and West of Arkansas) add $7.50 for shipping and handling, and if you’re east of Arkansas, add $10.00 for shipping and handling.

* Edit * International shipping rates to all non-third world countries are $13.45. That includes, Europe, Canada, Mexico, China, Japan, and most of the Middle East.

Shipping is a flat rate, up to 5 shirts. We have all sizes, from Small to XXL. This is a limited-edition shirt, and we only have 100 shirts total to sell before we create a new shirt, so get’em while they’re hot!

To order, simply send your order request via PayPal to TheSmokingTire@gmail.com. Include your shipping address and the quantity/sizes of shirts you’d like. We’ll ship out shirts from Redondo Beach, every Monday.

International viewers – I know some of you have asked about shirts as well. Please email Matt and we will work out a separate shipping amount for you based on your specific international destination.

Last week, we posted about our good friend Mr. Angry’s 1969 Dodge Daytona winning Hemmings Muscle Machines “Muscle Machine of the Year” Award. That’s after taking it for a little spin ourselves. Well, even though we don’t have an affiliation with Hemmings Magazine, they were kind enough to mention The Smoking Tire in their article announcing the winner. We encourage everyone to buy the magazine, but since it mentions us, we thought we’d take the liberty of posting just the Mr. Angry piece in its entirety on our site.

With SEMA, the world’s biggest automotive trade show, right around the corner, it seems like all people can think about is tuner cars. My inbox has been flooded the past week with emails from various aftermarket PR people inviting me to their booths at the show to check out everything from wheels to suspensions and superchargers. So the question is, what to drive to Vegas for a week for the show?

The obvious answer is some kind of crazy tuner car, to get into the spirit of the show. As some of you may remember, I did that last year, with my Corvette. Certainly nothing wrong with that, but this year, I remembered “VEGAS.” So screw the tuner cars, time to ride dirty. Which is why I was thrilled when the guys from Gotham Dream Cars asked me to bring their new Rolls Royce Phantom from Los Angeles to Vegas for the week. SHAZAM! That’s more like it.

This particular Phantom, which will be used for something very cool during the SEMA show (more on that later, but you’ll see) is a 2006 model with only 4,000 miles, which was actually owned by Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony. But before we roll out to Vegas on Sunday (I’ll be making the drive in my Haloween costume, seriously), we’re temporarily changing the Phantom’s color. I’ll post more photos when we pick it up from the vinyl place tomorrow.

So, what’s your perfect SEMA week ride?

No, really. It’s got Looney Tunes stuff painted all over it.

In Los Angeles, the Bentley Continental GT is such a common sight that often we forget its $200,000 sticker price. Many Continental GT owners don’t even like how many of them are running around major cities these days, and the easiest way to stand out is to add a set of aftermarket wheels. Depending on the owner’s good (or terrible) taste, these wheels can go either way. While we’ve certainly seen our share of tasteful aftermarket rims for these cars, this set has to be just about the worst we’ve ever seen. It’s like the guy who designed them took inspiration from an old-English tea set, but the execution looks more like the Wal-Mart knock off version. Heinous.

Strangely enough, parked near it was this ultra-cool Bentley Arnage T Limousine, on sale for just $128,000 with 5,000 miles on it. For the record, that’s $40,000 cheaper than the blinged-out GT.

Both cars spotted at EuroCar in Costa Mesa, CA

I’ll admit it: I chuckle a bit when I see a car that has clearly been confiscated by the cops and turned into some sort of Police vehicle. In Rye, NY, my hometown, there is a 1996 Dodge Viper that has been turned into a D.A.R.E. promotional vehicle, ironic because it’s far easier to die in a Viper than it is from doing drugs. Here we have a confiscated Dodge Neon SRT-4, complete with cheap-looking aftermarket rims and a loud exhaust, and it’s turned into a FUNERAL ESCORT vehicle! Tom and I spotted this gem in Arizona, where, apparently, grieving families like to follow the single worst sounding car ever produced while on the way to bury their loved ones. My condolences.

This past weekend, I celebrated my 10 year High School reunion by returning to Rye Country Day School in Rye, NY. We’ve all heard the jokes about people who rent cars for their High School reunions, who make up stories about their successes and try to impress people that, for some reason, they still need to impress after 10 years. Well I don’t need to impress anyone, but I did think it would be pretty damn funny to show up in a borrowed Lamborghini Gallardo Spyder, in orange no less. Full disclosure: Gotham Dream Cars hooked me up with the car for the night. Further full disclosure: I didn’t tell a single person there that it was anything besides a borrowed car and that I was just making a joke. There were too many people at this thing that knew I don’t actually own a Lambo to even attempt to pass it off as my own.

