Note: Let’s call this Sunday reading. It’s a bit long but there’s pretty pictures, even one that moves! It’s Sunday, take some time for the story I spent hours on yourself.

SEMA was over. The AdultCon of car shows had packed up, making way for the AdultCon of people; AdultCon. Hundreds of thousands of people stared at thousands of cars, parts, dudes in company polo shirts, failed strippers promo models, obstructing the way for depressed humanoids trying to gamble. Everyone went home on Friday…and missed the best show of the entire week: The Optima Batteries Ultimate Street Car Invitational

You should have gone, because this event is the shit. Matt was invited to compete in his 1998 C5 Corvette. We figured between the car’s lightweight, power and suspension and Matt knowing Spring Mountain like the palm of his hand, he might do pretty well. However we were not prepared for what showed up early on Saturday morning. Make the jump for the story and massive gallery.

Let me briefly explain the Optima Streetcar Invitational. It’s a triathlon for cars, except it has 5 events; Road Rally, Design, Road Course, Auto-X and Speed/Stop Challenge. Points are awarded to the top 20 finishers of each event. The Road Rally was first, but Matt decided not to run it. “Why?” I’m glad you asked.

Road Rally

The Road Rally was from Vegas to Pahrump. That day, NV decided it was bored of being known as a hot desert, and sent some rain (and at higher elevations, snow). Perhaps nature’s way of cleaning Vegas of neon lights and Lambo doors to make room for those talented actresses. Anyway, Matt loves convertibles. Before he drove from LA to Vegas he took the roof off his ’98 Corvette. Did I mention Matt left that roof behind? “That seems silly Mister Zack.” It is silly, Timmy. “Why?” I don’t remember why, something about his car will be in-doors all week and “so many Car Show groupies, it will be hitting me in the face.” Could be paraphrasing.  Point is he left it behind. “Mister Zack, does it rain in Nevada?”

Yes, Timmy. It does.

Cut to Friday, it’s raining and cold. Highway 15 had been closed due to snow. Matt was scrambling to find a solution. Borrow a roof, find a trailer to hitch a ride with, wait for the rain to die…all fails. We stared at the Optima awning, “I wonder if we can make it into a roof, like Lamborghini does…” We couldn’t. So, Matt quietly  put on 2 jackets, racing gloves and drove to Pahrump quickly. Yes officer, the speed keeps the rain out. He described it as a  less-than-optimal fornication experience, AKA, “that fucking sucked!” We felt his pain, our 2011 BMW X5 diesel was fitted with seat heaters only, no massage. The humanity. We thawed ourselves with potato water. The morning’s events were pushed aside by a young woman telling me about her friend, an “actress” who once made a “movie” where she “entertained”  600 gentlemen. I stared at a woman wearing a bikini in the winter, thinking “Can you catch syphilis from a bar stool?” Sleep.

Points earned: 0.

The morning came too soon. Cold and dark. The casino/gas station/swap-meet coffee was shitty. We pulled into Spring Mountain Motorsports Ranch just after daylight did. We parked the car and found Matt in line for tech. He we realized  Optima uses the term “streetcar”  loosely. These cars were serious. A conversation with several owners could have gone like this, “Nice race trailer. Kinda big though isn’t it? You need the space for what?….to hold your 4 rolling Snap-On tool boxes and the soul of Michael Shumacher? Ah I see. Yeah it makes sense then.”

Half the field were classics. Camaros won the  popularity contest, along with 2 ’66 Mustangs that sounded like a NASCAR motor starting in a small cave. In fact, most of these cars had exhaust notes that can pierce a hymen standing too close. One Mustang had a 4-foot tall wing on it… no one laughed. That should say something. It’s the fight club of the pro-touring community. Race engines, wide-bodies, huge huge huge rubber. The fact that a modded Nissan GTR (Gee, wonder how it did?) had serious competition coming from multiple cars 40 years its senior should tell you something. In some ways a battle of generations.  A bright red wide-body Corvette started up. My hangover was overcome with a big grin. This is going to be an epic day. Matt didn’t smile.

Autocross

The good thing about the OUSCI is there’s several events. The bad thing is, two of them are run simultaneously. Because there were so many cars, the event had a tight schedule and the cars were split up. Auto-X and the Road Course would be ran at the same time. So you have to pick whether you want to watch every car do 1 event, or half the cars do both events. We stuck with Matt and headed to the Auto-X course. It was set up to be more open, allowing the high-powered cars to run a bit. No 15 MPH slice and dice.

