by Zack K

Sliding a car in the snow is to me what a line of butter-stick-shaped sex toys is to Paula Dean. I saw this video of 1978 WRC Champ Markku Alen and thought, “that’s the most perfect moment the world could offer.” Drifting snowy corners while giggling out loud, “I’m driving a ************** Ferrari right now!” would be incredible.

But I think it would also make me a little nervous. Sliding a $35k Subaru around is fun, and the consequences of failure aren’t TOO bad. But a miscalculation in a car costing over $300,000 would leave me a sobbing, self-hating mess. There’s a great feeling you get from not giving a fuck; it removes the limiter on the fun meter. I wouldn’t turn down this opportunity and I’m not saying I wouldn’t put the memory in the spank bank, but I’d be nervous as hell of that front lip clipping a snow bank. Ah well, 84,323 posts and I’ll have that spoiler paid for. Make the jump to watch Alen do it proper.

Source: ferrariworld

Follow more of Zack’s stupid statements on Twitter, @ZackKlapman

by Zack K

There’s nothing an F1 driver needs more than a free car. These guys make a peasant’s wage*, and finding reliable transportation has been an ailment of Formula 1 drivers since the 1960s. While some of us are lucky enough to get our first car from our parents, the rest we have to pay for. Of course, asking an F1 driver to buy a car would be ludicrous; they’re broke! They’re still wearing one-piece ski suits from the 1980s for god’s sake! Luckily, some kind souls have stepped up to the plate. In fact, they’ve really gone above and beyond. A few companies went to the Italian Goodwill and dropped off some cars (a  Ferrari 458 Italia, Fiat 695 Tributo (super speedy 500) and a Maserati Gran Carbio) , instructing the dull-eyed clerk they are for one Felipe Massa and one Fernando Alonso. Over the years these cars have been delivered to their sad excuses for domiciles. They may share a studio apartment, but at least they have reliable transportation, a requirement for any profession.

BUT, these cars are straight up dangerous in bad weather. Asking them to drive these cars on a snowy day? Why don’t you just give an Alaskan orphan a new pair of crocs in December and tell him to play outside. As usual, it’s the Team America, World Police to the rescue. Jeep rode in like a white knight, and delivered a pair of Jeep Grand Cherokee SRT8s to the Fiorano test track. I can imagine that brought some joy to their coal-miner-like jobs. Judging by the picture above it just in the nick of time. Without even a proper winter hat, these poor souls were sure to freeze to death. No more. With the gift of AWD and 6.4-Liter Hemis, we can sleep easy knowing these two borderline-homeless foreigners will navigate the winter months safely.

Or it’s good for business to have a race driver in your car. Potato, potahto.

*This term has been updated in the 21st century to mean “shit-load of money.”

** If you wrote an angry comment below, or posted their salary, click here.

Rarrrr! Keep talking and I'll rip your face off!

by Zack K

By now everyone has heard of the Chevy Volt fire, and what a complete non-issue it is. ONE car caught fire, 3 weeks after the accident. If you crash your car and want to wait 3 weeks before you get out of it, the world really doesn’t need your genes in its pool. But the news grabbed the story, because they’re bored and terrible at their jobs. So they turned it into a big hullabaloo, hurting a recovering manufacturer all in the name of ratings. CNN-for example- has been in the shitter for years, so thinking this would be their big break is retarded. But another news organization has also been shouting “fire” all to stick a thorn in the Obama administration for funding the Volt with the auto bailouts. And that’s what has Bob Lutz so pissed off. This man doesn’t like a twisting of the facts.

After the fire Chevy was doing as much damage control as they could. A story like this scares people, and not everyone has time to surf automotive blogs all day. This is a problem. One journalist reported strangers commenting, “Be careful, those catch fire.” The seed had been planted.

Bob Lutz- revolving GM leader, horsepower proponent, and professional awesome guy- was a main brain behind the Chevy Volt. And that’s why he’s so mad at people like Bill O’Reilly and Rush Limbaugh. Mad enough he wrote this excellent, scathing piece for Forbes titled, “Chevy Volt and the Wrong-Headed Right.” (I strongly recommend you rea d it. Don’t worry, it’s short, and entertaining.) I doubt Bob and I agree on much besides cars, but the way he digs into O’Reilly, Lou Dobbs and Rush Limbaugh is just perfect. Those two fact-changing-blowhards have been using the Volt fire as a way to fire more agenda missiles at the Obama administration. The idea is, Obama’s administration offers a $7,500 tax credit, therefore they are using tax-payer money TO MAKE FIRE. Fucking retards I disagree, and so does Bob. Bush signed the tax incentive. But Bob’s bigger point was, why are you turning a non-story into something that hurts a recovering American business?

Bob fired back, using the GOP talking head kryptonite: facts. And it’s not that Bob is a liberal, not by any stretch of the imagination. He’s a tried and true conservative. But trying to undermine Obama by twisting facts and hurting an American business is not what he supports. His main point is here:

“While as a conservative Republican I may well share the goal, I deplore the means employed to attain it. The conservative cause damages itself, destroys its credibility through the expedient spreading of untruths. The public will figure it out.

The right-wing “talking heads”, O’Reilly and Limbaugh at the forefront, have managed to make me embarrassed to describe myself as a conservative.”

This would be a great thing for all media -but especially Fox News- to think about. When a staunch conservative like Bob disagrees with your tactics, despite agreeing with their goal, maybe it’s time to change. He and I might not agree on politics, but he at least wants it to be a fair fight.  They preach about job creation and stifling regulation, but do you think their listeners want to help support GM’s new foray into the world of hybrids and forward-thinking technology, after being told they catch fire? Of course not. They aren’t thinking of the overall on this one, a shortsightedness that is all too prevalent today.

Bravo, Bob. I couldn’t agree more.

Click here Bob Lutz’s full article, “The Chevy Volt and the Wrong-Headed Right.”

Another month, another niche supercar builder. This is the Shayton Equilibrium, made by  the luxury brand Provoco State of Passion, a company from Slovenia who makes clothes. And when I want a hyper car, I know my first stop is GAP. So they decided to build a car, and give it a name that sounds like an annoying 13 year old born in Orange County (“Shayton! Don’t talk that way to your sister. Her sex tape will make us famous!) Like the Zenvo ST1 it will have a limited production run, 20 units in this case. The car will be made out of titanium and carbon fiber, with a curb weight goal of 2,646lbs. A 1,100HP V-12 engine will sit in the middle, theoretically sending it to 60MPH in 2.9s and on to 250MPH. It’s also quite good looking. But..

… there’s a few things that worry me. The first is, small-production hyper-cars are risky. Using the latest materials, technology and a big engine is great but this isn’t like building a bird house where you can forget to drill the entrance and say, “well I’ve never made one before.” This company wants to be the new measure of “beauty, quality and lifestyle for the 21st century.” Bugatti spent billions making the Veyron. Other companies, like Koeniggsegg, SSC or Pagani, spent comparable sums or simplified the design. But the Shayton has fancy materials and a fancy engine. And fancy things are hard to make and easy to break.

My other concern is their website. They put together a great pitch filled with Egyptian legends and fake gods, with sections of their site labeled “Essence.” I don’t know how a brochure that sounds like Lord of the Rings attracts buyers, but when there’s too much fluff in a pitch I get skeptical. I don’t need to know how a hawk picked up a stick and that created the earth, which is your explanation for the design behind your cupholder. Just make the car go fast and look pretty.

I’m not saying small companies shouldn’t try to join the game. Koeniggsegg tried, and succeeded, and I don’t want to live in a world without their cars. I just find smarmy, mystical sales pitches a little hilarious. I hope this car is as good as they say, because hyper cars are awesome. I just hope they didn’t divert cut into the engineering budget to hire a sci-fi writer. I also hope it works better than the Zenvo we were supposed to drive but couldn’t because it was having issues.

“Shayton is a new god, the god of speed and performance.”  ALL HAIL SHAYTON!

"Crest.." "Uh, we're already in the air. Can you talk faster?"

by Zack K

This video from The Daily Hoon is pretty funny. It’s a WRC special stage rally with an unknown driver. The driver is hauling ass through this twisty tarmac stage, and the co-driver just can’t keep up. The guy urges her to speed up several times. He’s practically driving the course without notes, and that makes his crazy speed even more impressive. 4km in, their coms stop working, so she has to shout the notes and she sounds exactly like Rachel Dratch doing that weird, Eastern European accent. You could turn this into a drinking game: how many times does she call out the corner and he’s already in it? Grab a bottle and hit the jump.

Source: The Daily Hoon

What makes a vehicle amazing is its chassis. You can bolt on all the after-market suspension, sway bars, strut bars or roll cages you want but their performance is limited, ultimately, by the chassis. You can sprint and lift all you want, but if you’re 5’5″ and 135 lbs your skeleton will keep you out of the NFL. But thanks to Art Morrison, you can take the body off your hot-rod, ditch the weak, flexy, obsolete frame it came with and bolt to a chassis whose abilities probably exceed yours.

One of our favorite episodes of TST was the Art Morrison 1960 Corvette 3G. The episode was fun to make and looked amazing but the star of it was the car. It accelerated, turned, and stopped better than many modern Corvettes. Then there was the 1955 Chevy Bel Air, the car that changed Matt’s perception of what a hot rod can be. Art’s chassis are also used as the back-bone of the incredible one-off off-roaders made by ICON. There’s nothing he can’t improve. That’s why we drove up to Washington to film this episode for “TUNED.” We went to see his shop and find out how he -along with his son, Craig- are able to make old cars so damn good. Unfortunately the rain kept us from driving their latest project, but we had fun learning what it is that makes these cars so good. Jump for the video. 

 by Zack K

Sacrilege! What the hell was this person thinking?! This is like forcibly giving Katy Perry the Mike Tyson face tattoo. If this is some rich guy’s $250,000 joke, I’m going to kick him in his faberge eggs. Despite its physical handicaps on the road, the Alfa 8c is in my top 5 favorite cars of all time. I love it. I think it’s the best-looking car built in decades;better looking than any woman I will ever marry. It also sounds perfect, has an amazing interior and it’s fast enough in a straight line to keep me entertained. To quote the great poet Seth McFarlane, “I hope you fornicate yourself with an iron stick.” More shouting after the jump. 

I think there’s 3 possibilities for who ordered this car:

1. A rich redneck who wanted to buy an Eye-talion sports car but had to add a lil southern drawl to it. Y’know, to make sure folks don’t think he’s evolved into a person of class and taste, who educated himself and stepped forward in life forgotten his roots. Holy shit, maybe it was Sarah Palin…

2. A rich European -probably Russian- who grew up buying Dukes of Hazzard DVDs from a boot-legger. After making millions by 100% legal and ethical means he ordered an 8c, but as he moved the mouse to “Buy Now” he glanced at his childhood heroes. With Smirnoff-ian fortitude he emailed Alfa, “Give me ze Alfa Compeh-tee-shun car but make look like Gggeneral Lee. Yes, with flag. No I don’t now what means, but I like the colors.”  This person simultaneously took a shit on both Italian cars and the American heartland.Bravo.

3. Some super rich asshat bought it to show his friends, as one of the world’s most expensive bad jokes. “How hilarrrrious is that, bro?” He probably earned his money by being the product of his father’s entrepreneurial ejaculate, because taste like this smells of a juvenile with too much money.

Whatever the reason for this monstrosity, I hope this car soon finds itself accosted by a guard rail at high speed so it may be put to rest (Without harming the driver. Ok, maybe a little bit). Or maybe Sarah McLaughlin can sing a song about it, and ask us to adopt it and nurture it back to it’s natural color.

Source: TRC Off

Hey everyone, here’s episode 2 of the podcast. I apologize for the delay. We had 6 microphones this time, and some had volume issues. So Chris had to go through the entire thing adjusting each moment Thad talked. It took a while but next week we’ll have new gear so this shouldn’t happen again.

Last we checked, over 5,000 people had downloaded the first episode and the response online was pretty damn good. This week, we had a guest stop in; our friend and touring comic, Micah “Bam Bam” White. He’s hilarious,  fresh off a tour in Hawaii and he’ll be at the Hollywood Improv tonight. We want to thank you guys for tuning in, we all have a great time doing it and plan to continue each week. If you like it and want to help us out, just spread the word. Share our podcast, and videos or articles you like. Help spread the gospel of TST.

The Smoking Tire heads to Daytona Beach, FL to follow Turner Motosports as they enter the Rolex 24 Hours of Daytona. It’s the 50th year of the legendary race and they’ve brought 2 nasty E92 BMW M3 GTs to compete. (Turn your volume up for the in-car footage; they sound incredible.)  In part 1 we meet the team and watch the drivers take the cars out for final  testing, addressing issues like tire wear, over-steer and night-time fatigue. Watch for newcomer, Michael Marsal, ripping past an Audi R8 GT on the outside of the oval. Video after the click.

by Zack K

Since the Acura NSX made so many people swoon at the NAIAS, I thought it was a good time to bust out this funny spec sheet of Tony Stark’s NSX from The Avengers. Of course it’s all fictional, but I love the amount of cool, “techy” words they mix together. It’s almost like a mad-lib; This hyper _____ wheel prevents neutron_____ and ____ attacks while modulating modulators. My favorite is the wheels made from, “particle matter technology.” Isn’t everything made with particle matter technology? Make the jump for the build sheet. Oh, price is about $10M. But the taxes are surprisingly cheap.

Specs sourced from Collider. Descriptions of the options’ function are pure, ridiculous, random, careless speculation, created at TST headquarters.

Acura 2012 Stark Industries Super Car

Tactical Package

Standard Equipment at No Extra Cost

Operating/Durability Features:

• Palladium-powered 80,000 TOHC 32-valve engine with titanium-forged block and nitrous fuel-injection system. (BMW is working on a similar system. It runs on shredded plastic bottles, gets 400MPG, has adjustable power (200HP up to 900) and it’s only emissions are fresh water and baby unicorns. Not for sale in the USA)
• 9 Speed HYPER-Shift transmission (Downshifts automatically every time you end a sentence with “I just hope we make it in time.” Can’t recognize difference between saving the world and stuck in traffic while on the way to dinner.)
• Diamond quartz cross-drilled brake calipers. (Still squeak at low speeds. Developed in a joint-effort between Lil’ Jon Materials and Spoiled Whore Automotive.)
• Steering wheel with palm-scan ID
• Lithium Dioxide-injecting shocks I am not a chemist
• Reflex-response steering column with target guidance feedback (People love hearing “target guidance.”)
• Super-scan theft-deterrent modulator (Anything that’s a modulator is really awesome.)

Defense Systems:

• Info-net sensory tracker system (Ah good. The tracking of info-net senses has lacked on cars of late, especially on the Corvette, despite journalist please.
• Invisa-shield exo-system wave modifier (available at Brookstone)
• Enviro-clone projected hologram of surroundings (Made from old, recycled projected holograms found behind CNN)
• Thermal imaging topography mapping software
• Emergency homing beacon (Marketing talk for On Star)

Exterior Features

• Advanced radar-deflecting capabilities with wave modifier (Ok, what’s a wave modifier?)
• Bullet- and foreign element-proof clear coat and metal skin (Still can’t protect Tony from Gwyneth’s icy glares)
• Night-vision HUD windshield (Also plays DVDs)
• Bulletproof hyper-traction tires (Hyper means lots! Right!? Yay lotsa traction!)
• High-grade tint with radar bounce and jam capabilities. (Psh. That’s on any Chevy you see with stick-on Buick holes)
• Intermittent blue and red tech flashers in all light assemblies
• Underbody kit with aero-dynamic spoiler lip ( Remember kids, the more words for a part, the better.)
• Black-night painted-wheels with particle matter technology (Isn’t everything made using particles, matter, and technology? Crayons are made with particle matter technology.)

Tactical Package

• Anti-ballistic shielding body panels (“Ballistic”, totally awesome movie word #4)
• Incoming scan scrambler. (Doesn’t defend against faxes though).
• Low-density plasma emitters with UV flares (I was wondering when “plasma” was going to make an appearance here.)
• Encrypted computer with backup-powered interface and satellite link (Anonymous already broke in and changed the MMI language to Afrikaans.)

Manufacturer’s Suggested Retail Price: $9,198,000.00

Tax: $22,364 (In California, this car carries a tax of $840,000)

License and Registration: $6, 782 (License fee in CA: $65,000. Hope the clerk gets commission.)

Destination Fee: $1,854

Total Vehicle Price: $9,229,000.00

Palladium Power Estimates:  (A car that runs on metal. Sure.)

City Miles – 234

Highway Miles – 302

Source: Collider

by Zack K

Last night I was hanging out with our friend and TST podcast member, Chris Hayes, and the news of BMW‘s new diesel M cars came up. We were both excited. They combine huge torque (545 ft-lbs!) with 376HP while getting 36 MPG. Perfect, right? And since the 335d had 51/49 F/R weight distribution, the concern of a heavy nose is gone. Fucking awesome. Except they’re not bring them to the USA. Once again Europe has great fruit we can’t reach. I think the diesel movement is slowly growing here but at a slow rate. Shame. Luxury car buyers would love diesel if they gave it a chance. They feel the torque in a V-8, refer to it as “powerful” and that makes them feel good. But since they rarely wind their cars past 4k, they’re just wasting a good V-8 and a bunch of gas. One day, we’ll get a shot at these. For now, I wrote a little thing I imagine is how a conversation might go with BMW, from the perspective of someone begging them to bring these awesome cars to the USA. Jump for that and the pretty moving picture of the M550d, BMW X5 M50d and BMW X6 M50d.

“BMW is making performance diesel cars! Yes! Score! Finally torque and speed meet efficiency with it costing $1M like the 918. I can’t wait! Put me down for an M550d…What? You’re not selling it in America? Wh…oh because we don’t buy diesels? Well, yea, that’s true but I think there’s potential. Rich people love them some smooth torque. It’s why they buy the silly 550i and CLS550! Nononono not that the CLS and 550i are similar, of course not did I mention what nice, cliche industrial-looking glasses you have?  I’m telling you, Mr. Hansdietrichbeerfranzenscarypeoplewunderbar, I think if you just put a little work into the marketing-explain the power, torque and handling with hybrid-like MPG- you might be surpri….but what if…not going to even try? True, Ed Hardy people don’t buy diesel, we’re working on a detainment program actually…The money is better spent improving the efficiency at which you develop efficiency?… sounds like Germany all right. What about enthusiasts!? Bam! There ya go, they’ll totally – they don’t buy much? K, got me there. They love buying your hats though… Damn you’re efficient at rebuttles…  *sigh*”

by Zack K

This is a YouTube video called, “Motorsport-Love for Life.” It’s a short film, by Antti Kalhola. It uses a compilation of racing footage – drivers, cars, rally, F1 teams, wins, losses, crashes, etc – but not simply strung together as eye candy. Paired with slow music and a voice over it starts with the question, “Why do we love?” to explain viewer why people race cars. Through images of broken cars, daunting elements, injured drivers or just the pain of defeat written on faces, this short film is about why we voluntarily put ourselves into a situation where we could lose-even die-yet we go back again the next day.

I think this video encapsulates the bigger passion of cars. It’s this kind of strange love that gets us up at 5AM for a show, or up all night wrenching, or working two jobs to buy parts and staying up late reading about suspension engineering or the latest crossover comparison. It’s why driving to us isn’t a chore or a simple means. We don’t know why we love, but we do. And to love is to live, and fo people like us, that means having cars in our life. This 4 minute film explains that, and all through the gorgeous imagery of incredibly fast cars doing what they do. Make the jump to watch.

Thanks to Antti Kalhola

$1,000,000 for Obama’s used 300C. I think this salesman is just delusional. Or drunk. Or playing a really good joke. Or he owes money to someone in Chicago and this is his bright idea to keep all his fingers. Or maybe it’s Blagojevich raising legal funds. Either way, this guy is really trying to cash in on the leftover Barret Jackson buyers looking for the next investment “collectible.”

In the description he justifies the asking price by listing the big prices paid for cars owned by the Pope and former President of Iran, both around a million dollars. And this car, one day, might be worth that much. 20 years from now a museum might want it, or maybe Karl Rove’s friend will buy it for him for his birthday to be used as a pinata. But $1M up front is a big gamble. It might be worth that much eventually, but to buy it for that price now seems like a big risk. I’m curious to see what happens, and we’ll be watching the auction. Personal politics aside, do you think it’s a good investment? Let us know.

http://cgi.ebay.com/ebaymotors/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=120849425946

by Zack K

There’s no fun hybrid out there. The CR-Z has potential, but other than that, until the Porsche 918 Spyder shows up hybrid cars are a night spent at home with a blanket and some decaf tea. Whoopee. I understand their primary goal is MPG and the fun cars will take time but I like some personality in my car. Toyota has been the brand of vanilla ice cream, communion wafers and tepid water. They made really good wafers, but until the FR-S showed up, that’s all they made.

But today they showed up with a pepper-crusted steak, stuffed with jalapenos and a tumbler of whiskey on the side. This is their new race car, the TS030, and it’s a hybrid. It’s fast as shit, screaming around the Paul Ricard course. And unlike every hybrid we can buy, it actually screams. There’s overrun coming out of the pits, even pops and back fires. What?! Jump for 3 videos, with one awesome in-car angle with driver, Alex Wurz.

The car is set to race at the 6 Hours of Spa-Francorchamps in May, and after that (hopefully) it will run at Le Mans. I know winning at Le Mans takes years, and even then it’s uncertain, but a rivalry between a Toyota Hybrid and an Audi TDI would make my day. And either way, we win. I’m glad to see Toyota had a few vodka and Monster Rehabs before heading into their meetings.

Pit Lane

Hot laps:

On board:

Thanks to YouTubers racecareng and AutostradaTV.

by Zack K

I pride myself on being a very aware driver. I know what cars are around me at all times, I watch traffic far ahead and have systems on high-alert most of the time. For a long time I chalked it up to good training by my dad, but a news story (below) has me thinking that perhaps it’s thanks of that endangered species, the manual transmission.

The news story below is about two parents who required their daughter’s first car to have a manual transmission. Their thinking is that with both hands busy steering and shifting, she won’t have time to text. That means she’s less distracted on the road and thus, safer. Makes sense to me; You can’t be a distracted driver if the car forces you to focus on driving.

Every car I have owned has had a manual transmission. I learned to drive in my dad’s ’95 Cherokee, which had an AT, but as soon as I’d learned the basics, my driving lessons were moved to the car I would actually use daily, a 1979 International Scout II. Terrifying to learn in. It was as smooth as dropping bolts in a garbage disposal. Every car I’ve owned since then has had a manual transmission, and it definitely requires more attention than an AT. I can operate the clutch, brakes and shifter on auto-pilot, but the fact that you have to be involved with so many parts of the car keeps you attentive and you really don’t have time to do much else. Many tasks-opening a drink, a snack, using NAV or even a phone-have to wait until a long stretch or a stop. My accident-free driving record is definitely due to a heavy amount of luck, but I know I’m more focused when i drive a manual; you have to be. I think the minimum amount of attention required to operate a car with a manual is higher than that of an automatic. You can drive an automatic with the focus of a Type 2 diabetic on a Laz-Y-Boy.

Last week I almost got taken out by a kid driving (ironically) a 1998 Jeep Grand Cherokee. Had he been merging with 3 pedals, he wouldn’t have been texting, so he would have seen me. I think these parents are on to something, and hopefully more parents pick up on this idea.

Back in July, Matt participated in the Bullrun Rally for the fifth time, and the first as a co-driver. He ran with Rob Ferretti of Super Speeders in a 2000 Mustang Cobra R, and made a series of videos which can be found here.

But the Bullrun was also filmed for a TV show, which premieres on MTV2 This Thursday, January 26th, 2012 at 11:30 PM PST. We personally can’t wait to see more of Matt’s exploits on TV, especially since the promo video uses the word “race” several times (we thought we weren’t supposed to do that?). Hit the jump for the trailer, and leave your thoughts in the comments.

by Zack K

The Juke R was released into the wild recently, starring as the pace vehicle for the Dunlop 24 Hour race. Everyone and their mom saw the awesome video of it sliding around a small course, being chased by a Gallardo, SLS AMG and some other pretty cars. At that event, every magazine and blog (except this one!) were invited to stop by and drive this midget power-lifter around the course. And what a surprise, it’s really fun and really fast. Shocking. The results of putting a Nissan GTR drive-train into a shorter, lighter car are as risky and predictable as replacing the cheap Hershey’s syrup on your Sunday with a fancy chocolate flown in from Sweden. Gee, I wonder if that will taste good?

Of course it did. Motor Trend took it around and reported it had quicker turn-in, rotated easier and was generally more fun and involving to drive. Awesome. And of course, now the speculation begins as to whether or not Nissan will actually sell this psychotic pill bug to the public. I’m betting if the office gets enough inquiries from well-financed buyers (read: not people like you, or me, or 14 year old Forza ‘Ring rats) they will. But my question to you is: Would you actually buy one? Would you spend, say, 6-figures for this car? And if you did, where would you drive it? I’m genuinely curious. Journalists live in impulsive fantasy land, “Should they make a 3,000HP Audi A1 with balloon tires? Of course they should.” But the subtitles there are, “That way I can rub-and-tug my way into a test-drive and have some fun in this ridiculous moon explorer without committing any real money to it.” We want everything built because no way in hell eventually we’ll get to drive it for free. We try to make imagination land real, for free. But that’s not fair.

So the Juke-R is fun, it’s fast, it’s crazy-looking and it’s clearly the love-child of mischief and LSD-inspired design. But would you plunk down the coin for it? If it’s a track toy, aren’t there better or more exciting ones for the money? If it’s a fun street-machine, how soon before that novelty wore off? And if it’s a daily driver, in my opinion, for the money, it’s too ugly. So, comment below: If they built it, would you buy it, and why?

Pics from: Automotor Blog

by Zack K

(UPDATE: A fan tipped us to his local news’ website, which covered this story. Police say the woman was having a “diabetic medical emergency”, which caused her to drive this way. The Fire Chief speculated, “The lights are on, but nobody’s home.” Story here)

So this person is hopefully on heavy hallucinogens. I hope she’s ripping along thinking, “Wow, this Candy Land video game is amazing. It’s like I’m really outside!!! Ok, time to focus. The only way to save the Gumdrop Princess is to reach the end of this giant penguin’s slide in time.”  I love to drive in the snow. I know I’ve looked longingly at a snow-covered center divider plenty of times and maybe if I was driving a Robby Gordon Hummer I would dip a tire into it. But this person is insane. They’re doing about 65MPH in a Hyundai Accent, hurtling into the unknown. Watch her hit the jumps. Think that slows her down? Wrong. That’s what you have to do to get the gold coins. Jump to watch.

If you haven’t been following our new series Tuned on the /DRIVE Network, you’ve been missing out. We started by romping on BBi Autosport’s Porsche Turbo S, then moved on to crusing Grant’s Pass, Oregon in the amazing Decoliner RV by Blastolene. This week, we made it to the Dirtfish Rally School in Snoqualmie, WA, where we learned about rally car building and preparation, while Matt got to race six-time X-Games Gold Medalist Bucky Lasek.