Nevertheless, my old friends all thought it was hilarious that I brought the orange Lambo, and no fewer than 20 of them tried to find ways to get the keys out of my hands and take it for a ride. I resisted, and the car was returned in one piece.

Funniest car-related moment of the night? After the “official” reception, all 40 or so (out of just 72) of my reunited classmates went together to the Rye Bar and Grill, a popular local spot. As I pulled up, a woman, unrelated to the reunion, screamed “FAGGOT” at me. I laughed, and parked the car. As I was walking into the bar, this same woman decided to give me a lecture about how small my dick must be, how I’m overcompensating, the usual bullshit that would come out of someone’s mouth who knows absolutely nothing about me. I agreed, told her my dick was tiny, and that I used the Lamborghini to get women into bed and when I turned out the lights, pulled my “stunt cock” out of the drawer and strapped it on. And, if it wasn’t too much trouble, would she mind not telling anyone in the bar? Her boyfriend, amused at this whole situation, gave me a high five and called me hilarious. Not 15 minutes later, the same boyfriend tracks me down at my table, and pulls out his iPhone, showing me a picture of his girlfriend, the same one that called me a faggot, bent over my borrowed orange Lambo with her pants down and her disgusting, hairy, bruised vagina spread out for the world to see. She had a huge smile on her face. But I’d never show her my stunt cock.

So, what’s your perfect high school reunion car? Is it an exotic? A funny beater? Maybe a limo with a driver? Or, you could roll like Sandy Frink and land in a helicopter?

A few weeks ago Matt went out to NY to drive Mr. Angry’s intimidating 1969 Dodge Daytona. Mr. Angry loves road rallies, and he also loves muscle cars. Usually these two things mix as well as Glen Beck and Bonaroo. Often the suspension is soft, the engine has rough spots (we call that “charm”) and without air conditioning the romance of driving a classic car across the country gets old as soon as you see the sign for Death Valley. But he showed us with the right plan and parts, you can build a hot rod that’s just as good on a road trip as anything out of Stuttgart.

With 510hp, a wheel base comparable to a school bus and the drag of a javelin it’s a Mopar cruise missile. After completing the project Mr. Angry entered the car in Hemmings Muscle Machines‘ “Muscle Machine of the Year” contest. The winner would be picked by the fans, not editors or historians. And they picked none other than Mr. Angry’s Daytona. If you ever thought that all hot rodders were into was candy paint and parking on grass, this should put that to rest. The people didn’t pick some rare Cutless that has had it’s cylinders wiped with q-tips, they picked the car that looks like  it would be driven by the devil when he’s collecting the souls he was promised.

The response on the car has been great. It’s not a 900hp dragster or a trailer queen, it’s a car you can drive. I’d have no qualms about driving this car 300 miles to Laguna Seca and heading straight onto the track. Winning the MMoTY award is more proof that the pro-touring movement is catching on. Who wants to park on the grass and listen to 50′s cover bands when you can build a car with the soul of a Detroit icon that doesn’t scrape the door handles in a corner? Not us. Congrats Mr. Angry, on your well-deserved win. Can’t wait to see what you build next.

Yesterday, we had the pleasure of testing an absolutely brilliant automobile, the Jaguar XKR 175 Edition, out in the Mojave desert. Amazingly enough, it rained most of the day, which, if you know deserts, know never, ever happens. It made for some amazing variety of color and light throughout the shoot day, and this is probably the most beautiful episode we’ve shot in a while. We’re very happy with it. Here’s a sneak preview of what you’re going to see in that episode. Mega-Gallery after the jump.

Automakers these days are clamoring around about lower emissions, better fuel economy, reduced weight, and smaller displacement engines. And then, when no one’s looking, they drop a monster V8 into an otherwise pedestrian sedan, bringing the horsepower wars down from only super and luxury GT cars, into commuter car territory. Such is the case with the Infiniti M56S. We’ve already reviewed the base-level M37 on our site, but hit the jump to see what happens when the lovable 3.7L V6 is yanked out and in its place sits a monster of a 5.6L V8 cranking out 420 horsepower.