The lineup was daunting. It included the modded GTR and the down-force-packing Mustang. Oh and Sam Hubinette. He was taking Jamie Howe (the only SPEED host a 13 year old boy should know by name) for an on-camera ride . His parade lap was done dorifto style, the finale stopping in the stop-box while doing a rolling burnout. This is officially the second-best cure of a hangover. Spinning his tires was easy thanks to the frigid 42 degree air and colder tarmac. Despite the cold pavement Matt managed to run the course in 43.5s, 26th place, dead in the middle. Considering it was cold, his tires are old and his car was worth as much as most of the cars’ support tools, finishing mid-pack was fine by him.

The rules say “no pro drivers.” Ok. 10-Time consecutive “recreational” SCCA champion Mary Pozzi came in 2nd ( 39.4s) in a sick, newly-finished 1972 Chevy Camaro. Between its chassis, fender flares and wheel/tire combo it was as classic as an iPad 2. But man, seeing a muscle car rail around an Auto-X with that kind of agility, braking and balance blew me away. I spent a lot of time with these cars as a kid and I never thought I would see them within tenths of a second of a modern Corvette or GTR. And nothing sounds like an old car with race pipes, nothing.

My friends 3ZERO3 Motorsports ran a 43.4s in a VW Beetle with a turboed R32 drivetrain. That silenced several  “un-pimp ze auto” jokes. (There was a particular PT Cruiser that needed to be thrown with a trebuchet due to suffering from whowouldbuildthat-itis. A sweet bonus was watching Goldberg hosting the SPEED coverage of the event. Each car got an introduction, said with the charm of Gerard Butler barking words of encouragement to his men in 300.

Top time went to Danny Popp, turning a 38.2 in his 24 Hour Le Mans GT lookalike  street-capable C6 Corvette. To revisit the conversation on defining “streetcar”; this gentleman had tire warmers on his car while he waited in line. Trailer full of tools, tech team, ok. Fine. Cars are a pain to work on and if you have the $, why not. But tire warmers?  I wanted to look at this gathering as a sort of race amongst gentlemen (and ladies). They all created a car from an idea, brought it to the biggest show and then decided to have a bit of motoring fun in Pahrump. Apparently it’s a bit more serious than that.

Matt’s car was out-gunned and with ninjas like Pozzi and Popp playing, out-driven as well. His goal now was to finish mid-pack, not crash, not break anything and not embarrass himself. Mine was to find water, Advil and warmth. 1 out of 2 ain’t bad.

Points Earned: 0  

Hot Lap Challenge

Thad and I made our way towards the road course, stopping to look at all the pretty metal scenery along the way. I won’t slow this down with commentary on every car but definitely check out the gallery at the bottom. The best viewpoint is the Spring Mountain viewing bridge, perched above the starting line and grid. That’s another great thing about this event: access. You can walk up to the track barrier, there’s viewing towers, you can even go up on the giant Optima trailer. Being able to see everything is what makes a race event fun to attend. Usually it costs extra (pit passes); here were free to roam. Cars lined up as a group, running warm-up laps a few at a time. Each car launches from a stop and ripped directly under us at WOT. I Inhale delicious carcinogens shot out of cat-less exhausts. Thad points North, “We drove over those fuckin’ mountains!“  In the distance, a burnout cracks the cold air. So far, so great.

In the driver’s meeting they had told everyone the warm-up lap was a warm-up lap. We all know where this story is going. Coming around the corner is a ’68 Camaro, driven by someone who is following the meeting’s advice. He’s driving 6 tenths, cruising toward the sweeper. A little behind him is Danny Popp, in his magic car. Danny is also learning the track and exploring his car’s limits on the track but his are a little higher. He’s gaining like a cheetah chasing an old woman. Camaro brakes early. Corvette: Full brake, tire lock, smoke. From my vantage point Danny was close enough to read the other driver’s lips through the rear view mirror.

Someone else had an interesting warm-up lap: Matt. He went off in turn 2 during his warm-up lap. Bad tires and cold ground were charged as the guilty party. Matt shook it off, but we later found out he had broken a sway bar end link, hurting his timed laps later on.

At the end of the event, he had put down a time of 2:00 flat. 26th place again. The other times were all over the place. Some cars that I expected to be slow (1992 2-door Chevy Tahoe with an AT and a big block!?) weren’t. A V6 Mustang had an exhaust that sounded like cicada’s farting into a trumpet buzzed around to everyone’s chagrin.

Others looked fast like the sharp modern/retro 1966 Nova- weren’t. Mary Pozzi’s Camaro thundered round in 1:53.1.  Kyle Tucker put down a 1:48.43 in his 1970 Camaro. But the track was ruled by Corvettes. Danny Popp and Peter Callaway (yeah, that Callaway) ran a 1:42.208 and 1:44.745. The cheater! GTR, with all its computers and TSC:  1:48.441. That shows you how fast those Corvettes are, and also how fast Kyle was in the Camaro.