Bucky, much more well known for skateboarding than for cars, isn’t exactly an easy takedown. He spends his weekends at the track club racing his modified Porsche 996 Turbo. He has raced Porsche cup cars at Sebring, Daytona, and all over southern California. And his skateboarding background means he’s used to pushing the limit. But when it comes to rally cars, he has the same 2 days of experience that Matt does. The race is closer than you’d think, but who will win? Hit the jump to find out.

by Zack K

By now you’ve heard about the big arrest of the Megaupload founder, Kim Schmitz, in New Zealand. No? You don’t read any websites other than this one and Mama’s Knitting Blog? Jesus. The short version is Kim Schmitz was a Gumball driver and hacker.  He lived life with the character and humility Scarfaces’ secret 16 year old millionaire son would have. He started Megaupload-a file sharing site-and made a shitload of money selling ads and memberships to people seeking pirated content. And now the money, cars, house and *cough* “party girls” are going away. He’s like a nerdy James Bond villain. Make the jump for the details and videos of his high-speed Gumball rallies, and the recent arrest.

I saw the headline of “Megaupload Founder Arrested” on my news app, and as curious citizen with knowledge of the site, I was curious. So I clicked to the story. Then it said “Kim Scmitz” and I thought, “Holy fucking shit! It’s that big dude from the Gumball rallies!” I immediately recognized him as the giant who had burned himself into my brain as the weird German guy who drove his Mercedes “CL3000″ like psychopath, laughing like an infant at 155MPH.

I had watched those videos countless times. They have the rare honor of being internet videos from the early days I still remember vividly. The genesis of my high-speed, long distance rally dreams, and my envy for every real Cannonball participant, were the Gumball and Mischief 3000 videos. The videos made Kim look like the fastest driver in the group (he wasn’t), so naturally I’d remember him. His attitude on camera was one of extreme confidence, almost a playful ego, like walking around with the knowledge you could uproot buildings and cause a lightning strike with a simple thought. After watching the videos I Googled him for a while, trying to find out who soft-spoken giant was. All I could find was a strange website with as much content as an empty refrigerator box. No resume, no history, no employment. This seemed weird, but I paid no mind, because I was 18 and was more focused on things like skateboarding and jungle juice.

Kim on the Gumball 3000 in Morocco.

That invincible attitude is reinforced with the Megupload case. After getting in trouble in Germany and Thailand for insider trading he moved to New Zealand, away from Interpol’s attention span. That’s the great thing about internet crime, it can be based anywhere. If you believe all the Verizon wireless ads, you could run a company like this from a hot air balloon. He rented a giant mansion, which he would have bought had the government not denied his application due to failing the “good character” test they give to hopeful migrants. I guess they were right.

This video is a news report from TV3 in New Zealand.

While living there Kim lived an extroverted life. When his family was granted residency, he paid for a New Year’s Eve firework display over Auckland at a cost of $500,000. He threw countless parties attended by pretty girls. I’m going to go out on a limb and say those ladies probably received “invitations” that looked a lot like cashier’s checks. Living loud and extravagantly is certainly the norm of criminal masterminds from the big screen, but you notice that always draws attention? 007 loved to crash an evil geniuses holiday party and take crumpet-laden crap on the baccarat table. And if you’ve already gotten in trouble, wouldn’t you want to fly a little more under the radar? Maybe not have license plates that say, “HACKER”, “MAFIA”, “GOD”, “STONED” and-best yet- “GUILTY” like Kim did. I know he’s a genius but the border between cocky and stupid is often paper thin. I mean, is it smart to advertise that you’re a criminal who thinks he’s untouchable? I wouldn’t drive a Ferrari with the plate “ISELROX” in 1985 when the drug war was beginning.

The F.B.I. showed up a few days ago. Despite Kim hitting the ” Oh shit, the cops are here.” button, activating some “electronic security” devices and locking himself in a “safe room” with a shotgun, the cops got him.

I’ve seen comments on YouTube both for and against the F.B.I.’s actions. I know some Top Gear UK fans have used torrents to see episodes, due to American cable’s delusional thought we wouldn’t enjoy that show. But Megaupload was different. Despite its legitimate business as a file sharing platform for companies and artists (Kanye West and Will.I.Am did commercials, touting the site’s ability to transfer songs.) most of it’s money came from selling subscriptions and advertising. I’ve “heard” the site is flooded with ads. What that means is someone steals the newest episode of “Bones” and uploads it. Then Kim tells advertisers 50 million people will visit his site and gets paid to put ads in but doesn’t send any money to the studios that made them. It’s a black-market TV network, essentially. Content providers estimate Megaupload cost them $500M in potential revenue and made $175M from advertising. Say what you want about studios already being rich or the internet needing to exist un-tethered but if I found out someone was re-posting our TST videos and making money off ads they’d sold, I’d shove that $500,000 firework display up their ass and start the New Year’s Countdown.

Watching the first video (at top) of Kim, I saw his attitude toward life summed up in one excited sentence, “I wish it could be Gumball every day.” He said it like a kid who just went to a water park for the first time, earnestly asking his parents on the ride home if they can move there. He lived every day like a Gumball rally. It’s the attitude of “Who cares?” It’s the attitude you have on New Year’s Eve when you meet a someone of questionable looks or hygiene, or how you act in Vegas on your 30th birthday. But you can’t live every day like that, because irresponsibility cannot last very long. Kim did, and now he’s going to jail.

by Zack K

We all make engine noises with our mouths. Admit it. You’ve either been describing a car, a race, trying to explain to your friends what your new exhaust sounds like (because surely MY skilled mouth can perfectly mimic the pitch differences between an Invidia exhaust and a Crawford one.) or you’re playing with your die-cast models. Either way, we do it, it’s fun and we don’t care how infantile it is or how many girls it confuses and horrifies.

F1 drivers are no different. Someone put them in front of a video camera and asked them to imitate their own cars. It’s pretty funny. And if you’re wondering “Do I sound that silly?” the answer is yes, yes you do.

This little post was found on reddit, the funnel through which much of the strange and crazy auto content flows. Commenting on the picture above, his page simply says “Found this trench two weeks ago, and it got the better of me.” I assumed he was trying to drive down it and got twisted up. But the picture below showed me he had a different idea of what it means to “conquer” it.

The caption for this second picture says “Came this weekend for Round 2.“, with the picture below showing you how well it worked out.

The final quote says “One day I will make it.” Again, I’m not sure what defines, “making it.” Crossing, or driving up or down; that makes sense. And getting some serious 4×4 lean can be exciting, but it seems clear this trench wants nothing to do with you, and might not be an “obstacle” that can be overcome while driving on the door handles. I guess he wants to defy the laws of physics and drive sideways, like a gecko walking on a glass patio door. The fact that that analogy is applicable should tell this guy he should let this one go. More pictures here.

When we posted the first-ever The Smoking Tire podcast, the response was overwhelmingly positive and it seems like something we’re going to make a weekly thing over here. As of the first 2 days, the podcast has been downloaded over 3,000 times, which is pretty damn good for a first try, especially considering it was only available on iTunes, much to the chagrin of some commenters. Well here at The Smoking Tire, we believe in giving the audience what they want, and we have uploaded the raw MP3 file for those listeners who do not want to use iTunes.

Full transparency: It’s better for us if people do use iTunes, but we do want to let everyone listen to the podcast, so here’s what we’re going to do. Going forward, the podcast will be uploaded to iTunes on Thursdays and the raw MP3 will be posted two days later. If you do use iTunes, please remember to subscribe to the podcast so you don’t miss a thing!

Download the Podcast on iTunes here.

Download the Podcast on MP3 here.

Subscribe to the MP3 RSS Feed here

Image Source: Chronicles of the Nerds

by Zack K

 I love this guy. This video is of traffic in Chechnya. The impatient white car is impatiently weaving, looking for a safe place to pass. There’s nowhere to go, really, but he doesn’t care, a silly sentiment I share with him, daily. The camera car honks at him; the automotive equivalent of an old woman’s finger shake. The driver responds with the ultimate “Frankly, ma’am, I don’t give a fuck.” by holding an AK-47 out the window and firing it into the air. Nice move. Amazingly, everyone keeps trundling along, for a moment at least. You’ll have to watch the rest. It’s quite entertaining from the safe location of the internet. Make the jump to watch.

This perfectly encapsulates my attitude in traffic. Yes, I’m an angry, greedy, dick, attempting to apex and WOT my way to some imaginary finish line. I drive as if I got a suggestive text from the cast of “MILF Island” that ends with “You only have 5 minutes before this offer expires.” But in my mind really, I shout through my windshield for the greater good. I’m a red-faced, cursing Mother Theresa; I want everyone to get to their destination faster. Like a sheepdog, I bark and rev, urging the cattle to move faster. I’m an aggressive driver, and most people probably hate me, but if everyone actually knew what their car could do and had the skills to back it up, we’d all get places a lot faster. Ever transfer freeways behind someone going 20MPH under the speed limit, because apparently they’re afraid there could be a dragon waiting around the corner? I hate that person. I want them to die. So, I think I should at least be able to motivate them via a few 7.62mm fired into the air. Forget Colorado, my vacation house will be in Chechnya, where people like me are allowed to run free.

(this picture of Matt drifting an R8 on ice has to do with absolutely nothing)

Back in New York, I had the coolest gig. Once a week, myself, Mike Spinelli, and Mike Musto would head down to the Sirius studios and do an hour of live radio for Maxim 108. The show was called “RPM,” and I loved it. So we’ve decided to get back into the live radio spirit and try a podcast, like Adam Carolla’s ridiculously successful one.

So we did what any normal person would do: get a friend to get some awesome audio gear, a whole bunch of micro-brew beers, and talk cars and life for an hour.

Gentlemen and lady (if there are more than one of you leave a comment), welcome to the first-ever podcast from The Smoking Tire. Have a listen, hopefully subscribe, and leave your feedback in the comments. If you like it, we’ll do it again.

The Smoking Tire Podcast

We don’t have full size, but a larger version of the above image here by request.

The 24 Hours of Lemons is the fastest growing racing series in America, and for good reason: It’s cheap, at least by normal racing standards. Cars must not be worth more than $500, and poor driving is punished with hilarious penalties, dished out by Matt and the Lemons Supreme Court, comprised of Motor Trend’s Jonny Lieberman and The Truth About Cars’s Phil Greden (aka Murilee Martin). As a bonus, Matt is invited to pilot the safety car before the race, so we built our own replica of Formula One’s Safety Cars out of a brand-new C63 AMG coupe. Hit the jump for the video.

Of course this video was really fun to make, but it does lack the full in-depth review of the C63 that some of you were probably hoping for. Good news! Matt wrote one of those too, and it’s available in the free online magazine Road Lanes. 

Click here to read it.

(This story comes to us from PipeBurn.com)

by Zack K

The only trikes that were ever cool were BigWheels and the off-road kind. BigWheels are cool because they have the grip and stability of a KY wrestling match on ice and off-road trikes are cool because they’re fucking dangerous. I got to spend a day riding one up near Humboldt (I was 12 so no, I wasn’t high), and it’s an interesting exercise in planning. You have to plan when you will turn, to make sure you’ve slowed to the necessary 4MPH to prevent flipping it. The big, 1970s balloon tires floated over rocks and holes just fine, but it essentially had the ability of a drag bike: Forward is good, turning is bad.

The only trikes you see now are the ones we all hate. Sold with the line, “Do you want to ride a motorcycle, but lack the physical ability to lean? Do you sit on your couch holding home-made handlebars fashioned from pipe cleaners, making exhaust noises and watching old episodes of Renegade? Have we got the vehicle for you!” they’re outdoor patio benches with an engine. I saw two (riding together, of course) cruising through Malibu on our Mulsanne shoot. The consensus from all 8 of us was canyon-shaking laughter. They are motorcycles for the lazy. They’re cars without any of the benefits. Trikes, no one likes you.

Except this one, the “Bonneville Spirit.” It was built in France by Francis Bouillet, inspired by Bonneville and in my (and Thad’s) opinion, it is the king of trikes. Jump to read more.

If you want to read the full article with interview, click here, but I will give you the short version. After 18 years in the French Air Force, Francis retired and signed up for the Espera Sbarro school of design. For a final project, instead of building a 1/16th scale vehicle, he just built the one above. The movie “The World’s Fastest Indian” was playing at the time, and planted Bonneville in his mind. He got to work piecing it together, and “piecing” is the correct term. The frame is from a Harley Sportster. The front clip is from a French car built in 1902. Parts of the front control arms are from a Sikorsky S-55 Chickasaw helicopter and the foot pegs are from an airplane. This is like Orange County Choppers, with the tattoos, spider web fenders and bullshit.

The result is a trike that looks fast standing still, with beautiful tear-drop fenders all around and a blue frame that jumps off the screen. He’s been contacted to bring it to Bonneville Speed Week, but shipping that far is costly. Hopefully someone hooks him up with a free flight. I’m curious to know how fast it can run. Even if it’s nothing too exciting, seeing it run, and sitting on that gorgeous salt, would be quite a scene. I love this bike for its originality, its motivation and the fact it’s Francis’ first project. What a way to start.

Source:  http://www.pipeburn.com/home/2012/1/11/kustom-racer-designs-bonneville-spirit-trike.html

"This sticker is dangerous and inconvenient but I do love fig newtons."- Ricky Bobby

by Zack K

Doctors have recently decided “distracted driving” includes many things beyond using a cell phone. Bluetooth and hands-free are useless in the fight against people’s lack of attention behind the wheel. The DMV in California even lists “Viewing objects outside the vehicle” as a contributor to accidents. Basically, we all suck at driving. Then, a few months ago, MINI announced it’s social-connection feeding tube app, “MINI Connected“, a program that reads you Twitter and Facebook updates while you drive. It fueled a small- yet informative- rant from yours truly. Now, Mercedes has decided to not just throw caution to the wind, but light caution on fire and throw it into a spinning windmill, with their conceptual driver media interface D.I.C.E., which stands for “Dynamic & Intuitive Control Experience.”

The goal is to make your car as smart as your phone, connecting to you to everything as quickly and seamlessly as possible. Instead of checking Yelp on your phone for nearby eateries, they pop up on the dash, with the option of projecting them onto the windshield. If you saw Mission Impossible 4 you’ll know the idea. Watch their video and you’ll see the “driver” getting all sorts of fascinating info, like how many cars drive over a bridge he’s near. Amazing! Just what I always need to know while driving down the street! I get why they’re doing it, but I have concerns.

Make the jump for a short explanation and their video.

I could rant for pages on it, but they summed it up in their own video (shown in the picture above). While typical-successful-looking-white-guy is checking out when a theater will reopen, two cyclists-one adult and one child-ride by in the background. Those very soft, breakable humans are hidden from view while he ponders if he fancies a show or not. What could possibly go wrong with this kind of media interaction available? I love Mercedes cars and few people get a muscle car right like them. I also understand you have to begin developing technology long before the world may be ready for it. I just hope this isn’t released until drivers are really ready for it. Like when cars drive themselves. If that’s the case, then magician-wave on.

“No, Zack Jr., you can’t have a new bike. Because you’re going to fucking die, that’s why.”

Click here to jump to Car and Driver for the video.

by Zack K

These guys’ lack of shit-giving would decapitate that stupid honey badger. The picture above should give you an idea of how serious and awesome this video is. Not very and a very damn much. Formula D champ Chris Forsberg and a bunch of his crazy buddies got together and took over a racetrack with their mildly ratty but completely fun-as-shit drift cars. There’s no artsy shots, no game faces, no quick detail spray. What there is is 8 cars drifting around the entire compound (buildings, stands, the ticket booth) inches from each other. Animals were probably harmed in the making of this film. I love drifting, but I haven’t seen a video this fun and reckless in a while. This is what we would do if we had full access to a track (and real drifting talent) and just said “fuck it.”

It’s only the first part of the movie and they’ll probably space them out like an IV drip, keeping us happy through the winter. BloodMasters, if you’re listening, the TST crew approves and would love to have you at our next BBQ. We share your passion for automotive anarchism. Now enjoy the video below. Someone get me a denim vest.

Source: BloodMastersNJ

Last week, on the season premiere of Tuned, Matt visited BBi Autosport in Huntington Beach to drive a very impressive Porsche. This week, we turn it up a notch. Matt and the crew heads 800 miles north to Grant’s Pass, Oregon to visit the world’s greatest living hot rodder, Randy Grubb and his one-man company, Blastolene (greatest name ever ,BTW). Randy’s story is so good, and his passion for his craft so strong, that we simply had to share it with you. While he is best known for his first-ever creation, Jay Leno’s “Tank Car,” each of Randy’s projects seem to be better than the last. We awarded his semi truck, “Piss’d Off Pete” our highly coveted Best of SEMA award in 2009, and now we’re visiting him to drive the vehicle he’s been building since then. Introducing, the DecoLiner. Look at the picture above and consider this: Randy designed and built this functional flybridge motorhome from scratch, by himself, in his garage, in just over 5,000 hours. If you’re anything like us, your first thought is “Please let me drive that.” Fortunately, when you’re Matt, the answer is almost always “Sure.”

Hit the jump for the video review of this amazing custom vehicle.

The Deco-Liner is for sale, and Randy would like it to go to a good home so he can make some room in his garage for his next incredible project. If you’re interested in buying this piece of rolling art, go to www.blastolene.com

by Zack K

The day I bought my Mazda Miata, it only took one on-ramp to know I would like to do an engine swap. It’s size and low ride-height make it feel faster than it is, but thanks to an upbringing of muscle cars, an STI and gloriously high-caliber press cars, 130-ish horsepower does not cut it. Engine swaps are fairly common in Miata, with many people opting for V-8 LS power or the occasional SR20 plant. But I had always thought a bike motor was a cool idea.  Bikes are small, Miatas are small, the high-revs and banshee exhaust note seemed to suit the small roadster much better than a loud V-8.  This idea was given new life at the 24 Hours of Lemons at Buttonwillow, where we saw a Geo Metro buzzing around the track powered by a CBR1000 motor. It’s small and crazy and I loved it.

Since I lack the tools, space, time, know-how and funds to undertake this project, it was doomed to lay dormant in my mind for years. Odds are I would sell the Miata and trade up before I would try to learn engineering in the TST garage. Thankfully, someone else decided to give it a shot. The guys at MotoIQ have a new project: Miatabusa. One guess to figure out what that means. Oh what a name. They’re putting the engine from the king of the straight-line racers – the Suzuki Hayabusa- into their NB Miata and they’ve documented every step in funny, intelligent detail. If I took this on, it would have a cooling system made out of bendy straws. Not these guys. Solid works computer design, CNC machine, measuring, all the proper tools and skill to do it right. In fact, the idea is for this build to be an R&D project to build a kit, so the mildly talented big-dreamers like me can do the swap. At the end, they’re aiming for a 2000lb, 171hp Miata that retains the stock transmission and daily functionality with a proven, race-ready power train. And eventually they want to turbo it. I like these guys.

They’re 12 steps in so far, with a lot more to go. Jump to their site to go through the posts, covering everything from sub-frame issues, transmission shafts to custom gauges and exhaust. It’s actually inspired me to consider hanging onto my NB for the long-term.  I can’t wait til it’s done.

Source: MotoIQ

by Zack K

The Ferrari 458 Spider configurator has confused me. I clicked the link, and immediately changed it from the dark Rosso mugello to the traditional Rossa Corsa, because if I’m going to buy a Ferrari I want it to be “Ferrari red.” But since this is the internet where you can find a picture that caters to your fantasy about having a threesome with a Halo truck and a furry I decided to click through the other colors, just to see how they looked. I started with the usual blue, black and white but then kept going: Grigio ingrid (like sand), Blue Abu Dhabi, even one resembling British Racing Green-which felt somewhat sacrilegious- looked good enough to drive daily. I questioned my taste, “What the hell is wrong with me? I don’t want a teal car!”

See, I have always said my first Ferrari would be red. Call me typical, predictable, boring, unoriginal, monotone, a sheep, tacky, douchey, lame, boring, trashy or any other insulting word built upon the countless red Ferraris you’ve seen over the years; I don’t care. Partly to blame is something similar to frequency and inception. Like you, I’ve grown up seeing mostly red Ferraris and that repetition has planted the idea in my mind that a Ferrari should be red. That’s probably 20% of it. The other 80% is that I really really like the way their cars look in Rossa Corsa. It’s bright without looking soft, bold without the wannabe toughness that comes with black or matte (All “tough” guys are hedge fund managers and send back bottles of corked Pinot. Bring it!!). Red is a color that screams as loud as the car does and announces to the slower cars ahead of you that moving to the right is in their interest of self-preservation. It exudes the spirit of a Ferrari and suits it perfectly, like a soul-less medieval dungeon master wearing coarsely cut black leather from head to toe.

Yet here I am looking at every different color and thinking (with a few exceptions) they all look fantastic. Was it the color? The quality CGI? The usual exotic car lust that makes us sell our children and do away with eating? Nope. The 458 Spider just looks that good. When Vicky Henderson spent 5 tearfully happy minutes flying around Italy in one, I knew it was a great car to drive, especially without a roof to get in the way of its sonorous wail, but that was more about the driving than the shape. But taking a step back, it looks incredible. I think it looks even better than the coupe, something I can’t remember saying about any car, ever. Ferrari has done such a good job, it looks good in any color. Head over to the configurator and build one yourself. My first Ferrari will still be Rossa Corsa red, but if it’s not a 458 Spider, when I buy one of those I’m going to be as decisive a hypochondriac picking a toilet in a truck stop.

by Zack K

The Dakar Rally is probably the craziest race on the planet. It’s 8,000 miles long. Eight thousand. The longest route of the Baja 1000 is about 1,100 and while it is run straight through (the Dakar has 14 stages) the sheer distance of the Dakar leaves me in disbelief. Who thought this thing up? Thierry Sabine, a nut case who, after getting lost in the desert, thought it would be a good place to race. Heat, snakes, lack of water, perfect, right? “You know, driving the equivalent of the USA, coast-to-coast, off-road, twice, leaves me a bit…bored. It’s too easy. 6,000 miles? Puh-shaw. Peasants race distances so short. I want a race that is almost 50% longer, crosses 3 countries and the nearest decent hospital can only be reached with several plane flights and a working passport.” Crazy. Make the jump for an amazing gallery.

Dude, you're in the WAY!

The Dakar used to be from Paris, France to Dakar, Senegal but because Africa has gotten dangerous in the 7.62mm sense of the word, in 2009 the race moved to South America. I love the idea of a long-range off-road race. The variety of vehicles, terrain and driving skills required makes me giddy. A race where you can power-slide, jump, speed and possibly die? 14 times in a row? Sign me up. I’ve lusted after the Baja for years, and given the rent-a-buggy shops and variety of budget-friendly classes, driving it is an attainable goal. But the Dakar is different. I think I would love to drive it one day but not without serious sponsorship and support. I do not trust myself to build a vehicle stout enough to survive that. Imagine gasping your last, dehydrated, sun-baked breath and thinking, “I can’t believe we forgot to use Loctite…”

For now I will live vicariously through the incredible 37-picture gallery found on www.boston.com. The locations, shots and photo quality are stunning. It gives you an idea of how desolate and isolated this race is. Many props are given to the competitors. I hope to one day embarrass myself in front of them. Click here to see the massive gallery.

Source: www.boston.com

by Zack K

If you cheat accidentally, is it cheating? That’s the question that came to mind when I read Matt Bubbers’ story on retired rally driver, Rauno Aaltonen. They call Rauno the “Original Flying Finn” and after you read his story, you’ll know why. Make the jump to read about the harrowing, snow-covered mountain shortcut Mr. Aaltonen “found” at 85MPH.

In 1962 Aaltonen crashed and found himself upside down in a car that was on fire. He said he heard classical music (due to a lack of orchestras at rallies I’d say that’s a bad sign) and swirling vision. Suddenly, his co-driver screamed for him to get out, and since his belts had the built-in safety feature of melting when presented with fire (that’s a joke), he freed himself. A lesser man might look at the burning car, quit his rally career and go into a safer one- maybe testing the softness of cotton balls-but Aaltonen had been racing on and off-road since the 1940′s, so he didn’t quit.

5 years later he was in Monte Carlo, the most celebrated and important rally of the time. He was driving a Mini Cooper, a car he loved because of it’s tiny wheel-base and short over hangs. Other cars were more powerful but for him the small size allowed him to have more room on the road and gave him a better racing line.

(Here’s what the Col de Turini looks like in the daytime).

One of the special stages was the Col de Turini (click for WRC video). It’s a narrow road set above steep cliffs, climbing then descending to the finish. When they arrived at the stage Aaltonen was in 1st place, 12 seconds ahead of a Porsche. But right as the starting marshall counted down, there was an accident on the road. So Rauno had to wait. And wait…and wait.

As he sat there, snow fell, covering the icy road in thick fluff, and making his narrow, spiked tires as grippy as a 95 year old woman. Finally, it was clear, and they were off. But soft, deep snow and narrow tires are not friends. Grip on the climb was minimal, and at the peak they were now 2.5 minutes behind. On the downhill the pace quickened; Rauno was doing 85 MPH- mostly sideways- on a road as wide as dental floss but to make up 150 seconds seemed impossible.

Then, mid-corner, they hit a patch of ice. Rauno knew they were going off. There were boulders lining the road, and he knew he could aim for them to stop car. But he didn’t, because he’s a psychopath. Rather than hitting the cave-man’s guard rail, he aimed between the rocks. Why? Check out this logic: He knew the slope below was “only” a 45 degree slope. So he “knew” he wouldn’t die falling down a cliff. His idea was shoot the gap, hopefully miss all the trees and rocks below and magically make it back to a road. Sure. While we’re at it, let’s jump from a plane, take off the chute we brought, and hope we find another one on the way down.

But that’s what happened. Somehow through the blessing of the almighty spaghetti monster, they landed between fir trees and snowy boulders and kept going. “As we had already left the road there was no point of stopping, as the Mini would immediately sink deep, but to continue hoping to find some road.” And find it they did, ending up back on the special stage road, taking a Frontier Airlines shortcut to get there. This guy is out of his mind, “Oh, since we’re already flying through the air into Whoknowsbutyayicicles, let’s just keep going?” Talk about luck. They ended up winning the stage (and the rally) by 5 seconds.

“I told my co-driver to shut-up his mouth and don’t tell anything. And so, for 20 years I never told anybody. It’s no good to tell because it would just stir things up, you see.”

So Aaltonen cheated, technically, but considering the balls it takes to shoot that gap and hope for the best I’m certainly not going to call the WRC or shake my finger at him. What he did was totally insane, and absolute luck. We see rally highlight after highlight of people bouncing into trees, flipping down hills, even happening upon horses. No one would intentionally leave the road, because it’s way safer than what’s around it. I know he didn’t follow the rules, but the guy risked blind flight in the off-chance he could stay in the race. What if there was a cliff at the bottom of the hill? What if there was a marauding band of cannibals with spears and a hatred of small, FWD cars? If you put this in a movie, I’d find it as believable as towing a 20-ton safe while doing controlled drifts. But it was real, it happened, and they lived. This kind of perilous chance is what makes rally driving the greatest racing sport in the world. And considering Rauno stayed puckered for at least 10 years after this race, I’d say we can give him a pass on this.

Source: Autos Sympatico

by Zack K

I’m nominating this video for best video ad of 2012. I know, it’s early. Hollywood does this when they roll out a piece of shit on January 2nd (“The best romantic comedy of the year!”) but when they do it, it’s because that movie will sink to last place in a matter of days and remain there for the rest of time. But this video, sponsored by ICON, GoPro and a littany of other performance companies, just fucking kills it. It’s the sequel to the original, spank-bank-worthy “Motorcycle vs Car Drift Battle” video that came out exactly one year ago. It featured Nick “APEX” Brocha sliding a stretched ZX10 around while an LS-powered RX-7 slid after him. I had never seen someone corner a bike like that, and it’s view count of over 4 million means neither had any of you.