The good news is that along with that gem of a (truck) engine and the “S” package comes beautiful anthracite wheels, a more aggressive body kit, new grille, and cold-metal paddle shifters. It all just works, especially the wheels, which fill out the arches much better than the base 18” rollers on our M37 tester. Either you like the M56’s styling, or you don’t (we do), but the undeniable fact is that it’s decidedly un-German, and a welcome alternative.

The really good news is, everything we loved about the M37 is still here in the M56S. The build quality, amazing attention to detail on the dashboard and doors, great seats, and class-leading equipment all remain as good as we remember from the base car. Infiniti also claims best-in-class interior space, and having driven both the BMW 5-series and Mercedes E-Class, we have no reason to dispute that claim. The M56 is no Bentley Flying Spur, but the interior is a much more interesting place to be than the primary contenders from Germany with its well-sculpted leather and soft rubber dash. Someone who buys a car like this is probably going to be spending a lot of time in it, so it’s important that the interior is a warm, inviting place to be. That is, when it isn’t utterly confusing.

When it comes to in-car multimedia systems, everyone has their preference. Some prefer fewer buttons with a “mouse” like controller, a-la BMW’s i-Drive. Some people, Lexus owners in particular, like every function to have a physical button that can change settings without the driver needing to menu-surf. Still others want all the vehicle’s functions available via touch-screen controls. And if Ray LaHood is to be believed, most functions should be accessible from the steering wheel as well.

Instead of simply choosing a method and evolving it over time, listening to customer feedback and improving the system, Infiniti has simply decided to play Switzerland and included them all. Which, unfortunately leads to a problem. Several, in fact. The touch screen display is too far away from the driver’s hands, requiring a full reach to operate. The buttons are plentiful and similar, and HVAC controls are placed oddly around the radio, requiring quite a bit of hunting and pecking to achieve desired settings. Then there’s the master control knob, cluttering up the entire center of the dashboard. There are simply too many different ways to perform simple functions, that even thinking about changing a setting while driving takes at least 3-4 times as long as it does using the SYNC system in my truck.

We tested a fairly loaded-up M37 back in August, but without the sport package. It cost $59,000, and we loved it. Our M56S tester, also loaded up with the same luxury options, cost $68,000. Considering the base M56 is $11.000 more than the base M37, the extra money for the “S” model is well worth it. However, If you opt for the $3,600 Sport Package in either car, you’re also forced to get the $3,000 Technology package. In our opinions, it’s worth the money, but as they say, you’ve been warned.

But what about the engine? The direct-injected, 420 horsepower V8 is a wonderful luxury engine. It makes 417 lb/ft of torque at 4,000 RPM, and the M56’s touchy go-pedal ensures it gets there quick. It produces its power nearly silently, reminiscent more of a Lexus’s than an Audi’s V8, in such that, it will hit sixty in about five seconds flat, yet never feels “eventful.”The throttle response, though, is, as I said, sensitive. It’s so sensitive, in fact, that during around-town driving, I found myself using the car’s “Eco” mode, which not only reduces throttle response, but also provides force-feedback on the accelerator pedal, encouraging responsible driving habits.

Then I hit the canyons.

I met up with two of my friends at the base of the Malibu Canyons. One of them, John, has a Mazdaspeed MX-5 with a factory turbocharger. The other, also named Matt, had a showroom new Nissan 370Z. Let’s just say that the Miata couldn’t lose me and the Z couldn’t keep up. The M56S is very fast, but not really in the way I expected it to be. There’s tons of power all over, yes, but it doesn’t build as the engine approaches redline. Instead, most of the power is between 3,500 and 5,000 RPM, tapering off the closer you get to redline. No, it was actually the handling that was the most surprising. Chalk that one up to Infinit’s 4-wheel Active Steering System, which, when combined with Active Trace Control completely eliminates understeer and makes the 4,000 lb sedan feel downright athletic, even on the tightest canyon roads. Unlike the average-at-best 4-wheel steering systems from the 90’s, 4WAS only allows the rear wheels to turn a maximum of one degree. It doesn’t seem like much, to the point where you would never notice it unless driving hard, but dive into a corner hot, point the nose, get back on the gas early, and watch the car hug the apex like, well, a Turbocharged Miata.