Points earned: 0

Design Challenge

All day judges were walking around grading the cars for the Raybesto’s Performance Design Challenge. The judges apologized for only having 5 minutes for each car, saying, “There’s some cars we could spend hours looking at.” Cut to Our Super Speeding friend Rob Feretti stood with the judges as they looked over his 1100WHP Supra,  “Yea it’s not probably not one of those 2 hour cars you guys were talking about. Go ahead, pretend to look at it for the entire 5 minutes. ” Matt did not win, but at least he didn’t bring a PT Cruiser with the graphics package off a 1984 surf board.

Points Earned: 0

Speed/Stop Challenge

It was now the last event of the day: The Wilwood Brakes Speed Stop Challenge. The Auto-X course had been cleared and a strip was set up diagonally across the big black slab. Starting at the banner, cars raced towards the stop-box. THe goal was to get to the other side as fast as possible. You had to stop in a box about 40′L x 15′ Wide.  Brake too late you hit the cones and get DQed, too soon and you lose valuable seconds. It was a great test of acceleration and braking, only one of which is a natural skill for old cars.

Thad and I walked out to the tarmac. I never worried about a car getting lose and murdering us, but it is a little interesting standing at that end watching cars with 500+ HP try to contain it at WOT. I saw more than a few hoods waver side to side. The marshals did forbid me from standing behind the stop box for a head-on shot, I guess in case a throttle stuck. Despite having had that experience myself, when the throttle in my ’65 Le Mans stuck at about 95MPH on Highway 1, I thought that type of accident was impossible. At the lease I’d be able to dodge the automotive bull. The marshals are smarter than I, and asked me to move.

Matt hadn’t ever done anything like this but he had plenty of drag racing experience, so the launch was easy. But stopping on cue and calculating that while you’re accelerating as fast as possible must be a strange idea for your brain to understand. Unfortunately Matt hit cones 3 times in a row. No points. Eh, who cares. How often do you need to pull into a garage at 78 MPH?  Back from his runs, “That’s a lot harder than it looks.” I believe him. Another driver advertised confidence. 5 minutes later, “That’s harder than it looks.”

Car after car charged at the box, furiously throwing itself forward with the silence and subtlety of an avalanche and then throw out the anchor and late-brake into the box. The 1957 Chevy Bel Air was fun to watch. It was like a cartoon elephant trying to come to a quick stop right before the cliff. Skid marks were plentiful. It was fucking awesome. A few yards from a juiced up pony car screaming towards us like a rabid dog chasing Lady Gaga.

First place went to Gary Rubio in….the Nissan GTR. It leaped to the box and stopped in 0:06.54s. This surprised no one. What did surprise us is that 2nd place went to Mark Stielo in his ’69 Camaro, which somehow found traction, screaming away with the violence of hesitation of a depleted-uranium round from an AC-10 and came to a rest in only 0:07.096. .6 seconds behind one of the most technically capable cars ever is no joke. Pozzi and Popp were only behind by tenths of a second.

The PT Cruiser showed up. It struggled with the acceleration portion of this event, because it started in 2nd. Then it would downshift from 2nd to 1st about 60 feet from the start line. Its sound was worrisome. “That’s the sound of it trying to kill itself.” a spectator commented. Ba-zing.

Pete Callaway's Corvette

There was one more thing going on during this challenge, that really encapsulates what this event is about. In the middle of the challenge, Peter Callaway was yanking his brake master cylinder, to give to Danny Popp. Danny’s had failed after the road course and its difficult to compete with no brakes. Danny was in competition to win the event, and Peter’s C6 Corvette was a matching tissue doner. This is what weekend racing is about; being competitive without working against each other. It’s just a bunch of really crazy friends. They pulled the part, got it in and Danny was able to get 3rd, putting him tied for the win Mark Stielo. A 2006 Corvette Zo6 and a ’69 Camaro, tied at 80 points in a performance decathlon. Pretty cool.

Points Earned: 0

The judges decision came down to the tie-breaker: the fastest time on the road course wins it. Mark Stielo hadn’t  beat Popp’s time of 1:42.208. But even so, it’s incredible what the pro-touring cars can do. The diversity of the cars, the close-up action, the access and the friendliness of every single person there made this one of the best car shows/races I’ve ever been to. It was relaxed without the bore of a stand around car show. And it was noisy and competitive without feeling to serious or impersonal. New cars, old cars, burnouts, road course, all held together by tens of thousands of horsepower. I was grinning like an 8 year old all day.