This new video takes it up many notches. Nick is back, with his buddy Ernie Vigil. They take some Triumphs off the racetrack, into the hills of Washington. They’re riding is ridiculous, balancing a slippery rear wheel from turn to turn. But this time, there’s an addition, a “Smokey” played by drifter Dan Brockett. He chases down the 2-wheeled ruffians in the baddest cop car to date (Sorry, Gallardo), a Ford Mustang SVT Cobra. The combination of location, aerial shots, editing, driving, riding and execution is something fellow video nerds and non-blind people will unanimously love. It’s just sick. This is the best commercial since the Gymkhana series. Suck it, GEICO newt.  Ok, I can’t think anymore, I have to go watch it again. Make the jump, raise the resolution and grab a doughnut. Enjoy.

Source: Icon

We know it’s been a little quiet around here the past few days, and that’s because Matt and the crew are on a 3,000 mile road trip to film 4 episodes for our new show Tuned on the DRIVE Network. We’ll be back to regular posting on Monday, but for now, check out the January issue of the free online magazine Road Lanes, where Matt reviews the new Mercedes C63 Coupe, Lexus’s new “sporty” hybrid, the CT200H, and the BMW R1200R motorcycle!

Check it out at www.roadlanes.com

Some of you may not have heard of Tuned, our new show on the DRIVE Network. Whereas here on The Smoking Tire we tend to focus on factory stock car reviews, Tuned is all about the best custom projects around, from street cars to trucks, offroad to land yachts. In our season premiere, we hit up our old friends at BBi Autosport, who said we absolutely must try their 650 horsepower Porsche 997 Turbo S PDK. The car isn’t just about horsepower, either; it’s got the chassis, suspension, and brake upgrades to match. And as you can imagine, I take it out, drive it hard, and put it away wet. Hit the jump for the video and see what Tuned is all about.

These guys are straight up nutsy-awesome. To give you an idea, they have a video called, “rock crawling is for pussies.” These guys built a buggy with a 638HP ZR1 motor, 4-wheel steering, 4WD and a roll cage that resembles a tarantula. Then they approach a rock trail, usually approached at lower speeds (with exceptions) and just fucking floor it. They hit the ledges, bounce 8 feet in the air, land and keep charging. The rule seems to be, “WOT or die.” with a little yeee-haw thrown in. It’s crazy, but I’ll do anything to get a ride in one of these. Seems safe.

- Zack K

by Zack K

I don’t make New Year’s resolutions. My slightly cynical brain has observed enough people making and breaking them to know that just because Ryan Seacrest takes a break from giving Mario Lopez hand jobs to watch a big, lit-up ball drop it won’t make you stick to your diet. I did, however, make a “to do” list for 2012, and one of the things on it is to drive over 200 MPH. Somewhere, sometime, don’t care, needs to happen.

That goal is why I think this car, and the videos below, are so damn awesome. Jeff Gerner took a 1992 Audi S4, jammed 32 lbs of boost into it and brought it to Bonneville. Make the jump to find out the whys and hows, and watch this humble-looking (ok, aside from the stickers) sedan run near Veyron speeds.

A quick background on Jeff: He’s been working with cars and engines his whole life. He started drag racing a ’68 Camaro when he was 18, and then built a purpose-built dragster at 19. He spent his working career as an automotive fleet maintenance manager. Since “retirement” he started a race shop, http://fourringperformance.com/, which focuses on Audi/VW engines. But the guy can build pretty much anything. Basically, he’s been making things go fast since high school.

He chose a 1992 Audi S4, because his daily driver is a 1994 S4. He had already “tested” the high speed abilities and found that it was stable at 160MPH. He also knew the famous 20-valve I-5 motor would be up to the task. He explains:

“For those new to the Audi fold, this engine was originally developed for Audi’s legendary Group B rally cars. It was then used in Audi’s all conquering SCCA Trans Am and IMSA GTO class entries which were so dominant, in the late eighties and early ninety’s, that they were eventually kicked out of both series by the sanctioning bodies. They could not be beaten and all the other manufacturers were going to quit, so they kicked Audi out! How cool is that? So I wanted that engine to have a world speed record as well.”

I’ve known about the strength of the 20V ever since a friend co-worker bought one in college. In layman terms, they’re the Supra motors of Germany, as proven by the insanely high-powered Group B rally cars. Jeff took this one and shoved all his knowledge into it, ending with a car that made about 1100HP at 29 psi.(down form 32 for safety).

He also liked the car for it’s sturdy engineering:

“Additionally, I knew the UR S4′s were built like a tank and that it would hold up in a high speed crash as well or better than any other car I could choose.”

I don’t know how strong metal can be at 240 MPH but I’m glad he didn’t have to find out.  So he built this S4. And build it he did. He spent thousands of hours on the car, putting in safety systems like a cage, fire suppression and the awesome-sounding “inertia activated fuel shutoff.”

(2009 run where he set a class record of 222.996MPH, on the stock block at 9500 RPM.)

I tend to operate cars with a little bravado, probably too much at times. My policy is, if someone else has driven a car X miles per hour- and lived- it’s safe (in the right situation). I’ve topped out every car I’ve owned without incident. (I know it’s illegal and all that, but no one who reads this site has obeyed every law since age 16, so keep it to yourself). This doesn’t mean you can drive fast without focus and skill, but as people like Brock Yates and Alex Roy have proved, high-speed travel can be safe if done in proper cars, by capable drivers.

But speeds like this in a home-built car is a whole different game. Reading his interview I learn Jeff had to put the same kind of thought into his 20-year old car that Bugatti engineers did. The laws of physics are laws, and they don’t care if you’re driving something that cost $1M or $1. Jeff had to account for things I hadn’t thought of; the exhaust pressure exiting under the car possibly causing lift, for example. Cars in his class can’t have after-market aero, so he used the suspension to give the car a natural wedge shape. The stock roof rails were actually extended slightly to provide side to side stability, like a rudder. Jeff left no stone unturned, no foreseeable problem was passed over.
The video is not able to embed, so click the picture to jump to the vimeo page.

The World’s Fastest Audi – Landspeed record attempt in a 1992 Audi S4 from QuattroWorld.com on Vimeo.

Just plain awesome. Jeff has said this car accelerated harder than his old 600HP, 1973 drag car. It’s so powerful, you can’t give it full throttle until the top of 4th gear. Do it wrong and you get wheel-spin at all four corners, even at 190MPH. That’s gotta be interesting.

I hope I can do something like this one day. And while achieving that speed in anything- Veyron or Zonda or Koenigsegg, etc- would be incredible, there’s another element that comes from doing it in something that was never built to go that fast. Jeff Gerner had a dream, set a goal, built this car himself and then successfully ran it. Unfortunately, the motor blew on his follow-up run, ending his chance at an official record. It blew because Jeff wanted to set the record with the stock oil pump, which failed. This guy really loves the 20V motor, doesn’t he? But he’s fixing that issue, and he’ll be back at Bonneville soon. With his expertise and attention to details, i have no doubt he’ll do it. And QuattroWorld promised to be there.

Big thanks to QuattroWord for a great interview and video, and Hooniverse for finding it.

Source: Hooniverse

Original story: Quattro World

by Zack K

Matt and Tom are in Florida right now, getting ready to film the 24 Hours of Daytona. On the road, they saw this odd-looking van with a badge we don’t recognize. An hour of Google later and I still can’t figure out what it is. This is the second time in 3 weeks we’ve seen a car and not known what it is. (Tom brought home a Daewoo rental car disguised as a Chevy Captiva. It wasn’t that Captivating…). If you know what it is, post below. I’m going with Sesto Elemento test mule.

EDIT: Thanks to the fans, we found out it’s the VPG MV-1, a car specifically built for handicapped people. Jay Leno had one in his garage. It’s the only car built from the ground-up for people disabilities, solving problems that come with converting a car to accommodate a wheelchair. It can even be fitted to run on Natural Gas, which is ironic since it’s built in the old Hummer H2 factory.

- Zack K

What you’re looking at here is a big, lightweight, deep, comfortable waste of money. It’s a carbon fiber bath tub called the Corcel No. 1. You know, for increased handling, agility and acceleration. You see, for hundreds of years people have been buying heavy porcelain or cast iron bath tubs. They were known for their heat retention and durability, and protecting Mel Gibson and Danny Glover’s from a bomb in Lethal Weapon 2. These giant, heavy bath tubs are collector’s items as well as the setting for many murders throughout movie history.

But apparently all those people were secretly hoping for a lightweight, $72,000 bath tub; I guess porcelain had too much flex. I know people have the right to spend what is probably 0.01% of their savings on whatever they want, but this is fucking dumb. The only place this makes sense is on one of those psychotic $40 million carbon fiber yachts, and I don’t think there’s enough boats for all 51 of these. Outside that it’s a waste of carbon fiber. It’s winning tickets to the Super Bowl but watching it on the TV above the urinal. It’s putting gold flake on a dessert or getting a date with Kat Denings and taking her bee-keeping in the dark. I think it’s a silly waste. Make the jump to see their commercial, or what I’m calling, 2012′s Best Comedy.

Were you expecting Sigourney Weaver to pop out of the tub after waking up from hyper space? We were.

"It's your fault." "No, this was your bloody gag." "Dad! Look at my painting!"

If you haven’t seen the Top Gear India Special yet, stop reading and go here. If you have seen it, you are either eagerly clicking to the next page to see Executive Producer Andy Wilman’s thoughts – perhaps to understand why it was what it was – or you’re wondering, “What’s the fuss about?”

Apparently the fuss was big, 900 comments on the TG home page big. People weren’t happy and to be honest we’re in that group. It felt forced, campy, staged and just produced. Their “mission” seemed too abstract and far fetched compared to epic journeys in the past. We didn’t rant on the TG thread, but enough people did to get a response from the creator of the greatest show in the universe. Jump to see some example comments, and his reply. (Don’t worry Top Gear, we still watch you for hours. Every single day.)

The thread on Top Gear’s site is a deep well of fans and critics alike, but here’s some comments of note, with my comments on their comments in parentheses:

1. “Absolute shite.” – (Geez, don’t sugar coat it.)

2. “Oh dear. Sorry, I’m a huge TG fan and was looking forward to it very much, but was sorely disappointed. I actually found it embarrassing and cringeworthy in parts. Forced and contrived. So many missed opportunities and it was frustrating – you were in India, a country of such contrasts and beautiful people and scenery yet you focused on a premise that didn’t work and gave us overlong and overdone silliness like the garden party.” – (Agree completely and points for using more than 2 words.)

3. “everything was just so obvious…. it sucked. trying way to hard, wasn’t funny, was just scripted and in places, cringe. not cringe in a funny The Office type way, cringe in a bad way. bring back the old top gear, when it wasn’t scripted”

4. “Seeing the front of that Mini get ripped off nearly made me cry, was so sad.” – (I agree. Richard acting like he didn’t hear it made me feel like I was watching a children’s cartoon. We are smarter than that, as is he.)

Some people even said the show should end; that it’s losing it more and more. I disagree, and those people will be shot after I post this, but we weren’t that happy with the special either. It had a lot of forced gags, bad acting, worse singing (why why why?) that odd party and the destruction of the Mini we were drooling over. I know Top Gear sets up plenty of gags, but these were just too obvious for them to sell as spontaneous.

Because of the volume of complaints, Andy Wilman, the Executive Producer you might know from the recent Top Gear Top 40 Moments that’s been running more than SVU, responded to the comments:

I give this man props for being in control of one of the biggest shows in the world, yet being connected to his fans enough to address them (and this isn’t the first time). Big egos in Hollywood are as common as rug burns on assistants’ knees and I don’t think many of them in control of a show this big would take the time to talk to the fans, but Andy does. He sees how passionate people are, how much we love this show and that we all just want it to be as good as possible. No one is rooting for its failure, and when the show is good we would follow Wilman and the trio off a cliff with cult-like devotion. The fact that he admitted he didn’t love the special shows how small his ego is, and how much he cares. He’s a fan like us. We’ll be here for the next one Andy, don’t worry.

- Zack K

Here’s a guide to the formula of building the dumbest form of custom car to ever cruise American roads, the Donk.

1) Take 1 shitbox, generally worth very little money and in poor condition.

2) Spend 3 times the value of said shitbox on a lift kit to turn it into a monster truck.

3) Spend 4 times the value of said shitbox on some glitter paint. Don’t do any body work under the new paint, it helps to see previous damage through the paint.

4) Spend 5 times the value of said shitbox on wheels so big, the slightest bit of load will either cause them to collapse or come off completely, causing the world’s most “I told you so” moment.

5) Spend 0 times the value of said shitbox on upgrading brakes or any other safety component.

6) Show the homies what a moron how cool you are.

That’s if it’s done properly. At the very least, you probably want a car with some kind of V8 in it to handle the immense torque needed to get those yard wheels (you ain’t cool unless you measure your wheels in yards) moving. The Mazda RX-8, with it’s neck-breaking 152 lb/ft of torque is not what we were thinking of. What we have here, folks, is either the least pimpin donk ever (you think the skanks that like your Chevy are gonna know what a rotary engine is?) or the least fun RX-8 to drive on the planet.

  by Zack K

Two weeks ago Fisker announced it was recalling 239 cars due to a battery problem. It seems someone might have put some hoses on wrong and over time some coolant could leak. It’s not a real big deal, unless, maybe, it caused an electrical short and there was a fire or something. At least that’s what the NHTSA said. Ok, maybe they should take a look.

This bummed me out because despite Fisker’s MPG short-comings and numerous delays I like what they’re doing. I was lucky enough to meet Henrik Fisker and get a close look at this car and it’s pretty incredible. I know it’s heavy and expensive and has a coolant-hose-technician-issue but it looks amazing and the idea behind it is something that needed to come to fruition. They will improve and get better and other manufacturers will have to get better too. Fisker helped show us hybrids don’t have to look boring. Thankfully, they announced last night they’ve repaired most of the cars, and contacted the owners of the rest to schedule repairs. Phew.

Fisker acted fast and replaced the battery packs of the cars in dealerships and many of the customer cars. The only cars that haven’t been fixed are cars that are already in customers’ garages, but appointments are being made to replace their battery packs. I guess the customer base is small enough you could make those phone calls in one day.

It’s got to suck to finally get your $100k car and then have a recall, but my rule is never buy a car the first year it’s made, just in case there’s issues. This should probably be underlined when it’s the first car the company has ever built. But I think Fisker is committed to success, and this was (hopefully) a mere bump on a long Fisker life line. Move along people, nothing to see here.

Official Press Release:

Anaheim, California, USA – January 2, 2012: Fisker Automotive announced today that a majority of all customer cars and dealer-held vehicles affected by the recall involving A123-supplied battery packs have already had brand new battery packs fitted or the confirmed repair to the hose clamp assembly undertaken and are back in service – just 2 weeks after Fisker was first made aware of the issue.

The remaining customers have been contacted and appointments are being made for their replacement battery installation.

Henrik Fisker, CEO of Fisker Automotive said: “We will always react quickly to ensure the safety and quality of our cars. We decided that the immediate replacement of the battery pack in every vehicle was the right approach for all our customers.”

“We identified the appropriate fix, made our retailers aware of the situation and began contacting all our customers within 48 hours and were well advanced with the recall ourselves before the official posting on the NHSTA website.”

If you’re a fan of muscle cars, or you’ve ever heard someone ask at a car show, “what gears you got in that thing?” you know that proper gearing can have a drastic effect on the performance of your car. Back when I was racing Mustangs in high school, my ’94 GT came with a dismal 2.73 gear set, optimized for highway fuel economy. My three friends with Mustangs all upgraded their gears, one used a 3.55, one a 3.73, and one a 4.10. But which would be the right choice for me?

Modifying your car is a give and take process. Want a track-ready suspension? You’re probably going to have to deal with some stiffness on the street. Want a loud exhaust? You may have to yell so your passengers hear you. Modifying a gear set (and by that I mean final drive ratio, you can also modify gears within the transmission) is a quick way to improve a car’s acceleration, but you will also have to deal with an engine that will require more revs for highway cruising. And as much as I liked improving my drag strip time (which got as low as 11.7 @ 122 mph), I spent most of the time driving my Mustang on the street. I ended up choosing the 3.55 gear set so my car could cruise on the highway at about 2,400 RPM vs. my friend Jimmy’s Mustang with the 4.10 gears that cruised at over 3,000 RPM at the same speed.

Had I not had three cars to test drive and compare before choosing my gear set, I doubt I would have made a properly informed decision. But now, you can. Vexer.com offers an online tool where you can input some basic information about your car and you can see how gears and tire sizes will not only affect your acceleration, but also the engine RPM in different gears at different speeds. It’s fun to play with, and very useful if you’ve ever considered a new set of gears for your own car.

Vexer via Ridelust

by Zack K

This is the Audi Group S Prototype. If you haven’t seen it before it’s because it wasn’t supposed to exist. After a photographer spilled the top-secret beans with a picture of a test run the Audi big wigs forced Roland Gumpert‘s team (yes, that Gumpert) to dismantle them, while his highness Ferdinand Piech personally watched. Thankfully, Mr. Gumpert had another one stashed away. Jamal from Hellafunctional.com found this car’s story in an old mag and it’s quite a story. The hyper-light, 1000hp mid-engined car could have been a trophy-laying goose for Audi if they hadn’t scrapped it. Make the jump to learn about this insane little car that never got its shot.

In 1980, Audi introduced its Quattro to the World Rally stage and AWD has been the drive-train of choice ever since. Getting in early they were rewarded with a few years of success, but in 1984 the competition had caught back up. The 5-cylinder engine in the Quattro was mounted way up front and although it was very fast and handled long sweepers well it tended to plow in slow corners. Peugot’s 205 Turbo 16 and Lancia’s Delta S4 were both mid-engined cars, making them more balanced and thanks to their smaller size, more nimble. The Quattro was too big to be competitive. Gumpert knew this and knew mid-engined was the answer.

But Audi’s fix was the Sport Quattro. They figured if the big Quattro wasn’t good in tight corners, make the car shorter. Apparently it was worse; still nose-heavy but in a smaller, twitchier chassis. Despite it being available, 1984 Champion Stig Blomqvist chose to run his older Quattro A2. That tells you something.

Roland’s team knew they needed a mid-engined car, but that annoyed the marketing people. They were building the Audi brand on the back of the front-engined, AWD Quattro. To change the layout now would have made ze Don von Drapers angry. Rumor is Piech gave Roland off-the-record approval, but the cars would have to be built in secret. And I mean secret. They took the project out of Germany to a facility in Desna in the Czech Republic. Cars were shipped from Audi’s factory in miss-marked containers so the people at Audi didn’t even know what was going on. In turn for an in-flow of cash to Desna, the locals were told to keep quiet, which they did.

The test cars looked like Sport Quattros, but the frame and mid-engine were all Prototype. It had the same 5-cylinder from the Sport Quattro, capable of 1000HP.  Gee, I wonder why the unlimited rally classes were dangerous?

Gumpert noticed the handling improvement from the new layout immediately and it didn’t take much tweaking before it was deemed ready for a drive by his awesomeness, Walter Rohrl (1982 WRC Champion and current ‘Ring driver for Porsche). They had set up a test drive on a gravel road but the location had been leaked and it was crawling with press. Gumpert turned the trucks around, ditched the gig and drove back into Germany. They found a small tarmac road and let Rohrl loose. He said the car was fantastic. Happening upon a police road block he asked if they had been tipped off. No. The car’s loud exhaust had gotten their attention. To get out of a picture, they required a “proper race start.” Those cops rock.

But someone did get a picture. A lone photographer found them, and ran a picture the next week. And that was it. The calls came down from on high, and 48 hours later Ferdinand Piech himself stood there while Gumpert’s team took apart all the Prototypes.

But Gumpert is a sneaky fuck, and I mean that in the best way. To quote him, “All the cars that were officially built were destroyed.” Keeping it off the books, I like it. This wasn’t even kept at the Desna factory. (There’s rumor of another “lost” car.) That’s why it’s here, sitting in smooth, light fiberglass glory at the Ingolstadt Museum. It’s actually kind of a pretty car, with a smooth, round shape that seems more shrunken super car than rally brawler. The Peugot and Lancias were Rubic’s cubes compared to this.

It’s a shame it never got to run. This little fireball looks more like Le Mans car than a rally car. It’s like an Ultima GTR with a tiny Veyron motor in it. My pea-sized brain thinks that sounds fun. I’d even call it half-pretty, a rarity in rally. And with 1000HP and a mid-engine setup this thing would have danced, shook and screamed through forests and over hills. Rohrl loved it, the engineers loved it and they were all confident it would have shown the world Audi could build the best rally car.

Perhaps one day they’ll dust it off and let it run. I think the Goodwood Festival of Speed would be open to an appearance.

Read the original article here: IEDEI via Hellafunctional

By now you’ve all heard of DRIVE, right? It’s the new, premium content only automotive channel for YouTube founded by our friend JF Musial and featuring a dozen different shows within the channel hosted and produced by some of the best car guys you can find on the internet. Guys like Chris Harris, Alex Roy, Leo Parente, and of course, me, Matt Farah. The point being, you can find all the online video content you’ll ever need (with the exception of The Smoking Tire, of course), in one place.

In the season premiere of DRIVE, Leo Parente’s Shakedown, which focuses on racing, takes a trip to the 24 Hours of Nurburgring for this 13 minute mini-documentary on the race. Hit the jump for the video and click here to subscribe to the DRIVE channel.

 Last week we sat down and looked at all the cars we had driven in 2011. It was a great year at The Smoking Tire. Though we hadn’t driven hundreds of cars with a team of only 1.5 journalists (Matt and Zack) we did pretty well, driving at least 60 cars. Some were used in episodes, some for written reviews and some were from Matt’s work on “The Car Show.” We decided to break them into 3 categories: Sedan of the Year, Truck/SUV of the Year, and Sports Car of the Year.

After coming to an agreement on the Sedan and Truck/SUV of the Year Matt chose the Sports Car of the Year. He drove everything, so he would be the best judge. LIES! We locked in our votes and then posted a contest for all of you: Whoever picked the same 3 cars we did before midnight on New Year’s Eve would win a t-shirt. It’s now January 1, 2012 which means it’s time to reveal our choices for Cars of the Year, as well as the contest winners.

Sedan of the Year: Mercedes Benz E350 Bluetec

Some of you were expecting the CLS63 AMG. Others lost their free shirt betting on the CTS-V wagon. We considered those, but a super-sedan is really a sports car wearing a fanny pack. You want a sports car, get a sports car. But if you want the best sedan on the market today, get a Mercedes E350 Bluetec.

We all fell for this car on a 1,600-mile drive to the California/Oregon border and back. The challenge was to drive from the Mexico border to Oregon in one day, the entire state of California, on one tank of diesel fuel. Clean diesel cars are fairly new to America and their fuel economy usually exceeds what’s advertised, so why not? The car had to fight stop-and-go traffic, 94-degree heat, mountains, several stops (for the camera truck to re-fuel), the weight of 3 full-grown man-boys, their camera gear and a slow-cooker plugged into an inverter that spent 6 hours roasting a brisket. Despite all that, we went 784 miles on a single, 21 gallon tank of dino juice, averaging 38.5 miles per gallon, better than the dismal Lexus CT200H Hybrid, a car so bland we completely forgot to put it on the list, even though we drove it just 3 weeks ago. A big part of its efficiency is the incredible 0.27 cD, which for the non-technical among us, means it’s just as aerodynamic as a Prius, and doesn’t look awful.

But it wasn’t just the fuel economy that hooked us; this car is the total package.

If it takes 100 miles to get to know a car, consider this a former spouse. You want to test an interior, spend 14 hours straight in one, then 10 hours the next day. It is one of the most comfortable we have sat in. The massage seats are better than those in the $400,000 Bentley Mulsanne. The engine is almost silent on the road yet has 402 torques that make accelerating or passing a breeze. It handles well for its size, the 7-speed transmission is repsonsive, the interior is nice looking and easy to use and it has a night-vision system which is as helpful as it is frigging awesome. I’m 5’11″ and after 10 hours in the back seat, I wasn’t the cranky, short-fused jackass I was expecting to be. Mercedes simply got many many things very right.

This car also brought us to the agreement that unless you’re getting an AMG (or similar performance car) and driving it, hard, all luxury cars should be diesel. People equate off-the-line torque with speed and it has that in spades. Few E550 owners ever use all the power and RPMs their cars can provide, so why not get something a little more frugal (something rich people secretly love). Stylish, aerodynamic, comfortable, silent, and efficient, the 2011 Mercedes E350 Bluetec is what a modern sedan should strive to be.

SUV/Truck of the Year: Ford F-150 EcoBoost

I’m betting a lot of you were expecting the Raptor to be here simply because we drive one all the time and love it very much, while writing in the review of the 2011 Raptor that it’s the best truck ever made. While the Raptor is our choice of transportation when the apocalypse comes in 2012,not to mention the one Matt wrote a check for, we’re objective enough to give credit where it’s due: The Ford F-150 EcoBoost is an incredible leap forward in the truck game. The 3.5L twin-turbo V-6 makes 365HP and 420 torques at only 2,500 RPM. Compare that to the Raptor’s 6.2L V-8; 411 HP and 435 torques, but not until 4,500RPM, which are on Premium fuel compared to the Ecoboost’s regular octane. Point: EcoBoost.

It also has the same towing capacity as the V-8 trucks, up to 11,300 pounds, so you can pull logs in slow motion through a muddy work site all day long. I don’t know why you would, that’s just what the commercials tell me you people are up to. And of course, the cream on top is the fuel economy: 21MPG highway. That’s only 1MPG less than the non-turbo V-6, and only in the 2WD trucks (the engines get the same MPG in the 4×4 trucks). With a 34 gallon tank, the range is 756 miles. That same trip means 2, more expensive, stops in the Raptor. Point: EcoBoost.

The EcoBoost outsold V-6 trucks from all of it’s competitors combined; more than 100,000 units. The last time Ford sold that many V-6 trucks was 1985. And lets not forget the comfortable, well-equipped interior. The seats in the top trim levels are nearly the same as our Raptor, and they are some of the best seats I’ve ever sat in, period. The media systems are great; Sync (at least the version the F150s and Mustangs get) is still best in the business, and there’s room and storage everywhere. Ford clearly thought things out, paying attention to every piece a person could use, touch or sit on. You put that interior onto a smart, powerful-yet-efficient platform and you cannot lose.

Bottom line: A tuned version of this engine in a Raptor would earn another check from Matt in 80,000 more miles. Raptors rock, 10 mpg doesn’t.

Sports Car of the Year: Porsche 997.5 GT3 RS

Of all the cars we’ve driven in the three categories, this one was the hardest to choose. I mean, just go back and look at that list of sports cars: Supercharged Lamborghini, 640 HP Corvette’s, a Mustang that handles like a German car, and the BMW 1M, the best car to come out of Munich in over a decade. All of them are incredible, and we’ve been very fortunate to get behind the wheel of these amazing machines. But I thought long and hard about this (read: the length of 1 massive Spider Wreck bong hit followed by 1 Camel Light cigarette), and one car stands out as being so completely over the top with driving excitement, it had to be recognized. We understand that this isn’t the newest, fastest version of the GT3 RS, as that honor goes to the new 4.0 version with 50 extra horsepower, but we’ve never even seen one of those in person, let alone drive one. Trust me, the 3.8 works just fine.