For all the Infiniti’s acronyms, BSI, VDC, IBS, and LDP (yes, those are all technologies on this car) our favorite is ACT, which stands for Active Trace Control. For the leyman, it’s a computer system that selectively brakes different wheels based on steering angle. For the racers among us, it’s an automatic left-foot braking system, which reduces understeer significantly by braking the right-inside wheel while accelerating out of a corner, ensuring the nose goes where pointed. Amazingly, it’s completely un-intrusive.

Now, the bad news. All those acronyms mentioned before? Those are all technologies meant to keep stupid drivers on the road and clueless. They are as follows:

BSI – Blind Spot Intervention – If you veer into the next lane of traffic, and there is a car there, a yellow light will come up on the A-pillar. If you continue your course, the opposite brakes will automatically return the car into its own lane.

VDC – Vehicle Dynamic Control, or, more simply, traction/stability control in one.

IBS – Intelligent Brake Assist – If you’re approaching another car in traffic, the M56 will use its force-feedback accelerator pedal to tell your foot to pay attention, essentially nudging it towards the brake.

LDP – Lane Departure Warning, or as I like to call it: Anti-apex technology. If your wheels get to close to the painted guide lines on the road, the car will beep at you, annoyingly.

Fortunately, there is a single button on the left side of the dash, which disables all these annoying acronyms at once. Well, at least the ones that beep/flash at you for clipping an apex properly. Unfortunately, you have to press it every single time you start the car, there’s no default “off” setting.

So the question is this: is the M56 worth the extra money over the M37? It depends on what kind of driving you do. If long highway road trips are your thing, the quieter, torquier M56 will eat up miles faster than than Carl Paladino can eat his own words. On the other hand, the M37’s V6, though not as quick in a straight line, saves 200 pounds over the V8, which really helps in the corners. It loves to rev, and sounds more like a sports car than a Lexus. As much as we love horsepower here at The Smoking Tire, we’d have to go with the M37S, as it fits our sporting character the best, and offers everything you’d want out of an everyday car for quite a bit less money than the competition.

Which would you choose?

“Because there’s no rubber in the suspension, Bang! You turn the wheel and it’s just incredible! I know of no car that turns into a corner like this one.”

A wild haired, thinner, round-sunglassed, and potentially even more exuberant Jeremy Clarkson shouts over the wind noise and howling exhaust note of the car that was primarily responsible for my passion for cars: The Ferrari F50. Clarkson’s quote comes from an old episode of Top Gear where he and co-host Tiff Needell pit Alain Prost’s 1990 Ferrari F1 car against the recently released F50. That single clip did for me what riding a bicycle for the first time did for Lance Armstrong, and the first airplane flight did for Chuck Yaeger. It ignited a dream.

Introduced in 1995, the F50 was built in honor of Ferrari’s 50^th anniversary. Like the F40 before it and the Enzo after it, it was the purest expression of Ferrari’s technological prowess and supercar building know-how. Propelled by a 512 hp 4.7 liter V12, it would make the sprint to 60 mph in 3.7 seconds, and would scream all the way to (cue Jeremy Clarkson) “a simply enormous, 202 mph.” It has no rubber components in the suspension so the handling was sharp and stiff, there is no traction control and no anti-lock brakes. It responds like a GranPrix car which is exactly as Ferrari intended.

Outright speed isn’t the only thing that makes the F50 so lust-worthy. I remember as a boy, staring transfixed at my computer screen as Clarkson talked about the car’s bare carbon fiber interior and spartan accoutrements: No electric windows, no carpets, nothing in the way of creature comforts. That same pared down, focused approach can also be found in the F40 and the Enzo. This car was meant to do one thing: go fast.

Only 349 F50’s were ever created, following Ferrari’s philosophy of “build one less than you think you can sell.” Go and YouTube videos of the F50: you won’t find much. There are a few clips of the F50 GT doing some hot laps, a crazy video of one with a twin turbo kit, a few racing on the highway, and one of some dude crashing. With a car this rare, seeing someone eat it while driving one is enough to bring a tear to your eye.

In an Evo Magazine special edition issue called “Driving Italy’s Greatest Supercars,” there is a brilliant article titled, “Scarlet Fever.” The Evo crew pit the most iconic Ferraris ever built against each other in a battle so epic, it had previously only taken place in childhood dreams. The contestants? The Enzo, F40, F50, and 288 GTO. To the author’s surprise, the F50 outshone some of the best driving cars ever made. Author John Barker’s last line was like a high five to my inner child.