Unfortunately the day wasn’t great for Mr. Farah. He actually did pretty well considering the broken end-link, old tires and no tire warmers. But the road rally and Speed Stop Challenge cost him.  Add in judges incapable of appreciating the beautiful and captivating miracle that is a red C5 Corvette and ended up in 46th place.

But Rob Feretti got 47th.

- Zack K

There is rarely enough time in one of our 7-minute films to say everything that needs to be said about a car. You get in the moment, you forget things here and there, and you go home at the end of the day wishing you had said this or that. Well, in between filming and writing for The Smoking Tire, I review cars for other publications as well, which gives me an opportunity to write a completely different take on the same cars we film with. Introducing Road Lanes Magazine, a new online automotive magazine that you can download for free and view offline as well as online. In last month’s issue, I reviewed the Dodge Durango and Corvette ZR1. This month, check out the new issue of Road Lanes for my reviews of the Mercedes CLS63 AMG and BMW X6M.

So as not to disappoint our loyal fans here at The Smoking Tire, we have also made films with the Corvette ZR1 and BMW X6M, which you will see on the site and our various video outlets soon. Until then, click here to see the latest issue of Road Lanes!

We know it’s been a little quiet around here recently. Those of you who follow Matt on Facebook or Twitter know that The Car Show on Speed just wrapped and Matt just had back surgery, so between TV and recovery we haven’t been making many videos. But good news TST fans: The Car Show is done for the season and Matt’s all fixed up now so we’re back! And we’ll have many more videos in the coming months. And here’s the first one, the 2011 Dodge Challenger SRT 392, the newly updated version of the Dodge Challenger SRT8. With 470 ponies on tap, this baby was born to drag race, and as pretty and comfortable as it is, has just gotta be road tripped. Hit the jump for the video.

Before installing any 600hp supercar drivetrain into your Saab 9-3, it’s important to take it for a 5 mile test drive. If it doesn’t have a body, just spin the wheels in your lot for an equivalent distance. Make the jump for the story on the coolest super vagen ever.

Part of what made-and broke-Saab is their cars were quirky, smooth, unique pieces of automobile whatchamacallit. Some were quick, but not because they were trying to be track cars. They were very comfortable, but I would never put them against real luxury heavyweights. And they weren’t show pieces, but they weren’t ugly either. They just were.

That wasn’t enough to draw customers, but maybe that wouldn’t be the case if they had offered it with a Viper option. Viper option?

Yes. You see, a forum member at Zatzy.com name mrspringer, decided his Saab 9-3 was too slow. I don’t know if anyone ever told him about cars like the RS6 Avant, or E55 AMG wagon, but something tells me mrspringer thinks those cars are for pussies. Pussies without tools that is. He took a Saab 9-3 Sport Combi, and then bought a Dodge Viper with the Buffalo Bill option…skinless.

He bought a Viper with no body, yanked out the guts of the Saab, and forced them together. The result is one of the coolest grocery getters I’ve ever seen. It reminded me of the “Ferrambo” built a few years ago, using a 360 Modena engine and a 1960 Rambler body. This Saab is just for the shopper who needs more than two seats.

I like the look in his eye.

Spotted on the Pacific Coast Highway in Manhattan Beach, CA today. An otherwise bone-stock Dodge Avenger sedan with a center-exit aftermarket exhaust that sounds like the kind of farts you let out after eating several dozen deviled eggs. I wish I could make a joke here, but the car itself is such an embarrassment that I honestly couldn’t do a better job than the owner’s done himself.

(sorry about the crap cell phone pictures. I swear I’m getting a new phone this week).

Last week, we posted about our good friend Mr. Angry’s 1969 Dodge Daytona winning Hemmings Muscle Machines “Muscle Machine of the Year” Award. That’s after taking it for a little spin ourselves. Well, even though we don’t have an affiliation with Hemmings Magazine, they were kind enough to mention The Smoking Tire in their article announcing the winner. We encourage everyone to buy the magazine, but since it mentions us, we thought we’d take the liberty of posting just the Mr. Angry piece in its entirety on our site.

I’ll admit it: I chuckle a bit when I see a car that has clearly been confiscated by the cops and turned into some sort of Police vehicle. In Rye, NY, my hometown, there is a 1996 Dodge Viper that has been turned into a D.A.R.E. promotional vehicle, ironic because it’s far easier to die in a Viper than it is from doing drugs. Here we have a confiscated Dodge Neon SRT-4, complete with cheap-looking aftermarket rims and a loud exhaust, and it’s turned into a FUNERAL ESCORT vehicle! Tom and I spotted this gem in Arizona, where, apparently, grieving families like to follow the single worst sounding car ever produced while on the way to bury their loved ones. My condolences.