When you see a GT3 RS parked on the street, it looks like a full-on race car. And for good reason: it only weighs 220 pounds or so more than the actual 911 Cup cars, and most of that is mandatory street equipment and basic interior panels. There are no buttons on the steering wheel. The seats don’t recline, because if they did, you wouldn’t be driving properly. You’d think the radio would sound terrible, but it doesn’t. I know because I used it exactly one time. You may as well throw it out the window, because the 3.8L, 450 horsepower flat six sounds as close to its racing version as I’ve ever heard on a road car; add a basic cat-back exhaust and it sounds identical. It revs up like a literbike, and when it comes on cam, I just about came; on cam. I found the above picture by looking up “Direct Steering” on Google. Even on public roads, I found myself braking later into corners than I ever had in my life. The handling was so good, cameraman Tom Morningstar made a girl puke twice on a Sunday drive (thankfully she exited the car first). People use the term “bolt action rifle” to describe the perfect shifter. I’m convinced the gun was designed to mimic the car’s feel, not the other way around.

I was fortunate enough to spend a week with the GT3 RS while filming The Car Show back in May. We procured it for the purposes of running the Mojave Mile, where I went 166.3 mph. Just a few months beforehand, Richard Hammond of Top Gear used the exact same car for their American supercar road trip film, and nearly wrecked it at VIR, but he loved it.  We originally tried to get a Turbo S, which would have been the right decision for the film, as a Turbo S in attendance ran 182.7, but it wasn’t available, and I don’t care. Standing mile numbers notwithstanding, (the giant wing couldn’t have helped), this car was fast. 450 horsepower pushing around just 3020 pounds is ridiculous. Sure, the 4.2 second sprint to sixty may make you roll your eyes compared to Supercharged Lamborghinis or magical AWD computer-aided launches, but passing at highway speeds? Forget it. Every highway is the Mulsanne Straight when you’re in a GT3 RS.

That week was one of the best driving weeks of my life. I went 15 mph faster on the way to the runway than I did on it, and have never felt a car so planted at those speeds. Thank you, downforce. I spent 12 hours and 2 tanks of gas in the canyons one day. And I used the GT3 RS for daily driver errands, too. You’d think that the most hardcore, barely street legal race car available from Stuttgart would be rough, noisy, and generally unpleasant on the street, but the opposite was true. Even on rough pavement, the GT3 RS was totally bearable. The trunk and empty space normally filled with a hilariously un-usable back seat holds a surprising amount of stuff, provided it fits in between the (again, non-folding) seats to get there. The air conditioning, aforementioned radio, and ounce-shaving cloth door pulls do their jobs just fine. And it’s easy as pie to parallel park. Sure, the clutch and shifter are a bit heavy for the daily Los Angeles commute, but odds are, if you own, or are even considering owning a GT3 RS, you’ve got that situation handled.

Some of you may be disappointed that we didn’t choose everyone’s favorite, the BMW 1M Coupe. We loved that car, and I mean really had an amazing time driving it. It’s fantastic. But the GT3 RS is cut from the same cloth; a limited-edition, wider, faster, racier, yet somehow still practical version of an already high performance car. The difference is, the RS starts at a much higher level. These two cars are both incredibly brilliant. But at the end of the day, there has to be a winner. And the smile on my face while driving the Porsche at, frankly ludicrous speeds simply can’t be matched by a BMW 1-Series, even if it is the fastest, best handling, most fun 1-series ever made.

The Winners: Unfortunately, no one was able to guess the exact same cars as us. I know the list was long, but I thought someone might have. However, shoutout to user The Nik, who got two out of three, the Porsche and F-150 Ecoboost. For being the most right person in a sea of wrong people, The Nik, email Matt your address and we’ll send you a TST shirt.

Manufacturers have the tough job of building a car that pleases a big market. Not too stiff, not too soft, not too fast for the tires but not too slow to feel like (god forbid!) last year’s car. It’s a hard job. I imagine it’s like waiting on-or eating with-someone with 3 fake food allergies (“I just don’t like green things.” True story). The aftermarket lets you make a car your own. Add power, sticky tires, sway bars, ultra-stiff track suspension, air bags, whatever. The goal-although people often fail-is to make the car better.

Using that math you’d assume the more money you spent the better the car would get. I spent $4k improving my last car, but absolutely wished I’d been able to spend $10k, because i knew what issues it would have solved. It’s this ideal that has led me to be annoyed at the SLP Camaro ZL1. If you want to see $80,000 squandered, make the jump.

SLP has been a a Chevy tuner for a long time; GM sent Firehawks ( a car I love) to them for final assembly. But their new ZL1 Camaro package seems to be over-blown and over-priced. Here’s how it goes:

You buy a Camaro SS-convertible or hard top-for a little over 30 grand and send it to them with a check for $80,000. They will put in an Eaton Super-charged LS7 motor, their own coil-over suspension, exhaust with tips that look like giant eyes from a Sesame Street character on E and some fancy seats. They call it the SLP ZL1. I know you’re thinking copyright infringement, but they actually patented the “ZL” name a while ago. They’re only building 69 of these cars, hoping to use the rarity and appreciation of the original ZL-1 Camaro to attract customers. With a few exceptions I don’t put a lot of stock into the dream that special editions will be worth millions one day, especially when it’s an aftermarket company modifying a car that’s not that great to begin with. In 2040 if this car is worth more than $50k I’ll cut off a big toe.

So what do you get? Essentially you get a 750HP Camaro. That probably looks awesome to the internet but the performance is why I’m complaining: 0-60 in 4.2 seconds is only half a second faster than a stock SS. Worse is the skid-pad: .90g. That’s the same as stock. Why pay for suspension that does nothing? 70-0 in 159 feet is not newsworthy and neither is a quarter mile in 12.3 seconds. What you have is an over-powered car that is marginally faster than a stock Camaro, at least until it finally has traction.
Car and Driver’s notes on the car didn’t help, “Understeers just after turn-in. Clutch take up is abrupt. The best launch technique is almost bogging the engine, then slowly applying the throttle.”

I’m sorry, under-steer? For $110,000 I want the front of my car to be so stuck to the road even if the car broke in half at the dash-board the front end would still carve a perfect race line while me and the read-end barreled into the mountain to die.

That is the problem with this car (and many SEMA cars in general). Expensive parts that don’t add up. $110,000 today can buy you so much car. GTR, ZR1, Vantage, various Porsches, Mercedes, the list goes on. You can get a well-equipped XKR for that money and that will hit 60MPH sooner, corner better (.92g) and stop from 70MPH only 12 inches later. It’s also better looking, has better curb appeal and a much better interior(click for our video review). It’s new 911 money. 911s may be as common as rain drops but they’re incredible. Chevy’s upcoming ZL-1 will beat the shit out of the SLP anywhere other than a standing mile. Hell, a stock Mustang GT500 puts up .96g on a skid pad. I don’t get it.

There’s a lot of car available for $100k, and the fact the SLP Camaro ZL1 isn’t that much faster than them below 80MPH is just unfair. You can’t charge $100,000 for something so one-dimensional. Cars today are good right out of the box; going, stopping and turning very well. For someone to ask this much money for a car that barely does 1 thing is ludicrous. I love the aftermarket, and I love fast muscle cars, but not for serious sports car money. And when Chevy has their own ZL-1 coming down the pipe with serious track capability your challenger better bring it. The SLP doesn’t.

- Zack K

Cars, even relatively “simple” ones, are incredibly complex pieces of machinery, which can be built at astonishing rates in a modern factory. Take the following equation: The average car is made up of about 30,000 parts, give or take. And, GM built 4,873 Chevrolet Sonics between June 2nd and November 21st of this year. That means assembling 146,190,000 parts in perfect order, every time. Well, almost every time. You see, every once in a while, parts get mixed up, or worse, forgotten completely. I remember seeing, at the local Chevrolet dealership a few months ago, Chevy Colorado pickup trucks with GMC Canyon rear tailgates and chuckling to myself. This time, the mixup wasn’t nearly as funny.

GM has issued a recall notice for the 4,873 Sonics built during this period of time because “approximately 20 to 30″ of them could be missing brake pads. Now, one missing brake pad out of 8 doesn’t mean we all need to worry about out-of-control Sonics running around our cities with no brakes at all. However, braking performance will obviously be affected, especially if it’s a front pad (which they all are, according to GM).

In general, 20 to 30 missing parts (that we know of) out of  146 million parts assembled is still a pretty good average. But, note to GM, if you’re going to double check whether or not cars have all their parts before leaving the factory, do us a favor and check the brakes first?

We’ll check for ourselves when we review the Sonic LTZ in January.

Source: Autoblog

World Rally Championship is one of the most exciting and difficult motorsports in the known universe, it’s been that way since it began. Despite Subaru pulling out and leaving a dead spot in my heart, there was plenty of clinical insanity to be watched. Ken Block flipping his car a dozen times, high-speed drifts through snow, Loeb, Raikkonen, Solberg and all the rest. ESPN put together a highlights reel for us, and it’s definitely worth the 8 minute attention span. I’m sure next year will be more of the same. The same being the best damn racing ever. Jump to watch it.

- Zack K

This goes in the “Golden Reddit Finds” chapter of TST. The title was, “How is it determined if a custom-built car is road legal?”(I’m guessing the only way this is road-legal is if you still register it as the original Harley bike it was bolted to). Unfortunately, that was all the information on it. A search on Google found it is a 1936 Harley Davidson Sidecar, numerous people ogling and saying “I need to build this!” but nothing more.  So we don’t know anything about it, other than that it’s fucking rad. I mean rad in the 1980s Ninja Turtles, bright neon Hammer pants rad. It’s flat-out cool, with a nice dollop of crazy on top.

Judging by the beard this was taken in the late 60s, a time of, shall we say, inspired creativity? So this guy took a 1936 Harley sidecar and fabbed up a frame and drive-train. It looks like it uses a Harley V-twin motor, located where the motorcycle would be. I can’t tell if it’s chain-driven, but I would assume it’s a simple design due to the technology on hand at the time.  The wheels and tires are as big as the engine, hopefully giving this swollen go-kart a silly amount of grip. I imagine it has drum brakes off a car, at best. If it has motorcycle brakes (or only on one side like a go-kart) then this is a death machine. But because I live by the rule “Everything will be fine.” I don’t care.

I don’t know what a sidecar weighs, but it can’t be much. Engines back then didn’t make much power. In my dream, this thing has 200HP and was the grandpa of the Ariel Atom, but according to bikez.com a 1996 Harley Sportster made 50hp, so this is probably under 40. Don’t care. Want it anyway. It’s like a hot-rod motorcycle stew without being as serious as a rat rod. If anyone knows more about this thing, let us know.

- Zack K

So here’s…something. It’s an entertainment center built out of a real Porsche 996′s ass. It even has real brakes and wheels. That’s not a waste at all. Surprisingly it’s not made by Porsche Design, probably because they think it’s as ridiculous as I do. And that’s a feat, because they had the balls to make a $2,000 hookah and even their own cell phone, “Ze iPhone? Vat is zis iPhone? Bah. Our phone vill be betta! It vont have nearly ze lateral keyboard grip, or lag-free input response of our zellphone.”

No, this was just made by a guy. He’s probably a Porsche fan no shit Zack who saw the ’55 Chevy couches and wanted something similar that a Porschefile like him would appreciate. I understand that. It’s why we have posters, pictures and models filling our house up. They’re all reminders of something you love, an experience you had, the adrenaline of driving. But this is just the most inconvenient thing in the world. It holds a 42″ flat screen TV, which it raises up out where the back seat would be. Again, it takes mad balls to take the brilliantly thin flat-screen television- designed specifically to take up less space- and bolt it to something the size of a breakfast table. Make the jump to watch it in action, and more snark.

I guess sleek, subtle furniture is out. Later, IKEA. The new hotness is gigantic two-toned furniture that blinks several different lights at you while it performs its only function. The taillights are so bright when that TV raises up I was expecting a small rocket to launch. I can’t imagine someone buying this, but the purchasing invoice of Porsche enthusiasts is anything but logical, subtle or classy, so I bet I’m proven wrong.

- Zack K

This is the perfect taxi driven by the perfect driver. This guy knows what “post haste” means. This is customer service at its finest. We’re always rushing to get somewhere, so why not take that up a notch? And taxis are diversifying from the standard Crown Vic so why not a rally-ready Evo? Burnouts and e-brake u-turns are absolutely the quickest way to get around. Do not argue with my logic. I don’t know about you, but if I could drive like this every day I absolutely would. Catch me with low blood sugar, too much caffeine and 20 minutes in traffic, and sometimes I do. “Officer, a slow power-slide is a much quicker way to turn around in the Miata than a 3-point turn. You don’t want me holding up traffic do you?”

Cab drivers of the world, pay attention. This is what we want. You make more money, people enjoy the ride and everyone gets things done a little bit quicker. Makes sense to me. Jump to watch the video. It’s awesome.

Who doesn’t like drag racing? Smoke pouring from tires, cars lined up and shaking like chained dogs staring at a rabbit 1/4 mile away. It’s a very different feeling than road racing. You know you have only a few seconds of WOT and then it’s over. It was on my mind the second I got my license and I raced every weekend in high school, as did Matt (although he did it legally). Today we have some vintage drag porn for you, a documentary called Drag On.

It takes us inside why drivers did it, how fast the cars were, and reminds us what it was like before everyone had a CNC machine, CAD design, aeronautics degree and millions of dollars. The safety equipment here is laughable by today’s standards, and we know having an exposed engine right in front of the driver is a bad idea, but back in those days these were the fastest cars around. Here they are captured on film, with slow-motion burnouts, driver interviews and plenty of noisy, crazy-fast runs. The scary thing is  they’re not that much slower than cars today.  Make the jump to watch.

- Zack K

You know how the Chinese have the Year of the Dragon, or Cat, or Dog? As Matt put it after SEMA, this was the Year of the LS Swap. Every project had an LS motor. Pro-touring cars, off-road machines, Japanese drift cars, shit, you can probably get an iPod case that has an LS motor in it. I know, I know; cheap, reliable, easy-to-find power. Yeah yeah, we get it. Logically it makes sense but I hate logic and nothing is immune from becoming over-played. After all, advancement and new ideas are what drive the entire automotive industry.

Then I saw this guy, 1dirtyZ, on the ls1 forums. He’s putting an LS1 into 996 Porsche. And there’s a video of it. Fine, one more, but then we’re at capacity.

The builder is 1dirtyZ, a fabricator living in Saudi Arabia. He had the idea for this swap for a while, and finally found a 996 Porsche that fit his needs. Originally he was going to get a regular 911, but the car he found happens to be 996 turbo. That means it has AWD, which he found out he can fit to the LS1. Awesssome. And he got it for about $10,000

A Turbo for $10,000?? What? How?

This is how:

Fires hurt resale value.

So it had had a small engine fire. Who cares? 1dirtyZ cleaned that out, bought new rear brakes, knuckles, control arms and found a way to shove the engine in. I wish I had this guy’s skills. I know some will say sacrilege, and I love how responsive the stock motor is to mods, but if your engine caught fire and you knew how to build a Frankencar like this, why not?

"It fits! The damn thing fits! And I thought there were no more spaces!"

His plan is to get this car into daily driver shape; NAV, stereo, A/C, all that noise. He also wants to put turbos on it at some point. I guess “daily driver” means something different over there. But if the roads are as straight and boring as they look on YouTube, that makes crazy-person-sense.

It’s still a ways off, but he was able to get it running last month and do a few pulls past his shop. The videos were taken in the dark, but it’s a fun exercise for your brain to try to see a Porsche turbo but hear a V-8. So here you have it; one of the most interesting and hopefully final LS engine swaps for a while.

- Zack K

2011 has been a good year for The Smoking Tire. We’ve doubled our subscriber base, our view counts, and been mentioned on many television shows. We’ve traveled to some amazing new places, and met real car guys from all over the country. But most importantly, of course, are the cars we took to get there. We’ve driven lots of different cars this year, old and new, and, like everyone else this year, we have to choose the best ones.

So we’re having a contest. Below you’ll find the list of all the cars I have driven this year. Some of them, you will notice, are not brand new cars. Some of the cars are subjects of our films. Others are subjects of written reviews either here or for Road Lanes Magazine, and a few cars on the list are for reviews or films that we are working on but have not yet posted. Some of them I tested on The Car Show, but my review was edited out of the aired version of the show, you know, for time.

There are three categories: Sedan, SUV/Truck, and Sports Car. I’ll decide my favorite car from each segment. Leave a comment below with your selections. If you and I have chosen the same cars, you win a free TST “Will Work For Keys” T-Shirt.

Only one guess is allowed per person, but the first three people to guess correctly before the midnight, January 1, 2012 deadline will win shirts. At that time I’ll post my choices and the first three matching selections in the comments are winners. Got it? Good. Now hit the jump for the nominees:

Sedan

Volvo S60

Cadillac CTS-V Wagon

Hyundai Genesis R-Spec

Bentley Mulsanne

Maybach 62S

Mini Countryman S AWD (People who think this is an SUV are morons)

Mercedes E-350 Bluetec

Dodge Charger SRT8

Chrysler 300 SRT8

Lexus IS-F

Mercedes CLS63 AMG

Subaru WRX STI Sedan

Ford Focus Titanium

SUV/Truck

BMW X6M

BMW X5M

BMW X5 Diesel

Porsche Cayenne Turbo

Ford F-150 SVT Raptor Super Crew

Dodge Durango V6 Crew

Jeep Wrangler Sahara Unlimited

Volvo XC60 R-Design

Audi Q7 TDI

Ford Explorer V6

Ford F-150 FX4 Ecoboost Super Crew

Sports Car

VF Engineering Lamborghini Gallardo LP560-4

Lamborghini Gallardo LP560-4 Spyder Performante

BMW M3 Competition Package

Art Morrison 3G 1960 Corvette

BMW 1-Series M Coupe

Chevrolet Corvette Grand Sport

K-Sport Nissan 240 Drift Car

Chevrolet Corvette ZR-1

Dodge Challenger SRT 392

Mercedes C63 AMG Coupe

BMW 650i Convertible

KTM X-Bow

Ariel Atom 2-300

Ford GT (2006)

Ford Mustang Boss 302 Laguna Seca

Mosler MT900S “Raptor GTR” 

“24 Hours of Lemons” 1994 Nissan 300ZX

Porsche 997.5 GT3 RS

BBI Autosport Porsche 997.5 Turbo S

Nissan GTR (2012)

Audi R8 Spyder 4.2

2000 Mustang Cobra R

124 MPG.

That’s the projected MPG of the new Volvo V60 Diesel/Hybrid wagon, due out in 2013. That’s using the UK gallon (bigger), so converted for U.S. it’s 102.3MPG. Still ridiculous. Still astronomical, unbelievable, incredible and unavailable, at least if you live in the U.S. Same thing with Mercedes’ upcoming E300 Bluetech Hybrid. Confused? Curious? Mad? Me too. I don’t know why we can’t get it, but I intend to complain until we can. Read on

3 weeks ago I wondered aloud, “Why can’t we have a diesel hybrid? That would be the perfect drive train for a daily driver. It’s the best combination of torque and efficiency.” Coming on the heels of long drives in diesel cars from BMW and Mercedes I think unless you get a performance model like an AMG or an M car (for the right reasons, not because you liked the stitching on the seats or need to advertise you bank account’s contents) every luxury car should have a diesel motor. They’re quiet, they’re smooth and the torque makes them feel powerful, i.e. expensive. People like torque, because that’s what they feel from a stand still than makes them grab the door handle and get wide-eyed. Very few AMG owners wring their cars out to 6500 RPM at 90MPH. They just want thrust.

A week later the news came down Volvo is making one. “Really? With torque, and efficiency, and quiet, all that jazz?”

Yes. For extra icing on this free-range, Eco-friendly cake you can even plug it in. Based on their V60 wagon platform the car will have a 2.4L 5-cylinder diesel powering the front wheels and an electric motor that powers the back ones. The diesel motor makes 215HP and 324 torque, the electric motor is rated at 70HP (torque figure unavailable from Volvo). It can be driven in an EV for 35 miles, or you can turn on “power” mode and hit 60MPH in 6.2 seconds.

The efficiency (based on the European cycle) is insanely impressive. 124MPG? Even if it was half that, it simultaneously kicks those Prii asses at the pump and the track (no one tracks a Prius, I know). It’s also a wagon, so it has space for stuff. And it has selectable AWD, so you can drive it anywhere a normal person needs to go. In my mind it is the greatest daily driver in the universe.

Mercedes is doing it too; look at the E300 Bluetec diesel hybrid. It uses a hybrid system similar to the E400H hybrid, but with a diesel motor. The 2.1L 4-cylinder makes 200HP and 370 torques. Mercedes says it will get 56MPG, offered as either a wagon or a sedan. I drove the E350 Bluetec a few months ago and it was Frosted Flakes-level grrrreat. Seats, transmission, noise level, looks, feel; all phenomenal in town or on the highway. If I had the money I would buy one. Mercedes says the E350 diesel gets 21/33 MPG but even with 3 people, gear and a slow-cooker plugged in we averaged over 38 MPG.

Remember that number, because the E-class hybrid we are so grateful we can buy here gets 24 MPG city, 31MPG highway, a whopping increase of 4 and 1 (respectively) over the regular gas-powered E350. All that work for 1MPG. What a joke. But people will buy it because hybrids are the iPod of cars. More hybrids are offered every month. Plus, diesel cars don’t come with a cool green leaf badge on them to announce to everyone how much you care about aminals (misspelled for cuteness). Some hybrids get better mileage, but some don’t (Hi X6 Hybrid).  I like everyone’s enthusiasm about saving money the planet but our love of glowing, green balls has blinded us to a better (for now) solution. I know diesel fuel is more expensive, but so is that hybrid option. If you only get 1MPG better with that electric motor how long do you have to drive that car before you save money over the regular car? A while I’m guessing.

The Volvo seems like a huge step for the industry, and it’s not bad to look at either. But…the introductory price is (cover your screen) $75,000. You spit on it, didn’t you? I know it’s insane or at least, insane for a Volvo. But don’t think of it as a Volvo, think of it as a Swiss Army knife that’s also been stuffed with a working socket wrench, a chainsaw and a light saber yet it still fits in your pocket. And Volvo is charging that price for the first 1,000 cars, but if demand was higher the price would surely come down. The BMW X5 diesel we had was about $60k. That car’s 28 MPG is funny car efficiency compared to this thing.

Let’s do some math. The average American male in my age group drives 17,000 miles per year. If you drove the Mercedes E400 hybrid 17,000 miles, getting an advertised 31MPG you would need 548 gallons of gas. Using the current price of $3.23/gal that costs $1,770.

Now we’ll drive the V60 the same distance, but I’m going to cut it’s MPG down to 100MPG (we know Swedish fish is a shitty candy, so I won’t trust their MPG either). You would need 170 gallons of diesel to cover the distance. At the price of $3.82/gallon, that costs $649. $1,100 a year is quite a difference. If you have a 10-gallon tank, you can drive over 1000 miles before re-fueling. 1000! That’s not considering its EV range. (And it may or may not be able to tow a boat.)

Of course it takes 20 years to balance out the price of your V60 with the $50,000-ish E400 but the E300 Bluetec won’t be $75,000, yet that’s not coming to the US either. The fact these are forbidden fruit bugs me, and we’re partly to blame. We aren’t offered these great, fuel-efficient cars because there’s so little demand. Diesel cars accounted for only 7% of Mercedes sales. That means 10% of us bought AMGs because we’re hooligans (guilty) and 83% of us are fucking morons.* Even Ford won’t give us their 65MPG Fiesta diesel, because it would be priced right by the Prius, the teet we all love to suckle at, despite a bigger, nicer one sitting just next to it.

V60 interior

Maybe morons is too strong, but we’re just stuck. We grab at trends with eagerness of Italy’s prime minister at a high school dance and then we hang onto them no matter what information or alternatives are presented. We’re like Dustin Hoffman in Rainman, stuck in our routine and if someone offers something else we bang on our heads and scream. Well I think we should read the facts more (something many people in the USA hate doing), because right now we’re telling the world, “Oh, that’s a flying carpet? Hm, I dunno, all my friends have hard-wood floors, so I think I’ll stick to that. Plus, don’t carpets smell?” Well you know what? I want to be able to buy these cars, I want them here, I want a flying carpet. So you people better start buying some ****ing rugs.

- Zack K

*This math is purely arbitrary, other than the 7% of sales part. That’s true.

It’s been a while since Matt has made a guest appearance on The Car Report, by FoxNews.com (no, not that Fox News). Hosted by our old friend Gary Gastelu, The Car Report is a weekly live program discussing all things cars. This being the last show of the year, we simply had to address the North American Car and Truck of the year awards and how, frankly, silly they are. Just for reference, here are the finalists, chosen by them. 

Car: 

Ford Focus

Hyundai Elantra

Volkswagen Passat

Truck:

BMW X3

Honda CR-V

Land Rover Range Rover Evoque

As we can see, these choices are all rather silly. Sure, the Focus is a nice car (as Matt well knows), but three small crossovers making up the “truck” category?  I don’t care if the Evoque looks amazing, that’s just ridiculous. Join myself, Gary, and Jalopnik.com honcho Mike Spinelli on The Car Report as we come up with our own list.

Fox won’t allow us to embed the video here, but hit the link to watch the 15-minute video.

I used to think that every driver was trying to drive the same line, the same way, with the same steering and throttle input, every time. I assumed someone had taken a physics class, calculated the best way to drive a car, and all the drivers would drive like that. I thought, ideally, they should all be mirror images of each other. There’s a racing line, there’s the physical properties of grip, so theoretically everyone should try to drive according to those properties and thus, the same.

But they don’t. Watch the great F1 drivers (slow motion helps) and there are subtle differences. In 2006 former F1 driver and current F1 commentator Martin Brundle made this great video, showing the driving styles of Alonso, Button, Schumacher and Raikkonen. Using Red Bull’s F1 car (in the rain no less) Martin flies around the track, shouting the differences in approach, apex, entry speed, and driving style. All of them go fast, but they have different ways of doing it. Make the jump for the video.

- Zack K

I can’t believe it’s already been over 22,000 miles since I picked up my GTI back in March of 2010. It seems like only yesterday that I traded in my Mercedes C230 for this “hot hatch” and am proud to say, I haven’t looked back…. much. Sure I miss RWD but my Mercedes, with it’s paltry 189 HP and rather weak 193 lbs./tq. never had enough grunt to make it worthwhile. That being said, my decision to add heavy 19 inch wheels didn’t help my performance. My GTI brings a more sporting 200 HP and 207 lb.ft. to the table, all while tipping the scales at 3,113 lbs (137 less than the C230). The extra power, less weight and more performance-oriented suspension make the GTI feel much more nimble. Especially on tight road courses such as Adams Raceway, which we featured in our GTI video review.

Owning a GTI has made me a more aggressive driver. I find myself at “excessive speeds” more often that I care to admit, something I’ve been reminded of on several occasions by our “boys in blue.” Maybe it’s just the quick shifting DSG transmission coupled with the surgical steering feel, but the GTI begs to be driven.

And drive I do. Over the past 22,488 miles, I’ve taken the Volkswagen from the beach, through the desert, up into the mountains, and back. Sometimes, all in the same day. I love living in Southern California. From the sweltering 117 degree heat of the desert to the 33 degree snow-covered mountain passes the GTI kept pulling strong. Although I originally pined for the optional summer tires my car came equipped with Pirelli All-Seasons. Although significantly less sticky than their performance oriented counterparts, the A/S tires respond well once warmed up. Not to mention they’ve lasted through 2 road courses, 3 Auto-X events, and numerous  blasts through the canyons.