“…Ferrari perfected what we think of as a supercar when it made the F50. It’s the most engaging physically and emotionally, which is why it’s the best supercar Ferrari has made.”

Welcome, Ferrari F50, to The Smoking Tire Dream Garage.

Now here’s something we really didn’t think could possibly work, but it works better than you could have ever imagined. Meet Pierre, the owner of this fantastic contraption that is simply brilliant, but in a completely insane sort of way. That trailer didn’t come from a Land Rover Discovery that was wrecked, or broken, or without an engine. He took a perfectly good, functional Land Rover, and cut it in half for a go-anywhere trailer. Its two side doors still work, and with the door handles from the non-existent front doors, are power-lockable using the key or remote fob. The trailer has its own set of batteries, rechargable from the tow-Rover’s alternator, and even the power windows still work. The stock Discovery fuel tank is intact, and using some trick plumbing, will pump fuel as needed into the main tank, for a combined payload of about 60 gallons. Unfortunately, the Discovery’s rear seats were not retained, which is too bad, because that would make a cool safari tow vehicle.

Pierre was on his way out to Death Valley when he stopped on Malibu’s Mulholland Highway to chat with us, and he says he can stay totally remote for several weeks if need be. You’re nuts, Pierre, but we absolutely love it.

It should come as no surprise that the next car I voted into our Dream Garage is the Alfa Romeo 8C Competezione. Earlier this year I was lucky enough to work on a shoot featuring a black 8C. When it was unloading from the transport truck I stared it with all the wonder of a 14 year old boy looking at his neighbor’s house, realizing his neighbor is Jordan, and her shower has a bay window. Then I got invited to go for a ride, and I haven’t stopped thinking about that day since.

Rather than start off by hurling acceleration statistics and engine-bore diameters at you I wanted to start with the first sense a car touches; sight. It’s why magazines have pictures, and why that television thing really caught on. There’s no cliche called “Love at first smell.” or “Love at first 3rd date discussion about the latest episode of House.” only “Love at first site.

Cars have been compared to women for decades. The most beautiful coupes have that hourglass figure that grabs our optical senses somewhere deep down in our DNA. While everyone could have a different list of the 10 most beautiful women ever, it would be odd to find someone that wouldn’t have the 8C in their Rolodex of beautiful cars. It’s a rare event to put a bunch of car nerds and journalists in a room and hear silence, but this car often does just that.  It doesn’t matter what angle you view it from; panoramic, wide, fisheye, close-up or electron microscope; it just looks incredible. The shape speaks for itself, it’s a classic long-hood/short deck coupe. It’s round,  but Alfa added a little edge to the ends, making sure the performance of this coupe isn’t looked over.

Looking closer we see Alfa has put just as much work into the details as they did the overall shape. The headlights for example, are the best fusion of modern projectors within a classic shape that I can think of, and integral to creating the best front end on the road today. The taillights are round, simple, classic Italian. What Alfa did was create a beautiful shape, and didn’t compromise a thing when they added all those “mandatory” items-like headlights.

The inside is the same; simple yet striking. I especially like the aluminum in the center stack and passenger “oh shit” handle, carved from single pieces of aluminum. The cockpit is simple sports car. There’s no pop-NAV, massager seats or built-in electric razors. Carbon fiber is everywhere, with the raw weave showing through on the doors, dash board and center console. The only thing I didn’t like was the stereo, because it looked like it was pulled from a parts bin marked “1992 stuff.” Besides, the exhaust makes any stereo obsolete. From the beautiful 3-spoke wheel to the carbon doors to the clean center console with the very piece of the interior made me smile. It only has what you absolutely need, and all those things are done with the touch of an artist. It reiterates what the exterior already said.

Unlike some of the more popular models today, the 8C has a very nice brain between its ears. It’s a high-compression Ferrari-built 4.7 Liter V8 that needs to be whipped all the way to 7,000RPM to make all of its 450hp. Being a high-strung engine also means torque wakes up late, requiring you to wait until 4750RPM for all 354lb ft. But that’s ok, because it’s just another excuse (like you need one) to hear every note of the fossil-fueled choir from the quad exhaust tips. Power is sent to the rear wheels through a 6-speed paddle-shifted transaxle, which also gives the car perfect 50/50 weight distribution.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8br0BHXqjt4&feature=player_embedded#!