A few weeks ago Matt went out to NY to drive Mr. Angry’s intimidating 1969 Dodge Daytona. Mr. Angry loves road rallies, and he also loves muscle cars. Usually these two things mix as well as Glen Beck and Bonaroo. Often the suspension is soft, the engine has rough spots (we call that “charm”) and without air conditioning the romance of driving a classic car across the country gets old as soon as you see the sign for Death Valley. But he showed us with the right plan and parts, you can build a hot rod that’s just as good on a road trip as anything out of Stuttgart.

With 510hp, a wheel base comparable to a school bus and the drag of a javelin it’s a Mopar cruise missile. After completing the project Mr. Angry entered the car in Hemmings Muscle Machines‘ “Muscle Machine of the Year” contest. The winner would be picked by the fans, not editors or historians. And they picked none other than Mr. Angry’s Daytona. If you ever thought that all hot rodders were into was candy paint and parking on grass, this should put that to rest. The people didn’t pick some rare Cutless that has had it’s cylinders wiped with q-tips, they picked the car that looks like  it would be driven by the devil when he’s collecting the souls he was promised.

The response on the car has been great. It’s not a 900hp dragster or a trailer queen, it’s a car you can drive. I’d have no qualms about driving this car 300 miles to Laguna Seca and heading straight onto the track. Winning the MMoTY award is more proof that the pro-touring movement is catching on. Who wants to park on the grass and listen to 50′s cover bands when you can build a car with the soul of a Detroit icon that doesn’t scrape the door handles in a corner? Not us. Congrats Mr. Angry, on your well-deserved win. Can’t wait to see what you build next.

After testing the Art Morrison 1955 Chevy Bel Air, we’ve taken a liking to older muscle cars that actually perform like new. That’s why we went to the Hamptons, NY to visit our friend Mr. Angry and take his incredible 1969 Dodge Daytona for a little “spin.” After doing road rallies for years in muscle cars, Mr. Angry wanted the ultimate long-distance, high-speed Pro Touring machine, and he may just have built what it takes to earn the crown of “Hemmings Muscle Car of the Year.” Hit the jump for the epic video.

Chrysler has revealed images and information about the all-new 2011 Dodge Durango, and while this site doesn’t normally write about new SUV launches, it’s worth mentioning for one reason: It’s not heinous.

Now in version 3.0, the Dodge Durango has an uphill battle to fight. The first generation SUV was an attractive, though shoddily built truck, more or less a Dodge Dakota pickup with some extra seats. A friend owned one, and it completely fell apart by 75,000 miles. Literally, trim pieces would fall off the damn thing if you smacked the dashboard hard enough.

Then Dodge tried again, and though build quality improved for the second-generation, it still wasn’t a good car. The styling was bland, and the driving position was so high, you’d think you were piloting the Sears Tower down the 405. I had one as a rental, once, so I forgave it’s fleet-specific shantytown interior, but it just felt like a poorly thought out mess.

Since then, I’ve driven a brand new, 2010 Dodge Ram 1500, and sat in a 2011 Jeep Grand Cherokee. My, how times have changed. The new Ram’s build quality is absolutely stellar, and the new Grand Cherokee feels much more like the Mercedes ML-class on which its based than anything Chrysler has built recently. The new Durango shares the same underpinnings as the ML-class as well, but, unlike the Jeep, the Durango has a third row of seats.

It’s hard to ignore the similarities between the new Grand Cherokee and Durango, the body lines, front grill, and stance are nearly identical, as are the powertrains (3.6L V6 or 5.7L V8). Nevertheless, I like it. And if the build quality of the new Grand Cherokee and Ram are any indicators, Dodge may have, at long last, built a Durango that’s worth spending your hard-earned cash on. And since Ford has all but abandoned the “true” SUV, instead choosing to turn the Explorer into a crossover, Chrysler may, come next year, have the SUV game on lockdown.

For most men, a minivan means castration. Why did SUV’s get so popular in the last two decades? Because men, who were buying a set of wheels for their family, would rather spend twice as much money each week on gassing up a Suburban than buy a more practical minivan.

The Wall Street Journal is reporting that Chrysler has a plan to lure these men into their showrooms and back into minivans: The Man Van. As a man, here are the things I’d want to see in a minivan: a turbocharged V6 or V8 engine, rear wheel or all wheel drive, a sport-tuned suspension, sport seats, and paddle shifters for the automatic transmission.