While I initially thought I’d regret opting for the DSG over a traditional manual transmission, I’ve learned to love my flappy paddles. Changing gears takes milliseconds and when traffic has you creeping along at 5 MPH the automatic mode is a most welcome feature.  There are, however, some things I could do without. The touch screen navigation system that came with my 2010 GTI is so slow, on several occasions I’ve opted to use my iPhone instead. I’ve been told the newer models use a much better, button-based system. Also, the Bluetooth system is horrible. While I can hear people decently well, they often tell me it sounds like I’m speaking through a paper towel tube. And forget trying to make a call over 60 MPH, you’ll end up yelling at the center console just so your friends can hear you.

Build quality; Not something you are used to associating with Volkswagens of the past. Thoughts of creaky panels, broken buttons and dash lights galore quickly come to mind. Consider those a thing of the past. Aside from a pesky fender liner plug that kept popping out (replaced under warranty twice), and the typical DSG stutter in quick stop-and-go city driving, there hasn’t been anything that has led me to doubt the quality of my GTI. Not only is the interior screwed together better, but the interior materials used are a step above most cars in the sub-$25k range. Coming from a 2005 Mercedes, that’s saying quite a lot.

In the end, I love my GTI. It’s a great value and plenty of performance for a daily driver. However, being a car guy, I often wish it wasn’t FWD and had more power. If only VW offered something like that… Oh, hello Golf R.

- Daniel Volz

A few days ago Matt wrote a post on the certified, absolute death of Saab. There’s no encore to wait for, no defibrillator to grab, it’s over. The main focus of Matt’s post was how new Saab owners were screwed, because their warranties had ceased to exist. A lot of people in the comments section started asking if dealerships were offering big deals on Saabs, and if that was a good idea. We hadn’t heard anything at that point, but thanks to an article from Car and Driver, we have some new information for you about bargains, warranties and the future value of these cars. Make the jump.

The answer is “yes, depending on where you live.” One dealership in Boston is offering up to $18,000 off of new cars, especially fully loaded 9-5 Aeros. Not every dealership is doing it, but I would bet if you brought that ad into another dealer (a good tactic to buying any new car) you would open the door for negotiation. When Saab went under, it left the job of unloading inventory up to the dealer so a dealer can sell you the car for $1 if he wants to.

Yes, that is a crazy amount of money to “save” on a car. But there’s several things to consider:

First, this won’t be easy if you don’t have cash in hand. You know how banks prefer financing new cars as opposed to used? That’s because they’re a more stable investment. If you can no longer make payments, they’ll likely get more of their money back after they repo it. Using that as a template, trying to justify loaning money to buy a new car that’s already very discounted, made by a company that no longer exists, in a down market is hard to imagine. I’m not a banker, but even I would walk into that bank and say, “Are you crazy?” Actually, given my want to fist bankers with a gauntlet from Medieval Times, you greedy ass*****!! current feeling on banks, I hope none of them read these posts and they loan everyone money for a Saab.

Second (and this ties to the banks’ hesitation to loan), the car will depreciate very very quickly, so you have to be prepared to own this car for a long  time. In the past-long before Saab’s death rattle was even being built-Saabs depreciated much faster than other makes. After 3 years, the average Saab drops in value by 66%. So if you bought a car for $30k, 3 years later it was worth a little over $10,000. Fucking ouch.

The depreciation isn’t a new symptom; it was awful long before the company was going bankrupt. To compare, other cars made by deceased companies (Saturn, Oldsmobile, Pontiac) are only worth an average of $2,000 less than similar cars made by Chevrolet or Buick (who are still around). So it’s not even company bankruptcy that caused this, it’s Saab’s reputation in the past.

Add in the uncertainty of warranties and that decline is likely to increase, even if by a little. If you want to grab a great deal on a Saab, feel free, but you need to be committed to owning this car because if you try to sell it, you could lose more money than the dealer. If you want grey interior but your spouse wants white, better talk it out. Treat it like the decision to have a kid, although those are easier to sell.

"Anyone have a fuel injector for a 2011 9-3? No?"

Third: parts. Everyone is worried about parts supply for existing Saabs. This is where people might catch a break. The companies that manufacture many of the parts aren’t owned by Saab, so they will stay in business as long as demand does. Demand will surely slow, but since many of the cars shared much of their DNA and skeleton with GM cars (the 9-4X and Cadillac SRX, for example) parts will be around. You might be asking for the MAF sensor from a Tahoe to put on your 9-5, but at least you’ll be able to get it.

Lastly: warranties. This is the big question mark, “Will my existing Saab or new Saab be covered?” The answer is: depends. If you bought a Saab before January 1, 2010 (That’s the day GM dropped Saab) its warranty will be covered by GM. If you bought a car after that, it’s up to the dealership. Dealerships get reimbursed for warranty work by the manufacturer. Manufacturer go away, dealer get no money. Some dealerships have been performing warranty work and eating the cost, but don’t expect it. If you bough a Saab after that, get an aftermarket warranty. They usually cost a few thousand dollars for several years of coverage.

Without a company warranty many of the new cars will be sold “as is.” Again, this is a situation being handled different ways depending on the dealer. Some have added aftermarket warranties at their own expense (some states require a new car come with a warranty), others put “as is” signs on the car, and some can even do fancy paperwork to change the car’s classification from “new” to “used.” Again, get a warranty. Remember, you’re buying this car with the intent of keeping it for a while; stuff will break and you don’t want to have to pay for it. And in the off chance you try to sell the car, a warranty will provide some peace of mind to what will no doubt be a nervous shopper.

Everyone loves a bargain, and getting a new car this cheap never happens, even if you blow the dealer himself, although that will get you upgraded floor mats. But be very aware of the situation you’re entering into. I would also consider how many independent Saab repair shops exist around you. If you live in the middle of Idaho and the only repair shop is the dealership, I’d steer clear. But in California, they’re everywhere. Just be sure it’s what you want, and something you want for a long time.

- Zack K

A few weeks ago we were sitting around bullshitting about the future; New concepts, possible episodes, ideas, dreams, alibis, the usual stuff. Thad sat up; the cue he has an idea. Sometimes his ideas are nuts but his batting average is pretty good. “Can we get a car from someone and just try to break it? You know, see how far it’ll jump before it breaks, something like that?”

I turned, “So, you mean can we tell a company we’re going to hurl their car through the air, repeatedly, with the idea that the longer it survives the better they look?”

“Yeah.” He quickly replied, as if I had asked if he was putting on socks before his shoes?

“But we will break it? We’re going to do something until it does, in fact, break, and that will be the finish line? You want to know if we can do that?”

He smiled and shrugged, “Yeah!”

I took a beat, staring at him and giving him the opportunity to hear my answer through ESP before I said it. “No, Thad, we can’t ask to do that.”

It reminded me of Happy Gilmore’s excuse for breaking a rake, “I didn’t break it! I was testing its durability. And then I placed it in the woods, because it’s made of wood, and I thought it would want to be with its family.”
Well, I guess I’m wrong. Chevy has a video series on their website called “The 1500-Mile Drive to Survive”, where engineers took the new Sonic on a 1,500 mile road trip from Colorado to California. But not just on the freeway. That would be boring and thus never mentioned here. Their trip included snow, rain, muddy fire roads and an old, bumpy, rutted miner’s road (think rally stage). That’s a good gauge of NVH and fitment. I’m glad I couldn’t hear body panels and trim shaking off like Top Gear’s cobblestone challenge in S10E07.

Granted, these are engineers whose job is testing the car, finding problems and addressing them. And this is likely a final-assembly check turned into free advertising. Plus, the people or cars weren’t ever in any real danger. But maybe Thad is on to something. Think about it: we will save the engineer’s time, the company’s money, I’m much stupider more daring than they are so I’ll put the vehicle through tests their insurance company/spouse/instinct-to-survive wouldn’t allow them to do. Thad, you genius, you might be onto something. I can see the letter now…

“Dear Dodge. We would like to test the durability of your Ram Runner. We will jump it, increasing the distance in 15-foot increments until myself or the truck is unable to function. This will test the fasteners, u-joints, shocks, driver’s comfort and interior’s resistance to blood. When it breaks -and it will- we will tell you why. C’mon, Chevy kick-flipped a Sonic AND drove it in the mud!”

We’re getting a Chevy Sonic in January. Look for the first ever Sonic 50-50 grind.*

 - Zack K

*Just kidding Chevy.

Rally racing is my favorite form of motorsports. I love drifting, but it’s like pizza; always great but also fairly simple. Rallying is way more complex. It is a 8-course meal of nuttiness. The drivers (IMO) are the most skilled on the planet. They race on a variety of surfaces, 2 of which (dirt and snow) are slippery and dangerous and you might encounter both in one rally. The surface even changes between cars, so the fastest line can change. There are a thousand variables at each moment, all while you’re going as fast as possible on a road surrounded by things that make you die. (Contrary to popular belief, trees and rocks are quite firm). It takes engineering skills, driver skills and there’s probably a sign at WRC headquarters with a picture of a racquetball that says, “You balls must be this big to  drive WRC.” Make the jump for 2 videos covering 2 great decades of rallying.

But the balls probably had to be bigger back in the day. HANS devices and roll cages with more metal pipes than Whitney Houston’s nights-stand make the cars relatively safe. But early rallying was just crazy. Group B cars had unlimited horsepower, the brakes and tires weren’t as advanced, and AWD wasn’t even allowed for awhile. Imagine trying to go as fast as Newton’s laws allow with 500+HP shoving you down a dirt road. Insane.

To celebrate this sport we love we would like to show you two videos, made by YouTube-er antoniscyprus, showing the greatest years of rallying, covering the 70s and 80s. Each video is over an hour long, so that gives you almost 3 hours of distraction from grandma’s incessant holiday questions. Call it a documentary and you can probably get out of most household chores for a few hours. If you tell parents it’s “educational” you can watch anything. How I convinced my mom Barb Wire was educational, I’ll never know.

Greatest Years of Rally 1970s

Greatest Years of Rally 1980s

- Zack K

A few days ago we posted the teaser pictures of Lexus’ 2012 concept car. Lexus had only provided pictures of the front left headlight and an interior shot, but based on those tastes I figured the whole car would be “dericious.” I was right. Someone leaked (AKA “volunteered to be fired”) a complete picture of the car a month ahead of the Detroit release. Internet: 1, foolish leaking intern: 0.

But wow is it good looking. I can’t tell it’s size, but it looks like a slightly softer LFA. With the stunning interior and these proportions, I’m even more convinced it’s going to be a luxury/sport grand tourer. Whatever it is, it’s sexy. Sexy Lexus…my brain still isn’t used to that. Now, can someone leak some specs for us?

According to the German Technical Inspection Agency, TÜV, the Porsche 911 is the most reliable and trouble-free car of this century. The century is only 11 years old, so I look at it as a decade, but that doesn’t take away the fact that a Porsche can show up to the Super Terrific Reliability Party*, hosted in Japan each year. The TÜV tested 8 million vehicles between June of 2010 and 2011 and concluded the 911 had the fewest number of reported defects since 2000. It doesn’t matter if the car had been driven 100 miles or 100,000. Make the jump for the year-to-year breakdown and to see what other cars will reliably take you to and from the….I actually have no idea what they do in Germany besides Nurburgringing.

The TÜV broke their report down into categories based on the car’s age. 2-3 years old, 4-5 years old, etc.  The percentages below represent the number of cars of those tested that were found to have faults. Shall we?
Out of all the cars 10-11 years old the Porsche 911 had the fewest number of faults reported at a rate of 8.3%. 2nd place went to the Toyota RAV4 (10.5%) and in 3rd was the Porsche Boxster(11.2%).

The 911 scored the same in the 8-9 year old category; 8.3%. The Boxster and RAV4 podium again, just reversed: 8.3% for the Boxster and 10.2% for the RAV4.

Of cars 6-7 years old, the 911 reported a 5.5% fault rate, with the Porsche Boxster in 2nd (7.1%) and the Subaru Forester in 3rd(7.3%).

Cars 4-5 years old had a 3-way tie for first place between the Porsche Boxster, Cayman and Toyota Corolla; All had a fault rate of 4.2%. The 911? A not-so-distant 3rd of 4.6%.

The final round was cars 2-3 years old. The Toyota Prius had the lowest report rate (2.2%), but the 911 was behind by only a tenth at 2.3%.

Each year the Porsche 911 had either the fewest faults or was in the top (or is it bottom?) 3. I’ve seen how Porsche tests their cars, and the extent to which they try to hurt them. I’ve seen them spray water on the car while driving it in sub-zero temperatures,  just to see how massive ice build-up would affect the engine, lights, cooling and every other system. If you build a car that can withstand all that, I’m not surprised it survives Germany’s fine roads with only the occasional “paper cut.”

So if you were cross-shopping between a Prius, Forester and Porsche 911 (happens all the time, right?), now you have your answer, as well as a failproof justification to explain to your sig. other why you bought a $90,000 Porsche instead of a hybrid. Although you could also use the excuse, “Because I don’t want to die inside.”

- Zack K

* This does not actually exist.

We tend to avoid “industry news” here at the Smoking Tire because covering it requires writing about things that are mostly, even to a car guy, as boring as watching an entire season of Spec-Smart Car racing. But here’s a bit of industry news that you might find interesting, especially if you thought now was the time to take advantage of a deeply discounted, brand new Saab: Now that the company has entered bankruptcy, your warranty is gone. That gorgeous new 9-5 that you thought was the second coming of Sweden’s auto business? Not covered. The 9-3 SportCombi you just picked up for the ski house in Aspen? Not covered. But what about the 9-4, which everyone knows is just a rebadged Cadillac SRX? Not covered. But what if you wanted to buy one of the 1,200 or-so brand new, zero mile Saabs sitting on dealer lots right now? Expect to find a window sticker reading something like: As-is, No Warranty.

Should you worry about this? It’s not like Saabs are unreliable cars. Actually it is, and according to TrueDelta’s reliability survey, they are less reliable than the competition. It’s not just warranty either, hit the jump to see the list of everything Saab is no longer doing for their customers.

This memo, which we clearly stole from Autoblog, must be terrifying if you own a recently purchased Saab, especially since these cars are now worth approximately zero and you’ve just realized you’re upside down in it.

If you’re one of about 9 people who read this site and drive a Saab (especially if you just found out your warranty expired early) leave your Saab stories (pun intended) below.

Source: Autoblog

Let it be known the statement “I drive for a living.” has a very broad definition. Just because your occupation has the same verb in it as Lewis Hamilton doesn’t mean you’re anything like him. I write for a living but that doesn’t mean I should be given a 6-volume book deal to write the next great teen/magic/witchcraft/coming-of-age/romantic/statutory/necrophilia blockbuster. Today’s lesson is brought to you by David Dopp and the stupid good people of teamgive.org. They are a charitable organization, but made the mistake of giving away a 2008 Lamborghini LP640 for a contest they called “Joe Schmo to Lambo.” You can’t hand 640HP to just anyone, even a professional truck driver. This was proven 6 hours after he won the car, when he crashed it.

The contest was supposed to raise awareness about Team Give and Maverik, a gas station company. David won out of 10 finalists, no doubt the coolest day of his life. Then, 6 hours after taking delivery, according to the Santaquin News David Dopp was driving about 50MPH at 6:30PM when he lost it around a curve, sliding over a curb (ow) and then into a field, puncturing the oil pan on a fence post (double ow).

“We came around that corner and just started spinning,” said Dopp.

Dopp says he might have hit gravel or black ice. The officer on the scene thinks Dopp just wasn’t used to the car. Which one of these theories is the most likely? I’m thinking a showy right foot and lime green testicles was to blame. Sure, Dopp has been driving a Frito-Lay delivery truck for years; the same training grounds that spawned Schumacher, Hamilton and Gronholm. But they probably worked their way up through the food-delivery kart series, then Formula 3 potato chips, etc. David jumped from Frito van to hyper car, the common mistake of many professional athletes and pop singers. If money doesn’t equal driving skill then free money really doesn’t.

David isn’t worried. He says it has full insurance and the car is going to Vegas right now for an estimate. I think his amount of worry is going to change drastically when that paper comes back. That insurance gecko is going to have a shit. Remember people, the car doesn’t make the driver, and don’t ever, ever, ever compare a panel truck to a Lamborghini.

-Zack K

Thanks to the Santaquin News for the details and photos.

Thad (legendary TST camera operator and Head of our Dept. for Super Smart/Crazy Ideas)  sent me a link to this ebay auction, with the subject line: “Bad daily driver?” Hopefully he’s being facetious or I would answer that with a blank stare of disbelief, silently communicating disappointment and pity. No Thad, a 1981 Audi Ur-Quattro is not a bad choice for a daily driver. It’s an awesome daily driver, as long as you live anywhere that has weather. Let the record show Thad is from Florida.

This car is a straight up bad ass. A sharp, angular coupe with AWD and a inline-5 turbo. Audi was the manufacturer first to take advantage of the rule change allowing all-wheel drive vehicles in rally racing. Ya think that was an advantage?  For the next 2 years it killed it.

For sale is the road version, the 1981 Audi Ur-Quattro. “Ur” stands for “original”. They used it to separate the “Quattro” car from the “quattro” drive-train system. This one was imported in 1981 by a man in Chicago. It has European lights, bumpers and gauges; better have the conversion formula for Km/h to MPH memorized. The turbo-charged 2.1L I-5 cylinder was good for 200HP and 210 tq.

The original owner kept the car for 30 years. At one he took it in to have the clutch and turbo replaced, suspension upgraded, add a bolt-in roll cage, better brakes and other parts. Other, more noticeable changes were the flared fenders, wheels, tires and lights. He created his own homage to the Group 4 car; perfect for a highly-efficient winter commute.

It’s shape would make you think somewhere a giant door has just accidentally shut and it’s as wide and flat as Texas but who cares when your car looks like it just pulled out of a stage rally. This car was the genesis of AWD rally cars and Audi’s quattro system itself. If I had to pick between driving this up I-70 or a modern car with a part-time system (see link) I choose this. How fun would a drive on a snow-covered city be in this car? With those knobby tires and 8 kagillion candle power practically melting the snow in front of you?  It’s a piece of history that comes with racing seats, harnesses, a fire extinguisher and more gauges than your average low-income Honda owner packing a new Kragen Auto credit card. Beats the hell out of the Liberty Bell.

The power isn’t much compared to today’s rally descendants but I like anything that’s AWD and turbo-charged. With a curb weight around 2,900 lbs this is a recipe for winter happiness.

My only experience with an early Audi was quite good. The model escapes me but it was a big pre-90s sedan. It was a snowy day heading into the Rockies and the car was stable and smooth. The weight shoved our snow tires in with authority and we cruised past SUVs and trucks alike. Yes, the owner learned a lot about Audi repair maintenance very quickly but the car felt special. This car is that times 10. Looks like a fireball, has a stadium’s worth of lights on the front and tires that could grind a whole cow. Why wouldn’t you buy it?

- Zack K

The first Lexus I ever liked was the  IS300(XE10). I just liked the way it looked. Whenever I saw one in traffic it looked annoyed, like it was too good to be stuck in commuter captivity. It had a little edge to it. The only one I ever drove was an AT which kind of ruined the moment, but I still like them, especially with a 2JZ swap. Then came the IS250/350 and the ISF. All good looking. We have an ISF outside this week and I definitely linger on its bodywork. It’s a great blend of bulging metal and smooth transitions. Like mace that’s been dipped fondue.

Well someone at Lexus has done right again. The picture above is a Lexus concept that will be debuting at the Detroit Auto Show in January of 2012. And it looks very promising. Someone at Lexus has been taking art classes, maybe taught by an Italian woman with dark hair and the curves of Jessica Rabbit. Jump to see the teased interior pic.

You know how guys can spot a beautiful woman even if all we see is a glimpse of one knee as we drive past at 40MPH, at night? I’m applying that here. You can look at just this corner and know this car will be something special. It has the same smooth cuts, swoops and slashes of the LFA (a car I only like pieces of). The aluminum accents along the intakes project off the red paint and the way fender’s shape  rolls onto the hood and then down toward the grill; I think it looks very promising. Sometimes concept cars can go to far to into the ether (Mazda), but I wouldn’t mind seeing that quarter panel every time I opened my garage.

Lexus also released a picture of the interior. The flow is incredible. It’s like a river of leather and wood running through the car. I got to sit in an LFA once and was pleasantly surprised at how good it looked, as if a surgeon asked for some artistic input before building his custom operating room. But this concept takes that to another level. It gives the sensation of silent but forceful movement. Like a yacht on a glassy lake going 80MPH. The stitching on the leather looks extremely cool and the detached, leather-wrapped gauge cluster remind me a little of a Zonda, and that’s a very good thing.
They’re keeping details quiet but if I had to guess I would say a luxury GT car akin to the DB9, 599 or even a Bentley Continental. Who knows? I think Lexus is going to surprise some people. Either way, I like it and the direction Lexus seems to be headed. That are teacher must be incredible.

- Zack K

Stuart Mills liked to have fun. But he’s a nice guy so he wanted other people to have fun too. He didn’t want them to have to spend lots of money or have to have a Degree in Engineering. So after years of building race cars, he designed the MEV Exocet kit car. Based on a Miata it weighs about 1,450lbs and makes 135HP, so it’s damn fun.  It costs as little as $6,000. Those words all go together very well. Make the jump for specs and clips of these angry little track flies in action.

For some reason the term “kit car” has a stigma attached to it. I’m not sure where it started. When I was a kid, I just liked cars. I drawn to anything that looked cool, and I mean that in the most infantile way. It didn’t take much to get my attention; I thought Geo Storms were the shit. This led to me liking kit cars, because on paper they seem cool. You get a car with a good-looking shape,  some sort of engine (when you’re a kid you don’t think of reliability or power variables) and some kind of suspension and to a kid laying on the couch it made total sense. Awesome, I wanted a Fiero that looks like a Lamborghini! Know why? ‘Cuz right now I ride a fucking bike! So every car is magic and amazing. Make it look like a spaceship and I would sell my little brother for it.

But then I got older found out kit cars “suck.” The only kit cars people accepted were Cobra Replicas, which is fine because if you can only copy one car in the world….Cobra. But now there’s a new category, thanks to cars like the Ariel Atom. It’s “track toy.” And it means you can build anything you want as long as it’s fast, light, uncomfortable for real travel and sickly quick. I support this message. Thanks to Stuart Mills  of Mills Extreme Vehicles Ltd of the UK, you can build that dream can be yours for $6,000, plus a donated Miata.

You can’t help but notice the curved ladder bars on the sides that scream Ariel Atom. However I see this as an homage to the Atom rather than copyright infringement. The Atom made it cool to make a car with no door panel, windshield, roof, comfort, usefulness, rain protection, dog-peeing-through-bars-on-your-seat protection, etc etc. Kit cars were bad because no one can create an HVAC system at home, let alone test for NVH. Like my parents told me when I was young and a woman told me yesterday, “you will always come up short when you set your sights high.”

But what if you make a car that’s only goal is it be cheap and be fucking fun. That’s the Exocet. You grab your (or a friend’s) Mazda Miati (NA or NB), strip the body, unbolt sub-frames, detach wiring and LIFT! Bolt the Exocet “exoskeleton chassis”, wire it up and bam: you have a car that weighs 1,500 lbs,  my friend. Miatas are fun. This weighs almost 1,000 lbs less.  Cruising the forums, the process looked pretty simple. Some of the members made their own modifications and each took different directions with paint, interior and seating but I didn’t see the word “fabricate” or “laser manifold fabrication.” It’s a bolt-on kit car from a proven foundation that everyone loves; the Exocet merely takes the Miata’s natural ability and concentrates it. It’s shrinking a 5-hour Energy into a liquid capsule. Kit cars rule.

If you’re used to more power (or have become numb to low power numbers by the internet) you might want to get the MEV Rocket. It’s based on a Focus, weighs 1,100lbs and makes up to 350HP.

Or just get the single-seater, the Atomic.  It puts a GSXR motor next to you. Weight: 750 pounds. Sweet. My brain says add a turbo at home, but that’s me; I’m an idiot. Stuart runs Mills Extreme Vehicles Ltd, based out of the UK; a place that created “light and fun.” And thanks to MEV and the U.S. distributor, Exomotive, it’s pretty cheap too. I have a Miata, and the only thing I like about it is how fun it is to drive. It loves when I my daily rage and caffeine into the right pedal. And if I can, I will turn it into an Exocet. 12 year old Zack fully supports me on this.

-Zack k

Note: Let’s call this Sunday reading. It’s a bit long but there’s pretty pictures, even one that moves! It’s Sunday, take some time for the story I spent hours on yourself.

SEMA was over. The AdultCon of car shows had packed up, making way for the AdultCon of people; AdultCon. Hundreds of thousands of people stared at thousands of cars, parts, dudes in company polo shirts, failed strippers promo models, obstructing the way for depressed humanoids trying to gamble. Everyone went home on Friday…and missed the best show of the entire week: The Optima Batteries Ultimate Street Car Invitational

You should have gone, because this event is the shit. Matt was invited to compete in his 1998 C5 Corvette. We figured between the car’s lightweight, power and suspension and Matt knowing Spring Mountain like the palm of his hand, he might do pretty well. However we were not prepared for what showed up early on Saturday morning. Make the jump for the story and massive gallery.

Let me briefly explain the Optima Streetcar Invitational. It’s a triathlon for cars, except it has 5 events; Road Rally, Design, Road Course, Auto-X and Speed/Stop Challenge. Points are awarded to the top 20 finishers of each event. The Road Rally was first, but Matt decided not to run it. “Why?” I’m glad you asked.

Road Rally

The Road Rally was from Vegas to Pahrump. That day, NV decided it was bored of being known as a hot desert, and sent some rain (and at higher elevations, snow). Perhaps nature’s way of cleaning Vegas of neon lights and Lambo doors to make room for those talented actresses. Anyway, Matt loves convertibles. Before he drove from LA to Vegas he took the roof off his ’98 Corvette. Did I mention Matt left that roof behind? “That seems silly Mister Zack.” It is silly, Timmy. “Why?” I don’t remember why, something about his car will be in-doors all week and “so many Car Show groupies, it will be hitting me in the face.” Could be paraphrasing.  Point is he left it behind. “Mister Zack, does it rain in Nevada?”

Yes, Timmy. It does.

Cut to Friday, it’s raining and cold. Highway 15 had been closed due to snow. Matt was scrambling to find a solution. Borrow a roof, find a trailer to hitch a ride with, wait for the rain to die…all fails. We stared at the Optima awning, “I wonder if we can make it into a roof, like Lamborghini does…” We couldn’t. So, Matt quietly  put on 2 jackets, racing gloves and drove to Pahrump quickly. Yes officer, the speed keeps the rain out. He described it as a  less-than-optimal fornication experience, AKA, “that fucking sucked!” We felt his pain, our 2011 BMW X5 diesel was fitted with seat heaters only, no massage. The humanity. We thawed ourselves with potato water. The morning’s events were pushed aside by a young woman telling me about her friend, an “actress” who once made a “movie” where she “entertained”  600 gentlemen. I stared at a woman wearing a bikini in the winter, thinking “Can you catch syphilis from a bar stool?” Sleep.

Points earned: 0.

The morning came too soon. Cold and dark. The casino/gas station/swap-meet coffee was shitty. We pulled into Spring Mountain Motorsports Ranch just after daylight did. We parked the car and found Matt in line for tech. He we realized  Optima uses the term “streetcar”  loosely. These cars were serious. A conversation with several owners could have gone like this, “Nice race trailer. Kinda big though isn’t it? You need the space for what?….to hold your 4 rolling Snap-On tool boxes and the soul of Michael Shumacher? Ah I see. Yeah it makes sense then.”