It may have a Ferrari powerplant, but challenging an F430 to a race around Laguna for pink slips will result in you calling a cab. It’s paddle shifted ‘box takes 0.2 seconds to shift, compared to a ‘Scud’s 0.06 seconds between ratios. Alfa says it will hit 60mph in 4.2 seconds-a time that has proven hard to replicate and most other Italian brands have bested years ago. But the 8C is still a capable sports car, with fairly quick turn in and good grip. Power over-steer is a simple right-foot-request away. Push it hard enough and the body does roll, contradictory to what you’d expect from such a hard ride. I don’t care. Whining it’s not the fastest car in the world is like dating Natalie Portman and complaining she only went to Harvard for her undergraduate education; think big picture. In ‘Sport Mode’ with the baffles open, the engine barking and popping and nothing but carbon fiber as far as the eye can see, the car is enchanting. It’s not trying to win races, set ‘Ring records or hover across the Atlantic. It’s trying to be a small, beautiful, Italian sports car and for that test it gets an “A.”

This car was built to re-introduce Alfa Romeo to the world and in some cases (America) prepare for the arrival of other Alfas. The word that came to my mind when I thought about it was “compromise” in the sense that this car has none. They designed a perfect shape, and then they built it. The interior has everything you expect in a small GT car, and nothing more. It’s not a drag-out race car, or a comfortable do-everything cruiser. It is what it is. And if you don’t like it, fine, there’s the door, have a nice day. Alfa only built 500 but the very day they unveiled the production model at the 2006 Paris Auto Salon 1200 people put down their name to order one.

This car doesn’t have every button and gizmo known to man, because that’s not what it’s for. If you bought one of these and said, “It’s pretty good, but I wish it had more USB jacks and laser-guided steering.” go slam your head in a door (Not the 8c’s door, because they’re too light to do real damage). Because you’re missing the point. It is, and will remain, one of the most beautiful cars of all time. It’s fast enough, decent on a track, and sounds like the offspring of a Corvette and Lamborghini. I rejoice in the simplicity of it’s bare interior, rather than complain about it. It’s beautiful, exclusive, fun and has more soul that 100 Mitusbishi Evos combined.

In the past Alfas were known for being unreliable, uncomfortable and just plain hard to live with. Yet people loved them, driving them til the wheels fell off, bolting them back on and driving them some more. That was before my time, but I think I finally understand why.

-Zack K

The legend goes that back in the late ‘60s, GM developed an engine so powerful that it ran on liquid hot magma, and could make the earth spin backwards when fully unleashed. The name of this incredible powerplant? The ZL-1.

While the ZL-1 doesn’t burn molten lava (would it even be possible to burn lava?), it has become one of the most storied engines ever created by General Motors. Built with racing in mind, it found its way into the engine bay of the 1969 Corvette Stingray, creating the equally rare Corvette ZL-1. How rare? Though a few hundred engines made their way from the parts counter into racing cars, it’s whispered that only two production cars were ever built with the powerplant factory installed.

Flash back 50 years and you’re in the Chevy dealership, looking over the options for the ’69 Corvette. You read down the page until you get to the really important part: engine choices. You could get your ‘Vette with the base V8, you could opt for the exclusive and more powerful L88, or you could mortgage your house and purchase the ZL-1. A Corvette with the ZL-1 option box checked would run you over $10,000. In 1969 money! Other features include a Posi-traction rear axle, upgraded brakes, and special front and rear suspension. This price threshold meant that not a lot of people bought one, which has only added to the car’s mystique.

The all aluminum ZL-1 took the basic format of the L88 motor and improved upon it with burlier connecting rods, larger heads, a higher lift camshaft, and significant weight reduction over its cast-iron cousin. It makes a whole pile of horsepower too: Some estimates put it at over 580. In a 1969 production car! And it’s not just the horsepower that’s impressive, estimates put the 0-60 time somewhere around 4 seconds, and the quarter-miles times from the low 11’s to low 12’s. This car was properly fast.

Rarity can do funny things to objects that turn out to be pretty ordinary. But, when a car packs an engine as exotic as the ZL-1 and puts down the incredible performance figures that it does, there’s no question that the Corvette ZL-1 really is the stuff of legends.

Welcome, Corvette Stingray ZL-1, to The Smoking Tire Dream Garage.