What will the “Man Van” actually come with? According to WSJ:

The vehicle will feature a slightly sportier look on the outside, possibly finished off with a black-and-gray interior trimmed with hot-colored stitching on the seats and steering wheel.

Great pitch, guys, exactly what men want.

[Source: Wall Street Journal via The Truth About Cars]

Isn’t it amazing how American tuners have become obsessed with everything JDM? I have a friend who spent thousands of dollars turning his Civic hatch into the JDM Civic, right-hand-drive conversion and all. I never got that, what’s so much better about the JDM market stuff than the US market? Well, maybe something, and maybe nothing, but it seems the Japanese have also started following the “grass is always greener” philosophy of car building, because just look what they are into over there. Americana galore, from full-size Ram vans on Panasports to SHO Wagons with NASCAR replica wheels and tires….. What will we see next? Japanese kids turning their Skylines into US-spec 240′s?

JDM Americana gallery after the jump.

Hat tip to Vinny for the tip!

Continuing my tradition of wasting the Earth’s precious resources, I decided not to take Ford’s free ticket to San Francisco, where I would be testing their new 40 mpg fighter, the Fiesta. Instead, I decided to burn about 90 gallons of fuel by driving myself to San Francisco and back in my loaned Ram 1500 Laramie Quad-cab, at a completely ridiculous pace. A thousand miles is more than enough time to learn a car’s ins and outs, and here’s my story.

It was 4:30 in the morning when I woke up to leave for San Francisco, still dark. Fortunately, I had packed the night before, and just had to throw my two bags into the Ram and head out. I set the optional Navigation for Hotel Vitale on Mission St., less than 100 yards from the waterfront. I have a long history with Chrysler navigation systems. The last one I used, in the 2008 Challenger, made me type out “United States Capitol” because it didn’t understand the acronym “US.” I screamed at it for a full 20 minutes, the length of time it took to spell “United States Capitol” on the 6.5” touchscreen. This time, however, my address input was accepted and we were off.

Less than a mile from my house, I stopped for fuel and coffee. Unlike most of the cars I’ve had recently, the Ram’s 5.7 Liter, 390 horsepower HEMI will happily run on 87 octane, a pleasant surprise considering the 32 gallon fuel tank would cost over $100 to fill with premium. The range indicator, part of the on-board computer in the small LCD in between the gauges, showed a range of 399 miles when full. It was 391 to Hotel Vitale. I now had a goal. As I pulled out of the gas station, the clock ticked 5:20, and I had to be there by 11. Five hours and forty minutes isn’t much time to make the drive, especially in a pickup truck when you’re going for a single-tank run, but what the hell, I love a challenge.

Los Angeles highways are surprisingly populated in the early morning, much more so than New York. And because LA drivers are complete morons who drive the same speed regardless of their lane choice, I couldn’t do more than 75 for the first hour. No matter, I scanned through the Sirius stations, realizing that the 9 speaker Alpine stereo sounds phenomenal. I’m sure it looks good on the 9.5” rear-seat monitor, but I only sat in the back for 5 seconds. It’s comfortable and has tons of legroom, like all quad-cab pickups. Opening the “vent” portion of the sunroof, along with the center portion of the rear window yields a perfect breeze, enough to keep the car full of fresh air, and right below the point where you’d have to raise your voice to have a conversation.

Because my test vehicle came with the standard 17” wheels, it rode smooth as butter. I can’t stand when manufacturers put giant wheels on their trucks and SUV’s, because it makes them do everything worse, including ride, stop, and turn. The ultimate test is the 405 freeway’s expansion joints, which do upset the long wheelbase a bit, causing a  repeated bounce. On all non-405 highways, it’s just fine. The seats are wonderful, like Lay-Z-Boys, and are heated and cooled (an industry first). There’s also a heated steering wheel, another first. Put simply, if you live in Middle-America, where Lexus’s are referred to as “Jap Bullshit,” this is the best you’re going to do.

As I merged onto the 5, which I would be staying on for over 250 miles, traffic started to build up in San Francisco. How did I know this, even though I was hours from my destination? The navigation told me, with the following phrase, which will haunt me forever.

“Your route is being changed due to traffic conditions.”

I heard this phrase no fewer than 50 times over the course of this single trip.

Note to Chrysler: I like the fact that your navigation will re-route me around traffic automatically. If that re-routing occurs more than 5 or 10 miles from my current position, do it silently. There is nothing more annoying than being told a traffic update that is more than 100 miles away, especially if you are leaving your destination before rush hour, and arriving afterwards.