Half the field were classics. Camaros won the  popularity contest, along with 2 ’66 Mustangs that sounded like a NASCAR motor starting in a small cave. In fact, most of these cars had exhaust notes that can pierce a hymen standing too close. One Mustang had a 4-foot tall wing on it… no one laughed. That should say something. It’s the fight club of the pro-touring community. Race engines, wide-bodies, huge huge huge rubber. The fact that a modded Nissan GTR (Gee, wonder how it did?) had serious competition coming from multiple cars 40 years its senior should tell you something. In some ways a battle of generations.  A bright red wide-body Corvette started up. My hangover was overcome with a big grin. This is going to be an epic day. Matt didn’t smile.

Autocross

The good thing about the OUSCI is there’s several events. The bad thing is, two of them are run simultaneously. Because there were so many cars, the event had a tight schedule and the cars were split up. Auto-X and the Road Course would be ran at the same time. So you have to pick whether you want to watch every car do 1 event, or half the cars do both events. We stuck with Matt and headed to the Auto-X course. It was set up to be more open, allowing the high-powered cars to run a bit. No 15 MPH slice and dice.

The lineup was daunting. It included the modded GTR and the down-force-packing Mustang. Oh and Sam Hubinette. He was taking Jamie Howe (the only SPEED host a 13 year old boy should know by name) for an on-camera ride . His parade lap was done dorifto style, the finale stopping in the stop-box while doing a rolling burnout. This is officially the second-best cure of a hangover. Spinning his tires was easy thanks to the frigid 42 degree air and colder tarmac. Despite the cold pavement Matt managed to run the course in 43.5s, 26th place, dead in the middle. Considering it was cold, his tires are old and his car was worth as much as most of the cars’ support tools, finishing mid-pack was fine by him.

The rules say “no pro drivers.” Ok. 10-Time consecutive “recreational” SCCA champion Mary Pozzi came in 2nd ( 39.4s) in a sick, newly-finished 1972 Chevy Camaro. Between its chassis, fender flares and wheel/tire combo it was as classic as an iPad 2. But man, seeing a muscle car rail around an Auto-X with that kind of agility, braking and balance blew me away. I spent a lot of time with these cars as a kid and I never thought I would see them within tenths of a second of a modern Corvette or GTR. And nothing sounds like an old car with race pipes, nothing.

My friends 3ZERO3 Motorsports ran a 43.4s in a VW Beetle with a turboed R32 drivetrain. That silenced several  “un-pimp ze auto” jokes. (There was a particular PT Cruiser that needed to be thrown with a trebuchet due to suffering from whowouldbuildthat-itis. A sweet bonus was watching Goldberg hosting the SPEED coverage of the event. Each car got an introduction, said with the charm of Gerard Butler barking words of encouragement to his men in 300.

Top time went to Danny Popp, turning a 38.2 in his 24 Hour Le Mans GT lookalike  street-capable C6 Corvette. To revisit the conversation on defining “streetcar”; this gentleman had tire warmers on his car while he waited in line. Trailer full of tools, tech team, ok. Fine. Cars are a pain to work on and if you have the $, why not. But tire warmers?  I wanted to look at this gathering as a sort of race amongst gentlemen (and ladies). They all created a car from an idea, brought it to the biggest show and then decided to have a bit of motoring fun in Pahrump. Apparently it’s a bit more serious than that.

Matt’s car was out-gunned and with ninjas like Pozzi and Popp playing, out-driven as well. His goal now was to finish mid-pack, not crash, not break anything and not embarrass himself. Mine was to find water, Advil and warmth. 1 out of 2 ain’t bad.

Points Earned: 0  

Hot Lap Challenge

Thad and I made our way towards the road course, stopping to look at all the pretty metal scenery along the way. I won’t slow this down with commentary on every car but definitely check out the gallery at the bottom. The best viewpoint is the Spring Mountain viewing bridge, perched above the starting line and grid. That’s another great thing about this event: access. You can walk up to the track barrier, there’s viewing towers, you can even go up on the giant Optima trailer. Being able to see everything is what makes a race event fun to attend. Usually it costs extra (pit passes); here were free to roam. Cars lined up as a group, running warm-up laps a few at a time. Each car launches from a stop and ripped directly under us at WOT. I Inhale delicious carcinogens shot out of cat-less exhausts. Thad points North, “We drove over those fuckin’ mountains!“  In the distance, a burnout cracks the cold air. So far, so great.

In the driver’s meeting they had told everyone the warm-up lap was a warm-up lap. We all know where this story is going. Coming around the corner is a ’68 Camaro, driven by someone who is following the meeting’s advice. He’s driving 6 tenths, cruising toward the sweeper. A little behind him is Danny Popp, in his magic car. Danny is also learning the track and exploring his car’s limits on the track but his are a little higher. He’s gaining like a cheetah chasing an old woman. Camaro brakes early. Corvette: Full brake, tire lock, smoke. From my vantage point Danny was close enough to read the other driver’s lips through the rear view mirror.

Someone else had an interesting warm-up lap: Matt. He went off in turn 2 during his warm-up lap. Bad tires and cold ground were charged as the guilty party. Matt shook it off, but we later found out he had broken a sway bar end link, hurting his timed laps later on.

At the end of the event, he had put down a time of 2:00 flat. 26th place again. The other times were all over the place. Some cars that I expected to be slow (1992 2-door Chevy Tahoe with an AT and a big block!?) weren’t. A V6 Mustang had an exhaust that sounded like cicada’s farting into a trumpet buzzed around to everyone’s chagrin.

Others looked fast like the sharp modern/retro 1966 Nova- weren’t. Mary Pozzi’s Camaro thundered round in 1:53.1.  Kyle Tucker put down a 1:48.43 in his 1970 Camaro. But the track was ruled by Corvettes. Danny Popp and Peter Callaway (yeah, that Callaway) ran a 1:42.208 and 1:44.745. The cheater! GTR, with all its computers and TSC:  1:48.441. That shows you how fast those Corvettes are, and also how fast Kyle was in the Camaro.

Points earned: 0

Design Challenge

All day judges were walking around grading the cars for the Raybesto’s Performance Design Challenge. The judges apologized for only having 5 minutes for each car, saying, “There’s some cars we could spend hours looking at.” Cut to Our Super Speeding friend Rob Feretti stood with the judges as they looked over his 1100WHP Supra,  “Yea it’s not probably not one of those 2 hour cars you guys were talking about. Go ahead, pretend to look at it for the entire 5 minutes. ” Matt did not win, but at least he didn’t bring a PT Cruiser with the graphics package off a 1984 surf board.

Points Earned: 0

Speed/Stop Challenge

It was now the last event of the day: The Wilwood Brakes Speed Stop Challenge. The Auto-X course had been cleared and a strip was set up diagonally across the big black slab. Starting at the banner, cars raced towards the stop-box. THe goal was to get to the other side as fast as possible. You had to stop in a box about 40′L x 15′ Wide.  Brake too late you hit the cones and get DQed, too soon and you lose valuable seconds. It was a great test of acceleration and braking, only one of which is a natural skill for old cars.

Thad and I walked out to the tarmac. I never worried about a car getting lose and murdering us, but it is a little interesting standing at that end watching cars with 500+ HP try to contain it at WOT. I saw more than a few hoods waver side to side. The marshals did forbid me from standing behind the stop box for a head-on shot, I guess in case a throttle stuck. Despite having had that experience myself, when the throttle in my ’65 Le Mans stuck at about 95MPH on Highway 1, I thought that type of accident was impossible. At the lease I’d be able to dodge the automotive bull. The marshals are smarter than I, and asked me to move.

Matt hadn’t ever done anything like this but he had plenty of drag racing experience, so the launch was easy. But stopping on cue and calculating that while you’re accelerating as fast as possible must be a strange idea for your brain to understand. Unfortunately Matt hit cones 3 times in a row. No points. Eh, who cares. How often do you need to pull into a garage at 78 MPH?  Back from his runs, “That’s a lot harder than it looks.” I believe him. Another driver advertised confidence. 5 minutes later, “That’s harder than it looks.”

Car after car charged at the box, furiously throwing itself forward with the silence and subtlety of an avalanche and then throw out the anchor and late-brake into the box. The 1957 Chevy Bel Air was fun to watch. It was like a cartoon elephant trying to come to a quick stop right before the cliff. Skid marks were plentiful. It was fucking awesome. A few yards from a juiced up pony car screaming towards us like a rabid dog chasing Lady Gaga.

First place went to Gary Rubio in….the Nissan GTR. It leaped to the box and stopped in 0:06.54s. This surprised no one. What did surprise us is that 2nd place went to Mark Stielo in his ’69 Camaro, which somehow found traction, screaming away with the violence of hesitation of a depleted-uranium round from an AC-10 and came to a rest in only 0:07.096. .6 seconds behind one of the most technically capable cars ever is no joke. Pozzi and Popp were only behind by tenths of a second.

The PT Cruiser showed up. It struggled with the acceleration portion of this event, because it started in 2nd. Then it would downshift from 2nd to 1st about 60 feet from the start line. Its sound was worrisome. “That’s the sound of it trying to kill itself.” a spectator commented. Ba-zing.

Pete Callaway's Corvette

There was one more thing going on during this challenge, that really encapsulates what this event is about. In the middle of the challenge, Peter Callaway was yanking his brake master cylinder, to give to Danny Popp. Danny’s had failed after the road course and its difficult to compete with no brakes. Danny was in competition to win the event, and Peter’s C6 Corvette was a matching tissue doner. This is what weekend racing is about; being competitive without working against each other. It’s just a bunch of really crazy friends. They pulled the part, got it in and Danny was able to get 3rd, putting him tied for the win Mark Stielo. A 2006 Corvette Zo6 and a ’69 Camaro, tied at 80 points in a performance decathlon. Pretty cool.

Points Earned: 0

The judges decision came down to the tie-breaker: the fastest time on the road course wins it. Mark Stielo hadn’t  beat Popp’s time of 1:42.208. But even so, it’s incredible what the pro-touring cars can do. The diversity of the cars, the close-up action, the access and the friendliness of every single person there made this one of the best car shows/races I’ve ever been to. It was relaxed without the bore of a stand around car show. And it was noisy and competitive without feeling to serious or impersonal. New cars, old cars, burnouts, road course, all held together by tens of thousands of horsepower. I was grinning like an 8 year old all day.

Unfortunately the day wasn’t great for Mr. Farah. He actually did pretty well considering the broken end-link, old tires and no tire warmers. But the road rally and Speed Stop Challenge cost him.  Add in judges incapable of appreciating the beautiful and captivating miracle that is a red C5 Corvette and ended up in 46th place.

But Rob Feretti got 47th.

- Zack K

There has been some interesting debate in the comments about my performance in the 2011 Mojave Mile, piloting the Corvette ZR1. Mainly, the debate revolves around two factors:

1) I am fat, and if I were not fat, I would have broken 180 mph, the completely arbitrary goal I set for myself that day.

2) The 2012 Nissan GTR shouldn’t be faster than the Corvette in the mile, yet in the video, the announcer at the Mile says that a “girl in a stock GTR” ran 179.9.

Let’s explore these items after the jump.

First, lets get all the facts straight. Going into this event, I had no idea what kind of number the car would run. I picked 180 as a completely arbitrary number, having no idea if the ZR1 were capable of that. Is there evidence that any bone stock ZR1 has ever cracked the 180 mark in the mile? No. Never been done. I probably should have looked that up, before running, but whatever. The organizer of the mile runs a ZR1, and he said that in absolutely perfect, sea-level conditions, his car wouldn’t do any better than 178.5. And he’s a professional NHRA/SCTA drag racer.

Mojave is also at 2800 feet of elevation, which is good for nearly a 50 horsepower loss. So I wasn’t running with 638 horsepower; it was much closer to 590.A horsepower loss like that is good for about 1.5 mph in the standing mile. There was a 15 mph headwind as well, good for another 1.5 mph. So I was, basically, limited to 3 mph slower than the car’s absolute performance potential for this test.

Now, about this whole “fat driver means slow car” issue. It’s true that being lighter is better, whether you’re talking about the car or the driver. Or is it? Check out this video of Autocar’s standing mile race between the Corvette ZR1 and the Porsche 911 GT2. You may notice that a) the video is shot in england, which has an average elevation of 500 feet. and b) the driver of the Corvette is, compared to yours truly, one skinny little limey. Obviously, because he’s skinnier than me, the car simply must go faster in the mile, right? RIGHT? Nope. Skinny little England’s ZR1 hits 175.9 mph, 8 tenths slower than my fat American ass ran one at elevation. Weight comes into play for the kind of stats that manufacturers need to sell their cars: Acceleration from a standstill, handling, and braking. No manufacturer this side of Koenigsegg tries to market their vehicles by saying how fast they will accelerate over 150 mph. At those speeds, it’s all about horsepower and aerodynamics, not weight. I neglected to mention the driver’s weight for the fastest recorded standing mile run in a stock ZR1, 178.5 as run by the pro mentioned above. The guy is 300 lbs, or about 45 lbs heavier than I am. If driver weight matters so much, how come the heaviest racer on the runway can run the fastest pass?

Now that we’ve proven the ZR1 won’t do 180 in the mile in stock trim, even with a skinny driver, let’s discuss the GTR. In the film, the announcer says that I am getting beaten by “a girl in a stock GTR” that ran 179.9. In hindsight, lets take a look at the race results for ourselves. If you’d like to see them all, click here, otherwise I’ve screen-shotted the most important part below.

You’ll notice the stock 2012 GTR, piloted by Irmina Martinez of Oceanside, CA, did not actually beat me in the mile. She ran a 175.3 to my Corvette’s 176.7. So the announcer was just fucking with me for video purposes. On the other hand, Dave Scholtz, in the 2010 GTR, seemingly ran 180.5. Anyone who knows anything about GTR’s knows that there’s no way in hell a stock 2010 GTR will beat a stock 2012 GTR in a simple drag race by that much. 5 MPH faster in the mile with otherwise identical cars would require one of the cars to have more than 100 extra horsepower over the other. Google says that Dave Scholtz is an accomplished amateur autocrosser and road racer, but in a GTR you really just mash it to the floor and go. If both cars are truly stock, as they claimed, I think that Irmina’s 175.3 is much more realistic. Bascically I’m calling bullshit that Mr. Scholtz’s car is stock.

Basically what I’m saying here is that I ran that damn ZR1 all day long, every which way possible. And I’m convinced that I ran it as fast as it would go. Would me losing a few pounds make the car go any faster? Maybe a fraction of a mile per hour, but nothing of significance. Standing mile is about horsepower and aerodynamics, not ultra low weight and launch grip. The internet has made gigantic horsepower numbers seem so normal, and no one even realizes what a feat they are. Going from 0 to 176.7 in just a mile is ludicrously quick. In order to get that same car to do 200 in the mile, you’d need over 1,000 horsepower at the wheels. 

So while yes, the idea of this post came about because I was sick of reading hundreds of comments calling me fat, the truth goes much deeper than that. Any asshole can post up some dumb YouTube comment. In fact, for every one thoughtful comment I see there are at least 50 more written by University of Phoenix online rejects, people with 5th grade reading and writing levels, and fucking morons. Do your homework people. You want to use a car not reaching an arbitrarily chosen goal on a runway as a good excuse to call someone fat? At least make sure you know what the fuck you’re talking about.

On this episode of The Smoking Tire, we take the 2011 Corvette ZR1, the fastest Corvette ever produced, to the Mojave Mile for a little high-speed testing. Back in May, Matt came to the Mile with a Porsche 911 GT3RS, an amazing, barely street legal track car, and while it ran a very respectable 166.8 mph, that just wasn’t enough. We had a goal of crossing the 1-mile traps going at least 175, and the ZR1 could be the perfect weapon. Hit the jump for the video.

*If the embedded video does not work, please go here to watch it.

There has been much debate over the results of this video, and I address some viewer’s questions and concerns here.

Sometimes, there’s just too much goodness to go into one video, so I also wrote a full cover story review for the November issue of Road Lanes Online Automotive Magazine, which you can view here. 

I love the aftermarket. They are the fringe chefs of the auto world. No content with the way something is made, they will take a classic dish-say, risotto – and then add crazy stuff to it like maple syrup and essence of deadly sea urchin. You might think, “What are you doing?? It was delicious the way it is!” But then chef RENNtech presents his 2012 Mercedes CLS63 AMG risotto and after a taste, you stop complaining. Because RENNtech has found that with a simple tune you can extract another 100 wheel horsepower. Yum. Jump for dyno sheets and a video of a race against a Nissan GTR.

I’m not that surprised the CLS has big power potential, because it has a big V-8 with two turbos feeding it air like it’s making foie gras. But I didn’t think you could get 100WHP out of a simple chip. AMG cars always respond well to mods, but this is ridiculous. The other day we were discussing which is a better idea, buying a CLS 550 and chipping it, or dropping significantly more money for the AMG. Well RENNtech dyno’d all of them, including a CLS63 AMG with the performance package, and one without. Check out the dyno below.

The blue line is a stock CLS63 AMG without the added Performance Package. Red line has the $7,500 Performance Package option ticked, raising power from 518HP/516tq to 550HP/590 tq. The Performance Package isn’t anything intense, it just raises boost from 14.5psi to 18.8. On the dyno, they put down 483WHP/478tq and 516WHP/544tq, respectively. So that means A, they’re both really fast and powerful and B, both are a little under-rated from the factory. Despite what your forum or 13 year old cousin has said, these cars are fast as hell. I know its 0-60 time (4.4) isn’t as fast as the Nissan R38 that had twin-supra motors and really strong guy pushing behind it, but in the real world the CLS63 AMG is fast as fuck. I spent a week with one. The only place this car is slow is on the internet.

Then RENNtech starts throwing things in the pot, to satisfy crazy people like  your cousin or wealthy Russians. Or wealthy anyone, really. Their chip gives the CLS a little more of the boost it craves so much, and just like that, it is putting down 583WHP and 643 torques. These aren’t gains at the crank (those numbers are 669hp/734tq. Yes, that is a “7″), this is at the wheels. You know, the part that pushes on the ground? This brings the 0-60 time down to 3.4 seconds, and the 1/4 mile is gone in 11.3s (or 11.2 with DRs). For proof, watch the video below.

So this brings us back to the CLS 550. We knew this motor had potential, and RENNtech’s 550 chip is essentially the same as Mercedes’ Performance Package. It raises power at the wheels from 392whp/441wtq (again, underrated from the factory) up to 447HP/516tq. At the crank, that’s 530HP and 606 torques. In a “regular” CLS. Price for this is only $2,700.

So we were sitting here trying to decide if the AMG part of the CLS is really worth it. That depends on the soundness of your mind. Is 530HP really not enough? Do you really need 669HP, and 734 ft-lbs of torque to be happy in life? The 550 would be an excellent cruiser-probably more comfortable than the AMG- and it will save you $20,000. I guess it depends on your income, how psychotic you are and how much time you spent watching single-turbo Supra videos(I think of them as the gateway drug to delusional power figures). I believe the internet has artificially raised people’s performance expectations and needs. Almost zero percent of CLS owners will drag race them, and only a few more will ever find out how fast it goes from 120 to 180. But there’s something AMG gives you that RENNtech doesn’t: brakes, suspension and stability control. Those are things you might want if you have 600 ft-lbs of torque. Remember, the proper way to upgrade a car is brakes first, power last.

But that’s no fun.

-Zack K

Like this post? Help us out and share with a friend. Or TWO friends if you want to get crazy.

Not in this town, missy.

You know truck nuts, right? Those stupid fake balls that people attach to their tow hitch to show everyone…I’m not sure what actually. I guess that you’ve got balls, guts, moxi, etc. You’re the man! “You see these nuts on my truck? They’re only half as big as the balls in my shrunken brain, imagination, pants!” I guess. I think they’re stupid. They are the douche flag of the red neck. Well as it turns out, these are illegal in South Carolina. A sheriff in Moncks Corner, SC wrote a driver a citation for $445. Any guesses on the driver’s name? Buck? Steve? Kevin Klein Klanigan? Hw about Virginia Tice.  Classy. Well, women are more empowered now. She’s probably one of these new, tough chicks you see on Hog Hunters, right? She’s 67 years old. “Look, grandma’s here! That’s her truck! See? It has grandpa’s balls on it! Cookies!!”

The law she broke says, “a sticker, decal, emblem, or device is indecent when taken as a whole, it describes, in a patently offensive way, as determined by contemporary community standards, sexual acts, excretory functions, or parts of the human body.” Can you imagine a lawyer, mid-way through writing this law asking, “Pardon me your honor, sorry to bother you, um, law 438599, does it also pertain to synthetic bull testicles? Yes sir, I know, apparently our citizens like to advertize their possession of testicles, but they can’t hang them out windows…yes, because of law 438598. So it does? Thanks your honor.” I don’t think these are obscene enough to be illegal, I just think they’re retarded. It does make it easier to filter out Mensa candidates though. Virginia is fighting the citation in court. Prepare for the funniest argument using freedom of speech you’ve ever seen.

- Zack K

Weds night the epic documentary SENNA received the Motor Press Guild’s Dean Bachelor Award for Excellence in Automotive Journalism. Good, it deserved it. I don’t know how many films win journalism awards, but considering this movie was up against seasoned journalist and people that wrote books, I think it’s a big deal. (It also won the award for Best Audio/Visual media, but for this movie, that was like playing t-ball.) For the three of you fucking soulless morons who haven’t yet scene SENNA, see it. It’s the epic story of arguably the greatest F1 driver all time told through the lenses of vintage F1 footage. I didn’t know who Senna was until I saw this film, but my kids will know his name. (Don’t let me name my kid Ayrton. Cliche, and difficult to yell).

When Matt came back from the event he told me one of the other contenders was Dan Neil’s Rolls Royce Ghost review from “The Car Show.” I worked on that show, and that piece was really good. Up against SENNA? “Hey Bill, you playing in the company softball tournament? We should do pretty w…why are the fucking Yankees putting on name tags?” I’m sure Dan understands. We were lucky enough to interview the director, Asif Kapadia, including footage from the film. Make the jump to watch.

Even if you don’t like racing, it’s an incredibly well-made documentary. I watch a lot of documentaries but this film transcends them. Granted, most of those have an agenda or are trying to save the world. This isn’t that. This is 200MPH in the rain, late-braking in corner and muscling other cars out of the way. This guy drove like he was made of steel and had the devil chasing him. No one drives like this guy. Thanks to the skill, danger, drama and the incredible footage, it feels like you’re watching a brilliantly written fictional movie. But it’s not. It’s just a person’s life story, told perfectly. I know the difficulties the director faced making this movie. F1 footage is hard to get as was the Senna family’s permission. Congrats to Asif for his well-deserved success. I’m sure there’s more to come.

Check out this bonus video of Senna doing some aggressive heel-toe in an NSX, in loafers.

-Zack

Some of you might have seen that YouTube is developing a new channel called DRIVE. You can read the official press release below, but the short of it is it will be a one-stop shop for every kind of automotive content you could want: reviews, comparisons, after market shops, race coverage and interviews. Guess they noticed what people like you and me looked for online (well, not everything). Their goal is to provide a variety of the best automotive content possible.  And, being the nice, smart and generous people they are, they asked the TST team to produce a show called “TUNED” with Matt doubling as the host. With other hosts like Chris Harris (EVO), high-speed god Alex Roy and our own Matt, it should be very good.   Make the jump for a promo video, show description and official press release.

As the name “TUNED” implies, we will be focusing on modified vehicles. I say vehicles because we won’t be focusing only on the latest chip for an Evo or a Corvette with long-tube headers and some dope-rad-awesome-sicknassity HREs. We’re going outside the box to find the craziest things we can. One-offs, projects, the kinds of vehicles that say “suck it” to physics and solar panels alike.  You know those videos you see that make you think “What the fuck is that?!” ? That’s what we want to be filming. We have some seriously amazing stuff in the works and you’ll get an up-close look at it.

But the show won’t just be an excited and/or terrified Matt behind the wheel (although there will be plenty of that). We’re going to talk to the great minds behind the insanity. We want to know where the inspiration for these monsters of the road and dirt come from, and the expertise and problems it took to make them. Look for the first episode of “TUNED” in January. Hopefully you have as much fun watching it as we will making it. Happy New Year.

PRESS RELEASE

Welcome to the beautiful world of a street-legal race car. This is a street-legal Porsche 997 GT3  RS wearing the shoulder pads and muscles of a Porsche RSR race car and put together by Orbit Racing. Make the jump for pics and videos, and more information on this equally gorgeous and obnoxiously crazy street car.

Orbit Racing has been building Porsche race cars for years, so this wasn’t out of their wheel house. But they had always wanted to build one for the street. They assumed no one was crazy enough to justify building an even wider Porsche, especially in the curve-challenged Florida. They were wrong. Some guy- I’ll call him RICHard Awesome- brought them his 997 and said “go.”Orbit ordered parts, cut panels, made new wheel wells, added diffuser panels, kevlar fender liners, the list goes on. But because it’s a street car they added sound deadening to the fender and wheel wells. Race car fun with streetable “quiet.” Win. They didn’t just make this car, they built it with such a level of detail and care it could pass an inspection by Porsche themselves.

Using body panels from the RSR 24 Hour of Le Mans car- as well as the proper suspension, exhaust and wheels – they built one of the best-looking Porsches I’ve ever seen. Race car bodies are always covered with livery and stickers so you can’t relaly see the shape of the car. Here, in stunning Cobalt Blue Metallic, we can see the full form of the RSR body, and it is a stunner. I love how the fenders pop without looking ridiculous. The contrast of the yellow lights, black wing and white rear accent on the blue looks amazing. Somehow the sharp angles, race bits and even the massive wing seem calm on this car. Race cars usually look like a magnet dropped in a bucket of scrap metal, but this is just, sexy.

Many moons and pictures later, the project was finished. I won’t write a build book here, because it wouldn’t do the slide show at Orbit justice. But do yourself a favor and go over there and flip through the photos. You will get a new appreciation for project cars. So many times we go to car shows, see something we like, say “sweet” and walk away. Well this is no stick-on body kit. This didn’t bolt up with a few screws and some plastic fasteners. This car was built by true racing engineers, and they put the work in to ensure that if this car ever visits a track, the owner won’t feel like he’s driving a GT3 with some  and an extra side of wing.

The phrase “because race car” is the “That’s what she said” of the autophile world. “Why are there tubes welded together instead of soft animal pelts?” Because race car. “Why should I sleep with you!?” Because race car. I can imagine someone asked this guy, “Why are you chopping up your new Porsche and spending another bundle of money on it?”

Hopefully he simply replied, “Because race car.”

Check out the Orbit Racing GT3 RSR Project Log or video log.

Thanks to Blake Simon at F1Photography.net for taking pics of this car out of the shop. Fuck this car is good looking.

- Zack K

One man’s trash is another man’s gold. In this case, one man’s film about a limp-dicked psychopath is another man’s tool for amazing automotive comedy. And wow is it amazing. A few weeks ago specs came out on the future Ford GT500, and the blogs lit up with comparisons to Chevy’s brand new but ultimately less-endowed Camaro ZL1. (Chevy took credit for inspiring the GT500′s power. That’s commitment to PR.)

Someone at the fordgtforum YouTube channel wrote a script about the release of the GT500 specs, made it into subtitles and brilliantly laid it over the 2004 film Downfall. In it, Hitler plays the role of Chevrolet itself, referring to auto shows and track times…god damn it’s funny. As a comedy nerd, I stand up and applaud the awesome work of the creator of this. Make the jump to watch.  Just to keep things even, there’s a bonus video where he plays Ford receiving the news that Boss 302 owners can’t get their Track Keys. Enjoy. Just don’t expect your Polish grandma to laugh. Mine didn’t.

Hitler Finds out the GT500 has more Power than his ZL1

Vat do you mean, CARB won’t let them have zer Track Keys?!?!

- Zack K

“Did you tell anyone we were coming here today?”

“I was just going to ask you that! And…..no, I didn’t. Did you?”

“No.”

We shared a long silence, both mentally flashing forward to a broken car, freezing temperatures and no food. We were 7,000 feet above sea level on the Wheeler Pass trail in Nevada. It was snowing, so the pointy rocks- which ranged in size from grenade to tool box- were becoming hidden from view. We were wearing jeans and hoodies. The closest thing to “supplies” were a tire repair kit, 2 half-full Monster Rehabs and stomachs full of Pahrump’s finest Subway. Popping a tire on this 2011 BMW X5 diesel would surely result in cannibalism, and Thad is bigger than me.

Let me back up.

The Optima Ultimate Streetcar Invitational was coming up. We couldn’t go to SEMA so we planned to meet Matt at the track in Pahrump the night before. Modern diesel cars had caught my interest during a shoot for The Car Show when Matt tried to drive 800-mile a Mercedes E350 Bluetec from Mexico to Oregon on one tank. I wanted to further explore new diesels, so I reached out to BMW. They had an 2011 X5d for us…in San Francisco.  Oh well. A diesel SUV made perfect sense to me on paper. Thrust and efficiency with lots of space and the ever-sought which I don’t care about high seating point? I bought my ticket.

 

 

I loved the original X5 and was happy to see BMW stayed close to the original design. It’s like an old band that’s been fine-tuned for a modern audience without losing their early sound. It still looks like an SUV (SAV in this case), with short over hangs and good ground clearance  (8.7″, same as a Jeep Grand Cherokee). Aside from a tiny badge on the side and a low red line on the tach, there’s nothing advertising it’s a special X5. I actually wish it were more obvious in the hope it would convert some people. But we wouldn’t want anyone to know our car uses that dirty, different fuel, would we?

 

Hidden behind that small badge is a 3.0-liter Inline-6. With 2 turbos it brings the gift of torques; 425 of them at 1,750RPM. It has to move 5,192 lbs with 265HP so 0-60 takes just under 7 seconds. But getting on the freeway it feels much faster. No one will complain. People equate torque with speed. For proof, drive my mom around. Just bring Xanax and ear plugs. Controlling it is a 6-speed automatic and despite lacking paddles it’s responsive enough I used the stick-controlled manual mode a lot to downshift, saving fuel and brake pads.

 

The interior is the BMW style we’re familiar with, this time done in soft leather with wood accents. It feels spacious and well-equipped; Luxurious without feeling like the off limits white living room at grandma’s. It’s perfect for a car the runs and rides as smooth as this. I was happy to see the iDrive has evolved from its original pond scum to functioning helper monkey. In the X5 I had no problem synching, adjusting or NAV-ing. Did I mention the stereo BUMMMPS?!  God damn it’s like a home theater system from Beats-By-Dre. I don’t seek out nice sound but I absolutely appreciate it and any audiophile will be quite content.

 

One of few complaints goes to the seats, which don’t have enough lower back support. It was like sleeping on a bed that’s barely too firm. In 2000 miles, I wasn’t uncomfortable but it wasn’t like home. For an example of what home feels like, sit in a Mercedes.

 

Our car also came with the optional Heads Up Display. That’s good, because the steering wheel blocks the speedo from 40-120mph. I’m 5’11” but unless I wanted to drive with the wheel up high and feel like an 8 year old the speedo might as well be gone. I guess in Germany you’re either going under 40 or over 120. Bastards. But without that issue I wouldn’t have spent so much time looking at the HUD, which was excellent. With NAV arrows, cruise control status and speed it’s the perfect tool on highways and helps in canyons at night too. Even if they fix the wheel issue I’ll use display.

 

Altogether I was reminded why BMWs are expensive, and it felt worth it. My introduction to the X5 came with a 5-hour drive down to Los Angeles, and despite my mom’s best efforts (she rode with me) I found a way to enjoy the car.

 

 

Jump forward a week, and it’s the Friday before Optima. The plan was to drive to Spring Mountain Motorsports Ranch to meet Matt. Thad had convinced me we should leave early and “explore Pahrump.” Bullshit. I knew what he was doing. When he first heard, “X5” he suggested “exploring” Wheeler Pass, a 24-mile off-road trail that runs from Pahrump, NV to a spot just north of Vegas. He’d mentioned it almost weekly.

 

(You see, Thad is a dreamer; brilliant yet sometimes disconnected from reality. He once asked if we could get a new car by telling the manufacturer we intended to break it, calling it a “durability test.” He was serious.)

 

(A quick spin of Wheeler Pass trail via helmet cam.)

 

I said no. “It says it’s safe for production vehicles!” he said, showing a picture of an FJ Cruiser, failing to recognize the difference in the cars. “You’re always ranting about how crossovers and whatever have no spine, right? Let’s find out.” He had a point. I didn’t want to take a car I didn’t own as nice as this off-road but I love a driving adventure of any kind. I’d spent too much of my youth exposing borrowed cars to the elements to ignore the fun in his idea. Together we’re like 10 year olds: One builds the ramp; the other rides his bike at it. Well, it is Nevada. It will just be a sunny dirt road surrounded by more sun and dirt.

 

We arrived in Pahrump at 10:30AM. “Let’s just check the road out, what else are we going to do?” I felt like a guy that agreed to go to a strip club but said I wouldn’t open my eyes and given the option between spending 8 hours in Pahrump or risking press access and death I choose the latter. We agreed if it got too hairy, we’d turn around.

 

Clouds. Hm. Wonder what they're for?

 

Wheeler starts as a fire road heading directly between two small mountains. The X5 handled this with flying colors. It felt completely attached to the road, even at 60MPH. A rocky hill several hundred feet tall presented itself. Torquey engine, AWD, let’s see what you got. Without knobby tires or locking diffs or some name referring to a desert (check out my new Sudanihari!) the X5 chugged up the hill. Wheel spin was there but it it confidently clawed up with surprising composure. The torque from the turbo-diesel made the car feel like a giant chair lift. 28MPG highway (observed), and now this? I am a fan.

 

We got out to look back down. Things look steeper from the top. Like the climb, the descent was drama-free. Hit the hill descent and it takes care of things while you steer. Taking your foot off the pedals while off-roading is the definition of counter-intuitive but it works incredibly well. We arrived safely at the bottom with a new confidence. This wasn’t just a traveling movie theater for kids or a booster seat. This thing was legit. With new confidence, we headed up the road.

 

Then it started snowing.

 

 

Thad was elated. “Snow! First snow of the year! How awesome is this!” I wasn’t. I like snow driving more than sex but this wasn’t even really a road. This was a 10-foot wide off-camber minefield and each mine was wearing the nametag of BMW’s press agent. Anyone who has driven a crowned road on ice knows where your car wants to slide. In this case that would be down the big mountain into the abyss known as “You fucking idiots.” Yay snow. Another element added to his idea. Yet, amazingly the tires didn’t even notice the snow. The car just, drove. We cautiously pressed on.

 

 

The road changed from road with light rocks to rocks with light road. A rock the size of a pomegranate seed once went between my tread and popped a tire; That thought haunted me the next 6 hours. I crept forward as slow as possible in order to put the minimal amount of force on the tires. Thad and I worked as a team, spotting obstacles and deciding the best path.

 

Our primary concern was clearance. Ground clearance is to rocks what bullets are to killing zombies; you can’t have too much. But between the AWD system, careful wheel placement and hill descent, the X5 was fine. It was practically asleep. Each passing mile encouraged us, yet I was expecting something impassable around each bend.

 

We set personal records for "Holy shit." usage that day.

 

Off-roading in the snow is a very cool experience. There’s a stillness around you, making you feel more alone. The road looked like cookies and cream ice cream; a white blanket dotted with the tips of brown icebergs. Off-roading usually involves sunny drives with the windows (or top) down. This was almost submarine-like. Using the parking cameras, sensors and side mirrors, we could see everything around us. I love you, electricity.

 

The summit finally came. 7,700 feet. Halfway. We were giddy with excitement. I thanked the car. This  quiet, fuel-efficient cruiser was as steady and bored as a Sherpa on a stair-master. The question was: turn around or continue? Foolishly, my parents let me read books like Into Thin Air and Call of the Wild. Would Jack London quit half way and turn his $50k luxury truck around? Hell no!

 

The snow fell harder, with bigger flakes. Ironically, the inside was as comfortable as a 4-star hotel. Seat warmers, soft leather, SPICE radio soft Jazz. 100 years ago people risked death on this road. Now we’re doing it in a car that treats your ass like an old Italian barber treats your face before a shave. Incredible. It was here we realized we hadn’t told anyone what we were doing. We had BMW’s SOS system if we needed it, but it was more a moment of realizing how stupid impulsive we can be.

 

 

Downhill brought the challenge of momentum. I want to reiterate the skill of descent mode. Snow, wet rocks, didn’t matter. This car can react faster than your foot. I only took over when 4MPH felt too fast for particularly nasty rocks or to stop and survey our next move. Snow? Rocks? X5 no care.

 

And then suddenly, the snow lightened up, the clouds dissipated, the rocks shrank. A fence, mud, tire tracks! We were out. We had gone 24 miles over a snowy, rocky mountain in a vehicle usually reserved for trips to Whole Foods and personal training sessions. We passed an F-150 and the driver’s face mimicked our thoughts, “The hell are these boys doin’ here?”

 

 

We had come here to find out if there was any “utility” left in the world. Crossovers are the new SUV, and I was convinced they were only as capable as a passenger car. But this 2011 BMW X5 is better than previous generations. I felt confident on highways, in canyons and over rocky, snow-covered gremlins. The 3.0 liter I-6 TT is just a phenomenal motor. It’s great everywhere. With all that torque I’d even say it’s fun. On cold days, upon startup it’s barely louder than a gas engine and only near idle. Thanks to smart people diesels are now clean, quiet and even more efficient. People worry about finding diesel, but 28MPG gives you a 600 mile range and that’s plenty of time to look. V-8 torque, 4-cylinder efficiency and inline-6 smoothness; It is the perfect engine for not only this kind of car, but plenty more. Ours was priced at almost $60,000, but I could easily do without options like the cameras and sunroof. For around $50,000, you get a car that can do anything people might think of, and do it well. Top to bottom, it’s a very good car.

 

No one will take their X5 where we did, nor should they, but I’m glad I did . I like knowing a car can handle more than I ever want to, like knowing how to throw a punch.

 

- Zack K

Last week a Ferrari 599 GTB spontaneously caught on fire. It didn’t quite melt itself (video after jump) like a dead vampire in From Dusk Til Dawn but it did catch on fucking fire. I’m sorry but WTF?  What year is it again? 2011? And cars are still catching on fire? And not just any cars, these are some of the best  and most expensive cars on the planet. A $7,000 Versa doesn’t catch on fire. The “smart” car doesn’t.  Even my  shitty ’95 Miata managed to drive 300 miles spitting oil out its CAS seal without turning me into Kosher rotisserie. So why are Ferraris and Lamborghinis bursting into flames? Make the jump for a buffet videos featuring exotics on fire. Maybe we can find a commonality?

One man got lucky, kinda. The Ferrari FF he was driving that caught fire wasn’t his yet; he was test-driving it. That should save some insurance trouble. Wish I could have seen the salesman’s reaction. “Oh, mi scuzzi senor. Thank god you had no hair to begin with. Si, it happens now and again. A Ferrari is like a beautiful, passionate woman who has severe bi-polar disorder. Some a day she just begs for more and a some day she hit you in the face with a rolling pin. Haha, yes you understand yes? What say we have espresso and talk about the 599? It’s molto reliable senor.” That guy went over to the Aston Martin dealer.

Or I hope he did. If he went to the Pepsi of Italian cars (Ferrari being Coke), he’d end up in a Lamborghini. Safe bet right? Audi owns them, so now there’s Germans in the factory making sure there’s no blots left over and nap time is no longer than two hours. Except for this little Gallardo fire in Norway.

I just don’t understand how a car ends up this way. With the insane amount of testing and development that goes into them, how can this situation not arise before production? How can having your car catch fucking on fire be part of normal wear and tear for Italian exotics? It’s fire! It’s no a CEL or door buzzer that’s stuck or bad NAV, it’s the hot red stuff that comes out of volcanoes. And even after Ferrari recalled the 458s, replaced those that burned and stopped using the adhesive arsonist that was causing the fires, one still burst into flames in Brazil. Perhaps it’s the price of driving a car that has been built to the limit of human ability. If this happens with 458s and Gallardos, what would happen if there was a “glitch” with a Veyron? It’ll probably explode and throw the Earth off-axis.

But, thanks to the handiness of YouTube and some calls to the FBI, I think I figured out the problem. See, the cars were being driven. Some were even being used to park, commute or get McDonald’s. Completely irresponsible.

I still want a Ferrari.

-Zack K

It appears the old adage “Less is more” was never told to many of the tuners and builders today. Accessorizing, modifying and customizing has been a big part of car culture since the 30s, but its gotten a little out of control. There are cars today that make the cars from Fast and Furious look like a beige Camry. Take the above. It’s a Campagna T-Rex that has been customized by the company Aero3. The changes are all cosmetic, which is fine because a stock alreay T-Rex makes 200HP and weighs 1,000lbs, so it’s fast as hell. It’s cool in a ridiculous, playful sort of way, but I feel this has pushed the visual envelope too far.

The first thought we had when we saw this was, “storm trooper helmet.” There’s ridges and fins and intakes and splitters on the splitters. It’s like a house with 3 roofs. The stock T-Rex isn’t a tame look, but that’s looks dictated by the design of function. If you build a 3-wheeled 2-seater with a ZX-14 motor in the back, its gonna look a little weird. But the somewhat recent trend of adding splitters and vents to everything has gone too far.

Aero3 isn’t the first offender on this, so I don’t want to paint them to be. Mansory of -course- is the worst. There’s tons of other companies that tack on multiple splitters, wide-body fenders and slits, gills and “intakes” on the car with apparently the same tact as your uncle throwing rice at his daughter’s wedding. I love that everyone is pushing the envelope of performance and design. Without breaking limits we wouldn’t know what they are. I just think we’ve found the limit of what looks good with additional bodywork, and what doesn’t. What do you think?

- Zack

"Where I'm from, my people run free." RS5 to CHP officer.

The topic of speed limits comes up in our merry band of arsonists (thanks to Dan Neil for that name) oh; every single time we drive a car. We usually give extra thought and a more “passionate” discussion after receiving speeding tickets. Most of the cars we drive-especially that we make episodes of-are either high-performance cars or expensive cars. Not exactly cars that drive poorly. Yes, they’re fast but they also have good brakes, traction system, air bags, warning lights (which we hate) and good tires. Germany has the Autobahn, proving travel at extremely high speed is safe. We know that won’t happen here, but what about a bump in limits?

Let’s be honest, everyone who drives a car knows in a good car it’s safe to travel above the posted speed limit. Everyone -on highways at least- speeds at least a little bit. I remember learning to drive and asking my dad how fast to go on the highway. He said “65″, to which I replied, “Oh please you never drive that speed. What’s the real number?” I wasn’t asking if it’s ok to max out our Laredo but I paid enough attention when my parents drove to know we weren’t the only families doing 5 over. More

" I wanna go fast."

A lot of people probably think this a silly, dangerous whine that justifies illegal behavior, but now we have evidence. Mwahahaha.

I have two people to thank for this scientific evidence. The first is the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration (NHTSA) and the Insurance Institute for Highway Safety (IIHS). The NHTSA recently reported that even though Americans drove more in 2010 than ever, traffic fatalities dropped (2.9%) for the 5th year in a row. They haven’t been this low since 1949. And guess what? The Interstate Highway System hadn’t been built yet. Hell it had barely been thought of. Danger comes with speed; speed with highways, so comparing deaths now to a pre-freeway time is silly.  NHTSA, you get a fruit basket.

So do we!

And the IIHS gave presented my argument with visual aids: a 2009 video showing a head-on crash between a 1959 Chevy Bel Air and a 2009 Chevy Malibu.  They wanted to show people that big, heavy cars are not as safe as we think. People always refer to giant old cars as tanks, but in the video it’s clear you’d rather be in the new Malibu (It’s safer, not cooler). It was done to celebrate the 50th anniversary of the IIHS, but guess what, I’m stealing their gift. If the cars are safer and accident-related death rates are dropping… Right? See where I’m headed?

Click here for director’s cut.

So why can’t we go a little faster? It doesn’t matter if you’re into cars or not and if you have a fairly modern car it doesn’t even matter what it is. A German Ford Fiesta -which can safely go 100MPH- is basically the same as a Fiesta here. In fact, our DOT is even more anal than the Germans and makes companies add all kinds of ugly blinkers and rubber bumpers and crap. And I’m not saying we need an autobahn. But I would like to see some of the well-maintained highways have their limits raised to more realistic numbers. You’re going to tell me a new car with AWD isn’t safe on a new U.S. road  but in Germany it is? And don’t give me the road engineering spiel. For unlimited speeds that matters, but fresh black tarmac is totally safe at 90MPH.

Yeah, you’ll always have your states like South Carolina, known for their strict enforcement. We spent a week there and I’ve never looked at the speedometer so much in my entire life. The normal response to realizing you’re driving 2MPH over the limit is, “Oh. Who cares.” Not there.

But outside these, ahem, slower areas people tend to hover a little over. I think the mentality is that if 65MPH is what the government deems a safe rate of travel, hovering a little above that can’t be dangerous. They wouldn’t set the limit at 65, knowing that cars spontaneously shed all their bolts like a tree’s leaves in a hurricane should the driver go 67. (You’re welcome, Cars 3 for that idea, probably followed by some joke about old cars and losing hair.)

Of course, the fact is not everyone has a new, modern, safe car. Germany has its rigorous TÜV tests, which we don’t have. You can’t raise the limit on the 101 to 75 or 80 because some guy in a 1978 Blazer with a camper shell will kill someone. But what about a higher limit for cars made after a certain year? People might say it’s classist, and they’re stupid, but if you’re travelling in a 2010 Camry with 12 airbags why should you to comply to speed limits decided on cars from 40 years ago or an oil crisis in 1974? Brakes are good now. Cars are basically sticky sleds filled with computers and air mattresses. Getting hit is probably like diving in a pit of Tempurpedic mattresses. The video proves it.

I know it won’t happen yet. Maybe when every car on the road was from 2000 or newer. Maybe. I just hope it happens within my lifetime, because cars will only get better from here. If I’m still have to drive 65 in my 2038 Audi A4 or Corvette, I’ll be fucking pissed.  And since fewer people are dying, we can gamble a bit, right?

- Zack K

At the end of December, Ford will stop making the Ranger. It’s been around for decades, and was one of my favorite trucks, regardless of size. It did its job and wasn’t gigantic. And in pre-runner gear…mmmm. But it’s going away, the last one being sold to Orkin. I know, who cares.
But that means there’s an opening, maybe. Ford is already developing the next generation, and whether they call it the F-100 or Ranger, I don’t really care. What I like-sort of-is the next one might have a 1.6-liter turbo-charged engine. That motor is fairly boring, because it makes less than 200HP. But what if…they make a mini Raptor… We’ve been dreaming about this for a while. We want this. Talk about a fucking hooligan. The Raptor is fun, but it weighs 6,200lbs. It’s fun, but it’s big fun. You can’t really flick it around and you have to make sure the road or trail you’re on is wider than your average highway.

But imagine a Ranger-sized truck with Raptor shocks, lighter diffs of the same quality and the same awesome interior, chuck the 1.6-liter and put in either the EcoBoost twin-turbo V-6 from the F-150. It makes 365HP and 420 torques! More than enough to make this a fast, nimble and (probably) fairly efficient truck. It’d be awesome! Pre-runner in a can. Offer the 2.0L EcoTec – maybe with more aggressive tuning- for the diet option.. But the true Velociraptor was small-ish, nimble and fast. If you offer a Raptor-like truck that fits in traffic and gets 20+ MPG, and price it belowwww the big Raptor by a big amount, that would be the shit. It would be the super motard of trucks. Stuck in traffic? Cut across that park, or drive on the beach at 100MPH. It’s light. It would leave a mark like a baby deer.*

*Your results may vary. TST not responsible for arrests or damage done to baby Raptor by slow-moving children or organic apples thrown by fans of Earth.

-Zack

Here’s a good piece of consumer advice: You probably shouldn’t leave a bottle of acetylene, a chemical commonly used for welding, in a closed truck overnight. Acetylene is highly unstable and extraordinarily flammable, and, well, see the photo above for what can happen. FJCruiserForums user “SMK_SHO” learned this the hard way by, literally, blowing his truck up and is frankly very lucky to be alive. Here’s the story in his words:

So my time almost came to an end this morning… im very lucky to be alive.

First of all, GO HUG YOUR WIFE/HUBBY and tell them you love them.

i had an acetylene bottle in my truck, the valve was bumped so slightly and over night the truck filled with the gas. i noticed the smell, and opened the doors to air out the truck. i drove the truck out of the garage to get some more air movement. i went to roll the pass side window down and as soon as i touched the power windows. BAM. with me in the truck. i lost all hearing out of my right ear and got a scratch on the back of my head. all things considering, im alive.

so now ive got the question out to toyota about a 2012 TT. 125 to canada only, 15 in standard. i want a standard…

pictures tell 1000 words.

dont take any minutes or seconds you have for granted… it may be your last…

This would normally be the part of the post where I make fun of this guy for doing something so stupid, but I’m pretty sure his near-death experience and destroyed truck are painful enough and he’s learned his lesson.

Source: FJ Cruiser Forum

Before we begin, I would like to state that I like Honda. I owned one. When I moved to LA I had no money no friends no job so alone I needed to sell my STI and get cheap transport that was reliable and fuel efficient. Answer: Civic. Bought one, did the job. Honda makes reliable, cheap transportation, a formula that-a few hiccups aside- has been working for decades. They are the OG to the young thugs that are KIA and Hyundai. That said…

I do not understand the Crosstour. I don’t know why it exists.  Yes it’s for a niche market. Everyone is trying to build something for a potential high-maintenance discerning customer that may or may not exist. We treat everyone like they’re all hampered by a case of shopping OCD. “Now make sure the cardboard of my to-go cup is vertical, not horizontal.”  These days every company of every industry is trying to cater to a more specifically needy buyer. iPods in every damn color an acid trip can provide. Drinks sized from suppository shots to 72oz “to go” cups. The only place you go with those is to your sadness couch from your humiliation Rascal. Read on..

At first I thought this was the fault of the people. We all have a drive to be individuals, and because we often define ourselves by our things, those things need to be special. Our kids are all incredible and amazing individuals! (Look how different their macaroni paintings of the sun are!) First they made the iPod. Then they made the iPhone. But what if you really like the phone but can’t afford don’t need the phone? iTouch. iShootyourself. We have an incessant need for similar but different. Why do you think we like Cameron Diaz, who is a less-attractive-but-funnier Charlize Theron, who is basically a blond Angelina Jolie?

That’s why the crossover was born. SUV ride height, safety blah blah but drove like a car. They’re more fuel efficient than SUVs, but not by much. If you read my Volvo XC60 review, you’ll know my feeling on these gap-fillers. But the Honda Crosstour and it’s only real competitor, the Toyota Venza, confuse me. I’ll channel an etiquette teacher right now, and just say I don’t find them visually pleasing. But honestly, that’s not my only issue. If I worked that way, I wouldn’t like chili. For me it’s about what’s on the inside. Numbers.

The Honda Crosstour has the same cargo room as the Acura TSX wagon, and 10 cu. ft. less than the CR-V. Put the seats down in the trio, and the Crosstour is 9 cu. ft. behind the wagon and 20 behind the CR-V. Well at least it gets better MPG than…oh wait it gets worse MPG than both of those. See what I mean? You don’t get better fuel efficiency, and the slanted back cuts into trunk space. Last time I checked, moving boxes were…boxes. Want trunk space, lots of room and good gas mileage? Get a wagon. Want to sit up high (for what reason I don’t know)? Get a crossover like the CR-V. But the Crosstour, like the BMW GT, seems to be lost in purgatory.

This is where I run into conflict with Tetsuo Iwamura, the CEO of Honda of North America. He recently expressed disappointment in its sales. I know why. In Sept. of 2011, Honda sold 1,148 Crosstours. To compare they sold 19,604 CR-Vs and 18,000+ Accords. Hyundai sold 6,213 Santa Fes and Toyota sold 3,445 Venzas. Go to the yearly sales and it’s no better.

And here is where my disagreement begins. If the Crosstour was selling well I could shout at the drivers like an old man yelling at skateboarders and retreat into my hovel of contempt, confused as to why it was made but incorrect nonetheless. And in today’s “I want my (insert phone, car, butter knife) to do everything” world I understand why Honda took a blind swing. It’s even supposed to drive better than the Accord or anything from Toyota. But since it’s ratings are as good as that show about the drunk lifeguard and his two care takers, it should go away, right? Wrong.

No refining here. Cancelled after 2 episodes. Maybe Hoff does know best.

Regarding the Crosstour, Iwamura said, “With further refinement of styling and performance, it will be a very good success, a leading model.”

Why try. I’m sure Honda spent a lot of money on this car, and it’s better to take a risk and spend some money “refining” it than kill it and call it a loss, but I can’t understand that. The Venza isn’t selling, probably because it looks like a wagon that eats at Paula Dean’s house. The Crosstour isn’t selling. The ZDX isn’t selling. There’s an area between the normal crossover and wagons that they filled that didn’t need to be. Considering it’s behind on space, MPG and looks, I can’t understand why they will press on.

Now, Matt doesn’t share my opinion on this, which is why we’re going to try to get one to drive and have a little discussion. Perhaps it’ll show me something I’m not expecting. But to me, it will be like a boat that has the captain’s deck on the bottom. Even if it sails just fine it makes no sense to buy it.

Here Honda, I made you some friendship cookies.

- Zack k

Shit, I spelled "tweet" wrong when I ran that red light.

MINI’s new Connected iPhone App is the worst idea in automobiles since the PT Cruiser was offered with feaux wood paneling. Actually it’s worse than that, because that won’t cause thousands of accidents and perpetuate the instant gratification, communication and puppy-dog neediness the flood of social media is creating. This will. Even worse, I saw it coming, and I bet within two years every car will have it.  Read on for figures showing why this idea is so bad, and more ranting.

The big concern with cell phones has been the oh-so-scary demon known as “distracted driving.” Distracted driving (of course) means talking on the phone and texting, but it also includes, eating, drinking, changing radio stations (mp3s, same thing), iPods and even just talking to passengers. It’s great for the CA CHP. They’ve written 283,000 tickets for use of handheld cell phones (as of mid-September 2010). They made buckets of money, sure, but they probably did prevent a lot of accidents.