We were making good time now, this Ram and I, as we steamed past Buttonwillow into California’s no-mans-land, when all of a sudden, the truck stopped pulling, momentarily, then started again. This wasn’t an ECU problem, no. Because of the Ram’s very high seating position and smooth ride, I had inadvertently bumped up against the 105 mph speed limiter without even realizing it. This happened at least 15 to 20 times during the course of my drive, and it’s rather annoying when you’re in the middle of a pass on a two-lane road when you all of a sudden lose power. It’s very disconcerting, and considering the Ram’s ride quality and gearing, I’m surprised the limiter is set so low. This thing’s got 125 in it, easy. On the other hand, driving at the limiter isn’t very good for fuel economy, and my early optimism soon gave way to fact; there was no way I could make it on one tank. I had to fill up, still more than 100 miles from San Francisco.

Most of the drive I kept the big Ram between 85 and 95 mph, a speed that is totally comfortable, and at which the brakes are quite effective. A Semi-truck cutting you off, while doing 10 mph below the speed limit, and you’re going 25 over is always a good time to find out how well the brakes work. Since I’m still breathing and the truck is in one piece, they work just fine. It’s very quiet at speed, no doubt because they have stuffed this thing with tons of insulation, because from outside, the engine is actually quite loud. At least the sound it does make is deep and throaty.

Ever heard the expression, “if you can’t Dodge it, Ram it?” Well, I couldn’t dodge a bird, and rammed it, at 90 mph. Believe it or not, I killed two animals using the Ram, on the way home I also ran over a squirrel.

About an hour outside San Francisco, I drove into a huge thunderstorm. The clouds got dark, rain came down in oceans, and wind blew trees parallel to the ground. I switched the Ram in to 4×4 Auto mode, and with a half second pause, the transition was done. Although the tall profile and relatively horrid aerodynamics aren’t exactly ideal in a strong breeze, with a firm grip on the wheel, the Ram never lost its composure.

The last ten miles of the drive, I sat in bumper-to-bumper traffic thanks to a broken down shitbox (ahem, Pontiac Sunfire convertible) in the left lane of the Bay Bridge. I didn’t hear a peep from the navigation about being re-routed. Thanks.

I pulled into the hotel with a total time of 5 hours even, including the gas stop. Moving time? 4 hours, 40 minutes. Moving average: 83.9 mph. Overall average: 78.2.

In a pickup truck.

I burned 40 gallons of fuel each way, and ten more driving around downtown. So it’s not exactly economical, but at that pace, neither is anything else (except maybe the Fiesta, which managed 26.8 mpg after 2 hours of driving at redline.) Its comfortable, well equipped, has improved fit and finish, and is genuinely a great place to be for a road trip.

I loved it.

*Chrysler provided the vehicle, insurance, and a tank of gas for this review*

Welcome to Real Car Buying Tips From the Pros, where our friends at RealCarTips.com send us the latest deals and incentives in new car shopping. And like a good neighbor, we share them with you!

This week’s news:

1.  Toyota Brand Awarded Best Resale Value by KBB

This isn’t at all surprising, considering Toyotas, even the ones that have had the crap kicked out of them, seem to all run great.

2.  Dodge Offers Large Incentives for December

This is also not surprising, because I’d consider the Avenger completely “unsellable.” Despite our reporting yesterday that Challenger owners were most satisfied with their cars, prospective new buyers aren’t getting any discounts.
3.  Mitsubishi Deals Offered Through Sam’s Club Program

Have you seen the new Eclipse? ‘Nuff said.

4.  New Incentives on 2010 Infiniti QX56

If you can afford the gas, you can afford the truck, people.

I drove the Dodge Challenger SRT8 back in March, and I’ll be honest. I hated it. It’s a yacht, a floaty, bobbly yacht, that despite it’s 6-liter engine and thunderous growl, is half a second slower in the quarter mile than my ’98 Corvette was, when it was stock. The Sat/Nav was awful, and the dashboard was clearly designed by Chrysler’s janitor as a joke while the actual designer was at lunch. Sadly, no one noticed.

I thought I knew something about cars. Yet this Dodge that I couldn’t stand just won the award for “most satisfying car” on Consumer Reports’ most recent survey. A whopping 92% of Challenger owners would buy another. That’s amazing, considering the fact that almost everyone I know who has driven one hates it.

On the other hand, the Challenger is a bit of a looker, no? If Shell comes up with a way to install Testosterone pumps on every street corner, this thing will run on it. And I see them on the street, so clearly there are people out there buying, and apparently enjoying them.

The best part about the article is that Consumer Reports themselves don’t actually recommend the Challenger to buyers because of it’s poor by-comparison performance to the Mustang and Camaro, and they encourage customers to cross-shop before making a decision.

[Source: CNN Money]

Welcome to Bizarre Road Trip Sightings, where we cock our heads, laugh, cry, or just stare at strange cars found while on road trips. This time, we found a guy who can’t seem to figure out how to properly use a trailer.

From TST friend Vinny Russo.

Got a Bizarre Road Trip Sighting? Email Matt@TheSmokingTire.com

Recently, Fiat CEO Sergio Marchionne was quoted as saying that Chrysler’s contribution to mid-size and large car expertise was totally underestimated.  Most auto enthusiasts would, however, tend to disagree with him, performance-wise, quality-wise, efficiency-wise, etc. etc.  (Other than maybe the SRT-8, with the 6.1). I have always looked at almost every Chrysler-designed car this way, especially in terms of quality. I have always thought that driving a Chrysler feels like driving a Power Wheels toy, only with an engine…oh wait.

This toy is more relevant than you might think to Chrysler products. And I quote, from a review of the Fischer-Price Dodge Ram Power Wheel: “Very little power, doesn’t work very well. Hard to steer. ” The same could be said for many vehicles in Chrysler’s lineup.

After reading what Mr. Marchionne had said, I began to think that he might be somewhat right, at least with the 300c and Charger. It’s not surprising, at least in my state, Minnesota, to see at least one or the other every time I go for a drive. But what makes people want to buy these cars? Were the 300C and Charger the reason the Fiat CEO made that statement? Time to investigate at my local Dodge dealer and “Grab life by the horns”

I made sure that my test drive would be in the 5.7L Hemi R/T which turned out to be a little difficult to find a dealer with one of these in stock, surprisingly.  I stayed adamant on testing this particular model because of the engine; apparently the 5.7L Hemi was placed in Ward’s Top Ten engines of the year lists, from years 2002 through 2007 (Yes, every year) and again in 2009. Turning out 368HP and 395 Ft/LBS of for 2009, it shells out more than enough power for a 4 door sedan; they also use it in the Ram. Unfortunately, I could not locate a new R/T model to drive, and had to make do with a 2006 model. Still, 350HP with 390 Ft/LBS of torque isn’t too far off of the newer engines.

Looking over my Beige-With-Wannabe-Muscle-Car-Stickers example, I can see the appeal of this car. There are few large 4-door cars at this price that look this aggressive. The car has this sort of modern muscle look that covers up that fact that’s it’s really a family sedan. The R/T is made special by use of more chrome, foglights, different wheels and stickers. Gotta love those stickers.

Ok, so now we get to the interior. At first glance, It is unbelievably boring. Closing my eyes for a minute and taking a  second glance, it is still devastatingly boring. Granted, we had only a small amount of options on this particular car, but even with navigation, steering wheel controls, and leather seats, I simply cannot see how people manage to stay awake while driving the Charger. Just to name a few,

• The gauges were from a minivan.
• The plastic was tacky.
• The seats weren’t comfortable.

The worst part, however, was the door panel. It may sound strange to criticize that one piece, but honestly as the first thing I saw when I entered the car, I couldn’t help but notice this rectangle-shaped piece of low quality. Want to make a million dollars? Make a baby mobile (the things that spin above their crib to help them sleep) out of mini Dodge Charger door panels.

Turning the engine on, it growled to life with a v8 growl. Being derived from an older-generation Mercedes E-class, I thought that there was a chance that it would have half-way decent handling, or at the very least comfortable. It wasn’t. The small 5 miles that I covered in the car made that quite apparent, especially as I took a wide, sweeping entrance ramp on to the freeway. At a very normal 45 miles an hour, the Charger produced a solid amount of body roll, a terribly revealing trait about the suspension in this car. I simply can’t figure out how such normal and pedestrian entrance ramp taken at normal speed could induce sea-sickness the way this car could.  Once on the highway, though, the 390 FT/LBS of torque made itself apparent. Wide open Acceleration is very smooth and linear, and even though this is a heavy car, it will push you back into your seat. Coming back into the dealership, I took the car over a bad-condition road, a move which I paid for in hearing a solid clunk over almost any visible bump. I wasn’t impressed with the ride, but maybe the newer 2009 and 2010 models are better. Doubtful, if I’m honest.

All in all, this car is a piece of furniture from Target. It may look nice and it seems to be at a good price for what it is, but the quality is lacking. The only reason I can think that there are so many of these cars on the road is simply because it looks a little different; like a modern “family” muscle car, and a Hemi engine to back it up. After all, you wouldn’t have bought an Intrepid with a Hemi, would you?

I guess we will have to see if Sergio Marchionne is right.

- Ryan Maki