When I had an old clam-shell phone I could text with one hand without looking, and I did. But with a smartphone with a touch screen, I don’t. It takes my eyes off the road for way too long. So the MINI system seems like the way to have your cake and eat it too, right? Some hot British woman reads your texts and tweets, you stay connected to everything and your eyes stay on the road. Awesome. Except the distraction isn’t from holding a phone to your ear, it’s your brain simply paying attention to someone else. Here’s the definition copied from the DMV’s page:

I laughed pretty hard at number 3. I don’t know how they expect you to drive without looking outside the vehicle, but that’s the DMV; brilliant people. If the NHTSA says simply looking around, or reading (“Wait, is this the Facebook menu or the twitter one…”) how the fuck does anyone think it’s ok for me or you to be driving while trying to come up with a clever tweet, or listen to someone’s inane Facebook status? It’s highly likely whatever it says will have zero effect on your life for longer than 3 seconds and will be forgotten within moments.

“Oh wow! Now I can keep track of Stacy’s level of happiness at work! And I can hear about how big my sister’s new son’s shit was! Oh wow, Zack just made a stupid joke comparing a car to the perineum! Lemme just Google that while I get onto the 405…”

You’re telling me that won’t distract people? How often have you been focused on something  (computer, TV, driving, inner thoughts, that woman’s rack,etc) and someone is trying to talk to you. 10 seconds later you realize they’re talking and say, “Sorry, what’d you say?” It’s not because you were reading, or typing, or talking, but because you were processing information and stimuli. Your brain was using it’s power to analyze a subject, instead of listening.

This is why studies have shown a hands-free device does little to help a driver focus compared to holding a phone to their ear:

Neuroscientist Marcel Just, director of the Center for Cognitive Brain Imaging at Carnegie Mellon University in Pittsburgh, agrees. Just studied 29 volunteers who used a driving simulator while inside an MRI brain scanner. The volunteers steered a car along a virtual winding road undisturbed or while deciding whether a sentence they heard was true or false.

Listening while driving led to a “significant deterioration in driving accuracy,” Just and his co-authors write in the latest issue of the journal Brain Research. The drivers hit the guardrail and veered out of the center of the lane more often while listening.

In the listening situation, MRI brain scans found a 37% decrease in parietal lobe activity. The parietal lobe is associated with spatial processing, so it is critical for navigation. Activity also decreased in the occipital lobe, which processes visual information.

Apply that to your average driver and the result is going to be bad. Apply it to your average twitter/Facebook junkie (people that would stare at their phone while skydiving if they could) and you have more accidents than an Asian girl’s sweet 16 party Danica Patrick after 3 cups of Jesus juice. The people that have to have these updates are probably bad drivers already. This will easily undo any accident prevention. I understand we want to be connected, and in many aspects of life technology has been priceless (Iranian protest, efficiency, porn). But this is a place where we need to think ahead about what we put in cars. You can’t simultaneously complain about distractions and then put this in. It’s a bad fucking idea.

Besides, MINIs are supposed to be driver’s cars, not a social network wi-fi hot-spot.

“This….this is wrong.” – Dark Knight

Apparently the people at Smart think they know America. We won’t buy their tiny, slow, city car because our cities are as cramped as Europe and there’s a million other cars that get similar gas mileage and don’t have the cargo capacity of a glove box. I’m also personally terrified of getting in an accident in one. I imagine it’s like dropping a snow globe on  bed; the shell is perfectly fine but everything inside is bouncing and swirling for days.

So Smart has the answer.  A “truck” version of their “car.”  Yes! Americans love trucks. They ranch, and hunt, and haul stuff, right? So what if we give the Smart a truck bed? They won’t notice it’s too small to hold anything bigger than groceries, which will be stolen from the exposed bed at the first stoplight.  And the fact that in a rear-end collision an SUV will climb inside that bed and maul the driver like a hungry lion into a topless Land Rover. And sure, it’ll be slower than a Prius at a tractor pull but c’mon! Truck!

It’s not a truck. To call it so is blasphemy. This is what an F-150 would leave behind if it ate a super burrito.  It’s a tiny car that has the character of an Amigo without the practicality. It’s a Suzuki Samurai without any of the off-road capability or the generous cargo space. It’s a Smart car with half a room. It’s “tool kit” will be used by absolutely 0 of it’s customers (customer?) because the only people that would buy this car would stare at a screw driver with the bewilderment of a puppy looking at an MRI machine. Smart cars are just not right for America. They’re up against cars like the Focus, Mazda 2, Civic, Fit, etc etc. The small-car segment is thriving here, but the attempt at micro cars isn’t. To paraphrase Field of Dreams, if they build it, we will laugh. Make a Smart truck, SUV, canoe, whatever. It’s just not working here. If this is a truck, then I’m a truck.

-Zack K

There is rarely enough time in one of our 7-minute films to say everything that needs to be said about a car. You get in the moment, you forget things here and there, and you go home at the end of the day wishing you had said this or that. Well, in between filming and writing for The Smoking Tire, I review cars for other publications as well, which gives me an opportunity to write a completely different take on the same cars we film with. Introducing Road Lanes Magazine, a new online automotive magazine that you can download for free and view offline as well as online. In last month’s issue, I reviewed the Dodge Durango and Corvette ZR1. This month, check out the new issue of Road Lanes for my reviews of the Mercedes CLS63 AMG and BMW X6M.

So as not to disappoint our loyal fans here at The Smoking Tire, we have also made films with the Corvette ZR1 and BMW X6M, which you will see on the site and our various video outlets soon. Until then, click here to see the latest issue of Road Lanes!

Drifting is one of those things that, like golf, bull riding, and porn, professionals make look very easy. It’s also something that many drivers claim to do well, when in fact, they do not. Since Matt is not a professional racing driver, he is more than willing to admit that he doesn’t have the first clue how to drift a car properly. But he’s also the first to admit that when you don’t know something, you get a professional to teach you, and you simply listen and try to be a good student.

The kind folks at the Bob Bondurant School of High Performance Driving in Arizona offered The Smoking Tire the use of their facility and vehicles for a day of private drifting lessons from instructor Corey Hosford, who will be starting his Formula Drift career this coming April at Long Beach in his K-Sport Nissan 350Z. Can Matt start from nothing and become a drifter in just one day? Hit the jump to find out.

When Sebastian Thrun was 18 years old, he lost his best friend Harold in a car accident. From then he vowed to find a way to prevent everyone from suffering a tragedy like this. Accidents are 100% human error, unless you drive a Prius of course (wink). We spend an average of 52 minutes a day in traffic, which is 4 billion hours nationwide.

Thrun hopes to end that. Enter the Google Autonomous car. It’s driven 140,000 miles on freeways, mountain roads and even San Francisco’s super-twisty Lombard street. Sebastian spoke at the TED conference in March, and Huffington post re-posted it as one of their 18 great ideas of 2011. We missed this video, and thought you folks might enjoy it. Especially the Auto-X ride. A driver-less stunt car?! Cool! At least until the Stunt Drivers Union hears about it.Click to watch the video. It’s truly a glimpse of the future.

Seriously impressive sensor mapping.

It’s probably beyond our lifetime to reach that iRobot/Judge Dredd/EveryFuturisticMovieEver point of self-driving cars zipping through traffic while the occupants converse, nap or fight off killer robots, but it will happen.  But I won’t feel comfortable in one until every car has the software to know where every other car is. I’m sure that Prius is awesome, but I don’t know if I trust it to see the 1984 VW pickup with 4 lawn mowers in it that is about to miss that red light due to faulty brakes. If it can I will happily be chauffeured around by Intel while I waste time entertaining write for you good people.
The only thing I don’t like about Thrun, is his future thinking how silly it is humans drove cars. Because my kids are going to kick them in the nuts for such blasphemy.

- Zack k

Using a wash-it-yourself car wash isn’t exactly rocket science. Insert coins, then use power washing hose to soap up the car and scrub it down with the brush before rinsing it off. Sounds easy right? For people with, you know, actual functioning brains, yes. For these guys, not so much. One guy loses control of the power washer and it propels itself about the wash bay, attacking these hapless saps about the head and ankles, until they simply run away. And for some reason, they posted this video? Fortunately their Wrangler makes it through unscathed, but for tips on how not to wash your car, hit the jump.

Two Guys vs. A Car Wash Spray Hose

A few weeks ago I was listening to Adam Carolla’s podcast, “The Adam Carolla Show.” Adam was doing his thing, ranting about the world, and today his brain fixated on gasoline leaf blowers. Between the repetitive gay jokes and Mexican racism, I learned parts of California have banned the use of gas-powered leaf blowers. I had no idea. I was born in CA, currently live in LA and I see these things everywhere, never giving them much thought. Every Saturday the gardener busts out one of these noisy, droning machines (“Los gringos are hung-over. I think I’ll spend extra care near the windows.”)  and uses his expertise to move leaves and dust from one corner of the yard to the other and blow things around in the street.

Adam talked about the emissions from a gas blower being several times worse than a car. I made a point to look this up when I got home. Then I forgot that task, and probably ate something while watching an episode of Top Gear for the 11th time. Thankfully, Jason Kavanagh of Edmunds’ Inside Line just completed a great article in which he tested a leaf blower to see how bad it really is. To compare, he used the car Al Gore probably prints onto handgun targets: The Ford SVT Raptor. He also threw a Fiat 500 into the mix, to see where a small-displacement car would line up. You can read the whole article here, or make the jump for a more concise version.

I’ll explain the test as briefly as possible.” Thorough” and “controlled” would be massive understatements. The testing was Performed at the Automotive Research Center in Diamond Bar, CA. Judging by the strict level of testing parameters the guys that work at this place are probably not the dudes you’d want to get a beer with. Each car undergoes a 24-hour pretest inspection so lengthy and detailed Edmunds didn’t mention a single step. Then, the cars are then hooked up to a bunch of tubes and suction devices and put on a dyno and run it through 3 phases:

Phase 1: Cold start and run for 505 seconds.

Phase 2: (Continues from the cold start) Run at constant speed for 864 seconds.

Phase 3: Warm start, run for 505 seconds.

The big, expensive machine analyzes their exhausts and prints out numbers.  Easy right? Probably. But it’s far from relaxed. If you let the RPM go out of a tight range, they have to start over, including the 24-hour pretest inspection. God help the technician that messes that up, because I’d strap him to those tubes and make him turn the drums by hand.

Now for the players and the results of their air-born STD testing. The Ford SVT Raptor weighs 6,200 lbs. and makes 411HP. A gigantic 11MPG beast of a vehicle. We put thousands of miles on ours per month. I’m sure every Prius driver looks at us like a hemorrhoid on the ass of the porn star known as Earth, especially in the city. If we didn’t use ours for actual work, I’d half agree. Just look above. The Raptor is kicking dirt in the face of the planet. What a dick, right?

Next up is the Fiat 500. The newest contender to the Mini’s “OMG IT’S SOOOOO CUTE!” throne. It’s tiny, light (2,350) lbs. and has a 1.4-liter engine making a uni-ballsy 101HP. It can practically fit inside the bed of a Raptor. And according to the people that build the Smart Car, small appears fuel-efficient. It’s the vehicular “yang” to the Raptor giant 6.2-liter “ying.”

Edmunds chose 2 leaf blowers: a 50cc. 2-stroke Echo PB-500T and a 30cc. 4-stroke Ryobi RYO 9440. I don’t know where those land in the leaf-blower hierarchy, so I will assume they’re both awesome. Yay leaf-blowers.

The machine was analyzing 3 things: Non-methane hydrocarbons (NMHC), oxides of nitrogen (NOx) and Carbon Monoxide (CO). I guess it’s bad to breathe those? Big words, lots of letters, let’s get to the results…

Ohhhh snap! Not only do the leaf blowers poison our air more then Ke$ha’s mouth, the Raptor is cleaner than a Fiat 500. Matt’s response to this fact was, “What?! How?!” The Raptor has a more complex emissions system. SO clean in fact, the air leaving the exhaust pipe was cleaner than the air going in the intake. Think about that the next time you job around for your health. Yeah yeah, the Fiat 500 uses less fuel but try this on for size: The 500 is classified as an LEV-II (Low Emissions Vehicle Level 2), the Raptor gets ULEV-II status, which is better. If there was a waiting list to get a car-pool lane sticker, the Raptor has a lower deli number than the Fiat.

I'm cleaning the air motherfucker!!! Whoooooo!!!

The leaf-blowers are basically the worst thing on the planet. Let’s seeeee the 2-stroke puts out 23 times more NOx and an obese 300 times more CO than a 6-fucking-thousand pound truck. In 6 months of weekly yard work, the leaf-blower farts so much into the Earth’s mouth you’d have to drive the Raptor 3,887 miles to catch up. Even at idle, both leaf blowers were worse than either car. Jason explains,

“You’d have to drive a Raptor 235 miles — stopping every 505 seconds and doing cold restarts — to emit the same level of hydrocarbons as simply idling the two-stroke leaf blower for less than 10 minutes.” – Jason Kavanagh

This is probably better than breathing the exhaust. Maybe.

California gets a bad rap for restricting too many parts of our lives, especially in regards to emission controls, but in this case I think it’s obvious they’re onto something. I don’t want to breath air that’s 300 times more polluted than the exhaust from a vehicle that’s perfectly capable of powering through a field of angry, radiated zombies wearing Lakers gear. I hope more people switch to plug-in blowers. Maybe if you trade in your gas blower the state will give you 300 Raptors?

- Zack K

Above is the Cadillac concept called the 2009 Cadillac Converj concept but it will soon be known as the grass-friendly ELR Coupe. It would use the same platform as the Chevy Volt, so it would be a hybrid that gets from 40 to 1,000,000 MPG. Yes, I am exaggerating but if you never drove over 40 miles I guess it’s mathematically possible. Cadillac has made great strides the past few years of making cars that drive on par with the European imports we all praised so highly back in the 90s (and still do today). Building a hybrid isn’t just a way to keep with the times and stay competitive, if there’s one thing GM is known for it’s platform sharing. Why else would they have what felt like 349 slight variations of the same damn car for so many years? I’m looking at you, Pontiac, GMC and Saturn, as examples of redundancy. Well in this case it’s a good thing. Electric power and luxury cars go together. Rich people like smooth things. Suede, cream, mousse, see? But what about a diesel Cadillac? Read on ….
It makes perfect sense. It may just be because Cadillac’s luxury rivals- Audi, Mercedes and BMW- are bringing the diesel revolution to America. After all, VP of Marketing for Cadillac Don Butler [regarding a diesel power train] stated,

“We absolutely mean it when we say we aim to compete with the best of the best without compromises. And if that means making the right powertrain choices, then those are the choices we will have to make”

So from his end it’s to stay competitive, but I say why not do it just to do it? I was lucky enough to go with Matt on the 1,600 mile journey from the border of Mexico to Oregon (and back) for a segment in episode 13 of “The Car Show.” We drove in  Mercedes’ great mid-size diesel, the E350 Bluetech. Huge torque (402), incredible MPG (38+) and quieter than Herman Cain’s wife, it is the perfect power train for a luxury car.

Look, I love horsepower, speed, burnouts, the whole bit. I recently spent a straight hour giggling out loud (with a passenger in the car) behind the wheel of a very fun AMG. BUT, unless you are like me- an impulsive man-child that thinks the world could benefit from more tire smoke- you DO NOT NEED A V-8. I’m talking to the dentists, lawyers, bored rich house wives charity planners and anyone else driving a “regular” V-8 powered luxury car. People like this like V-8s because it gives them a feeling of power. They get that torquey oomph in the back that shows them where their money went. And there’s probably some companies that only offer certain trim levels with a bigger engine. (I valeted an S4 convertible in college and when I said, “Nice car!” the young co-ed owner said, “Yeah. I got it because I liked the leather.” Die.)

But these cars (and drivers) would be even better with a diesel. I’m willing to bet you could blindfold a lot of these people, and they wouldn’t be able to feel the difference between a 550 Benz and a 350 diesel. Bankers over 60 years old probably aren’t taking their S550 to 6500RPM, and wouldn’t complain “The power seems to drop above 80 MPH.” And, for the record, the E350 will go about 135 MPH. More than enough for any of the shrieking retards on television we call “house wives.”

Cadillac should build a diesel, not consider building one. Diesel suits luxury brands, the technology might be cheaper than the Volt’s, making Cadillac more competitive with ze Big Threin (that probably isn’t German for “3″) and there’s no battery fires to worry about. I think you could put prospective buyers in a CTS diesel, not tell them it’s an oil-burner, and after a test-drive their ideas of what a diesel car is will be changed forever. You get torque, you get quiet, and you get MPG. Power, peace and quiet, and saving money. What more could a wealthy person ask for?

- Zack K

This is the newest car to be added to the TST Dream Garage. For those of you new to the game, we’re slowly compiling a list of all the cars we’d buy if we had money.  I mean so much money you’d buy one of those stupid, giant yachts that Paul Allen used to substitute his penis. If it’s a vehicle, we can put it on the wish list for the day we all simultaneously win every lottery in the US at once. And being added to that ever-expanding garage in the sky (Skycake made daily) is Vaughn Gittin Jr’s own, 1969 Need For Speed Mustang RTR-X. I ****ing love this car.

This car came out long ago, and it’s been on a tour since it debuted at SEMA in 2010. So you’ve probably seen it, heard of it or read about it. Nothing new. I’d read about it when it came out and thought it was awesome. But that didn’t prepare me for what I’d think when I saw it at Formula D this year at Irwindale. I rounded the corner  and stopped. (Earmuffs kids.) “Hoooo shit.” Make the jump to read my love story, and watch Gittin destroy some tires.

I love this car. I really truly do. Not in the way I love most of the fun power-laden cars that stop off at the office each week. I saw it in person and thought, “This is a car I dream to own. If I ever have the means, I will ask Mr. Gittin Jr permission to replicate it, using the same shops he did. Call me unoriginal, call it a rip-off.  I will care not. Not one bit.”It has a 480HP 5.0L Coyote motor, with some of the sickest, cleanest velocity stacks around. It’s a muscle car, but it has in-board suspension. Know what else has that? Le Mans prototype cars, or the Aston Martin One-77. It has sick diamond-pattern seats, awesome 5-spoke Work Meister wheels. And they’re green. And that is f*cking rock.

Besides all the good parts, power and speed (187MPH!) I love this car is because it combines two things that are very dear to me: Muscle cars and driving. Hot rods are what got me into cars. I used to go to tons of shows as a kid, worked on them before I could drive and owned a muscle car in high school. There’s a feeling they evoke that I haven’t found in other cars. It’s a feeling of power, confidence, and a slightly sinister-but-playful smile. It’s brawny and loud. Mothers look at you like you’ll turn their children into goblins. They’re cars for simply playing.

But they drove like shit. My car didn’t stop, it scraped it’s tires whenever it was forced to turn (mountain roads have never felt so exciting at 22MPH) and it was as nimble as a beached submarine. And when I would drive my friends’ MK1 VW Rabbit, complete with a 14-point cage and full track setup, I realized I was missing something essential. I liked turning. Stopping is a good thing. And if you’ve seen my silly audition for Octane Academy, you will know I have a clinical addiction to sliding cars. Give me any car on a slippery surface and I’m like Cartman at Klan rally buffet.

The RTR-X takes both of these things, essential elements to my very existence, and combines them. It’s a yin and yang of old and new, silly green wheels with a stealthy paint job. A racy digital cluster but with diamond pattern Alcantara. I love old cars and new cars, and this is the best combination of both I have ever seen. And the fact that it is capable of pro-level drifting is the final piece in the perfect car puzzle. I get my muscle car fix, my new technology fix, and my silly dorifto fix. This car is my definition of a good time. That’s all it was made for, and it pushes every button: childish, nostalgic,  irresponsible, adrenaline-seeking. It’s one of the coolest cars I’ve ever seen, it’s one of the best-looking one-offs I’ve seen, and god damn I bet it drives like m*********ing perfection. It’s sick, it’s nasty, it’s ridiculous and it can drive. That’s why it’s in the TST Dream Garage, and that’s why I would immediately steal it and never come back.

Bravo to Vaughn and NFS and all the guys that put this together. The concept was amazing, the art direction is so cool, and the detailed execution is incredible. And thanks to Hot Rod Magazine for filming this awesome video, and for teaching an 11 year old Zack how to box the frame of a  ’34 Ford. Not that I used them.

-Zack K

The Koenigsegg Agera R is very very very fast. No, you don’t understand. It’s really fast. In the video it goes from 0, to 300KMH (186MPH), and back to 0 in… 21.9 seconds. Now, being the internet readers you are, like me you probably have no frame of reference of how fast that really is. For comparison, we have the times of some cars  going from 0 to 300KMH. Make the jump to read and watch this ridiculous thing that I love so much.  

Koenigsegg CCX: 21.9
SLR 722: 29.6
Murci LP 640: 31.5
911 GT2: 36.2
Alpina B6 S: 41.5
Z06: 44.6

No back to 0, no slowing down, nothing. Just from a stop to 300km/h. As you can see, the old Koenigsegg- you know the one, with the twin-supercharged V-8 making 806HP?- That car went to 300kmh in 21.9 seconds, well ahead of the also incredible GT2, Murci and SLR. A Bugatti Veyron, the benchmark of high-priced space ships, takes 19.8 seconds to hit 300kmH, and 23.8s to reach 320km/H. In the real world, all of those cars are crazy crazy fast. All they are doing is accelerating to 186MPH.

THAT is how  incredible this car is. Somehow, in defiance of physics and the Easter bunny, the new Agera R was able to reach 186MPH, and go back to a complete stop, in the same amount of time it takes it’s sibling to reach 186. Want to know how long it takes the R to go from 0-300 KMH? 14.5 seconds. That’s how long it takes a new Honda Accord V6 to reach 98MPH. A car that boring normal people call “quick.”  A Corvette ZR1, which is the fastest car I’ve ever driven, takes 15.9 seconds to reach 150MPH, and around 33 seconds to reach 186 (300kmH). I thought that car was insane but I have had to edit the definition of insanity in my brain. Compared to the Agera, the ZR1 is Catholic nun on Valium. Wait,what?! What the hell is going on?!

I cannot wrap my head around the abilities of the Agera R. This is like saying to Hussein Bolt,

“Ok Mr. Bolt, you are going to run this 100 yard dash, k? Start here, cross that line, that’s it. What am I going to do? Oh, well in the same amount of time it takes your corpulent snail ass to run that little 100 yards, I’m going to run to that line, stop on it, have a sandwich, maybe hit up YouPorn, and then run back to this starting line. Ready?”

That is insanely fast. How? Why? WTF is in that car? Oh, that’s right, it’s has a 5.0 Liter V-8 with two turbos, so it makes 940HP. Oh wait, I forgot, you can put E-85 bio ethanol in it, and it makes 1,115HP. And yet it’s still RWD! What the **** gets the power to the ground? Are the tires made of the toes of millions of geckos? Because I’m ok with that.  If Sarah McLaughlin complains direct her calls to me. I have an excellent collection of Panda bear erotica I’d like to discuss with her. Oh, and if you watch the video, you can see two other things: 1. If you watch the driver turn around, it’s clear the steering radius of this car is very tight. So drive-ability won’t be an issue. 2. The test driver isn’t wearing a helmet, fire suit and 2 HANS devices while doing multiple 200MPH runs. Dear police stations, high speed travel is safe. See video below.

I just can’t get over the physical abilities of cars right now. People referred to the muscle car era as the golden age of cars, never to be seen again. Wrong. This is the golden age. Companies realize people want a cars that can go, stop and turn with the quickness and they are in an arms race the US Army should be jealous of. This is the best cars have ever been, and I shake my head and stare in awe when I think of where they will go from here. Now, whose grandma can I give oral treats to for $2 Million?

“It’s much more exciting here than in a Formula One car.” – Ayrton Senna

I believe – and I think the whole TST crew shares my feeling – that F1 and WRC drivers are the best drivers on the planet. I know, bold statement. Next I’ll probably say that humans consider food to be important for living. I’m not saying anything that any sane person wouldn’t say. In F1 you have the sheer speed, power and grip of the cars. Everything happens at the speed of light and if you’re not thinking slightly faster than that, you’ll create an expensive carbon fiber confetti show with a fireball encore. In rally racing, things don’t happen quite as fast, but there’s more variables to deal with: constantly changing surfaces, odd suspension compression, rocks, blind corners, oh my. And don’t forget, if you’re on a wood stage, there’s the added bonus of trying not to think about the thick wooden girders of death that are lining your race track. Slide too far and you will play chicken with a tree, and you will lose.

It is that last line that worries the late Ayrton Senna, perhaps the greatest F1 driver of all time. Senna was a 3-time world champion F1 driver who unfortunately died in 1994 racing in the San Marino Grad Prix. He was the subject of an absolutely incredible documentary, Senna. Even if you don’t like racing, you will love this movie. It’s one of the best films I’ve ever seen, documentary or otherwise. Do yourself a favor and rent it, and everything below will resonate 10 times more. (Also watch our interview with its director.) In this brilliant article by Racecar-engineering.com, author Graham Jones describes (with excellent prose, I might add) the day Ayrton Senna spent learning what it means to drive a rally car. He went to Whales, trying cars of various power levels, drive train and classes, up to a 460HP AWD Ford Escort. (Read on to see how he did, the Senna trailer, and an old video of the rally lessons.)

And you know what? It scared him. I couldn’t believe it. So many F1 drivers have moved on to succeed in the WRC, most recently Kimi Raikkonen, with current slapper of F1 bitches Sebastian Vettle also expressing interest. So I thought this un-earthed article would be filled with Ayrton being proclaimed future rally champion of the world after 5 minutes of driving. He can drive the hell out of an F1 car, so he’s awesome at everything right? I figure a guy like him could perform neurosurgery on instinct alone. But he didn’t. He was scared. He was humble. He called driver Phil Collins a “nut case.”

After that sentence I thought the piece was over. But as the article continues, and Senna listens, trying different cars, getting used to the course, the style, the cornering, and the power… the transformation begins. He isn’t proud or cocky. He asks questions, focuses, and learns. And learns quickly. RCE.com does an excellent job of painting the picture of how a driver of this caliber approaches a new challenge. He goes about it the same way I imagine Einstein would go about learning cooking: Slowly, methodically, recognizing he is out of his element and thus hearing every syllable of advice and immediately applying it perfectly. I mean he is Ayrton Senna. So if he has enough skill to toss a 1000hp F1 car around in the rain, odds are he can figure out rallying. But I was so impressed at how he went about it.

We could all learn something from Senna. You may be great at something, you may be great at a lot of things, but you’re not great at everything. There will be times you try something new, and you’re not as good as you hoped to be. New job, building an addition to your house, cunnilingus, whatever it may be. But rather than get fed up, or worse, over-cook something and crash, take a breath, ask questions, and get a little better each lap. By the end of the day he had it. Collins said, “I would say after a week in a car he would be taking on the World class drivers.” The transformation seems 90% complete. Another F1 driver heading to the woods to play in the dirt. But when asked if he would ever make the leap, Senna replied,

“No. Because the dangers are there as you don’t have the experience and you don’t have the knowledge. The dangers are too big.”

He’s got a point. This man danced with the devil at the limit of traction and rationale, and won races that way. Yet to him, rally racing is too risky. He’s right; I just didn’t expect him to say it. Too bad we couldn’t have gotten him into a Rally-X race. If you have the time for a great read, jump over to the full article. You will feel like you’re standing on the frigid Welsh mud, watching a young genius learn something new.

And go watch Senna. Seriously.

-Zack K

We take a lot of road trips, and see a lot of strange stuff on the highway, but with the exception of someone trying to sell us weed from another car, this has to be the best bonus video we’ve ever filmed. I don’t know what these two dogs love more: the Ford F250 or each other. You be the judge. Video after the jump.